forum For the Old *18+ Chat*

Started January 30, 2019 by @Dragoncita group

tune

Do you live at home?

I'm at college, but I live at home during breaks and over the summer. (And to clarify, it's not just personal misalignment of values and beliefs. She's straight up disrespectful… and not just to me.)

I sort of feel. Is moving out an option?

As much as I'd like to, no. I'm not financially stable and I'm in no position to get a real job.

Have you tried having a talk with her?

A brutally honest conversation needs to happen. It may not work out for the best, but at least the feelings will be out there for everyone to know and chew over.

I tried to open up to her a little more about some little things the other night and she got extremely mad and I made it clear she was making me feel bad and I literally had to hang up because she kept hounding me and I was about to break down.
And also every time I say that I'm hurt/offended/otherwise unhappy with something she says, no matter how gently I approach it, she either says that I'm attacking her or complains about how she can't say what she wants to in her own home.
So I haven't had a whole talk with her about it, and for these reasons, I'm afraid to.

Yeah, y'all are probably right. I'm just afraid I'm going to get shut down again.

Oh I feel. Yeah. I don't see any options besides putting up a facade and waiting to get out.

Yeah, that's basically what I've been doing. I do know, however, that I have my dad's support, so I can always try to talk and bank on that, and just hope things go okay.

You reckon you can talk to the dad and have him talk to the mom? I realize it would probably end up with pain but I'm asking.

Nah, they kind of hate each other, but I can count on his understanding at a minimum and things don't work out. Also I think I'm the one who needs to have the conversation, or no one at all.

Yikes.
That sounds reasonable.

Put it this way, if she does something with legal or heavy moral ramifications, get the rest of the family on the line (preferably on your dad's side, he seems chill). You should only ever do this if she does something that affects your physical or mental wellbeing (medical treatment, paying for things or denying things w/o your consent, etc.) and tries to pull the Mother Knows Best card.

But yeah, thanks for the advice. It has helped confirm what I think I already knew I needed to do. I'm just reasonably nervous, you know?

sigh I know what you mean.

parental anxiety is no joke.

Yeah, I was going to finally work up the guts to bring it up over thanksgiving break, but then I had that awful phone call a couple of days ago.
On the one hand, I think texting my mom about it all is a bad idea, but on the other hand, I'm convinced it's the only way she won't talk over me.

I wish I knew the answers.

Maybe you could write it all out in a letter? That way she can't talk over you and it shows that it was important enough for you to put in the effort of writing things out. Also, it will force you to make a well structured and thought through argument, which will be harder for her to shoot down in the long run. One thing I used to do when writing letters to my parents on stuff is try to see things from their perspective, and then argue the flaws I saw in their perspective specifically. It sort of acknowledges you tried to understand where she is coming from, but at the same time still drives home your points.
Oh, maybe give her the letter in person. That way you can avoid her saying she never received it or something.

That’s not a bad idea, I’ll consider it. I have like 2 weeks to figure it out for now