forum free character critiques (closed temporarily)
Started by @WriteOutofTime
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@WriteOutofTime

Could you possibly critique my poor baby Alvina?
Here is her link: Alvina Grey
I only created her a little while ago, so I haven't let anyone look at her yet.

Hello, I am finally here to critique your character! Since she's so young, it'll be an interesting challenge to critique her…yay. Here we go:

Looks
Her appearance is fine, except for one little nit-pick. Under identifying marks, you have "Hair, eyes", which doesn't really make sense. An identifying mark should set her apart from others. Most people have hair and eyes. Is there anything about her appearance that, if she was in a line up of a bunch of brunette six-year-olds, could set her apart from them?

Nature
Mannerisms are okay, but kinda basic. Most little girls do the things you've described. Does she have any mannerisms unique to her? Her motivation is super vague. I mean, most kids don't have some grand motivation, but still consider expounding some. What is it about toys that motivates her? Does she want more? Does she want a specific toy? She could definitely use some more flaws. Most kids are gullible, because they're…well…kids. What are some flaws that are specific to her personality? Her talent is imagination, which makes 0 sense to me. Is she good at telling stories? Drawing? Lying? Imagination can be used for quite a lot of things. And only one hobby? As a kid, I had more hobbies than I do now. And her personality type is a bit funny. First of all, using a Myers-Briggs for a kid is iffy because kids typically don't fit in those types of personalities. Try expounding more and explaining which traits she identifies with.

Social
Story time. When Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton were our two lovely presidential candidates (sarcasm), my cousin was six years old at the time. She had an opinion on the election. She genuinely had thought about the politics behind the two candidates and had an opinion. Was it incredibly misinformed and confusing? Yeah, of course! But what's important is that she had an opinion. Too often when we write children, we assume they don't pay attention to "boring" things like religion or politics. However, most kids ages 4+ have some sort of view on those types of issues. So, for your character: does she like the current government? Does she have any random political opinions? What religion did her parents raise her to believe?

History
Ooh. That is a spooky history. Good job on that –I'm imagining what the buzzfeed unsolved would look like for a case like hers. Anyway, great job.

Overall, she seems like a pretty good character. Just take a little more time on her, and don't dismiss certain facets of her personality because she's young. Good luck.

@NobleWolf

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime

Thanks so much for the critique! I admit, I had no real idea what being conservative meant when I wrote about Timour. Gotta brush up on that. I do plan on writing a religion for my story though, even if it is pretty vague right now. Mannerisms also made me draw a blank. I like writing about animals, but it can be hard to figure out the animal equivalent of human mannerisms. Wolves can't exactly twiddle their thumbs or pull their hair, so I'm going to look into wolf behavior in the future, like ears and tail movement. And I'm glad you like the backstory, I'm rather proud of it!

@WriteOutofTime

I feel like this is really bad because I do almost all my writing when exhausted but oh well she needs critique. A lot of this doesn't make sense without context so I gave a little context in the Notes section. Background is still very wip.

Hi! Finally getting around to critiquing Berlin:

Looks
I hope you are aware that she is quite short and small for her age. The average height of a 15-year-old girl is around 5'3, because most girls don't grow anymore past the age of 14. However, this is not to say that it's impossible for Berlin to be this height. If you chose to make her unusually small and short, that's entirely up to you.

Nature
I really love her mannerisms. I like that you've incorporated hints of her personality into those mannerisms, like how she spins around her lip ring. However, her motivation is fairly weak. When you say that she is a side protagonist, do you mean a supporting character to the protagonist, or does she have her own subplot entirely devoted to her development, or do she and the other protagonist(s) share the spotlight? If she is either of the latter two, she definitely needs a stronger motivation, or at least a more tangible reason as to why she is motivated by those things. For example, you say she is motivated by self-preservation. Interesting choice, considering most people don't want to die. Another example, when you say she is motivated by her friends, how so? If she only cares about self-preservation, what is it about her friends that would motivate her to do anything not in her best interest? And lastly, her motivation for worldly possessions. Do you mean wealth, status, etc? Why does she want these things? How does it drive the story forward? I very much enjoy her flaws, prejudices, talents, and hobbies. They're well thought-out and consistent. But her personality type is not very…in depth. Myers-Briggs indicators can be an extremely helpful resource for building a character –but it should be just that. A resource. Go deeper. Write down which ENTP traits she relates to, and which she doesn't. I'm actually a fluctuating ENTP (seriously, sometimes I'm an ESFP. Go figure.), and I am absolutely nothing like her. That doesn't mean we aren't both ENTPs, it just means she relates to different aspects of the ENTP traits than I do. Writing those traits down and illustrating how she acts –her sense of humor, whether or not she's a true extrovert, how she reacts to people, etc.– will be of great help to you.

Social, History, and Every Other Section
Yeah, I'm basically out of complaints. Your character is very detailed and well developed. You've done the footwork for this character and it definitely shows. However, having your 15-year-old character be a drug addict and an alcoholic is an interesting choice. Tricky to pull off, in my opinion. That's more of a personal opinion than an actual, objective complaint, though. You've given enough details in her backstory to explain her addictions.

Here's my last tip –and I say tip because you've given no indication that you actually need this tip, I'm just trying to be helpful because I haven't found much to critique: When writing a character like Berlin, consider a few things. 1. The effects of drugs and alcohol, especially from such a young age, isn't edgy or pretty. It's tragic and should be treated as such. Again, I'm not saying you haven't considered this, I'm just saying it as a general rule. 2. If she's been abused, and the trauma hasn't been properly discussed, then that should be the cause of major internal conflict. Trauma doesn't go away. Trauma manifests in unlikely and often incredibly inconvenient ways. The plot should be effected by her traumas and her addictions in a negative way. I recommend watching at least a few episodes of Marvel's Jessica Jones for context. Jessica is a similar character to Berlin, and the show treats her PTSD and addictions with realism. If you're aiming for realism in this, look no further than that show.

Anyway, overall, well done! Your character is strong and interesting, and definitely someone I would read about. Good luck!

@WriteOutofTime

Hi, could you do a critique of this character? She needs work but I got stuck and could use your advice.

Hello! I apologize for the brief wait, but I am here now. Here's the critique for Megara:

Looks
The violet eyes have got to go. Alright, I'm joking, but only slightly. Violet eyes are kind of a universal Mary Sue trait, which is why it gave me immediate pause. Basically, unless violet eyes are rather commonplace in her universe, she shouldn't have them. Otherwise, her appearance is good!

Nature
Loving her mannerisms, although she could have a few more. What does her face/body/hands do when she's angry? Embarrassed? Shy? Laughing? Crying? Her motivation threw me a bit. Most royals have a royal duty, and of course it motivates them, but for a main character, she needs something a bit more personal. What is it about her duty that is personal for her? Why is she inspired to fulfill that duty? Is her royal duty the thing that drives her to action, the thing that moves the plot forward? A motivation is one of the most important things, if not the number one most important thing, to consider when creating any character. For a protagonist, the motivation needs to have enough in it to fuel the plot. Anyway, moving on. Only one flaw? Jealously is a great flaw, but she could use at least a handful more. Without more flaws, you run the risk of her being too perfect. However, you've greatly reduced that risk with her prejudice –if you make sure to include that her prejudice is wrong. If she distrusts orcs, then make sure not all orcs are evil, and that her prejudice is misplaced. Both talents and hobbies seem fine. Her personality type is good, but don't rely too heavily on cliches. The whole "You can't do that, you're a Princess" trope is really prevalent in a lot of fantasy type novels. That being said, there is nothing wrong with using cliches if those cliches have a purpose, or if you put your own original twist on the cliche.

Social
Only one small nitpick here. Is there no religion in her universe? Why doesn't she practice any sort of religion?

History
Her background is okay but a bit typical. I think you might want to add more details that illustrate the uniqueness of her character. What about her backstory sets her apart from other characters similar to her? What details and moments shaped who she is today? What were her early relationships like? Why did she want to use a sword? Does she look up to her older brother?

Overall, she's a solid base for a character. She could just use more fleshing out and detailing to make her exceptional. Good luck :)