forum Your personal venting space.

Started January 17, 2019 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

uncontrollable giggles yess

Oof
Good one!

thank you. sometimes when i'm really angry i fantasize about this to calm myself down

That's a good tactic! I commend your emotional strength!

thank you

Okay, so, school story time-

So we were doing a random detective activity and I was the only one in all five of her classes to solve it and I did Sherlock’s hand motion and someone yelled “oh, teach, you just got Sherlocked,” and I just went “no you got Moriartyed. You know wh, Sherlock? Because I am you” and I made a new friend named John

Amazing

n ic e

Pinterest post: "Guide to Manipulation: If people think you sympathize with them, they'll tend to be more open to your suggestions."
Me, a kid who is and has been emotionally abused for several years and has a deadly fear of being manipulative in any way: hhhahA no thanks

Big oof

s i gh s

I wAnT tO dIe rn

Hello, it’s me, the site’s ball of wholesome that definitely isn’t an overdramatic mess.

I’ll get straight to the rant,
…I don’t know what happened, but my self-esteem has dropped a significant amount within the past few days. Usually this happens when someone publicly insults me or I make a serious mistake, but this time there’s not even that

I mean it, I actually don’t know why I feel so bad out of nowhere. I know I lie about that a lot but this time I seriously don’t know-
Maybe “that monthly time” is approaching and I’m just emotional…?

Well anyways, I’m slowly losing every scrap of confidence I had just a few days ago, and it’s mostly over my fear/worry/anxiety.
I’m so absolutely terrified that I’m going to regret everything I do in the future that I can’t even think.

Even the positive comments that normally make me happy to the point of tears are starting to hurt, I mean, they all seem to boil down to “Hey, you’re an absolute idiot who knows nothing about the real world but that’s okay, keep smiling, you wouldn’t want to waste the very last days of your happiness before reality comes along”…

I spent multiple years of my life in the mindset that the world is simply a cruel, awful place with no light to be seen, but after some time, I managed to convince myself that this universe is full of incredible things…

Was I wrong to change?
Am I really just a naive little idiot?
Is the world actually out to bring me down?
Will I end up regretting every smile, every laugh, every piece of my existence?
Are these going to be my last good days?
…Why won’t anyone answer me?
Do people really care?
Will I ever be free to enjoy my life?
Is this world so broken, so messed up that it’s impossible to be positive and not be seen as an annoying, naive idiot, or am I just really blind and people actually hate me for other reasons?
Am I overthinking stuff again?

If these boring, repetitive moments are going to be the best part of my entire life, I don’t want to keep living…

I don’t feel like myself, I’m losing my humor, my positivity, my ability to look in the mirror and think “Wow, I’m an awesome human being”, my ability to spend time with people I love and not feel completely drained… everything’s disappearing rapidly and I don’t know what to do about it.

But just like every one of my emotional problems, this will go away soon. I know it will. I’ll probably even recover from it by tomorrow, I just figured I’d vent in hopes of speeding up the process…

(This was all typed at 12 AM (two hours past my usual bedtime) while on a sugar rush and with a painful headache, so I apologize if nothing makes any flipping sense or I look like I’m on some sort of drugs.)

Hey, Ella.
Would you be so kind as to see me in pur PM?
It's important!

Not really a vent but…
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Okay I think I'm good now.

Same

Hello, it’s me, the site’s ball of wholesome that definitely isn’t an overdramatic mess.

I’ll get straight to the rant,
…I don’t know what happened, but my self-esteem has dropped a significant amount within the past few days. Usually this happens when someone publicly insults me or I make a serious mistake, but this time there’s not even that

I mean it, I actually don’t know why I feel so bad out of nowhere. I know I lie about that a lot but this time I seriously don’t know-
Maybe “that monthly time” is approaching and I’m just emotional…?

Well anyways, I’m slowly losing every scrap of confidence I had just a few days ago, and it’s mostly over my fear/worry/anxiety.
I’m so absolutely terrified that I’m going to regret everything I do in the future that I can’t even think.

Even the positive comments that normally make me happy to the point of tears are starting to hurt, I mean, they all seem to boil down to “Hey, you’re an absolute idiot who knows nothing about the real world but that’s okay, keep smiling, you wouldn’t want to waste the very last days of your happiness before reality comes along”…

I spent multiple years of my life in the mindset that the world is simply a cruel, awful place with no light to be seen, but after some time, I managed to convince myself that this universe is full of incredible things…

Was I wrong to change?
Am I really just a naive little idiot?
Is the world actually out to bring me down?
Will I end up regretting every smile, every laugh, every piece of my existence?
Are these going to be my last good days?
…Why won’t anyone answer me?
Do people really care?
Will I ever be free to enjoy my life?
Is this world so broken, so messed up that it’s impossible to be positive and not be seen as an annoying, naive idiot, or am I just really blind and people actually hate me for other reasons?
Am I overthinking stuff again?

If these boring, repetitive moments are going to be the best part of my entire life, I don’t want to keep living…

I don’t feel like myself, I’m losing my humor, my positivity, my ability to look in the mirror and think “Wow, I’m an awesome human being”, my ability to spend time with people I love and not feel completely drained… everything’s disappearing rapidly and I don’t know what to do about it.

But just like every one of my emotional problems, this will go away soon. I know it will. I’ll probably even recover from it by tomorrow, I just figured I’d vent in hopes of speeding up the process…

(This was all typed at 12 AM (two hours past my usual bedtime) while on a sugar rush and with a painful headache, so I apologize if nothing makes any flipping sense or I look like I’m on some sort of drugs.)

Have you talked to your parents/a therapist about this?

Nope. That's the first time I've said anything about it anywhere…
I know if I tell my parents they're either going to worry about me, give me excessive amounts of love/attention, refuse to allow me on this site, or blame themselves for everything. All of those outcomes would make me feel even worse and I don't think I can take that-
It'll be fine. it always is in the end, no matter how many of these little waves hit me I always bounce back even happier than ever, and I don't see why this one should be any different.

Okay, as long as you have it under control. If it keeps happening, though, you really should talk to someone you know irl because mood shifts like that can be symptoms for mental illnesses and stuff.
Just stay safe <3

I'll try!

I feel so attacked rn, my church pastor wants to have a "discussion" with me later about my recent "behavior". Tbh im really questioning if its because I have a girlfriend (I was born a female but am gender-fluid) or something else. My church has never shown signs of being homophobic but idk. :/

Welp, my mom going on a rant about how lazy and worthless I am sure didn't help anything…
internal screaming

I feel so attacked rn, my church pastor wants to have a "discussion" with me later about my recent "behavior". Tbh im really questioning if its because I have a girlfriend (I was born a female but am gender-fluid) or something else. My church has never shown signs of being homophobic but idk. :/

Oof… I wish you luck-

Welp, my mom going on a rant about how lazy and worthless I am sure didn't help anything…
internal screaming

yeets ur mom into the sun

AAGFCJGHJHJCGUYILHJLIPJKNIPJHVHGV I WENT OUTSIDE TO TRY AND CALM ME DOWN AND IT WAS WORKING FINE UNTIL THIS MASSIVE F-ING WASP LANDED ON MY ARM

I wasn't stung or anything, it flew away while I was screaming in terror, but yeah today is not going well