forum free character critiques (closed temporarily)
Started by @WriteOutofTime
tune

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@WriteOutofTime

@ThatBackgroundSlytherin Oooh, Allegra is so cute! Great job on her character design –is the art yours? If not, I'm still impressed because it's such a cute character design. On to the critique:

Looks
Since her appearance is perfectly fine, I'm just going to nitpick one tiny detail: American/British are not races. Those are nationalities. English is an ethnicity, however. She can have English heritage and live in America, or something like that, but her race can't be American/British.

Nature
I think her mannerisms are nice! However, she could use a few more. Think about her in different settings and try to visualize what she does at certain times. What kind of gestures does she do when she's frustrated? What does her face/body do when she laughs/is excited? Does she flip her hair pointlessly, or does she flip it to get it out of her face? Any bad habits, like nail biting or popping knuckles? Her motivation could use a bit more information. Curiosity is a strong motivator, but what is she curious about? How does that drive the plot forward? Protagonist's motivations should be their biggest want/desire. It should be the driving force of the story. Her flaws are kinda just a laundry list of semi-negative traits. How do these weakness effect her? What is her biggest weakness? Does she know that she has these flaws, or is she not self-aware enough? Her prejudice, talents, and hobbies are all good and consistent with her character. For her personality type, I'm always very hesitant to use a Myers-Briggs personality type without anything else to back it up. Maybe you should consider writing out which aspects of her personality type directly portray to the plot and align with her flaws. What makes her an ESTP-A?

Social
I really don't have any complaints about this section. One thing: for her favorite possession, you put "jacket". Is it a particular jacket with emotional value, or is it just hella warm and she's naturally a cold person? Little details like that seem inconsequential, but they'll help in the long run.

History
Her backstory is very short. It's nice and clear, but it doesn't reveal much about her character or anything. Maybe you should illustrate what her relationship with her parents is like. Tell us about her curiosity and why it motivates her so much. Why does she live with her mother, and not her father? Any siblings? Pets? Friends? What is her school like? Etc. Etc. Etc.

Overall, this character is definitely a good one. She seems fairly realistic and you've done a good job with her personality. However, she could definitely use some fleshing out. Good luck.

@ThatBackgroundSlytherin

Thanks dude!
Very thought provoking feedback.
Just fyi, I wrote most of her mannerisms a long time ago on a sugar high and I haven't really given much attention to them since forgive me

@Lavy-the-Nerdy-Sci-Fi-Birdy

Hey, I've got some supporting characters that could use a look over. I haven't fully developed the backstories for a couple (still working out the kinks to the world they belong in) just so you know.

@WriteOutofTime

I'd love to look over them! Either late tonight or tomorrow morning probably im gonna be offline for a few hours. just drop the link and i'll look em over

@Lavy-the-Nerdy-Sci-Fi-Birdy

(Okay!)
Ae' Zahena(Her species is public of you want to look at that.)

@MrBombastic group

Hello!Can you take a look over some of my characters,please?I have this character,Oswald,that may need some critiques.And I just finished writing about those two characters (Timmy and Jack).Their stories are related.

@WriteOutofTime

Okay, so my free time's gonna be kinda limited this weekend. Hopefully I'll get to all of your characters today, if not…there may be a small wait. I'm about to start critiquing like crazy!

@WriteOutofTime

@That_One_Purple_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi Okay, starting with Ae'Zahena (I'll be skipping the looks section because it's quite good):

Nature
I love her mannerisms! I love that you've included her tail as a way to show body language/emotions. However, does she have any mannerisms outside of her tail? What does she do when she laughs? Cries? Gets heated? Does her face do anything? How about her hands? Her motivation is pretty good, but not very personal. What is it about helping people that drives her? Why does she want to help? Is it how she was raised? Does she want to be like her mother? This motivation is fine and quite functional, but if you want, you could make it more personal for a more relatable motivation. Her flaws are…mostly not flaws. I like it when writers twist typically positive traits and make them weaknesses, which you've done, but I have two pieces of advice: One, illustrate how those typically positive traits are actually a disadvantage, and two, give her some genuinely negative traits that are bad no matter how you spin it. An example for the first would be that her optimism can make her delusional and unhelpful at times. As for the second example, brainstorm what type of negative traits your character might have. Maybe she's too quick to judge someone. Maybe she doesn't like to get her hands dirty. Maybe she's got a low emotional intelligence. Anything that is always negative. Her prejudice suffers from this same exact problem. It's too…rational. A prejudice is a preconceived notion entirely not based on facts. Most people dislike others who act a certain negative way. That's a learned behavior, not a preconceived notion. A prejudice shouldn't make sense, and it should most definitely be negative. Don't be afraid to give your character less positive traits! Humanize her with believable and relatable weaknesses. Other than that, the only other critique I have on this section is her personality type. It's a Myers-Briggs with a few other traits listed to the side. It might be more helpful to you to explain how she is an ISFJ-A. What facets of her personalty makes her fit into that category? How does she act around others? When she's alone? Etc.

Social
Where are the politics? Giving your character political views is an easy insight into her mind. What does she think about the government where she's from? Does she agree with it? Disagree? How does she feel about equality? Is that even an issue in her society? It's helpful, trust me.

History
For education, maybe expound a bit on what she's learned/what she knows. What does it take to be a doctor in her society? How knowledgeable is she in the field? What subjects did she have to learn? Her backstory is nice and to the point. I am a bit curious about her upbringing –how was her relationship with her mother?– but other than that, it seems fine.

Overall, Ae'Zahena seems like a strong protagonist. I like that she's not a warrior but instead a doctor/healer! Interesting and refreshing choice for a protagonist. All she needs is a little fleshing out, and she's good to go! I'll critique more of your characters after I do a few others.

@WriteOutofTime

@BlackMagic I'll do Oswald first. What a cutie! I really like his character design, and the art along with it! Very nice. Now, onto the critique (skipping the looks section, which I've been doing a lot lately):

Nature
I love his mannerisms! You've done a good job developing them/matching them with his personality. His motivations are pretty good too, although I'd recommend placing more emphasis on his personal motivations. Those are what will drive the story and make him more relatable to your audience. Finding his father as an ultimate goal is almost a universal feeling, and a very good motivation. Make sure you place some emphasis on that. The flaws section is where things start to get shaky. Be very, very careful when you have a character who'll bend over backwards to make others happy. That's a great flaw, and makes for an interesting character arc, but you have to consider it from the perspective of the reader. Do others constantly ignore this character? Is his happy facade ever noticed by anyone? Do people take him for granted? In small doses, those things aren't a problem –however, they could very easily lead to "Nobody likes me" syndrome. Eventually, your reader may get aggravated with your characters semi-unrealistic problems. If there's no reason for people to treat your character poorly, then it just starts to feel forced. I'm not saying that you've done this, or that you'll definitely do this. It's just a word of warning from someone who's created a character relatively similar to yours. "Because he is
considered one of the most trusting members of the team,Gabe (the leader of the team) gives him extra work that he can't do by himself.However,this extra work and all his usual tasks is exhausting Oswald but he doesn't want people to worry about him.So he keeps it all for himself." This, right here, is not a flaw and in fact kind of a sign that it's getting a bit unrealistic. Someone would notice that he's doing more work than he should. If your character is consistently and constantly being downtrodden for the sake of pathos, then it will get annoying. The prejudice has the same problem. A prejudice is a negative, preconceived notion that your character has. Racism, sexism, hating people who are left handed, thinking all rich people are snobby –prejudices. Wanting to make people happy –not a prejudice. It's also a bit…interesting to not have a reason why he wants to make people happy all the time. I think you could use the fact that his father isn't around. Maybe he feels that his father left him because he couldn't make him happy the way his "real" son could. Anyway, I've been grilling you on that for too long now… so, I'll just finish this section saying I like the hobbies, talents, and personality type! Good job on that.

Social
For religion and politics, you've listed…none. If you mean that he's an atheist, you'll want to add that in instead of none for religion. However, for politics, reconsider. Does he like the current government? Or not? Does he advocate for equality? Does he care at all about the world around him? Political views offer valuable insight into a character's mind. Don't skimp out on it! Everything else in this section seems fine.

History
Wow! What an interesting backstory. No critiques here. I like the idea of a semi-mad scientist, grief driven and desperate, creating what could be a freak of nature. Gives me all sorts of Frankenstein vibes. Then the twist that he succeeds and the kid is actually pure and precious? Just cool. Good job.

Overall, I think his personality is very good and his character design is awesome! However, his flaws needs the most work. Be careful with the "Nobody likes me" downtrodden trope. Good luck.

@WriteOutofTime

@Joneathan Sure! Can I just start by saying that YAY HE'S A TAP DANCER! Sorry, I'm just such a huge fan of tap dancing that I got excited. I automatically like this character. Anyway, business time:

Overview
I have to know the stories behind these nicknames. Is there a reason he's called June? Or worthless? Lover boy's pretty self-explanatory, but the others could use some details. Who calls him that, and why? Does he like being called by nicknames?

Nature
Mannerisms are cool, but he could use a few more. What does he do when he's mad? Sad? Crying? Laughing? Why doesn't he smile with his teeth? If he's self-conscious about his smile, does he cover his mouth when he laughs? His motivations are extremely weak for a protagonist. Why does he chase love/crushes so much? Is he desperate for validation? Does he crave human contact? What does he truly want out of all these relationships? He could use a few more flaws as well. Is he overconfident? Egotistical? Does he have any vices? You mentioned drinking. Does he have an alcohol or drug problem? I love his prejudice, talents, and hobbies. His personality type is incredibly bare bones. You've got to add more! What do you mean sweet and kind? Is he selfless? Caring? Does he have many friends? Is he quick to open up to people? Does he like social settings? Introvert or extrovert? By childish, do you mean immature? Pouty? Whiny?

Social
His political views are a bit confusing when you consider his prejudice. If he's not a fan of people in power, then he probably has some strong political views. I don't think he'd be neutral. How does he feel about the government? About current issues? What's he in favor of? What's he against? Again, his occupation makes me smile. Tap dancing for the win!

History
Nice job developing his backstory! Lots of detail and fairly in depth. However, it does seem to be a bit unrealistic. People aren't typically accidentally valedictorian. I could believe that he made pretty good grades without trying, but to be a valedictorian, you've really got to try. Since he's childish, maybe he's just petty and wants to be the best, and that's why he strove to be top of the class? It'd characterize him a little better in my mind. His backstory after high school was very…exciting! Interesting. Anyways, good job.

Overall, he's a cool dude. Could use some more developing, but really seems like a good protagonist. Good luck.

@MrBombastic group

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
Thanks a lot!I actually added more to this character after the first critique but I think I got too far ;

Oswald will be one of the main characters so he'll be like…"always there".So he will be easy to notice.At first (when Lucy met The Forest Team members up to a point in the story) Oswald will act like a normal,positive character.But until that point and during the action,his desperate will be more and more obvious (based more on his look.messy hair, dark circles under his eyes,his voice changes a bit and sounds more tired etc.).But I want to make it a bit interesting and keep him in the dark a little (in that period) and make up other scenarios with different characters to keep the readers minds away from him until he finally snaps.That will be the moment when he will caught everyone's attention.Also,the "Nobody likes me" syndrome won't exist in Oswald's case.He will be more of "I can't make them happy anymore".
I didn't knew how to make it sound more interesting that he is hiding his problems from everybody.Even from his boss.So I put that "trusting member" thing there.But anyway.I will keep that in mind!
That means that I didn't understand the prejudice part too well.Thanks for warning me though!I usually put something negative there.Either if it's about a place,a race or the character himself.Oswald's prejudice will be more about himself.That keeping everybody happy is like a law or something.It's almost like he is aware that he is the positive character in the series so he needs to keep it that way.Like people never think about characters in general.They just assume that a character is good,bad,have a happy or a sad life by that character's personality.And Oswald tries to keep it like that.
That is actually a really good reason!I wish I could use it but it won't go well with the story (Oswald was aware that he was being hunt by the scientists so his father helped him escape).But the only reason that he thinks he have to make everybody happy is because he was the reason why his father was happy.He thought that his father made him to be happy again.

I think that you got it wrong.It's more my fault.I listed "none" because it would look too blank.Oswald is a animalion.This race (better said "species") was made by scientists to do human's work (because citizens's revolutions were more and more violent and people kept complaining about jobs and things like that).This specie wasn't that mentally evolved at first.That's why scientists kept working on them until they become aware that their species was basically just human's slaves.After scientists noticed that,they started to destroy the specie but some of them managed to escape and live in the forest where they would be more safe.That means that animalions don't have a government to rule them or a religion to "follow".

Thanks again for the help!I will keep all your critiques in mind and work more on this character! ^ ^

@Joneathan

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Thank you so much!!! I'll look at him and polish him up a bit. But thank you s much for the advice!

@WriteOutofTime

@BlackMagic Ohh!! Thanks for clearing up the religion/politics thing. Maybe put N/A (not applicable) instead of None, so there's no confusion. Anyway, glad I could help :)

@WriteOutofTime

@That_One_Purple_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi Okay, on to your next character, Joan!

Looks
I like her appearance, but no identifying marks? At all? That's not necessarily wrong or anything, I'm just curious.

Nature
I love her mannerisms and flaws! Good job. Buuuuuuut huge flaw here: No motivation? Where's her motivation? What keeps her going and moving forward? What does she want more than anything? Even though she's not a main character (I'm assuming), every character needs a motivation. Otherwise, she'll be a static caricature. Talents and hobbies are solid. Her personality type is mostly just a laundry list of traits. Illustrate the straights a little better. At what point and under what circumstances does she get mad? Sad? When does her self-esteem get low? What's she stubborn about? Expound.

Social
Hmm, this section is pretty bare. I'm guessing you're not finished with it. Religion, politics, and favorite possession are some of the best ways to get inside your character's head. Don't underestimate the power of the social section!

History
Since you don't have her backstory, here's some arbitrary advice about writing a backstory: The backstory should reveal the why of your character. Why is she the way she is? What happened in her past to shape her into the person she is now? Where did her motivation come from? Backstories offer invaluable insight into a character.

Overall, she's a nice supporting character. I like how you've set her up as a very straight-forward and blunt kind of person, but still an extrovert and a people person. Good luck.

@Lavy-the-Nerdy-Sci-Fi-Birdy

(Thanks for the critique! I'll edit her later. I've been putting up with my dog whining, yelping, and throwing a general hissy fit for the past few hours. I don't have the mental energy :P)