Not to interrupt, but I'm going to live this here before I'm offline for a while.
I'm kinda low-key questioning my gender. Well, maybe not gender, but more so my thoughts on my gender. This is a safe space, so I'll just spew here.
I was thinking back to my childhood days. When I was a kid, I always thought "when I grow up I'll be a girl," and now I'm realizing most girls that age might've already felt like girls. I never subscribed to gender-norms (which isn't that big a deal, plenty of tom-boys out there), never felt like "one of the girls", never liked playing boys vs. girls because I didn't identify as one of them. But at the same time, I knew I wasn't a boy. I thought, and please someone tell me if this is a common experience for cis folk, that you were you, and everyone else was either a boy or girl. You were kind of on the outside of gender looking in and sorting other people, but you never categorized yourself. Now I'm wondering if that was more of a me thing.
Puberty came along, which made me feel a little more woman-y, but didn't change much. Locker rooms became a thing, and I hated the idea of being seen by women while undressing as well as seeing other women undressing. I think if I were in a men's locker room I'd feel the same way. When it comes to public bathrooms, sometimes I feel weird going in, like I'll get "caught" or I'm doing something wrong. I like using family restrooms better.
I came across the term agender a long time ago and thought "understandable". When I heard of the non-binary community, I kind-of-but-not-really was like "yeah, these are my people." I only recently came across the term grey-gender, which was the first domino leading to this rant. It basically means you feel indifferent/don't have a strong sense of gender.
I'm pretty sure I'm a cis woman, but, if this makes sense, how much of a cis woman? If everyone had a gender meter, I think mine would be close to empty, but the only gender you'd find is cis girl. Being a girl isn't that important to me. I know I don't identify as a boy. I'm not trans. So now I'm stuck with the question, is it possible to be cis and have a non-binaryish identity? It might also be worth noting I've never experienced gender-body dysphoria, but based on all those experiences I would say I experience some social discomfort regarding my gender (but it could be just the world's view on women influencing my feelings).
Gender is a complicated experience dude. This be whack. If anyone has opinions on these experiences/thoughts, please share them.
