forum Incorrect Quotes 2: Electric Boogaloo

Started July 17, 2020 by @HighPockets group

tune

Mabel: What do you call breaking and entering?
Ira: A hobby.
Mabel:
Ira:…that I do not engage in.

Ira: Then I jumped from the second story unscathed.
Mabel: You are bleeding in a dozen different places.
Ira: I jumped from the second story slightly scathed.

Prof. Alden: Penny for your thoughts?
Algernon: My thoughts are worth ten dollars apiece.

Victor: What is your cat's name?
Calvin: Merv.
Victor, to Max: Try "Merv".
Max, on Calvin's computer: It didn't work.
Calvin:
Victor: What is your favorite number?

Michael: Ace of spades.
Jacob: Uno, draw four.
Barry: Pikachu, I choose you!
Tobias: What game are you even playing?
Eliza, loading a gun: Russian Roulette.

Mabel: Did you eat my powdered donuts?
Ira, muffled: No.
Mabel: Then what's that white powder on your coat?
Ira:…cocaine. Spilled on it during raid last night.

Emmett: What do you call breaking and entering?
Quill: A hobby.
Emmett:
Quill: …that I do not engage in.

Quill: What's your cat's name?
Anthony: Colonel Mustard.
Quill, to Elliot: Try "ColonelMustard".
Elliot, on Anthony's computer: It didn't work.
Anthony:
Quill: What's your favorite number?

Felix: Penny for your thoughts?
Elliot: My thoughts are worth ten dollars apiece.

Sybil: I really like this whole ‘good cop, bad cop’ act you guys have going on.
Freddy: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Ozzie isn’t

Eshaal: I'm too young for my parents to let me travel by myself and too old to eat off the kids' menu. What a stupid fucking age I am.

Sparrow: Hey, Thad! How are you today?
Thaddeus: Please don't make me think about my own life.

Eshaal: Don't worry, I'm sure you know exactly what you're doing. Everything will be fine!
Selene: How can you still say that?
Eshaal: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

Jeb: So are you and Shea going out or what?
Bianca: She's an asset for the mission.
Jeb: You're avoiding the question.

Avon: What do you call breaking and entering?
Midge: A hobby.
Avon:
Midge: …that I do not engage in.

Midge: Then I jumped from the second story unscathed.
Hammy: You are bleeding in a dozen different places.
Midge: I jumped from the second story slightly scathed.

Bruce: Penny for your thoughts?
Vaughn: My thoughts are worth ten dollars apiece.

Tobias: What is your cat's name?
Millie: Bel.
Tobias, to Eshaal: Try "Bel".
Eshaal, on Millie's computer: It didn't work.
Millie:
Tobias: What is your favorite number?

Felix: Ace of spades.
Abel: Uno, draw four.
Shea: Pikachu, I choose you!
Paisley: What game are you even playing?
Rhyda, loading a gun: Russian Roulette.

Dahlia: Did you eat my powdered donuts?
Midge, muffled: No.
Dahlia: Then what's that white powder on your coat?
Midge: …cocaine.

Giles: I really like this whole ‘good cop, bad cop’ act you guys have going on.
Jack: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m nice and Kane Arachnid isn’t.

Quill: Wow, Mr. Croce looks intense! I wonder what he's listening to.
Felix: Oh, probably something pretentious and classical.
Anthony's headphones: Blasting "Toxic" by Britney Spears

Anthony: We're going out in public. I expect you to be on your best behavior.
Dally, to Quill: Yeah, kid. Listen to the detective.
Anthony: I was talking to you.

Anthony: Kid, do you know why I hired you?
Quill: I assumed you lost a bet.

Felix: It's amazing how insignificant humanity really is.
Felix: Not me, though. I'm the main character.

Dally: I'll have a beer and she'll have a Capri-Sun.
Quill: Dally, I'm not a kid.
Quill: I can order my own Capri-Sun.

Elliot: Love isn't real.
Ophelia: You’re literally making Valentine's cards for all your friends right now.
Elliot, pointing a glue gun at her: You’re on thin fucking ice.

Anthony: Felix, we can't let you do this.
Felix: And how exactly do you plan to stop me?
Quill: We're gonna call Chell.
Felix:

Dally, waking up: Where am I?
Anthony, sarcastically: Heaven.
Dally: Oh.
Dally: Didn't think either of us would be here, to be honest.

Eshaal: Wow, Vaughn looks intense! I wonder what he's listening to.
Tobias: Oh, probably something incomprehensible and metal.
Vaughn's headphones: [Blasting "Take On Me" by A-ha]

Emily: We're going out in public. I expect you to be on your best behavior.
Tania, to Dominic: Yeah, kid. Listen to the detective.
Emily: I was talking to you.

Tania: Do you know why I hired you?
Elias: I assumed you lost a bet.

Shea: It's amazing how insignificant humanity really is.
Shea: Not me, though. I'm the main character.

Cecil: I'll have a beer and he'll have a Capri-Sun.
Vaughn: Dad, I'm not a kid.
Vaughn: I can order my own Capri-Sun.

Paisley: Love isn't real.
Grace: You’re literally making Valentine's cards for all your friends right now.
Paisley, pointing a glue gun at her: You’re on thin fucking ice.

Grace: Felix, we can't let you do this.
Felix: And how exactly do you plan to stop me?
Rhyda: We're gonna call Drew.
Felix:

Kane Arachnid: Where am I?
Jack, sarcastically: Heaven.
Kane Arachnid: Oh.
Kane Arachnid: Didn't think either of us would be here, to be honest.

Harper: Wow, Beck looks intense! I wonder what he's listening to.
Casey: Probably something pretentious and classical.
Beck's headphones: Blasting "Jesus of Suburbia" by Green Day

Ceza: We're going out in public. I expect you to be on your best behavior.
J.B., to Carey: Yeah, kid. Listen to the general.
Ceza: I was talking to you.

Joel: Kid, do you know why my boss sent you with me?
Ernesto: I assumed you lost a bet.

Silvie: Tereza, we can't let you do this.
Tereza: And how exactly do you plan to stop me?
Aubrey: We're gonna call Lydia.
Tereza:

Gia, waking up: Where am I?
Babs, sarcastically: Heaven.
Gia: Oh.
Gia: Didn't think either of us would be here, to be honest.

Matthias, about Reginald: He's trying to upset me by having a closer relationship with my son than I do, but the joke's on him because he doesn't know just how little I care for Edgar.

Babs: I owe you a favor, and it can be anything you want.
Zuzu: Anything?
Babs: Yeah, anything.
Zuzu: Can you explain to me how a fridge works? Like how does it stay cold?

Isolt: We're having the best time, aren't we?
Byron: I wish I was dead.

Babs: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Gia: And…?
Babs: And you are.

(Accidentally deleted and had to try and remember all the new ones 😭)

Ophelia: I owe you a favor, and it can be anything you want.
Quill: Anything?
Ophelia: Yeah, anything.
Quill: Can you explain to me how a fridge works? Like, how does it stay cold?

Felix: We're having the best time, aren't we?
Anthony: I wish I was dead.

Claire: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Quill: And…?
Claire: And you are.

Emmett: I'm not looking for any trouble.
Dally: What a horrible way to live.

Felix: It's not the end of the world to have feelings.
Anthony: Well, no, but it's certainly up there.

Elliot in elementary school: You probably don't want to befriend me. My mom says I'm a handful.
Quill, excitedly: I have two hands!

Elliot: You better start waving your white flag now, Claire!
Claire: The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
Elliot: …Jesus, dude.

Quill: You know, Mr. Croce, you may be single and childless, but you're totally a dorky dad.
Anthony: I don't think I like your tone, young lady.

Tabitha: You tricked me!
The Director: I deceived you, Miss Meyer. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.

Leonardo: I owe you a favor, and it can be anything you want.
Midge: Anything?
Leonardo: Yeah, anything.
Midge: Can you explain to me how a fridge works? Like, how does it stay cold?

Sparrow: We're having the best time, aren't we?
Thaddeus: I wish I was dead.

Kane Arachnid: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Jack: And…?
Kane Arachnid: And you are.

Hammy: I'm not looking for any trouble.
Midge: What a horrible way to live.

Grace: It's not the end of the world to have feelings.
Drew: Well, no, but it's certainly up there.

Midge, after almost running Howie over with their scooter: You probably don't want to befriend me. The police twll me I'm a handful.
Howie, totally stoned: I have two hands.

Tao, playing cards: You better start waving your white flag now, Iseul!
Iseul: The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
Tao: …Jesus, dude.

Sparrow: You know, Thad, you may be single and childless, but you're totally a dorky dad.
Thaddeus: I don't think I like your tone, kid.

Ransom: It’s time to turn this into a real business.
Midge: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Hammy: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?
Dahlia: I handle our accounting.

Dominic: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?
Kane Arachnid and Jack: No.
Dominic: Didn't think so.

Sparrow: Sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Elias: I'll offer you some friendly advice-
Tania: I don't want your advice.
Elias: Well, then consider it unfriendly advice.

Felix: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.
Shea: Being a fish.
Felix: Well, shit.

Paisley: I can't imagine what Abel is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Bruce: I don't like you.
Selene: What did you say?
Bruce: You heard me!
Selene, internally: And it turns out I actually didn't hear what the fuck you just said.

Grace: Is there something you'd like to say to Abel?
Bianca: Oh, there's several things I want to say to Abel–

Abel: Rhyda won’t wake up, what do I do?
Shea: Did you try kicking her?
Abel: Yes.
Shea: I’m out of ideas.

Jeb: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.
Bianca: Fuck that, I’m not kissing any of you.
[Shea walks in]
Bianca: Fine, I’ll do it.

Paisley: You disgust me.
Abel: [eating a kitkat sideways] I realize this and don’t care.

Howie: I don’t remember that.
Avon: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door?
Howie: No.
Avon: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles?
Howie: No.
Avon: It was in between those two things.

Geneva: It’s time to turn this into a real business.
Jackson: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Max: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?
Morgan: I handle our accounting.

Vassa: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?
Dara and Paterman: No.
Vassa: Didn't think so.

Algernon: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.
Launce: Being a fish.
Algernon: Well, shit.

Mabel: I can't imagine what Ira is planning, but I can tell you two things: we won't like it and it won't be legal.

Alden: Is there something you'd like to say to Algernon?
Klaus: Oh, there's several things I want to say to Algernon–

Luc: I don’t remember that.
Skye: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door?
Luc: No.
Skye: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles?
Luc: Also no.
Skye: It was in between those two things.

Anthony: It’s time to turn this into a real business.
Quill: What do you mean? Like, carry a briefcase, and wear a tie, and pay taxes?
Anthony: Wait, have you not been paying your taxes?

Ophelia: Do you guys ever have a civilized conversation that doesn't require insulting each other every time you get a chance?
Elliot and Claire: No.
Ophelia: I figured.

Cyrus: Is there something you'd like to say to Dally?
Anthony: Oh, there's several things I want to say to Dame–

Cyrus: I don’t remember that.
Anthony: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door?
Cyrus: No.
Anthony: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles?
Cyrus: Also no.
Anthony: It was in between those two things.

Bram: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

Elias: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

Eshaal: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Vaughn: You need to stop.

Abel: Sorry I'm late, I was doing things.
Paisley, running in out of breath: They pushed mE DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS.

Grace: So what do you do?
Asher: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers.
Grace: Wow, impressive.
Asher: Then I'll move on to Leos.

Vaughn: Dad, I’m asexual.
Cecil:
Cecil, internally: Oh god. Okay. I can be supportive. I can tell him I’m demisexual as well. Yeah. Be supportive. Let him know he’s not alone. This is your chance to be the best dad ever, Cecil–
Cecil: Hm.
Cecil, internally: Fuck.

Felix: Trauma? Oh, you mean the reason I'm fucking hilarious?

Midge: Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.

Hammy: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Midge: Forty exclamation points in a row, and it's pronounced like a person screaming.

Dominic: I dunno maybe the horrors would be less daunting if we were holding hands
Jack: With each other or with the horrors?

Howie: Aw man, we can’t go in here, it says 18+, and there’s only two of us.
Midge: Hold on, I'm inviting everyone we know–

Rune: Another decade has passed and guess who’s still here? The moon. She’s always been here and she’ll always be. She’s a loyal friend to all of us– Say thank you moon.

Quill: Mr. Croce, I think I might be aro-ace.
Anthony:
Anthony, internally: Oh, god. Okay. I can be supportive. I can tell her I’m asexual as well. Yeah. Be supportive. Let her know she’s not alone. This is your chance to be a good mentor, Anthony–
Anthony: Hm.
Anthony, internally: Fuck.

Elliot: Sorry I'm late, I was doing things.
Ophelia, out of breath: He pushed me down the FUCKING STAIRS.

Dally, sitting in the county jail: What about my Miranda rights? They're supposed to say 'You have the right to remain silent'! Nobody said I had the right to remain silent!
Anthony, sitting next to him: You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Anthony: Jesus, Quill, what happened to you? You're bleeding everywhere!
Quill, who was wrestling a racoon ten minutes ago: …I went monster hunting.

Anthony: Oh, so I'm just supposed to 'enjoy good things' that happen instead of being constantly terrified that they'll turn to dust in my hands?!

Dally: The thing is, Mr. Poole…I'm trans.
Joey:
Joey, internally: Oh, God. Okay. I can be supportive. I can tell him I’m trans as well. Yeah. Be supportive. Let him know he’s not alone. This is your chance to be a good mentor, Joey–
Joey: Hm.
Joey, internally: Fuck.

Caspar, sitting in the county jail: What about my Miranda rights? They're supposed to say 'You have the right to remain silent'! Nobody said I had the right to remain silent!
Ira, sitting next to him: You have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity.

Robert: Jesus, Clyde, what happened to you? You're bleeding everywhere!
Clyde, who was wrestling a raccoon ten minutes ago: …I went monster hunting.

Beck: Oh, so I'm just supposed to 'enjoy good things' that happen instead of being constantly terrified that they'll turn to dust in my hands?!

Everett: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

Martha: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Victor: You need to stop.

Jane: Dad, I’m transgender.
Robert:
Robert, internally: Oh God. Okay. I can be supportive. I can tell her I’m bisexual and that I'll help her with whatever she needs. Yeah. Be supportive. Let her know she’s not alone. This is your chance to be the best dad ever, Robert–
Robert: Hm.
Robert, internally: Fuck.

Henry: If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Jackson: Forty exclamation points in a row, and it's pronounced like a person screaming.

Clyde: I dunno, maybe the horrors would be less daunting if we were holding hands
Jane: With each other or with the horrors?

Barry: Aw man, we can’t go in here, it says 18+, and there’s only two of us.
Jacob: Hold on, I'm inviting everyone we know–

Theo: Another decade has passed and guess who’s still here? The moon. She’s always been here and she’ll always be. She’s a loyal friend to all of us–say thank you moon.

Kathy: out of nowhere i wanna chop that woman’s head off-
Jay: stares at kathy ITS A FUCKING MANNEQUIN-

Buba: …why is that man trying to talk to me?
Kathy: kiddo- it’s a tv show…
Buba: hes still talking to me. I dont even know him!

Kathy: ok ima just head out.
Goi: nu uh. Dinners almost ready and I don’t want mud and blood in the kitchen.

Officer Bauer: Your nephew got into a fight at school today.
Emma: Did he win?

Paul: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.
Beck: Gwen said one time when you were kids she saw you kick someone down the stairs for saying Hemingway was a better writer than Fitzgerald.
Paul: Exactly. That was my battle. So be kind.

Victor: Someone studying atomic structure is really just a bunch of atoms trying to understand themselves.
Geneva: I swear you're going to be the reason I start smoking again.

Clive: How do I ask a guy out?
Sybil: It's simple. You open the door and say “get out, you’re bothering me.”

Caspar: Ira has only knocked me out three times this week. I think our friendship is really developing.

Helsie, about Mikhail: What if I murdered him–hypothetically speaking.
Sal: Aren't you a pacifist?
Helsie: Yes, I'm about to pass a fist through his face.

Ira, trying to "be less intense" by making a joke: Did you hear about the recently deceased Italian chef?
Joey: Yeah, he was my uncle.
Ira:
Ira: Did not know that. Meant to be the set-up to a joke.
Joey: Okay, finish it.
Ira:….he pasta way.

Geo: oh great here we go again-
Kathy: what-?
Geo: curls up in a ball mental breakdown-
Kathy:
Kathy: let me join you-

Buba: screams from other room
Everyone in the household: rushes in and says in unison WHATS WRONG?!
Buba: laughing hysterically I just wanted to see how many people would come running-
Everyone:

Miss Park: Your son got into a fight at school today.
Cecil: Did he win?

Dahlia: Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind.
Hammy: Killian said one time when you were kids she saw you kick someone down the stairs for saying Chanel was a better brand than Hermes.
Dahlia: Exactly. That was my battle. So be kind.

Eshaal: Someone studying atomic structure is really just a bunch of atoms trying to understand themselves.
Vaughn: I swear you're going to be the reason I start going through a pack a day.

Rune: How do I ask a girl out?
Sparrow: It's simple. You open the door and say “get out, you’re bothering me.”

Holden: Sid has only knocked me out three times this week. I think our friendship is really developing.

Grace, about Donovan: What if I murdered him–hypothetically speaking.
Drew: Aren't you a pacifist?
Grace: Yes, I'm about to pass a fist through his face.

Midge: Did you hear about the recently deceased Italian chef?
Leonardo: Yeah, he was my uncle.
Midge:
Midge: Whoops. Did not know that. Meant to be the set-up to a joke.
Leonardo: Okay, finish it.
Midge: ….he pasta way.

Principal Huron: Your daughter Quill got into a fight at school today.
Mr. Cardenas: Did she win?

Cyrus: Did you hear about the recently deceased Italian chef?
Anthony: Yeah, he was my uncle.
Cyrus:
Cyrus: Did not know that. Meant to be the set-up to a joke.
Anthony: Okay, finish it.
Cyrus: …He pasta way.

Quill: California girls, we're inconsolable!
Quill: Dreams of doom, the visions won't stop!

Elliot: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Emmett: Remember, Ms. Cardenas, curiosity killed the cat.
Jacque: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So go find out if that thing can catch fire, Quill!
Emmett: You're a terrible influence.
Jacques: And you don't know your sayings.

Felix: As they say, 'It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield.'
Elliot: Opposite over hypotenuse.
Elliot: Dipshit.

Cyrus: Ant isn’t answering my calls.
Dally: Here, I'll try.
Cyrus: I called eight times, what makes you thi-
Anthony, picking up immediately: What the hell do you want?

Felix, to Jacques: Wow, left-handed and French? You really are an illusion.

Anthony: God, I'm tired.
Felix: You get three hours of sleep a night, why are you surprised?
Anthony: Oh, I'm not surprised. I just want to complain about it.

Opal: California girls, we're inconsolable!
Opal: Dreams of doom, the visions won't stop!

Killian: Hey, quick question. How petty am I allowed to be?

Drew: Remember, Sid, curiosity killed the cat.
Abel: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So go find out if that thing can catch fire, Sid!
Drew: You're a terrible influence.
Abel: And you don't know your sayings.

Haru: As they say, 'It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield.'
Tao: Opposite over hypotenuse.
Tao: Dipshit.

Tao: Terbish isn’t answering my calls.
Iseul: Here, I'll try.
Tao: I called eight times, what makes you thi-
Terbish, picking up immediately: What the hell do you want?

Elias, to Jack: Wow, left-handed and French? You really are an illusion.

Vaughn: God, I'm tired.
Tobias: You get three hours of sleep a night, why are you surprised?
Vaughn: Oh, I'm not surprised. I just want to complain about it.