forum The Roodeness Shenanigans

Started May 27, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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Damn it I have been the first comment three pages in a row

Tell me what needs to improve

Spoiler - click to show.

"'Take off your underwear,' he said. This was a first. He had called me sexual insults like slut and whore and such since I was 8, but never this. I guess this was a tipping point for him. I resisted. He was angry now. He pinned me to the ground, and forcefully removed them. Then he put his… thing… inside me. I was in so much pain then.

"This would go on until I was 18 years old. It hurt so much. He kept calling me things like cunt, twat, dyke, etc while he… raped me. Then he… came inside of me. It was gross and weird. I hated it. Then he told me not to tell anyone or he would do it again. I didn't tell anyone, until I turned 18. It was terrible.

"I tried to kill myself. Twice. Everytime I attempted to kill myself, he would rape me. I felt like I didnt mean anything, like I was just a toy for pervs to use and look at. I hated myself. But at last, I found help."

Is "everything" too vague of an answer?

Maybe?

But like
She's not wrong

Tell me what needs to be improved instead of being vague

Tell me what needs to improve

Spoiler - click to show.

"'Take off your underwear,' he said. This was a first. He had called me sexual insults like slut and whore and such since I was 8, but never this. I guess this was a tipping point for him. I resisted. He was angry now. He pinned me to the ground, and forcefully removed them. Then he put his… thing… inside me. I was in so much pain then.

"This would go on until I was 18 years old. It hurt so much. He kept calling me things like cunt, twat, dyke, etc while he… raped me. Then he… came inside of me. It was gross and weird. I hated it. Then he told me not to tell anyone or he would do it again. I didn't tell anyone, until I turned 18. It was terrible.

"I tried to kill myself. Twice. Everytime I attempted to kill myself, he would rape me. I felt like I didnt mean anything, like I was just a toy for pervs to use and look at. I hated myself. But at last, I found help."

Is "everything" too vague of an answer?

Maybe?

But like
She's not wrong

Tell me what needs to be improved instead of being vague

Everything.

You ignored a lot of the stuff she said, so there's that right out of the gate.

Fuck it, its not that important in the story anyways.

?????

?????

^^^^^^

okay, this isn't going anywhere. dude, maybe the best solution is just not to include this scene– if it's important for her backstory, she can just say that she was raped or sexually abused as a teenager. but the way trauma works? people aren't going to step by step tell this stuff to anyone but a lawyer, therapist, counselor, or someone else who needs to know exactly what happened to help them. that's how healing works

I give up!

okay, this isn't going anywhere. dude, maybe the best solution is just not to include this scene– if it's important for her backstory, she can just say that she was raped or sexually abused as a teenager. but the way trauma works? people aren't going to step by step tell this stuff to anyone but a lawyer, therapist, counselor, or someone else who needs to know exactly what happened to help them. that's how healing works

Yeah i understand

Potato, I appreciate you trying to make this section better by asking for advice and help. I suggest you avoid writing the scene for a while. Maybe a couple months. Do some research, listen to people's stories. I don't think you're ready to write this story. Work on other projects for now to practice. There's nothing wrong with taking a break from that project to mature a little more.

Any problems about me that you have? Please go ahead say it

Potato, I appreciate you trying to make this section better by asking for advice and help. I suggest you avoid writing the scene for a while. Maybe a couple months. Do some research, listen to people's stories. I don't think you're ready to write this story. Work on other projects for now to practice. There's nothing wrong with taking a break from that project to mature a little more.

Thanks

Any problems about me that you have? Please go ahead say it

Stop looking for insults. You're just proving your immaturity even more, like you think we didn't already get the picture.

I’m staying out of this one despite that I too have a character that was sexually abused. I could help, but everything has already been said.
You shouldn’t really be writing for an audience older than yourself, especially since you’re underage, and if you do decide to write mature scenes like this then at least do your feckin research before diving in. If you can’t be bothered to research or it makes you uncomfortable then don't do it!!!!

listen to people's stories

^^^^^ this is proper research

Any problems about me that you have? Please go ahead say it

Stop looking for insults. You're just proving your immaturity even more, like you think we didn't already get the picture.

Im not. Im looking for areas of improvement that i myself am too blind to see

you can't call him potato that's circe's sister you guys

you can't call him potato that's circe's sister you guys

Its in my username tho?

I have some advice that took way to fucking long to write but i'm here

“It all started on that fateful day, the 9th of October, 2010.
As already stated, that opening is just. No. No one starts out a personal story like that, of any kind.

He told Allison to go to her room before he raped me. Her room, as I found out later, was 99.99% soundproof.
This just doesn't sit right at all, the first sentence and the second, but I'm not exactly sure what feels off to me about the first one. Just doesn't feel right. But the second one—that's such a weird statement?? No one says something like "99.99% soundproof." Rooms aren't generally soundproof in a normal house. Why is it only Allison's room that is soundproof? And just say 'mostly soundproof' instead of that weird wording. Percentages aren't generally thrown out like that.

"He told me to take off my pants. I did.
'Take off your panties,' he told me. I didn’t listen.
Why the strange cutoff? You don't need that kind of structure, just leave it in one paragraph.

I refused. He grabbed my panties and removed them forcefully. He pinned me to the ground, my back facing him. Then he… he… put his thing… inside of me. I felt violated, breached, worthless, nay less than worthless. I felt like nothing to anyone. I screamed, but nobody came. He called me bitch, cunt, slut, whore, dyke, twat, etc, every time he raped me.
Don't. Don't say panties. It's just gross. I get if her father said it and she's quoting him, but she wouldn't call them that. Too many adjectives, no one says "nay" in everyday speech, etc isn't needed, and even then, spell it out (etcetera) if you absolutely need it.

“All because I got a D in English class. He did this to me every time I got a bad grade or misbehaved. I misbehaved and got bad grades often because I didn’t see a reason to do good. There wasn’t any reason to. I screamed everytime he did it.
None of this makes sense to me? A victim of abuse wouldn't actively try to do what brings their abuse. They'd do everything in their power to keep it from happening. The fact that you put "There wasn't any reason to" is just absolute bullshit.

“Finally, it ended. I was 16, sophomore year. Allison, one day for some reason, came down to see what was happening. My father was at it once again. She was disgusted and shocked when she saw what was happening. She tackled him down and kept him down. I was able to pull my pants and panties up. Allison called the police and had him on the ground until police arrived and arrested him. He went to jail, and went to court. He was proved guiltly of 3 years of rape and pedophilia, and was sentenced to life with no parole.
Allison, presumably, should've been locked in her room, and if not, then wouldn't the father've locked the door to the room that he's in with her. Again, eradicate the word panties from this. It's awful. Logically, unless he lacked in the strength department or Allison hits the gym regularly, a woman wouldn't be able to knock down and keep down a man, especially a teenager. And if he was so weak to be kept down by her, then wouldn't Rachel have the ability to fight him off?

And a general thing to say for this entire thing.
D E S C R I P T I O N
A character would be moving and feeling things while talking. Take breaks from the paragraphs of dialogue to describe what the character is doing and feeling, not just a single sentence talking about how she's crying at the very end. That won't cut it. The massive block of dialogue doesn't flow right, you gotta weave descriptions in there to let the reader connect with the character, to feel her pain.

And no fucking victim is going to open up to someone nagging them to talk about their abuse. It's traumatizing to them, and no person is going to want to talk about something like that unless it's on their own terms. If you nag, you are the worst kind of person and should be hit in the shins with a bike pedal. Repeatedly.

you can't call him potato that's circe's sister you guys

Its in my username tho?

But it is my sister's whole username and what everyone generally knows her as
So you are forbidden from being called potato, however much I dislike her

you can't call him potato that's circe's sister you guys

Its in my username tho?

it's in hers too dude and she was here before you. therefore, she has first claim to the nickname

you can't call him potato that's circe's sister you guys

Its in my username tho?

And Potato is is all of hers. And I happen to like her a lot more.

Any problems about me that you have? Please go ahead say it

Stop looking for insults. You're just proving your immaturity even more, like you think we didn't already get the picture.

Im not. Im looking for areas of improvement that i myself am too blind to see

Whatever you have to tell yourself, buster :/

personally it's nothing against you dude, it's just confusing for too many people to go by the same nickname