"I-I'm okay… I'm really sorry; I-I tried to stop myself, but I couldn't… that's why I'd tied my wrists together. I was honestly pretty stupid to think it would work…" Lloyd hugged her weakly, closing his eyes. He was exhausted as well, but he was quite used to waking up in the middle of the night like this. I'm weak… I tried to stop myself, and I couldn't even do that…
"Listen, it's okay. You tried to stop yourself and that is the best thing you could have done. Even though you ended up hurting yourself, you attempted to stop and when you realized what you did, you stopped. I'm proud of you for doing that." Irene's stomach growled. "Hey Lloyd, do you mind coming with me to the kitchen? I'm starving, you don't have to eat anything if you don't want to, but I would recommend trying to eat something. Maybe an apple or something of the sort. If I am throwing up or I have nausea I usually eat that and it stays down."
"Sure…" Lloyd stood up and caught his balance on the counter before going downstairs with Irene. Once they'd gotten there, he stood quietly while Irene was searching for things, and accepted an apple that she gave him. He sat down in one of the chairs and took a bite of it, glancing around the room since he'd never really gotten a chance to see it as much as he'd have liked to.
Irene searched for something to eat while mumbling to herself. "How does my father make a whole meal out of nothing? There's nothing to eat in this whole house…" After a few minutes of searching, she settled on Sushki, a Russian snack. She sat down next to Lloyd. "Are you going to be able to get back to sleep? It is still pretty late…" The clock chimed 2 times, 2:00 am. "Well, I guess it's early actually."
Lloyd shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not… it might be good to keep ropes in there so I can properly tie myself up in the event that I need to." He took another bite of the apple, hoping to god that it would just stay down. He hadn't kept a full meal down in weeks and it was definitely taking a toll on his thin, frail body.
"We could stay up for a bit, then see how we feel." Irene bit into her snack and it cracked and echoed throughout the room. She winced. "Oh please don't wake up Father…" She stayed quiet for a second to listen for her father. I'm not really supposed to snack in the middle of the night… and here we are. Maybe we should go upstairs so he won't hear us…" Irene helped Lloyd up and they went back to the studio. When they entered the room, she sat on her beanbag and bit into the Soshki again, and made sure to not get any crumbs on the floor or the beanbag.
Lloyd yawned and continued eating his apple, looking out at the stars again because they calmed him. Honestly, his arms were still in a lot of pain, but he had no one to blame but himself for that. He was exhausted and occasionally started to doze off, but always woke with a start soon after. Yeah, I don't know if I'll be able to sleep any more tonight…
Irene kept crunching away at her snacks, making way more noise than she wanted to. She looked over to Lloyd, he had twinkles in his eyes from the stars. "How are you feeling now that you have eaten something?" She reached for another piece of Soshki, but she felt nothing in the bag. Irene looked down at the bag and there was nothing left. Oh no… Father better not find out…
"I… I don't know. I think I'll be able to keep it down. I can't really afford to lose any more weight…" Lloyd said softly, still looking out the window. He gently rubbed one of his forearms; the one he'd just bitten. "I'm really cold all the time because my body fat is like, pretty much non existent. And yet, I can't stop myself from believing the lies…"
"Do you need a blanket? I have plenty… maybe too many… I might have an obsession with blankets." Irene lightly giggled. "But what do you mean by 'the lies'?" The downstairs door opened and closed, it was Irene's father. He had been at work that whole time. Why is father home so late… I hope everything is ok… Irene had a confused look on her face.
"The lies I've forced myself to believe for so long… the voices keep telling me I'm fat even though I know I'm not even fat enough to have extra weight to lose…" Lloyd crossed his arms tightly over his stomach, shivering a bit. "I-I feel so empty, Rea…" He looked up when he heard a door opening. "What's your father doing getting home at 2:30 in the morning?
"I don't know… I thought he was home already. This isn't normal, he is normally home by 9:00, at the latest… now that I think about it, my mother did tell me the FSB asked my father to come back…" Irene slipped, she forgot that her mother 'was in hiding'. A few moments later, Irene realized what she said, but it was too late. "Um… I mean one of my father's friends told me that…" Ah noo, I slipped… what a lousy lie that was… I hope he doesn't ask…
Lloyd looked over at her, confused. "Isn't your mother missing? I thought you couldn't contact her…?" Something about this seems suspicious, although I suppose I've lied to her too… "R-Rea, what's going on? Is everything okay?"
"Er… Y-yeah she is missing… I uh…" Damn… I can't tell him… but what could I possibly say to counter that… "I am… used to saying my mother did something instead of my father…?" No that was dumb… Irene started twidling her thumbs and looked around the room, to avoid eye contact with Lloyd.
"Irene, you know I know how to tell when someone's lying about being fine. I do it daily. Please, Rea… You can trust me. It's not like I've even got other friends I would tell, although I'd never tell anyways." Lloyd gently reached out and turned her face towards himself. "Irene… let me help you. I care too much about you to let you do this alone."
"I- I can't tell you… my father would be so disappointed, and he's scary when he's like that. I've wanted to tell you for a long long time, but I'm not allowed to…" Irene looks down at her hands, waiting for a response.
Lloyd was quiet for a moment. "I don't want you to have to do this alone, Rea. I-I know how it feels… you're… y-you're my best friend, and I hate to see you like this." He brushed tears from his eyes, trying to keep himself together. "If you r-really can't tell me, then I respect that, b-but I want you to know that I'm here for you…"
Irene smiled. "Thank you, Lloyd, I really appreciate it." She thought for a moment and looked back up to Lloyd. My father doesn't have to know if I tell him… it's not like he really askes if I tell anyone anyway… "Um… my father doesn't have to know that I told you, Okay?" Irene took a few breaths and thought about exactly what to say.
Lloyd nodded. "Of course, Rea. Y-You have my word." He watched her quietly, letting her form the words on her own time.
"So, when my mother was in FSB custody, my father devised a plan to get her out. He knew the layout of the headquarters and all the procedures because he worked there before they married. He gathered a few of his work friends to help him. I don't know any of the details, but they were successful. My mother could not live out in the public ever again, so we got her a secret and secluded house somewhere, I don't know that either. My father and I go to visit her twice a month, and a third time this month to celebrate the successful mission." Irene paused. "Even though we do visit her, I miss her so much. If she has a safe way to get here, she sometimes comes to my house. I usually call her if I can't get ahold of my father. They talk a lot over the phone, but I barely ever get to, my father doesn't give me the chance very often." Irene looked down at her hands again, afraid that her father will find out that she told Lloyd.
"I… I'm sorry, Irene. It would be selfish of me to say I could relate to your specific situation. You love your mother, and she loves you back, and you want to see her. I pretty much have the opposite problem, and I wish I could help more from experience, but I'll try my best…" He took a deep breath. "I think talking to her as often as you can is good. Simply hearing her voice might benefit you. Visits are good too. I think it might be good to look at pictures of her, or perhaps letters or texts she's written you so you can keep her in your thoughts with happy memories. If you own anything that was once or is currently hers, it might help to have that around when you're sad as well."
Irene smiled. "Thank you so much, Lloyd. We can only call her from our landline and my phone, but my father always is using the landline, so he is making her busy. Every year on my birthday, she gives me a letter with a 20 dollar bill, I don't know how she has any money at this point, but she always writes in the letter. As for possessions that were hers, she gave me a lucky coin from one of her first treasure hunting missions. She always had it with her, she said it would give the person that posseses it luck. She gave it to me right before my father took her to the house she is hiding…" Irene pulled the coin out of her pocket and flipped it around in her hands.
Lloyd nodded, silent for several seconds. "I… w-what is it like, Rea? To… to have your parents genuinely care about you and not only what you do?" Please don't let her feel pity for me, I'm just curious… god, she's gonna be more sad now. Shit.
Irene let out a satisfied breath. "Well I don't know how it feels not to have that, but it's great. My father always is there to support me, with anything I do. We are all there for each other… unless my father is to busy talking to my mother… I'm really sorry your parents aren't more like that." She put the coin back in her pocket to keep it safe.
"It's not your fault, Rea… I'm… I'm sure they just want what's best for me, r-right? For me to succeed?" Lloyd looked up at Irene, his eyes shining with tears. Who am I kidding… they don't care. They just want everyone else to think they're all that because their son is successful. Well, jokes on them… I'm a mess.