(Oof okay)
"…K-Kinda. How would we get out without being seen, though? S-Shouldn't you like, check with your parents to see if it's okay?" Lloyd looked up at Irene, his green eyes shining with tears. "I'm not sure how they'd react to you having a boy stay the night… w-well, you know I'd never even consider trying to make a move on you or anything, but obviously, I'm still closeted and all…"
"I have a plan. So during lunch, which is in about 15 minutes, we will wait until a whole bunch of people are outside. Then we will sneak through that hole in the fence kinda behind the cafeteria. And that's it. About my parents…" For anyone else, she would have specified that it's just her father, but she really wants to tell Lloyd about her mom. That is her subtle way of telling him. "No one will know that we ditched and about staying the night, I have told my father that I have a gay friend, I just haven't told him who because I wasn't sure if it was ok with you. Would it be ok if I told him? He knows that I'm Bi, so he wouldn't mind at all."
"I-I… um… if it would make him feel better about me staying with you, then I think it'd be okay… I just wasn't sure because my parents are super strict and stuff and they… t-they wouldn't be okay with it if I told them…" Lloyd got up shakily. "Lunch is starting soon, so we should probably get moving… I didn't bring any food or money, of course, so you don't have to wait for me to eat or anything."
"I'll only tell my parents if they ask, okay? I'm so so sorry about your parents, I wish I could do something about it." Irene stood up helping Lloyd. "Yes, lunch. Let's go, I'm good with what I got at the vending machine. If either of us gets hungry I still have some money." She helps make sure Lloyd doesn't fall over or anything, while looking as casual and normal at the same time. Once they get to the cafeteria, there are already a lot of people outside. "Okay, now's our chance. Let's go."
Lloyd nodded and made sure no one was watching before quickly walking off with Irene. He slipped through the gap in the fence easily since he was so thin and once Irene had come through, he ran with her all the way to her house. Breaking rules like this really wasn't helping his anxiety, but he could deal with that later. That's why they were leaving in the first place anyways.
She stops in front of her house. "Okay, um my parents did say that if I ever need to leave school and I can't really ask a teacher then I can do this. I've never had a need for it in the past, but here we are. I am going to call me mothe– father just to make sure it's ok. Just give me a minute." Irene pulls out her phone and she calls her father. No one answers so she tries again, no answer. She pauses for a moment. "My father didn't answer, I'm going to call one more time…" Instead of calling her father, she calls her mother. She picks up. Irene has her volume a little high for calls so if someone is close, they can hear the call. "Hello dear, why are you calling at this time, aren't you in school right now?"
"Hi…father? I had to come home early today. Why didn't 'you' pick up earlier?" Irene side glances at Lloyd, then at the house.
"The uh FSB asked him to come to their office… he looked worried when he told me."
"Are you in the house, or can I come in?" Irene fumbled with a key that was previously in her pocket.
"Go ahead and go in. Love you dear, see you later!"
"Wait!"
"Rea, what is it?"
Irene lowers her voice. "I have a friend with me, he is coming inside, is it still ok to come in?"
"Yes it is, love you!" Irene hung up the phone. She looks over to Lloyd. "Ok let's go inside." She unlocks the front door and holds it open for Lloyd.
Lloyd went inside with Irene. "So they're… they're okay with it?" He asked quietly, slowly sitting down on the floor once they got into the living room. Dammit… my anxiety is really bad today. "I-I really wouldn't want to intrude or cause any trouble or anything…" The sleeve of his hoodie shifted as he moved and briefly exposed the scars underneath before he pulled them back down, his heart only pounding faster. "I know you said your dad would be okay with me… you know… but what about your mom?"
"Of course they are… you don't want to sit on the couch or that chair? They are a lot more comfortable than the floor." Irene looks over to Lloyd messing with his sleeves, but she doesn't pay much attention to it. "What do you mean my mom? You know, best of everyone that she disappeared, actually 8 years ago tomorrow. I honestly don't know how she would feel, I mean a lot has happened since then…" She absolutely hated lying to Lloyd, but she had to, for her parent's.
(Oh shoot I forgot that lol)
"Here's fine… and sorry, I-I'm really disoriented right now…" Lloyd rubbed his temple with one hand, his sleeve slipping again. He didn't notice it this time though since his eyes were closed. "I honestly might pass out if I try to stand up again…" Lloyd sighed softly, his eyes still closed. "I'm sorry you have to deal with my shit all the time, Irene…"
(Lol I was actually hoping you did that on purpose… but it's ok lol)
Irene lets out an audible breath of relief. "Okay, as long as you are comfortable." Irene looks over to Lloyd just in time to see his sleeve slip. "L-Lloyd… what happened to your wrists?!" She jumps up from the couch and sits down next to him.
"What?" Lloyd opened his eyes and noticed his sleeve, quickly pulling it back over his wrist. "N-Nothing! There's nothing wrong with my wrists…" He looked away, unable to make eye contact. God dammit… now she's going to ask questions and stuff…
"Really? I highly doubt that… give me your hand." Irene tries to make eye contact, but Lloyd keeps looking away. "Lloyd, look at me. Give me your hand. I know things are hard for you right now, but please be careful. I care about you, even if it's only one person, someone cares about you." Irene places her hand on his shoulder and gently rubs it.
Lloyd shakily held his hand out to Irene, a couple tears rolling down his pale cheeks. He still couldn't make eye contact as he felt her gently pulling up his sleeves. I didn't want her to find out this way… His forearm was littered with scars, some fresh. A couple looked like they'd been done just this morning, which of course they had.
Irene's face showed a lot of worry and concern "L-Loyd!! No… please don't!" She hated seeing her one and only best friend be in that much pain. It broke her heart. She places his arm down and quickly stands up. She runs to her bathroom and gets the box of band-aids and Neosporin. She comes back with a few tears in her eyes. Lloyd had put his sleeves back down, but she grabbed his arm again and started treating the scars. A couple of tears managed to escape. Once she finished the first arm she started on the second one. After she was done, she wiped her tears away and hugged Lloyd tightly. She managed to use every last band-aid from the box and almost half of the Neosporin.
Lloyd sobbed quietly into Irene's shoulder, shaking violently. "I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" He whispered apologies over and over. They were the only coherent thing he could say right now since he was distressed. I knew she'd be upset… this is why I didn't show her. He cried harder and held tightly to Irene, not wanting to lose her. "Y-You're too good for me… I… I-I don't deserve to have a friend like you…"
Irene whispered softly to Lloyd with a tiny voice crack."Lloyd, it's ok, you don't have to apologize." She felt his grip tighten, she did the same. "No, I'm not, not at all. You deserve an even better friend, you have enough shit going on already, no need to have someone that would make it even worse. And what would I be doing right now if I wasn't your friend? I would be in class bored out of my mind, probably with some toxic people I would call friends. You are so genuine and great. Yes, you may have a couple of problems, but nothing I can't handle." She was silent after that 'speech', letting him cry as much as he needed.
Lloyd hiccuped, holding even tighter to Irene. He was basically sitting in her lap at this point, but it wasn't necessarily awkward because he's gay. "A c-couple of problems is a bit of an understatement, honestly, b-but thanks anyway…" His arms were still hurting quite a bit, and so were his legs, since his arms weren't the only place he bothered to cut. His legs were far less noticeable anyways, at least most of the time. "I-I don't think you understand how much I platonically love you."
She noticed how close Lloyd was, but she didn't mind, because he's gay. "I know it was an understatement, but that doesn't omit the fact that I can handle it. And I think I might understand, I feel the exact same." There was a knock on the door. It startled Irene a little bit, she jumped a little. "Let me get that, I'll be right back." Both Lloyd and Irene let go of each other and she stands up and limps over to the door, her foot fell asleep. She stands on her toes to look out the peephole. There was another knock on the door. Irene opens the door to see her father at the door. "Hello, father!" She hugs him, he hugs her back. She goes close to his ear. "Did mother tell you?"
"Yes, she did." She turns around. "Great! I would like you to meet him. He's in the living room."
"Alright Rea, I'll be there in just a minute." Irene goes into the living room. "Hey Lloyd, you might want to pull down your sleeves and try to stop crying, my father is here."
Lloyd nodded and pulled down his sleeves, quickly trying to dry his eyes. He stood up unsteadily so he could properly greet Irene's father. When he walked into the room, he bowed politely before holding his hand out to shake Irene's father's. "H-Hello sir, my name is Lloyd. Lloyd Windsor. It's a pleasure to meet you, although I do wish it could've been under better circumstances…" He laughed weakly, looking down at the floor.
Irene puts her hand on Lloyd's shoulder. Her father takes Lloyd's had and firmly shakes it. He had a suit on with fancy shoes. His brown hair was greased to the side and he had a pair of square-rimmed glasses. "My pleasure to meet you as well, Lloyd, You can call me Mr. Semyonov. What do you mean better circumstances? Everything seems fine and dandy to me." Irene cuts in. "Father, shouldn't you start dinner? I'm starving. Also, is it ok if Lloyd stays the night? Please don't ask why, it's… complicated." He thinks for a second. "You two aren't dat–"
"NO! No… no, we aren't, he's the gay friend I've told you about." She smiles at both of them.
"Ok, Rea. I've got my eyes on you two. I'd better go make dinner." He points both his fingers at his eyes then Irene and Lloyd.
Lloyd blushed a bit when Irene mentioned him being gay, but didn't say anything about it for now. Once he left, Lloyd breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "I… I don't know if I should tell him why I'm really here…" He sat back down on the floor, biting his lip to try and not hyperventilate loudly. This was definitely one of his longest and probably worst anxiety attack. "Is… um… is there somewhere I should go so I'm not having a mental breakdown in front of your father?"
"No, don't tell him, or at least not yet. He has enough on his hands as is." Irene held her hand out to Lloyd. "There's a studio room upstairs, no one is ever in there. Let's go." She leads him to the studio. The room is big with bean bags and lots of windows. Irene plops down on one of the bean bags and motions for Lloyd to sit in one of them.
Lloyd curled up in a beanbag and hid his face, starting to tremble again. "I-I feel bad for taking up space here… I'm wasting your food, y-your time, your efforts… you bandaged my arms but I can't stop… I'm… I-I'm addicted to it…" He looked down at his arms, a couple tears falling onto them. "F-For everyone's sake, please… please hide anything sharp from me. I don't know if I can even control myself anymore, Rea… I-I'm sorry…"
Irene got up from the beanbag, goes over to Lloyd, and squats next to his beanbag. "I'm honestly so glad that you are here. It is boring without you here. I'm constantly bored. And my father always makes waaay to much food, probably enough for our first-hour class to have seconds." She chuckles a little. "I know how much you would never want a therapist, so I would be happy to talk instead. Let me help you as much possible." She hugs him tightly. "But I will definitely keep sharp items away from you, I was already planning on it."
"W-Well, I'm not necessarily against therapists, it's just… my parents wouldn't allow me to see one and I can't afford to go to one secretly…" Lloyd hugged her back, trying to subtly brush his fresh tears away. He couldn't stand this constant feeling of dread much longer without having a complete mental breakdown, in which he'd likely end up hurting himself in any way possible. It had happened before, and it was not a very pleasant experience. He knew his mind was very self destructive.