OH MY GODS I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE I LOVE HER

A group of dudes me and my friends were walking past: “Autobots, roll out!”

YES TRANSLATOR FAILSSSSSS

At Kroger, sometime between 9:30 and 10:00 (loudly)
"They went to B&B?! What are they getting?"
"I don't know they won't tell me!"
"Shit my mom wants me home! We still need gas!"
"Heck! Hurry!"
"THE GAS STATION IS FARTHER FROM HIS HOUSE!"
"don't kill us"
"Don't tempt me"
"They got three bags of marshmallows. Three!"
-some highlights that were funnier in person, probably because I was tired

"Ah yes. Then they do, in fact, smack" - My history teacher as we were teaching him slang and talking about pupusas

"I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you this, but the class before you said that the farmers were…'thirsty'?"- My Honors English teacher who doesn't know much slang, discussing Of Mice and Men for class.
Cue us scrambling to explain what 'thirsty' means without being too PG-13

"These are my knuckles, leave them alone!"

“That song really claps cheeks, if you know what I mean!”
“I will break your neck if you say that again.”

A bunch of girls made a pact that if their crush rejects them, all of them don't date him. Most solid girl alliance ever.

Sounds like the plot of an episode of every tween girl tv show ever. Never turns out well. Don't date in high school. Or like, ever. That's good too (sorry if that sounded rude. I'm in a crap mood and tired)

Yea gotta say dating in high school is just drama waiting to happen.

Dating in general is just drama waiting to happen

PREACH

LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK

Dating in general is just drama waiting to happen

"All boobs are great, woman boobs, man titties, I like all of em'"

-not from school but from a slightly intoxicated friend of my dads while he was at the bar

"If I could express my anger this place would be no more"

So most of these were during my sophomore year of high school-

My friend to my English teacher: "Can I gayify you?" (he said yes. then he was bathed in glitter. ill never forget that moment when my badass English teacher allowed me and my friend to pour glitter on him.)

"Here comes the croissant, bITCH"

My friend: "If you have 3 apples and you give one to John, how many do you have?"
"5?" -me, after taking 7 tests in one day

Me: "Haha, you've got one bad habit, you know."
Friend: "What is i-"
Me: "BrEaThInG." Frantically leaves room

"If you don't stop eating thoSE CHIPS I WILL EAT YOUR DOG"
some random kid: "jeez dude"

My horticulture teacher: "Is that parsley or dill?"
(Dumb) Kid: "I dunno"
"iS THAT PARSLEY OR DILL"
"I don-"
"IS THAT PARSLEY OR DILL" proceeds to have a mini mental breakdown

"This is the quietest group of back to school kids ive ever seen. I mean, y'all look like you're going off to be tortured." -some parent at the bus stop
"We are." -me in my head

There are these annoying ass sixth grade girls talking loudly IN THE BACK of the bus and I'm going to slap both of them. They need to shut up and go to the front

"How bout we not smoke in here."

"You know I've always though I would make a great gay man, I'm just not into guy's"