forum Virtual Creative Writing Club, anyone?
Started by @ninja_violinist
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@ninja_violinist

The music prompts this week require a bit of backstory haha:
There's this cool personality testing system called Enneagram. It maps out 9 basic personality types - the reformer, the helper, the achiever, the individualist, the investigator, the loyalist, the enthusiast, the challenger, and the peacemaker. And this artist - Sleeping at Last- created a song based on each type. I've linked the whole playlist below - maybe one of them could inspire a new character or reveal new shades of an existing one?

Image prompt: "Shelter" by Pete Amachree

And the word prompt is from "Eight" by Sleeping at Last:

Now you won’t see all that I have to lose
and all I've lost in the fight to protect it.
I won’t let you in. I swore never again-
I can't afford, no, I refuse to be rejected.

@ElderGod-kirky group

@Dances_with_Shadows !!!! this was so good!! Really enjoyed reading this! You've got a super interesting tone going - because we never get any of the main character's names, the whole thing feels very distanced and reflective even though we're so intimately included in his thought process. It sets up the characters, raises mystery, doesn't info dump - really well done!
Probably the main thing that stuck out to me was the pacing. The whole thing added up to about 2 and a half pages in my word processor, which is relatively short for an entire chapter. The length, coupled with the lack of names, made it feel almost more like a prologue than a first chapter to me? idk. I got some prologue vibes from it I guess
Especially the first few paragraphs threw me off pacing-wise - the opening sentence starts out setting the scene in a packed casino, but then we only have about two sentences of any action in the casino before it moves on to his interior monologue and then suddenly he's walking home. It could almost as well have opened with him walking home with the mention that he's coming from the casino and there'd be little information lost, if you know what I mean?
Things slow down a lot once he gets home compared to these first few paragraphs, so there's a bit of stylistic dissonance there if I'm being super picky. idk. I'm guessing this fits really well into the larger picture that I'm not seeing.
Either way, I really loved this! Thank you for sharing!

Well, I guess I accomplished the prologue feel lol. The thing with this book is that it has four different stories in it, with four different characters. So my goal was to make shorter first chapters to kind of set things up a bit? plus this was handwritten first and it was killing my hand. The casino thing was… It's. Okay. Yes, I see your point, it could be taken out, but the information that would be lost is the cat part. It hints to something about him. If I had put that anywhere else, it wouldn't have been in place. An generally speaking, casinos, at least in my mind, are quite fast paced themselves? I dunno, that might've unconsciously translated into my writing. But I was also more focused on his inner thoughts than the world around him in this chapter/prologue. BUT, though I might sound defensive I do appreciate your pointers, and I'm so glad you liked it beyond the critiques. I've got the second chapter queued up and ready to post in just a few moments

@ElderGod-kirky group

Chapter two of To Put at Ease (Part One of The Eagle Calls). Roughly around 2,500-ish words.


A week later. . .

Ryker was still spooked about the whole incident with the eagle kinda-but-not-really hitting the window, as well as the inescapable grasp that. . . thing had on his mind. However, as spooked as he was, he never told Kas about it, and his boyfriend remained blissfully ignorant of that entire showdown. It was a miracle that he had been asleep during the entire thing, but Ryker had a feeling that the damn eagle had a part to play in the weirdness of that night.

He shook his head and folded his arms over his chest, looking at himself in the mirror. Today just wasn’t his day, and it was pissing him off. His hair was going wild with its curls today, falling into his eyes despite his efforts to push it back. He had used hairspray for crying out loud, and it still refused to be tamed. Why.

“And you’re still freaking perfect as always,” he huffed as he saw his boyfriend walk in the bedroom. Kasiya arched a curious brow, sitting down on the bed behind Ryker and watching him in the mirror.

“Much appreciated, but I’m confused,” he commented, leaning back against the wall to lounge as he usually did, long legs sprawled out carelessly and partially dangling off the edge of the bed.

And this was the time Ryker’s insecure and unstable mind decided to compare the two.

Kasiya Saliba, a 6’5 Egyptian-descended god that was absolutely out of Ryker’s league. Lean and narrow build with long limbs, which almost gave him a lanky look if he didn’t have just enough visible muscle to counteract that—displayed by the drool-worthy abs. Uptilted and narrowed black eyes. His full, silky, long black hair was usually kept tied up, even if some chunks escaped the tie and fell around his face. Perfect brown skin inked with tattoos and a stern face accented with piercings.

He was gorgeous. Ryker likey.

Now, on the opposite side of the spectrum, there was him.

Ryker Young, a 5’4 Canadian-born guy that ended up living in a nameless town in Washington that most definitely didn’t deserve said Egyptian god. Thin and lithe build with rounded and soft edges. Light brown skin that’s soft to the touch; lighter birthmarks on his back and freckles all over his nose and cheekbones. His cat-like eyes were green, but different shades of green starting with lightest at the edges of his irises and ending with darkest at the pupil. His chocolate brown hair was full of curls that clearly didn’t like being told what to do.

He couldn’t help but compare the two. He was so full of flaws, whereas Kas’ only flaws were the burns he hid beautifully with those tattoos. He was short while Kas was tall; he had barely any muscle, hidden or otherwise; Kas was just perfect while Ryker wasn’t, and he felt like it wasn’t fair that he was forcing Kasiya to settle for him.

Oh, and he had magic, something Kas hated with a burning passion.

“Stop it.”

Ryker jumped and blinked at the voice in his ear. He had gotten lost in his head again and hadn’t even noticed Kas getting up and standing right behind him. Once his new situation was processed, he sighed and leaned back into his boyfriend’s chest, closing his eyes. “Sorry. I just can’t help it. You deserve someone better than me. I’m broken and-”

“Stop it.”

He shut up.

“We’ve literally been dating for three years,” Kas said, wrapping his arms around Ryker’s smaller body and resting his chin on his head. “I don’t do relationships, so the fact that I even let you worm your way into my life like this is enough evidence of how you’re wrong.” He kissed the top of Ryker’s head and murmured against his curls, “So shut up and get dressed already. Your curls are adorable, you’re perfect, and I’m hungry, so let’s go before I do something drastic.”

Ryker rolled his eyes from behind his lids, smiling faintly. “Of course, dear. Wouldn’t want that.” He felt Kas flash a smile against his hair, then he was released from that comforting hug as the taller man stepped back. Ryker adjusted himself so he didn’t fall onto his back, then ran a hand through his curls as he cast one last solemn look in the mirror.

“Ryker!”

He grinned and giggled when he heard Kas shout from the other side of the closed bedroom door, scurrying away to change out of his pajama bottoms and into some decent clothing. He and Kasiya were going out to eat for lunch today, as Ryker had today off from work and they wanted to use that time to do some stuff together while they got the chance.

So, that calls for some casual but not slobbish clothing. A difficult feat, but Ryker could manage something. Possibly. Maybe. Probably not.

Before Kas yelled at him to hurry the hell up again, Ryker went into their walk-in closet and scanned his side for a decent shirt to wear. He could practically hear the time ticking down in his ears, so he pulled down a yellow tank top and his usual leather jacket, shrugging them on as he then moved to his dresser for some pants. His eyes found black ripped jeans first and he just went with it. He hopped on one foot as he struggled to not fall over, then zipped and buttoned them up while rushing down the stairs.

Kasiya was already in the kitchen waiting for him, clad in a light brown jacket, white shirt, black jeans, and simple boots. Ryker trotted over to him and gave him a quick ‘thank-you’ hug before slipping past him to pull on a pair of sneakers.

His ears picked up on a strange sound, and he slowed in his task to focus on that. For some time, he heard nothing and thought he had imagined it.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

He lifted his eyes and slowly stood, barely registering Kasiya coming over and hugging him from behind to try and beg him to go faster so they could eat. He didn’t even lean into the man’s touch, which made Kas curious and slightly concerned, as he always leaned into his touch, consciously or not. They were both silent, and both heard it this time.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Kasiya pulled Ryker closer to his chest protectively, neither one of them liking the ominous sound. Realistically, there wasn’t anything legitimate for them to be on edge about. However, they both got a feeling, Ryker just knew it from how tight he was held against Kasiya’s chest. It felt like. . .

“That damn bird,” he muttered, gritting his teeth. Kas looked down at him with confusion, brows drawing together. Ryker shook his head and pushed out of the man’s grasp. “Let’s just go, it’s nothing.” Kas was silent, eyes flicking around to double-check everything was fine. Ryker stopped his pursuit to the door to turn around on his heel with a huff. “C’mon, Kas. You were the one that was getting hangry.”

Kasiya stuck his tongue out at Ryker as he approached him, then quickly withdrew it as Ryker, sporting a wicked smile, made to bite at it. “Alright, if you’re sure this mystery bird is harmless.”

“It’s a bird, dumbo. Of course it’s harmless.”

“If you say so.”

~~

The restaurant they chose was one of Ryker’s favorites, thanks to Kasiya introducing it to him a little bit after they first met. Usually, he loved the atmosphere of the place, the rush of people dining and chatting, the clatter of silverware on expensive plates, the divine scents that are just to die for—usually. But today, he just couldn’t stop thinking about that eagle and everything that had gone through his head since then. He was picking at his food, lost in his thoughts once more.

Fingers snapped just beneath his nose, causing him to jump and snap his eyes up at an inpatient Kasiya. “Ryker,” he said. Just one word, just his name, and he instantly knew what his boyfriend wanted from him. Ryker sighed and twirled his fork through his fingers as he thought about how to tell Kas about his dream about the eagle and everything he was considering.

Well, almost everything. One thing needed to stay hush-hush.

“Okay, I guess a lot’s been on my mind recently. . .” he started, dropping his gaze down to his plate as he continued to idly stab at his chicken.

“By recently, you mean for the past week?”

“Yes. . .” Ryker grumbled, huffing at how observant his boyfriend was. “I’ve just been thinking about how some things got left when we first met, y’know? I mean, my parents and I haven’t spoken since I was fifteen, and here I am, 22 years old and still completely loathe them. Even my old therapist wasn’t able to help me with that, and I think that frustrated her, not gonna lie.” He sighed and refused to look up at Kasiya as he added even softer, as if scared of how he’d react, “And then there’s the issue of my one ex, the one I had before I met you.”

“What about him?” Kas didn’t sound upset, but it was hard to tell when he kept everything all bottled up behind sarcasm and apathy. Ryker would only know how he truly felt about it after Kas got all the information and Ryker actually looked at him. But he was too nervous to do that right now, so the guessing game it was going to be.

“I-honestly don’t really know? He was a foster, so when he turned eighteen we both knew that he’d be kicked out of the system. I thought that he would come back, though, once everything was settled. He had money from Audrey and some other stuff, so it was reasonable to assume he’d come back to Washington.”

“But he didn’t.”

Ryker shook his head and sighed, dropping his fork and curling his jacket tighter around himself, fingers clutching the fabric as if it, too, was going to disappear forever. “He. . . Kas, he just left. No word, no apology, no explanation, nothing. Even Audrey couldn’t find him. It was like he erased himself from the world, like he could just make everyone forget he ever existed.” Ryker shook his head and leaned it back to look up at the ceiling, pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth to keep himself from crying. Yes, he loved Kas, but he had also cared a lot about this ex, and he was heartbroken when he was just left like that. “He left me, just like how my parents left me.”

He felt himself being pushed across the booth towards the window, and he immediately buried his face into Kasiya’s shoulder, unable to keep the silent tears from falling. “He promised, Kas. He promised to not abandon me like my parents did. He promised he wasn’t like them.” Ryker took a shuddering breath, clenching his jaw and wrapping his arms around Kas’ waist. He didn’t care that people might be watching or listening, all he cared about was Kasiya’s strong and protective arm around him and the hand running soothing circles over his back. “I thought he was different. . .” Ryker whispered, the words barely audible against Kas’ side.

The tears continued to fall, and Kasiya said nothing. Ryker said nothing. All he saw behind his tightly closed eyes were images, moving pictures of memories that he had cherished ever since that fateful night. His feelings about his ex were conflicted, as he was happy with him when they were together. Even when things had gotten rough, he had come back to Ryker the very next day and apologized in some way. It was understandable, as he wasn’t used to being with a guy, so Ryker had forgiven him. And once things finally got to the point where he had finally accepted Ryker’s advances, it was amazing. He’s had multiple ex’s, and none had come close to that particular one. He had really thought that things would work out for them.

But then his eighteenth birthday had rolled around, and Ryker suddenly found himself waiting for a ghost to return, not even a whisper to be heard. After a year, he moved to Vegas and attempted to start a new life.

Attempted being the keyword.

“Ryker.” He sniffled and looked up at Kasiya, who was looking down at him with an unreadable expression in his black eyes. Damn him for being good at poker. “How many vacation days do you have available?”

That certainly wasn’t a question he was expecting. Ryker blinked in confusion, then said, “About two week’s worth, why?”

“Because we’re going to find this ex of yours, then talk to your parents,” Kas stated matter-of-factly, making Ryker practically shriek in disbelief.

“Are you serious!?!?! Kas, I’d die bef-nhm!” Ryker screwed his face up when his mouth and nose were smothered by Kasiya’s hand, blocking off his breathing and yelling. There were most definitely people watching now.

“Yes,” Kas said, still calm and unreadable, “You lot need to talk, clearly, and settle things with you. Your parents might want to talk to you after all these years, and you definitely need to talk to this ex of yours. I might have a few words with him myself.”

Ryker flailed, trying to get out of Kasiya’s grasp so he could talk—nevermind the fact that he couldn’t breathe—and lightly slapped the man’s chest. That got him to release his mouth and nose at least. “You’re not beating him up, Kas.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know what that means, or did you forget that we’ve been together for three years?”

“Not all of my words have a double-meaning, Albi. But I suppose, now would be one of those times that they do.”

Ryker closed his eyes and mentally whined about the use of the Arabic term of endearment. He adored it when Kasiya did that, which made it harder to be stern with him—something Kas the Devil was all too aware of. “Kasiya Akil Saliba, I will not have you beating up my ex over something that might be a misunderstanding. Are we understood?” He opened his eyes and glared up at a smirking Kas, hoping his efforts weren’t wasted.

“Fine, but if he does anything that warrants a good punch to the face, I have no promises that my fist will listen to you attempting to be my mother.” Ryker rolled his eyes, then snuggled further into Kas and smiled against the man’s shirt. He was so lucky to have a boyfriend like Kas, even if he was a bit of a prude every now and again.

“Thank you.” The words were whispered, lost to the commotion of the restaurant. Or, at least he thought they were.

“Anytime, Hayete.” A pause as Kas adjusted and brought his own food over to him from the other side of the booth. “We leave tomorrow.”

@ElderGod-Icefire

@Icefire_needs_a_profile_pic this was so good!!!! It made me hurt but I think that was the point, so it was excellent!! I love the repetition, the intensity, all the beautifully and strategically placed linebreaks… just yeah. Love this.
Favourite line: "Do not, do not, do not tell him/ about the war; you didn't fight it./ It was fought for those such/ as you."
And crocs already said the one thing I can think of haha - the long text can be a bit intimidating (though I will say that it matches the kind of frantic tone a bit? idk). Other than that, I only found one phrase that sounded a tiny bit awkward - I wonder if "infer of wars" could be said a bit more gracefully? maybe??
anyway, this was beautiful, thank you for blessing us

Aahhh thank you!!! Yeah I might break it up eventually, but idk, man. The length is supposed to be a little intimidating and yeah the tone, too, because like…the stuff I was talking about is intimidating and frantic and painful. Yeah, infer probably does need to be changed, but like…I wrote this at midnight and that was the only word I could think of lmao. But I'm glad you liked it!

@saor_illust school

Again, not inspired by any of the prompts, I know, but this is the only reliable place I can come to to get good critique. Inspired by this prompt: A young prodigy becomes orphaned.


Melissa Dunn was a fourteen year old child prodigy. In what, you may ask? Well, she was a musical prodigy. In several instruments, actually. She played the cello, harp, flute, and violin. And in exactly four weeks, five days, two hours, and thirty six minutes, she was going to perform a flute concerto at Carnegie Hall. She was very excited, as one might imagine.

Melissa hopped off of the school bus, walking up the driveway to the main entrance to her house. She flung the door wide upon and dropped her backpack right where she stood, and gave a sigh of relief. School was over, and now all she had to do was practice that flute concerto again, and what she dreaded - homework. But then again, she seemed to be doing pretty good in Social Studies, so she didn't mind the homework for that class, but everything else? Well… English was her worst subject. "Moooooom, can you help me with my English homework?" she shouted into the seemingly empty house. But of course, Melissa's parents were in their room, her mom reading, and her dad doing some work.

"Dad and I are in our room," Melissa's mother, Diany called back to Melissa. "Come bring your homework over and sit with us," she added, with a smile in her voice. She liked to hang out with her daughter, even if all they were doing was just sitting together and doing completely separate things. Once she saw Melissa peek through the doorway, Diany's smile widened and beckoned her daughter in. "What's your English homework?" she asked.

"I have to write a little something about our town… any ideas? I need to have like five things that are interesting about where we live…" Melissa explained, walking over to where her mother was sitting and handed her the piece of paper that her teacher had given her. It explained the whole assignment, and even included a small rubric at the bottom of the page.

Diany thought for a bit, turned to look at Melissa's father, Max, to ask him for ideas, but then quickly turned back to Melissa, an idea forming in her head. "I know! Let's all go for a drive around town! Won't that be fun?" she exclaimed, closing her book and getting up. "Melissa, bring a notebook or something with you to take notes."

~timeskip~

Melissa sat in the backseat of the car, her chin resting on the palm of her hand, which was resting on her leg. So far, she hadn't come up with any ideas for the assignment, and it didn't seem like this was going to be much fun. At least there were animals to see. That was a little bit fun, which was nice.

The silence that had fallen over the car was suddenly broken by Diany screaming at the top of her lungs, "Look out!"

Melissa had just enough time to see that a very large truck was headed their way, and fast. And there was no way to avoid it. She screamed, terrified, until she fell unconscious.

~Another timeskip~

Melissa woke up in the hospital with a bad headache, dry throat, and sensitivity to light. "Ugh…" she groaned. "What happened? Where am I?" she barely managed to get out the words, and on top of her other symptoms, it appeared that the shock from the crash had also induced mild amnesia, although she would recover her memory quickly.

A nurse rushed into the room when she heard Melissa stirring. "Melissa! You're awake!" she smiled at her. "She's awake!" she called out into the hallway outside the room. "How are you feeling?" she asked Melissa, her smile still bright as ever.

"Not too good…" Melissa mumbled as she tried to sit up. "I have the worst headache, my throat is really dry, and the light hurts my eyes. Also, what happened?"

"You and your parents…" The nurse began. "I'm sorry Melissa, you and your parents were involved in a car crash, and your parents took the brunt of the injuries. Your… your mother didn't make it, and your father is in critical condition, up in the Intensive Care Unit."

Melissa just stared blankly at the nurse for a couple seconds, then burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, what? I don't think I heard you right, sorry. Could you repeat that?"

The nurse sighed. Right, the shock. "You and your parents were in a car crash. Your mother is dead, unfortunately, and your father is in the ICU and… to be honest, I don't think he'll make it. He's in surgery right now, but his body has been through a lot…"

"No, no, that can't be! There were just with me…" Melissa tried to deny it, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't. Deep down, she knew that the nurse was telling the truth, but somehow she was finding it hard to comprehend all of this. "No! I have a performance in four weeks! I have to make it, even it my parents won't be there… it's a once in a lifetime opportunity!"

"I'm sure you'll find a way to attend the performance," the nurse tried to assure Melissa, and left her just sitting in shock. Melissa fell silent soon after her previous words, and just stared at the wall in front of her, not really taking in any of the sensory input that was happening all around her. The doctors and nurses moved around, and mouthed words to each other, the machines stopped beeping, and the food that was brought to her shortly was bland and tasteless.

@croccin-champagne

I like it Izzy! My only problem is that it seems slightly disjointed at times? I can't quite pinpoint what about it is causing that though, so overall it's definitely really good!

I have. Two things this week. One is a short poem, because the limit is twenty lines. This one needs editing badly, I'm well aware, so any tips and things, suggestions, are welcome and appreciated. The second one is somehow even more personal than the first, and is also being considered for a different contest I'm entering, this one a slam. It's not set, just a toss up between two that are important to me. Let me know what y'all think!


Wear your heart on your sleeve
Is a great quote in theory
For people who can afford to wear their heart
Anywhere else, anyplace other than hidden
But I wish that I could
I want to be held like something incredible
Like a treasure that is completely irreplaceable
My honest truth is a wish so strong
It keeps me awake at night
A longing to be as soft and open as I can
A wondering if the pros
Could maybe outweigh the cons
If somehow it might be worth it


You know how the sky is blue?
You know how the sun is a star and spider string
Is one of the strongest substances on this earth?
When I look at you, I know.
I know that hope is a four letter word and that your name
Makes my heart so warm it could chase away any chill.
I know that no matter what color your eyes are,
What the lighting does to them,
That is my favorite color in the whole world.

I know that I have never once actually fallen asleep anywhere other than my bed or a couch,
But that I could fall asleep anywhere
If it was next to you.
I know that I am far from a good person,
But that you see something I can't.
Like panning for gold in a stream known for pyrite,
A fool's errand you turned profitable.
You see something more,
And maybe I'll be able to see it too someday.

I know that five tomatoes is the US's best taught method
Of remembering how many feet are in a mile,
And that carrots aren't actually good for your eyesight.
But I also know that no one has ever looked at me like you do,
That I have never felt so soft,
So at home in the light of a smile
As when you look at me.
I know that there are too many stars in the night sky to count,
And I know that I would learn their names.
As many as I possibly could,
Just to see if I could make your eyes light up.

I know,
That you make me so happy.
And I hope that I can make you happier
Than you make me.

@amber_is_in_a_loop

I totally didn’t get all happy when I saw you were the last person to post
But also ouch why are you calling me out??? Why do you have to bring up the emotions so well like what the actual f~~k??? HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL??
You know, I saw this comment on YouTube that I’m just going to paste to here:
Every single time it’s not just good, it blows me away
That pretty much sums it up.
Maybe I’ll get back to you with a proper critique once I get my head around this

@croccin-champagne

i. i don't know? i've always thought of my writing as average at most, so y'all getting so worked up is a trip and a half for me. i'm ecstatic it makes you feel something though, because overall, that's the goal. it doesn't have to be incredible, as long as it makes people feel, because that's what poetry should do in my opinion. im. ghdffjhv i'll eagerly await that critique if you can give it, but thank youuu

@amber_is_in_a_loop

Okay here we go. I’m really picking at details but I hope this helps


Like a treasure that is completely irreplaceable

This is a bit wordy at the end

My honest truth is a wish so strong
It keeps me awake at night

This is so perfect

A longing to be as soft and open as I can

This feels a bit out of place with the wording? Maybe make it shorter? I’m not sure

A wondering if the pros
Could maybe outweigh the cons

If there’s another way to phrase this, it sounds a bit odd in this context, like mathematical almost

It somehow it might be worth it

Saw the limit is 20 lines but this is a bit of an abrupt end to such a pretty piece of writing


I know that I have never once actually fallen asleep anywhere other than my bed or a couch

This is really long and a bit disruptive, but somehow it works. Maybe just pay attention to the rhythm of it when you speak it

A fool's errand you turned profitable.

Another word that profitable maybe? It’s a bit of a weird word in this context, like pros/cons in the other one

And maybe I'll be able to see it too someday.

This feels a bit clunky

I know that five tomatoes is the US's best taught method
Of remembering how many feet are in a mile

This is completely random but really sweet and funny, and it actually works so well here!

And that carrots aren't actually good for your eyesight.

My life is a lie…

That I have never felt so soft,
So at home in the light of a smile

Absolutely beautiful line

Just to see if I could make your eyes light up.

Again this is a bit clunky but again I’m not sure what you could change

That you make me so happy.

Also a little clunky

And I hope that I can make you happier
Than you make me.

This, though, is gorgeous, like perfect ending.

@ElderGod-Icefire

So. This conversation actually happened between my dad and I, and it still haunts me to think about, because his mindset about this disturbs me so much. So I wrote this last night.
WARNING: this poem contains potentially triggering content


@brb

I like it Izzy! My only problem is that it seems slightly disjointed at times? I can't quite pinpoint what about it is causing that though, so overall it's definitely really good!

I have. Two things this week. One is a short poem, because the limit is twenty lines. This one needs editing badly, I'm well aware, so any tips and things, suggestions, are welcome and appreciated. The second one is somehow even more personal than the first, and is also being considered for a different contest I'm entering, this one a slam. It's not set, just a toss up between two that are important to me. Let me know what y'all think!


Wear your heart on your sleeve
Is a great quote in theory
For people who can afford to wear their heart
Anywhere else, anyplace other than hidden
But I wish that I could
I want to be held like something incredible
Like a treasure that is completely irreplaceable
My honest truth is a wish so strong
It keeps me awake at night
A longing to be as soft and open as I can
A wondering if the pros
Could maybe outweigh the cons
If somehow it might be worth it


You know how the sky is blue?
You know how the sun is a star and spider string
Is one of the strongest substances on this earth?
When I look at you, I know.
I know that hope is a four letter word and that your name
Makes my heart so warm it could chase away any chill.
I know that no matter what color your eyes are,
What the lighting does to them,
That is my favorite color in the whole world.

I know that I have never once actually fallen asleep anywhere other than my bed or a couch,
But that I could fall asleep anywhere
If it was next to you.
I know that I am far from a good person,
But that you see something I can't.
Like panning for gold in a stream known for pyrite,
A fool's errand you turned profitable.
You see something more,
And maybe I'll be able to see it too someday.

I know that five tomatoes is the US's best taught method
Of remembering how many feet are in a mile,
And that carrots aren't actually good for your eyesight.
But I also know that no one has ever looked at me like you do,
That I have never felt so soft,
So at home in the light of a smile
As when you look at me.
I know that there are too many stars in the night sky to count,
And I know that I would learn their names.
As many as I possibly could,
Just to see if I could make your eyes light up.

I know,
That you make me so happy.
And I hope that I can make you happier
Than you make me.

screaming THIS Is SO BEAUTIFUL, BOTH OF THEM!!!! all of my poems are always so literal and plain but yours is just so beautiful??

@croccin-champagne

y'all have been so helpful and i hate bugging you so much, but i edited the Thing! amber, your critiques were heard and thought about, and i hope this all pulls together better!


Wear your heart on your sleeve
Is a great quote in theory
For people who can afford to wear their heart
Anywhere else, anyplace other than hidden
But I wish that I could
I want to be held like something incredible
Like a treasure that is irreplaceable
My honest truth is a wish so strong
It keeps me awake at night
A longing to be as open as I can
To be as soft
A wondering if the benefits
Could maybe be more
Than the negatives
If somehow it might be worth it
To find those old rose tinted
Glasses of mine

Deleted user

ah, the stars are so beautiful tonight

how do we live under such an active, bright sky at night and never take time to see it? Why do we let light obscure the little freckles of silver and greens and reds in our sky?

The moon, in its sharp crescent shape

how dare I ignore it?

Gleaming weakly with its starry fellows

I can’t keep my excited eyes away from the milky grey claw in the sky.

You can call me a star gazer, for it is true

I want my thoughts to be full of the accompaniments in the night sky;

our stars and satellites alike

the stars making patterns we’ve gazed at for centuries, with occasional visitors from the Dippers and Orion.

I’d climb a mountain

just to see the whole night sky

unblemished by human’s touch

gleaming as natural as ever.

My prying, hungry eyes, seeking reconciliation from my simple life down below

how it seems like a wrinkle in their everlasting lives.

I’d want a conversation

with the ones who see it all.

“Please,”

I’d ask quietly up into the chilly night air, the breeze waving my hair from my eyes,

“Tell me everything

I have little time as compared to you,

but I’d give it all just to hear your tales.”

I got no response,

for they only watch,

but I like to think

I’m one they like to observe, just as I observe them.

I enter my home again,

but my thoughts stay with them

forever,

The stars, my quiet knights

who have seen everything about the world

watched everything

only to be suspended in air

peaceful.

How I can find myself jealous of such balls of wondrous glory is beyond me,

but I’d love a life of serenity.

@amber_is_in_a_loop

y'all have been so helpful and i hate bugging you so much, but i edited the Thing! amber, your critiques were heard and thought about, and i hope this all pulls together better!


Wear your heart on your sleeve
Is a great quote in theory
For people who can afford to wear their heart
Anywhere else, anyplace other than hidden
But I wish that I could
I want to be held like something incredible
Like a treasure that is irreplaceable
My honest truth is a wish so strong
It keeps me awake at night
A longing to be as open as I can
To be as soft
A wondering if the benefits
Could maybe be more
Than the negatives
If somehow it might be worth it
To find those old rose tinted
Glasses of mine

Okay my friend ngl, I teared up. I personally think this version is heavier in emotion. The rhythm in this one is almost like a lullaby which I think works really well. And also, the last line is very very perfect.
The first one is a lighter smoother read, so it depends on what you’re going for. I do prefer the second one though.

@amber_is_in_a_loop

I do really prefer the second one as well. Its edited more, and yeah, way smoother. Again, thank you so much

You’re so welcome!! I’m really glad I could help and good luck with the entries :)

@ElderGod-Icefire

Wrote this while listening to "Secrets" by One Republic on repeat lmao. The italicized lines are from the song.


So tell me what you want to hear.

"What do you want me to say?" The boy asks, his wrists chained down and his body chained as well, trapped in a chair as he looks at the prince across the table from him. The prince, whose heart he broke. The prince, who is not crying yet, though his eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Just…was any of it real? Was any of it true?" Evan whispers, making no move to reach out to Alexos.

My sleeves are stained red.

"It was all true." Alexos whispers back, closing his eyes so that he doesn't have to meet Evan's blue ones.

"Then…then how could you?" Evan demands, and Alexos hears the crack in the other boy's voice, hears that Evan is crying now. "How could you do this to me?"

From all the truth that I've said.

"I had to. Your father murdered my family. So I killed him."

"And my mother. And my sister. You left me alone, Alexos!" Evan's voice broke.

"Your father left me alone in the world." Alex kept his voice cold. He hadn't wanted to hurt Evan. But he had had to. "Without family, friends, or anyone to turn to."

"How?"

"My family went to the scaffold. I watched them die, Evan!" Alexos snarled.

"Who were they?"

There it was.

Come by it honestly I swear.

"The king." Alexos said softly. "Alistor. Margot. My brother, Aron." He opened his golden eyes, looking at Evan. Evan, the prince. Evan, whose father had stolen the throne from Alexos' father. Evan, the Kevran prince. Blue eyes, blonde hair, fair skin. And then there was Alexos. The ex-prince of Kaythin. Dark hair, golden eyes, olive skin.

Evan's face paled, and he stared, wide-eyed. "I thought…I didn't know you were…"

"You've never been the only prince in the castle." Alexos said coldly. It had hurt to go in Evan's rooms, because they used to be Aron's. Used to be his older brother's.

Thought you saw me wink, no I been on the brink so–

"Alex." Evan's voice was tortured.

–tell me what you want to hear.

"I still love you." Evan whispered. "Even after all you fucking did to my family…I still love you."

Something that'll light those ears.

Alexos closed his eyes. "Goddamnit, Evan." He breathed. "I love you too."

Sick of all the insincere.

"But…we can't…not anymore." Evan stood. His chair scraped across the floor, and Alexos knew what was coming. "I can't. The kingdom would never forgive it."

Alexos bowed his head, swallowing. He knows the order that Evan must now give.

I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

"Alexos Luther," Evan's voice trembled for a moment, "You are hereby sentenced to death for the murder of the royal family."

Alexos remains still and silent. He knew the price he would pay before he even lifted the sword to do the deed.

This time, don't need another perfect line.

I'm gonna give all my secrets away.

@ElderGod-kirky group

Have a drabble I did to reroute my brain from my shitty night and come up with ideas for story lore. There's one link because I just couldn't for the life of me figure out how to describe it the way I wanted.

Time For a Swim, Ya Greek Coward

The rolling waves of the Aegean Sea lapped at the sides of the rocking boat, pushing back and forth like a baby’s rocker. The waters were clear and shining, reflecting the shine of the sun with perfect brilliance for a day of swimming. The heat beat down in gentle waves, settling upon the skin like a soft blanket on a fall’s day.

Everything was perfect.

Except for this stubborn Greek dragon that refused to listen to her.

“I’m not going in, Kora,” Nikolas repeated, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared down at the fish-tailed sea nymph in the water. “You can’t make me, either.” He remained sitting on the edge of the boat, one leg dangling off the edge and foot just barely dangling over the water. He wasn’t even properly prepared for a swim, having only worn a tank top and sweatpants, and no swimming trunks to change into.

Koralia scoffed and crossed her own arms over her chest, webbed fingers clutching her shimmering and slightly greenish forearms. “I can and will make you, dragon. Your high status on the food chain means nothing to me. I outrank you with age and wisdom.”

“You tell yourself that,” Nikolas drawled, rolling his eyes even though his lips twitched up in amusement. He’s never seen Kora in her nymph form before, so it was quite startling, to say the least.

In certain lights, her skin would sometimes have a very faint sea-green tint to it, but it was nothing like how it was now. Her skin was lined with incredibly small scales and put off a clear tint that matched perfectly with the ocean water. The sun reflected off of them, creating small sparkles that twinkled and winked every now and again and gave her a young and childish look that she would instantly shatter with her mouth–as there were deadly needle-like fangs poking from her lips that matched the razor-sharp claws attached to webbed fingers. Her blue hair was soaked and plastered itself to her cheekbones and shoulders. From the waist down, her curvy hips led into a long and elegant tail with scales like that of a blue betta fish, some hints of soft green here and there. From where her thighs would be, small fins flared out and provided balance. A wide tail-fin swished back and forth beneath her, stirring the water nearly 10 feet below her.

Nikolas was so lost in his own thoughts that he barely had time to realize that Kora was getting impatient. He yelped as his arms were latched onto, and next thing he knew he was being dragged into the ocean. “KORA!” he shouted right before his head hit the surface.

Even as a child, he’s never felt the need to keep his eyes closed when he’s underwater. It was too beautiful to pass up the opportunity. Schools of fish did their dance beneath the waves, racing each other to oblivion and beyond. Coral clung to the edges, providing a magnitude of beauty, wonder, and life. Seaweed swayed to the music of the whales and gulls. He’s seen this all before, time and time again, but he couldn’t help himself as his eyes darted around, his body forgotten as he floated deeper and deeper down, the nymph’s grip on his wrist unrelenting.

“You have a third lid,” Kora noted as she studied the dragon in her grasp. The moment he had opened his eyes, she could see the near-invisible third lid slide into place to protect his eyes from the stinging salt-water. She watched Nikolas blink in confusion and finally look at her, then around them. He didn’t panic at the sight of going deeper, only confused and intrigued. She had a theory about the two Solar Dragons for years now, but had never had the opportunity to test it out until now. She wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity now that it’s in her hands–literally.

“I’m going to need you to trust me,” she said, the small slits along her neck flapping some to collect oxygen. Nikolas nodded, knowing to not speak lest he wastes his precious oxygen. Koralia wanted him to freak out, though. That was the only way his body would react the way she wanted it to.

She wanted him to drown.

Without further warning, she tightened her grasp on him with one hand and manipulated the water around them with the other. The ocean rushed to her command, forcing itself against the wide-eyed dragon and prying his mouth open.

Lungs rushed with water.
Blue eyes watched calculatingly.
Claws dug into skin.
Limbs thrashed.

A roar split through the ocean.

Koralia grinned brightly and darted away from the furious dragon now swimming after her, its iridescent scales reflecting the sun and water around it so it was practically invisible in the ocean. Large wings were replaced by fins used for direction. A long and lithe body perfectly built for speeding through the water. A tail tipped with four large fins, one pair layered over the other. Strong talons were connected by strong and clear skin ideal for treading water and tearing rock and muscle. More fins decorated the dragon’s cheeks, as well as the numerous spikes around its head and the four main curved horns.

Kora giggled to herself and danced through the ocean, feeling Nikolas hot on her tail. Her plan had worked.

The Solar Dragons were bred for opposition, natural enemies born of the natural cycle of life. The sun and the moon, daylight and darkness, calm and passion. . .

Air and water.

The sun’s always represented of being the high point of the world, whereas the moon is the lowest with the earth in the middle. Theresa was always going on about how much she loved flying, loved the thrill and feeling of power that came with it and Kora could remember seeing all of the sun dragons soaring in the sky like they were the queens of the world.

Nikolas, on the other hand, adored the water. He thrived in the depths, lived for the beauty. The moon dragons were almost never seen, either hidden away in their caves or never seen entirely. She had wondered why they were so elusive, why the sun dragons were seen during their time of the cycle while the moon dragons were not. Her theory had been that they sought the depths of the world, looked for the beauty of darkness.

Her home.

The nymph glanced back at the snapping dragon, catching the glint of true happiness and joy she found in his eyes. It was the same glint she found in Theresa’s eyes right after a flight.

This was his element.

I wonder if the sun dragon also has an alternate form. . .

Kora looked back in front of her and dived down suddenly, feeling the pull of the ocean as Nikolas did the same. Her lips pulled back, exposing her needle-like canines.

Only one way to find out.

@ElderGod-Icefire

Oh my lord.
That hit me so hard.

I love this piece of writing.
(Edit: It appears I was slightly late. Had just finished reading @Icefire's)

If this is about mine, thanks! If this is about Circe's, then… oops lol

@saor_illust school

Yeah aha that was about yours. I was checking some other threads while I was waiting for the reply to finish posting and then realized that Circe had posted something aha.