The walk wasn’t as long as Joy wanted it to be. She soon found herself standing in front of the apartment door, too scared and anxious to open the door and be welcomed by her boyfriend’s loving arms.
Joy wanted to scoff at her name. Her parents had named her that thinking she’d be the happiness in their lives. She wasn’t. She’d caused them pain and unhappiness and the only one who understood her was Bryce. And she slapped his love right on his face.
She sighed, rubbing her arms to create some friction.
Finally, she gathered her bearings and unlocked the door, stepping inside hesitantly, not wanting to be greeted by Bryce.
At the sound of a key turning in the door, Bryce looked up from his phone. He stood slowly as he watched the door open and his girlfriend make her way inside.
“Joy… Where have you been?” he asked calmly, his voice holding slight suspicion. His hands were shoved in the front pockets of his pants as he looked her over.
Joy winced, all of her worries piling up again. She was hoping Bryce would have fallen asleep, but it wasn’t like the universe liked her at all.
“Bryce, hi,” she greeted in a dull voice, trying to force a smile on her face. “I was outside… at the park. It was nice and I lost track of time…”
I wanted to avoid you, because looking at you reminds me of how much I’ve wronged you…
Bryce sighed, nodding slowly. Whatever was bothering her had been going on for a while, and he just wanted to clear the air between them. It felt like they were suffocating, drowning in ice cold water. They weren’t the same as they were before.
What had happened to that spark they’d had? The one that had lit a fire in him every time she met his eyes. It was gone, snuffed out like sand thrown on a campfire.
“I think… I think we need to talk,” he said softly, gesturing toward the couch. “Will you sit with me? Please?”
Joy looked into his eyes in a panic, meeting the orbs she used to love looking into. Now she couldn’t stand looking at them. They reminded her of what she had and let go.
Although he was asking, Joy knew he meant it as a statement. He wasn’t looking for objections.
“What… what do you need to talk about?” She asked hesitantly, although she complied.
Bryce sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He sat down on the couch, giving her space because he could tell she was panicking. That’s how it was after three years with a person: you knew the signs of how they were feeling.
“I want— No… No, I need to know where you’ve been going lately… I need to know why my girlfriend has been drifting away, why she can hardly look at me without panicking. I need to know why you’re never home anymore,” he said, his voice soft as he looked her over with tired, worried eyes. “I need to know if it was something I did that pushed you away, or if this just happened…”
“It’s not you!” Joy blurted out without thinking, wincing when she realized what she’d said. She ran a finger through her short hair while the other one gripped her shirt tightly. He looked so tired, and lost and it killed Joy. She was the reason he was like this.
Joy should have done this a long time ago, the second she had committed that heinous act. She pressed her legs closer and clutched the hen of her shirt with both hands.
“Bryce…” she started, unable to look at him in the eyes. “I think we should break up…”
“No… Joy, no…” Bryce breathed, sleep immediately flying out the window. He took her hands in his and willed her to look up at him as his eyes pleaded with begged her. “What’s going on? Just talk to me, babe. I need to know what’s going on.”
Joy felt like crying. She felt dirty. She was just an idiot.
“I’m sorry…” she whispered. “It’s my fault. I should have been careful. I don’t have any excuses for what I did…”
Bryce tightened his grip on her hands, though he was careful that it wouldn’t hurt her. He brought them closer, so that they were nearly in his lap.
“Joy… Please, for the sake of our relationship… For me… What happened?” he begged, his voice growing hoarse.
Joy refuses to look at him, trembling slightly, wanting nothing more than to just take her hands out of his hold. She didn’t know how to tell him.
“I… when you were away on that trip of yours…” she started slowly, shame seeking into her voice. “I was out drinking. I… drank too much and…”
Joy cut herself off, tears forming in the corner of her eyes, disgust filling her as she talked. She’d betrayed him.
She didn’t have to finish; Bryce already knew what she was going to say. The woman was pretty impulsive, and it didn’t always occur to her that her actions had consequences, whether good or bad.
Bryce closed his eyes, his grip on her hands loosening. His jaw clenched for a moment before he opened his eyes again.
“Have you done it since? Have you seen the guy any other time?” he asked quietly, his voice wavering slightly.
Joy looked horrified. She knew he didn’t have any more reason to trust her, but to ask that… it clearly proved she had shattered his trust.
“No!” she exclaimed, tears finally spilling from her eyes. “Once. It just happened once. I never saw him again. I can’t stomach the thought of it. I’m sorry, Bryce…”
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before? We could have worked this out so that this didn’t have to happen.” Bryce’s voice cracked as he spoke. If only he had asked her sooner… then they might not be in this position. He groaned and buried his face in his hands, releasing hers in the process. “Gosh, Joy… How did we fall apart like this?”
“I cheated, Bryce,” Joy forced out through her tears. “How could that have ever worked out? How could I look into your eyes and tell you I got myself wasted and let another man touch me?”
She didn’t miss the crack in his voice, the way it shook when he spoke. How could she do this to him? She shouldn’t have gone to the bar. She should have controlled herself. She had no excuse for what she did. She just had herself to blame.
“I felt ashamed of myself. I’ve never felt so disgusted with myself,” Joy continued, missing the warmth of his hands, and hid her face in her hands. “That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. Because I can’t stand looking at what I had and let go because I was impulsive and couldn’t control myself.”
Bryce sighed shakily, her words ripping deep into his core. Someone else had touched his girl… They’d done what he thought she would only do with him and he would only do with her. It felt like someone had torn at his heart, leaving it bleeding and broken. But he still loved her… How could he still live her after that?
He knew why.
“You only did it once, Joy… You did it once, and I can see how much it’s torn you up since then. I wish you could have told me sooner, but I’m just glad it was said now… As much as it hurts me to think of you sleeping with another man, I’m just so glad that you’re so devastated over it. Because that means that you won’t do it again. I trust that you won’t. Okay?” he said, finally looking up at her. His eyes still pleaded with her, but now there was a softness to them that showed that he meant what he said. “I still love you… Gosh, I still love you so freaking much…”
Hearing that only made Joy break out sobbing.
“Why? Why?” She sobbed into her hands, her heart aching. Why was he forgiving her? He shouldn’t. He should kick her out for breaking his trust. He should hit her and shout at her and not look at her like she was still the most precious thing to him. “Why are you forgiving me? Why are you saying you trust me? Why, Bryce? You can yell at me, hit me, do anything so why are you still being so gentle?”
“Because you mean the world to me. Okay, you screwed up big time, yeah. But it was one time, and you obviously regret it. Right? I can tell by the way you talk about it that it hurts you to even think about. Joy… You are my joy… My life, my love… And of course it hurt that you were with someone else, and yes, we’re goig to have to build that trust back up, but I still love you. Okay?” Bryce said, reaching out to take her hands again. He held them in one of his and tilted her chin up with his other hand, looking into her eyes. “Please… Let me give you a second chance…”
Joy’s red, watery eyes met his as her tears began to fall faster. His touch still burned her like it did the first time. It still sent shivers down her spine because, why wouldn’t it? She still loved him. Loved him to the core of her being.
Normal men would have kicked her out. They wouldn’t have spared her another glance. One time or more, it wouldn’t have mattered. But Bryce… he was looking into her eyes again. He was holding her hands again and touching her. He wanted to give her another chance. It was enough to squeeze her heart and release another waterfall down her face. She wanted a second chance, but could she give one to herself?
“I—I’m so—so sorry,” she hiccuped. “I don’t—don’t deserve it. You were the only one who saw the best of me and I—I exploited it and I can’t forgive myself for what I did…”
"Babe… Just take a deep breath, okay? C'mon, we can work through this. Together. As long as I'm with you, nothing else matters, okay?" Bryce said softly, bringing her hands up to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to each. "Let me love you… Let me give you this chance again. Give yourself this chance."
Joy obliged, taking a deep, shaky breath, her hands trembling in his hold.
“Okay…” she whispered, barely able to hear her own words. “Thank you, Bryce… thank you for being able to forgive me, and give me this chance…”
"I will do it anytime. Okay, babe? I love you, and that's all that matters to me," Bryce said softly, moving his hand done her face to cup it around their hands that were already clasped together. "But, please… Just tell me sooner if anything like this ever happens again. If anything important happens…"
“It won’t happen again,” Joy hiccuped, her voice breaking. “I won’t let it happen again. I love you. I’m sorry.”
She felt warmth travel from her hands to the rest of her body, courtesy of Bryce’s grip. He always made her like this with a simple touch. She was so lucky to have him…
"Okay… Thank you, Joy… I'm so glad that we are going to work this out," Bryce breathed, kissing her hands again. His gaze slowly moved up her arms to her eyes, then flicked to her lips. He chewed on his own lip for a moment before looking back up at her eyes. "Joy… Can I kiss you…?"
Joy nodded, reaching out to wipe her face free of tears, heat pooling in the pit of her stomach. She wanted his hands on hers and his mouth claiming hers so she could forget the touch of that man…
“I have a runny nose…” she mumbled, sniffling. “Can you still…?”
