"You know I've always though I would make a great gay man, I'm just not into guy's"
(Is that like John Mulaney saying "Y'know, I always figured I'd be gay. I'm like, 90% gay, but when they were making me, the angel forgot to flip a switch or something. 'Oh no, I forgot to press this button, that's going to be a very silly person down there.'")
“Nothing, and I mean nothing, tickles my tuba like a Brazilian war monkey.”
(I hate high school)
(Kinda we were just in the middle of class the the teacher just said that out of nowhere)
“I will set your dot book on fire.”
"I. Am. SOGGY!"
“Nothing, and I mean nothing, tickles my tuba like a Brazilian war monkey.”
(I hate high school)
PLEASE give me context, I'm dying in my chair.
I DONT KNOW I'M SORRY
ALL I KNOW IS THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT BRAZILIAN WAR MONKEYS
I REALLY DONT KNOW
AND IM WAY TOO SCARED TO ASK
"that cat looks like the zodiac killer"
"Why are you getting so close for? I already moisturized my face, your breath doesn't need to do the job for me."– (i will not name)
"No, Jacob, the zodiac killer doesn't kill stars."
"Then what does he kill? He's the zodiac killer, so-"
"JACOB. HE KILLS PEOPLE."
I love that.
-from a very dramatic social studies class
After getting stapled on their hand
"This is not an ideal situation to be in." (with the most monotone voice you could imagine)
"MY FUCKING PINAPPLE JUICE SPILLED AND NOW I'M SAD."
"Yeah but we have giant stone heads! Do I see any giant stone heads on your side? I didn't think so!"
Teacher: "If you could go any were in the world where would you-"
Student 1: "Ireland!" Pointed glance at person 2 It's fantastic"
Student 2: "Iceland!"
Teacher is confusion
Student 2: "Student 1 and I have this thing where we argue over witch one is bet-"
Student 1: "AN ARGUMENT THAT I HAVE WON ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS."
Me, T-posing after doing Junko Posess for five minutes
My friend, holding his hands like a cross: GeT aWaY
Me: UwU
"Do elephants lay eggs?" While staring deadpan at the teacher.
"why do we have to show what we did on our papers? I can't explain my thought process. Do we have to show our work on taxes?! I want a potato."- my brother
Waving around an Algebra test which I got a hundred on. "Magic does fucking exsist Bitch!"
NICE
Winning a Kahoot with a near-perfect streak BOOM! I AM FULL OF FRICKIN' MAGIC TODAY!
Everyone else: having to play assigned Kahoots several times
Me: is getting prefects on first tries
Me: I'm the freaking god of chemistry.
Me, reading something over my friends shoulders: Ah yes, the daddy kink but reversed.
Her: Where did you come from?!
Me: Hell
My friend: wednesday
Everyone else in my tutorial: dying of laughter