Lloyd shrugged. "Still kinda queasy… and as for the being aware, I've tried that. I go into a sort of daze around sharp things, and I only realize what I'm doing once it's done. Just like I did in there…" He sighed softly. "For now, it's probably best to just not let me go places alone, especially places that might have sharp objects. I know a therapist would probably be helpful, but I'd hate to make you pay for it… I can… I-I can get through this…" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Who the hell am I kidding? I could do serious damage to myself without even knowing. I can't do this… I can't…"
"Yeah, I suppose it's a good idea to always have someone around you… Well, you were kidding me. You will get through this, no matter how long or difficult the journey is, you will get through it. And I'll be right next to you the whole time, that's what best friends are for, right?" Irene places her hand on his shoulder and looks over to him.
Lloyd hugged Irene again. He couldn't lose her; he knew that much. He just wished he could help her as much as she was helping him. "I'm… I'm going to have to go back to my place at some point, you know… if I'm staying here now, I'd have to tell my parents I'm leaving at the very least. I can't text them or anything since I don't have a phone, and I don't know if they do either… if they do, I don't know their numbers."
Irene hugged Lloyd back. "I can't let you go back there, after staying the night here your parents will be especially angry and I don't want to imagine what they would do." She paused and shuddered. "I think the library has a phone book… if your parents have a phone, the number is in there. We could always look." The windows in the room were still open, it had gotten dark out. Irene stared out the window looking at the stars. "…beautiful, aren't they…"
Lloyd nodded and looked out the window at the stars. "There isn't a window in my room, so I don't often get to look at them." He said dreamily, his eyes flicking between the different stars to find constellations like the nerd he is. He suddenly went pale again and stood. "I'm… I'm gonna go throw up again…" He said before going back off to the bathroom to purge himself of food that wasn't even there.
Irene quickly followed him to make sure he didn't try to cut himself again. She stood outside the bathroom to give him a little privacy. "REA, I'M GOING TO BED GOODNIGHT YOU TWO!!" Irene sighed. "GOODNIGHT FATHER!" She turns her attention back to Lloyd. "Hm, why doesn't my father say goodnight like a regular parent. "Irene laughs.
"Y-You're allowed to come in, you know… I mean, as long as this kinda thing doesn't bother you." Lloyd coughed, gripping the edge of the toilet. He groaned softly, his stomach still wanting to rid itself of food that didn't exist. He felt empty and in pain, only throwing up acid now. Oh god… I know I'm used to doing this, but that doesn't stop it from hurting like hell…
"Oh, I am? I wasn't sure if you were ok with me coming in or not." Irene comes in and closes the door a little. Her father never really went upstairs, it was as if it was Irene's part of the house, she just wanted to make sure no one would come in. Irene rubbed Lloyd's back hoping to help him feel at least a little better. "I know I keep asking you this, but is there anything you need?"
Lloyd shook his head, coughing. "D-Don't worry about me… I'm used to this." He smiled weakly in a pathetic attempt to reassure Irene before breaking into another coughing fit. "I… I feel so empty…" He said softly, his stray hair still plastered to his forehead. "It hurts, Rea…"
"But I can't help but worry about you…" Irene stood there, almost in defeat. She had no idea how to help him, but she was determined. She looked at herself in the mirror, then back at Lloyd. Irene got on the ground and back-hugged Lloyd. "Let me help you, in any way possible."
Lloyd nodded. "I-I'd love for you to help me, but I can't help but feel like I'm too far gone…" He rubbed his wrists again, closing his eyes. "Maybe the fact that I don't even necessarily want to be doing this means that maybe… just maybe… there might still be some hope for me."
Irene smiles. "There we go, some positive thinking is exactly what you need, good start. I think you are in better shape than other people actually, with the fact that you do want to stop." Irene stands up and looks out the window. "Are you done with the bathroom? When you are, we should go back to the studio. I think it's the best place for us to be as of now." He seemed really happy looking at the stars… it would be good to do things that would make him happy so maybe he won't feel as much pain?? I don't know…
"Okay…" Lloyd stood up, his legs wobbling dangerously. He held onto the counter for a bit until he was more stable and let Irene lead him back to the studio. He sat down cross legged on his beanbag and examined the stars again. "It's a full moon tonight." He said quietly, folding his hands neatly in his lap. "I follow the moon cycles, so I know that without even seeing it."
"It is?" Irene walks over to the windows and looks out at the moon. "Woah! It is full!" She goes back to the beanbags and sits down. "It's really cool that you do that!" She looks out at the stars. "Would you go to space if you had the choice?"
Lloyd thought fur a moment. "Maybe… I think it could be fascinating. I'd like to learn more about the moon or mars by being on them." He smiled softly, looking for more constellations. "What's your favorite star?"
Irene smiled, she finally saw a genuine smile that day. "I really don't know actually… I guess I never really think about stars. I haven't just looked at them like this in a long time" She looks over to Lloyd thrilled to see him in what looked to her like peace. "Are you tired? I sure am. It's been a long day."
"I-I mean, yeah, but it's only 6:30, isn't it?" Lloyd glanced over at Irene, the smile fading slowly. He looked back at the stars. "My favorite is Sirius because it's the brightest star." He shifted a little bit on the beanbag, trying not to fall off.
"Oh, yeah. 6:30 is a little early to sleep…" Irene lied her head back on the beanbag staring at the ceiling. "In 14 hours and 17 minutes, 8 years ago, my father and I found out that my mother disappeared… She used this room a lot. That's why I'm in here so much. I wonder where she went…" She went to her own little house to hide, that's where she went..
Lloyd looked over at Irene again. "Interesting time to bring it up… I… it's a nice room. I can see why she liked it. Don't worry… I'm sure she's okay." He smiled gently again as he looked over at Irene. "He wasn't the best with emotions; helping others with theirs or dealing with his own, but he was trying."
"I know… that's what my father always says… but thanks." Irene looked over at Lloyd and made eye contact, she smiled back. She sits in silence for a bit. "Hmm, have you seen anyone you like recently?… Friends talk about that on sleepovers, right??" Irene lightly laughs
Lloyd blushed a bit, looking away. "Well, really personality is a lot more important to me and all the guys at our school are dicks… but yeah, I guess some of them are attractive. What about you?" Honestly, Lloyd hadn't had a crush in a while. He'd been too busy with everything for him to have time for a relationship anyways.
"That is honestly very true… and all the girls are problematic… so one for me either." Well that was a bust… ahh I'm so bad at starting conversations Irene sighed and stood up. "Do you like chocolate? We have a 'secret' stash of Russian chocolate–… oh yeah, food isn't really the best idea right now. Never mind."
"Mm… what's your favorite… uh, element?" Lloyd asked quietly. This is why I don't have conversations very often. Oh god. "Mines phosphorus. That's what they used to make the dog's mouth glow in Hound of the Baskervilles. I also like glow sticks…"
"I think… Gallium… I like that it has such a low melting point that a human can melt it with their body heat." Ok we are both hopeless when it comes to conversations… oh no it's probably my turn to think of something to say… Irene is quiet for a while trying to think of something else to say. "I guess we just haven't talked one-on-one as friends for a while… Oh, do you think you'll feel better tomorrow? We still have school, but we can always ditch again and just hang out or something."
"I… I should be okay by then. If not, we could call in sick or something. But like I said, hopefully I'll be fine. I won't be around my dad or anything, so…" That removes one big stressor. Lloyd looked out the window again. He really liked the stars, and he wished he had the opportunity to see them more often than he did.
