Lukas tried to laugh, but it came out awkward instead of comforting. He scratched the back of his head nervously. "Yeah, it's just that my anxiety spiked, that's all." He wasn't going to let her know that he had a full blown panic attack. It would probably just worry her, and Lukas didn't want to annoy. He shifted slightly to hide the bottle of pills behind him. "And, um, food would be nice," He glanced up at her and back at his shoes again.
"Just anxiety?" she asked. She caught a fleeting glimpse of the pill bottle. She knew there was something he wasn't telling her: she'd seen it before in her mother's eyes when she'd been trying to break the news that Meg wasn't coming home. Then Eliza. Then Margot.
"Honey?" her mother asked, knocking on the door to the bedroom that Julia shared with her oldest sister. "Can I come in?"
"Yes," Julia replied. She recalled looking at the door with her eyes wide and innocent. She was only five after all.
Her mother came in and sat on Meg's bed. She'd choked up before the first words came out.
"Be careful!" Julia cried. "I made it extra specially nice for Meg! She doesn't like when I sit on it, so I…" She trailed off quietly as her mother started to cry. That was the first time Julia had ever seen her mother cry. "Mommy?"
Julia blinked away the memory quickly. She suddenly started to cry. Why? Why her? Of all the girls who put their names in the bowl…
Lukas started to panic again. He couldn't let her know. His anxiety was a rabbit hole that seemed to never end. Maybe later, but not now. There's too much going on right now, he didn't have the time or the energy to make a deep dive into his anxiety. Lukas opened his mouth to respond, but quickly shut it once he noticed Julia was crying.
He neared the girl, and gently put his hands on her shoulders, meaning to comfort. "Are you okay?" he asked in a soothing tone. Julia crying worried him, for some reason he couldn't place.
She looked up at him, her eyes wide and tear-filled. "Yes. No? I try to be," she answered in fragments. "Why me? Out of all those other girls - me." It was a simple question, really. Julia was so used to doing the comforting. It felt nice to be comforted.
Lukas' felt bad for the girl, who experienced the same dread as him, but in a different context. They wer more or less the same, give or take a few things. He pulled her into a gentle hug, and ran a hand up and down her back comfortingly. It was what his dad used to do with him when he had a particularly bad day at school, or the whole reality of the situation his family was in hit him a little too hard. "Fate, sometimes, it a terrible thing, love. But you must prevail." he whispered.
She could feel herself relaxing into his grip. He was really good at this. "And how am I supposed to do that?" she asked quietly. She closed her eyes - the scenery flashing by was blurry and making her dizzy.
Lukas felt Julia relax, and he smiled. He was halfway there to calm her down completely. Starting to rock them back and forth slowly, Lukas spoke again. "Fight. It's the only way we know how to." He had learned that the hard way, a few years back. But now wasn't the time to have a walk down memory lane. He was in the Hunger Games, for god's sake.
"I can't. I'm no fighter. I promised my parents that I'd come back, but I don't think I'll be able to," Julia whimpered. Her parents couldn't lose their last child. She wasn't trying to win this for herself, she just wanted her parents to be happy. She opened her eyes again so the tears welling behind her eyelids could be released.
“Hey’” Lukas said, placing a finger under Julia’s chin and gently lifting it up. “You’re one of the bravest people I know. Why? Because you suffered so much but yet you survive.” Lukas smiled softly at the girl. Surving wasn’t the hard part about the Hunger Games; it was dealing with the aftermath.
Julia looked shocked, but it was way more than that. He had no idea how much the words meant to her. All she'd ever wanted was to be comforted instead of comforting. She'd just wanted someone to hold her and tell her she was going to be okay. She realized that the true words that she needed to hear were You are brave. "Thank you," she said quietly, reaching out and gently hugging him. "Thank you."
Lukas smiled softly, and hugged her back. Mission accomplished. Julia was a smart girl; she was destined to win, and Lukas would carry her there if necessary. He opened his mouth to respond when suddenly Effie burst into the room. He scowled at her. Always ruining the good moments.
She clapped her hands excitedly. “There you two are! I have been looking for you everywhere!” Lukas doubted that statement, but decided to say nothing. “Now, come on, we wouldn’t want to miss dinner!” Effie’s smile was so wide that he was sure it hurt.
Julia jumped when Effie burst in. "Oh. Is dinner ready? now?" Julia asked. It hardly seemed a time to eat, but she remembered Lukas saying something about wanting food. She was used to eating at eight o'clock or later, whenever her father came home from the mines. She and her mother would work and when everyone was gathered around the dinner table after a long, hard day, they would eat. Her heart ached for her parents. She missed them so much already, and the Capitol wasn't even in sight.
Effie nodded vigorously. "Yes! Now, if you two will follow me right this way," The woman began to walk through the carts of the train, her heels clicking against the floor.
Lukas shrugged at Julia, and turned to follow Effie. His stomach grumbled, and he realized this morning had been the last time he ate. Before he left the cart, he bactracked, grabbing the pill bottle and stuffing it inconspicuously in his sweatshirt. Lukas hoped that Julia didn't remember he dodged her question. He didn't want to ruin the better mood she was in.
She waited for him when he stopped suddenly and went back. "What's that?" she asked, looking at his pocket, then to his face. He was keeping something from her. She knew it.
“It’s-It’s nothing,” Lukas lied, ears burning. Shit. Now she’s gonna investigate and find out you can’t talk to another person without your anxiety spiking, the voice snarled. Lukas pushed it back. Julia wouldn’t treat him badly about his social anxiety, right?
Julia glanced over her shoulder quickly to make sure Effie was far enough away. "Trust me, I can tell when someone is keeping something from me. Please tell me what's wrong, I want to help."
“I-“ Lukas bounced between the ideas of telling Julia and keeping it a secret. If he told her, she could go either way. Comfort him, to leave him. He thought she would lean towards the comfort one, since he just helped her, but he wasn’t sure. Lukas had experienced people switch between two, and it wasn’t a nice experience, that’s for sure. He sighed. “I’ll tell you after dinner, alright?”
She studied him for a minute. "Okay," she finally said and turned around again to follow Effie. She entered the dining car and observed it quickly. Food - more food than she'd ever seen in one room at a time - was piled on the table. Soft, cushiony chairs beckoned her and a chandelier dangled over the table, filling the whole room with a soft glow. She was in so much awe that she hardly even noticed the half-drunk man sitting at the head of the table.
"Come in, don't be shy," Haymitch prompted them.
(I can be Haymitch since you're Effie if you want.)
((That’s fine!))
Lukas trailed after Julia, twisting his hands anxiously. He hoped he hadn’t made her mad; it would be terrible if he upset his only ally in this damned game. Wait. You haven’t even asked her to be allies with you yet.
Once he entered the room, the piles of food caught his attention. Plate after plate was filled with the finest cooked food he had every seen. Lukas was basically drooling on the spot.
Julia approached the table. "You're Haymitch?" she asked, sitting down in the chair. The materials – she couldn't name them – felt incredibly soft, like if she touched them with her hands, they would melt beneath her fingertips.
He gestured to himself. "What do you think, sweetheart? I'm just here for the drinks." He swallowed a gulp of amber liquid. It's scent made Julia want to vomit. "Want some?" he asked, his words slurring a little together.
"N-No," she stammered. It clearly made her uncomfortable. Not even her parents drank, so she was completely at a loss for words. "I'm fine, thanks."
Lukas followed Julia and sat down beside her. The pillow, or whatever it was called, was softer than anything he had touched before. It almost felt like a crime; something as dirty as him touching something so pure and soft.
The scent of alcohol wafted up to his nose, and he almost puked. Lukas hated alcohol, despised it even. It made him remember his mom, wasting away in the local bar. The obviously half drunk Haymitch already was on Lukas’ nerves.
Julia shifted. "So, uh… How–" She tried to form words, but they dried up at her lips. She suddenly found herself not hungry.
Haymitch tilted his chin down and arched his eyebrows. "How what?"
Julia gave Lukas a helpless glance, her mind still trying to ask a simple question.
Lukas met Julia’s eyes, and gave her a comforting smile. Then he looked at Haymitch, the kindness gone from his eyes. “What she’s trying to say, is, how are we gonna win this thing?”
There was a little more edge to his voice than he intended, but he heard that you have to be on guard around Haymitch. That with one look at you, he knows all your secrets. Lukas obviously didn’t know if that was true or not, but it’s better to come prepared then not at all.
Julia looked back at Haymitch and nodded. She was already thankful for Lukas, though she wished that neither of them had been picked.
Haymitch refilled his glass. "Anxious, are we?" he asked, taking a drink.
The smell reached Julia and this time she actually gagged. She cupped a hand over her mouth quickly and looked down.
The drunken man sniffed. "Can't hold your liquor, can ya sweetheart?"
Lukas froze, his hands beginning to shake. He had enough sense to glare at Haymitch. God, if he says one more thing about me…
He turned to Julia, gently placing a hand on her arm. “Are you alright?” he asked softly. The poor girl looked like she was going to get sick.
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