I FUCKING HATE LIFE. I HATE MY MOM AND I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE STRESS. I WILL BE BACK WITH EXPLANATION LATER.
So. Explanation Time:
I posted a rant a few days ago about my Cadet Corp's bad timing right? Well, I confirmed the timing for the Silver's Expedition, (A MANDATORY PO CHECK FOR ME TO PASS MY SILVER STAR YEAR) and it's on Mother's Day weekend.
I also know for a fact that my Corp has nothing to do with the timing, that's a regional decision, not theirs, so I don't blame them.
But my Mom. I fucking hate her right now. Like. Fury and pain. She said that I can't go if it's that weekend. Well it's that weekend. I've been working hard all year to pass my starlevel, and I can't go to a MANDATORY event, that I need to attend to pass.
So, I go to my officers, and I know for a fact that there's an alternate weekend for my peers who have team competition that weekend. I ask to go with them. Whoop-de-doo guess who gets to Miss my chance to see End-Game, my weekend with my Dad, and my sister's concert this weekend. Cause that's when the alternate is.
I tell my mom about all of this, and she's cool with it for all of five seconds. Then She has the FUCKING Nerve to GUILT TRIP me about missing my little sister's concert, (the one that I miss EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR) I felt bad enough, and then of course my sister had to go and make up lies about me not feeding them earlier and get me in more trouble.
I am tired from a bunch of fitness testing, so this is all recent. It was all I could do not to cry on the way home. (Yes I am crying and can barely see my screen right now..) What's worse is that I know I would've gotten in bigger trouble for crying on the way home.
I fucking hate this. I just got back on top and now everything's falling apart again.
EDIT: Another reason I'm feeling horrible is because I did really horribly on the fitness test, and I did't want to go anyway because I knew I wouldn't do well, but not only did I not do well, I did way below my self Standards.
I FUCKING HATE LIFE. I HATE MY MOM AND I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE STRESS. I WILL BE BACK WITH EXPLANATION LATER.
oh no, what's wrong?
ghhhhhhhhhh this is Complicated
i'm considering being fwb with a friend just because i haven't been with anyone since like july and i'm touch starved asf but i don't know exactly what my relationship with julian is. like yea we're technically just qpps but we literally talk abt kissing each other all the time and i've written several poems to and about him and he's gna write about me too and yesterday he hinted that he'd probably propose to me someday but i don't know how serious he was being
but also he's on the other goddamn side of the continent and he can't tend to my touch-starvedness and idk if it would be cheating but i also don't wanna ask him cuz then it might get weird and he's bad with this stuff i DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO??????
idk?? i'm not sure how to help, sorry :(
Oh, Starry, I'm so sorry, that's fucking terrible! You definitely don't deserve that!
Would you like to roleplay? Get your mind off it?
I FUCKING HATE LIFE. I HATE MY MOM AND I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE STRESS. I WILL BE BACK WITH EXPLANATION LATER.
So. Explanation Time:
I posted a rant a few days ago about my Cadet Corp's bad timing right? Well, I confirmed the timing for the Silver's Expedition, (A MANDATORY PO CHECK FOR ME TO PASS MY SILVER STAR YEAR) and it's on Mother's Day weekend.
I also know for a fact that my Corp has nothing to do with the timing, that's a regional decision, not theirs, so I don't blame them.
But my Mom. I fucking hate her right now. Like. Fury and pain. She said that I can't go if it's that weekend. Well it's that weekend. I've been working hard all year to pass my starlevel, and I can't go to a MANDATORY event, that I need to attend to pass.
So, I go to my officers, and I know for a fact that there's an alternate weekend for my peers who have team competition that weekend. I ask to go with them. Whoop-de-doo guess who gets to Miss my chance to see End-Game, my weekend with my Dad, and my sister's concert this weekend. Cause that's when the alternate is.
I tell my mom about all of this, and she's cool with it for all of five seconds. Then She has the FUCKING Nerve to GUILT TRIP me about missing my little sister's concert, (the one that I miss EVERY SINGLE FUCKING YEAR) I felt bad enough, and then of course my sister had to go and make up lies about me not feeding them earlier and get me in more trouble.
I am tired from a bunch of fitness testing, so this is all recent. It was all I could do not to cry on the way home. (Yes I am crying and can barely see my screen right now..) What's worse is that I know I would've gotten in bigger trouble for crying on the way home.
I fucking hate this. I just got back on top and now everything's falling apart again.
oh my god. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?
Not really… There's really not much I can do except ride it out..
Okay. I'm here for you anyway.
Also:
Another reason I'm feeling horrible is because I did really horribly on the fitness test, and I did't want to go anyway because I knew I wouldn't do well, but not only did I not do well, I did way below my self Standards.
Also:
Another reason I'm feeling horrible is because I did really horribly on the fitness test, and I did't want to go anyway because I knew I wouldn't do well, but not only did I not do well, I did way below my self Standards.
I know how thAt feels
To top it off my lungs are still sore from the running, as is my core, and shoulders…
My life is a big fucking mood.
I remember one day, I had done the one punch man workout, 100 pushups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and a 10-kilometer run, plus a lot of breaking boards, my body was still sore. These marines came over to do a whole Fitness thing with our class, and they specifically said if you were sore or couldn't do the exercise don't do it but I didn't listen and I came in dead last it was actually pretty embarrassing. Of course it all cleared up when I finally recovered, I got back to showing everyone who was boss.
I know for a fact I can do about 20 push ups, I got stopped at 5 cause My chest was touching the ground. (I am a girl, so… not like it was my choice!!)
I re-did it, trying not to go down all the way, but I had to stop at 7.
Oh, I believe I only did about like 20 that day.
I'm still disappointed in myself, I know I could've done better.
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