free character critiques (closed temporarily)

@Airr Hello! Nice character. Here's my critique:

Looks
Alright, so as much as I love her mixed heritage, it's a bit confusing. If you go through each section, it's quite hard to visualize her because there are so many seemingly random details. You say she's a mix of Irish, African American, and Caucasian. First of all, Caucasian means anyone of European decent. So, Irish falls under that category. Second, do you mean that she's half and half, or is this her ancestry.com analysis? Since she has straight hair, I'd assume her African-American heritage is rather distant, but then the medium skin thing throws me off. I'd describe my skin as medium, and I'm African-American. Maybe go more in depth about her skin tone, hair, etc., just to clear things up.

Nature
This section is rather bare. Only two mannerisms? Most people have way more than that! Think about what she does when she's scared, angry, sad, embarrassed, etc. What does her body do when she laughs? What about her hands? Her face? What does she do when she's deep in thought? Her motivation isn't very strong either. What about her family and friends motivates her? What does she want more than anything? A protagonist's motivation is typically the driving force of the story. Without a solid motivation, your protagonist isn't any different from any other character. Give her a strong motivation to keep the story moving forward. Only two flaws? And why would perseverance be a flaw? Thinking she can do anything she puts her mind to is definitely a positive trait. Don't be afraid to give her genuinely negative traits. Along that vein, no prejudice? Everyone's got a prejudice. Don't skip the prejudice section! Her talents are pretty good, but her hobbies are a bit weaker. What does she do in her free time? What types of activities does she enjoy? Her personality type needs way more. What is she anxious about? What's she insecure about? Is she shy? How does she act around others? What's her sense of humor like? Does she ever get mad? Why?

Social?
Where's the social section? The social section is a really useful tool for fleshing out a character. I don't recommend skipping it.

History
A background is a character's backstory. Tell about the events leading up to the start of the story. Tell about her upbringing, her childhood, any traumatic events, her relationships, etc. A backstory gives context to an otherwise static personality. You can write out a personality on a page all you want, but without solid reasoning behind that personality, it's not much to go off of.

Overall, you really need to get to know your character a little more! I think Piper has potential, but from what I've read, you know the bare minimum about her character. Flesh her out more! Good luck.

@WriteOutofTime

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime
I don't think that you have critiqued his history or I updated it from when you did.

Oh, right! Okay, well he seems mostly unchanged besides his history, so my other critique is still relevant. His history is very good, though! I like all the detail and thought you put into it. I commend you! My only complaint on that backstory lays it on rather thick. It's not like trauma doesn't happen to people or anything, but it just seems like a LOT of angst. My warning would be that sometimes readers will get tired of reading about such heavily laid on angst and a character who's always caught up in their feelings. You don't have to cut any of the tragic details, but consider: give him something nice. A good friend to confide in. A sibling he's close to. Reconsider killing his pet and let him have that one simple joy. Just…something nice. It's hard to read about a character who's had everything taken away and is constantly sad. Anyway, other than that, you've done well! Good luck.

@Bremston

Hey, could you look at my character? Gabrielle Strasser
By the way, the story I'm writing has several narrators that end up in the story itself. It's a bit complicated, but Gabrielle is one of the narrators.

@mellowlynea

Could anyone review my two characters? I'd love to see some responses, especially since they're set in a quite complicated universe. I'm not finished with worldbuilding, but I'd like to have something to go off of for the continued development of these two! They are meant as love interests and the two main characters of my story.

@Bremston

@mellowlynea I know I'm not the one who created this post, but I decided to look at you charcters anyway.
Human One seems like a very interesting and unique character, and reading about them makes me very interested in the story you're writing.
Tobias, although slightly less unique, is still a good character. I'm actually currently reading a book where one of my favorite characters seems to be a mix of Human One and Tobias.

@mellowlynea

@Bremston
Thanks for looking! They are both still heavily in development, but I'm glad you're interested in Human One! Tobias was intended to be rather unremarkable, since his normality is what draws Human One to want to learn from him. I tried for a middle way between "generic protagonist" and "charming main character" to make him feel, if not very exciting or interesting as a person. The story will center around the clash between Human One's alien-ness and Tobias' very normal life, so having him be eccentric and exotic would ruin the story a bit. I'll try to make him a deeper person as I go, though!

@Bremston

@mellowlynea
That actually sounds pretty interesting! As long as you put effort into it, it sounds like it could be a very interesting and unique book.

@mellowlynea

@Bremston
Thank you! I'm doing my best! I'm hoping to achieve a more snippet-like structure, with the story told through moments and conversations as short chapters with an overarching story rather than a traditional novel. Let's see how it goes!

@Bremston

@mellowlynea Good luck!

@blu

Hi! Could you look over this OC for me?

@MrBombastic

@blu I think your character is on private (just letting you know.I don't want you to do the same mistake as me).

@blu

Hm, that's weird, I thought I set it to Public earlier… Oh well, it's fixed now.

@MrBombastic

@blu Glad I helped.

@WriteOutofTime

@That_One_Purple_Owl_that's_into_Sci-Fi Hello I am back with another critique! Leanara:

Nature
This character has many of the same (minor) problems as your other characters. For example, her mannerisms are very good and unique to her, but you could add a few more. What does she do when she laughs? Cries? Gets heated? Does her face do anything? How about her hands? Etc. Why doesn't she have a motivation? A character is nothing without something they want. Think about it! Even side characters need to have some sort of motivation. Even if her motivation is something stupid/pointless, it still needs to be unique to her and personal. Her flaws are very well done! As are her talents and hobbies. Her personality type is just a laundry list of traits + a Myers-Briggs type. For a side character, I don't think that's the worst thing in the world, but you may want to flesh her out more.

Social
Politics and religion are vital aspects of a character's worldview/mindset. I get that these characters probably aren't 100% completed, so I won't harp on that. Moving on, I'm kinda sad that she doesn't have a favorite possession. Even if it's something abstract, like her mind or her friends or something, I think that a favorite possession adds a lot of insight to a character. I'm also wondering why her favorite weapon is her favorite. Is it easy to use for her, or does she just like it? Any emotional ties to that particular weapon?

History
Her background is very brief and to the point, which isn't necessarily bad. However, I am curious: how does she feel about segregation? How does she feel about her home in general? What was her childhood like? What happened to her parents? How close was she with her aunt? Is her aunt still around? How does this tie into the plot?

Overall, she seems like a solid side character. Not too many complaints here. Good luck!

@Lavy-the-Nerdy-Sci-Fi-Birdy

(Thanks!)

@WriteOutofTime

@BlackMagic Hi! I'm back with another critique for you. Actually, two in one, since I'm going to do Jack and Timmy at the same time.
Jack:
Nature
Starting at mannerisms, you say he gesticulates a lot. What type of gestures? Does he wave his arms a lot? Or just his hands? Big arm movements, or subtle ones? Does his body language make up for his lack of expression? I really like his motivation. It seems like some solid character development happens in there, and that's important. Why does he want to help Timmy? I'm guessing it's explained in the story, but consider writing it down somewhere. His flaws are kinda bare. Expound a little. He's negative. So is he mean, dismissive, ungrateful, impatient? Does he lack empathy, or at least pretend to? Is he straightforward? Arrogant? Moving on, a prejudice against life itself? I like the pessimism. Everything else in this section is well done! Good job.

Social
Ooh, the religion section is so well thought-out! I am curious as to why he became an atheist. Was it because of the bad things happening in his life? What do you mean, "none" for politics? Even if there are no politics in the afterlife or wherever your story is placed, what about during his life? Did he care about current events at all? Did he like the government? I'm inclined to believe he didn't, since he struggled so much financially. I'd recommend filling out the politics, favorite weapon, favorite possession, and favorite animal section. They're more helpful than you'd think.

History
His backstory is so good! It's very sad but believably so. Well done! I feel so bad for him, especially since he ends up taking his own life. The backstory really adds much needed context to his personality, which is the mark of a good backstory.

Ohh, you explain why he is attached to Timmy in his notes! Okay, that's a good reason. I like that he's a father figure to Timmy, even though his own father passed away at an early age. Good job on that.

Timmy
Looks
What's his hairstyle like? All of his looks are a bit vague. Describe him more!

Nature
I like his mannerisms, although you could stand to add a few more. What does he do when he's laughing? Angry? Sad? His motivations are good. However, his flaws are extremely underdeveloped. Just because he's the protagonist, doesn't mean he has to be a flawless angel. Subconsciously offending people is not a flaw. Give him some genuinely negative traits. Does he get angry easily? Does he get anxious? Is he moody, overly emotional? Does he talk too much? Does he not talk enough? Flaws are the biggest key to humanizing your character and making him relatable. Everything else in this section seems good enough, although his personality type could stand to be developed a bit more by incorporating more realistic flaws.

Social
Quite a lot of "none"s in this section. No religion, no politics, no favorite possession? C'mon! These are universal things. Add more.

History
I hope you have a genuine, believable reason as to why Timmy is the only one who can have free will. Is he actually defective? Did someone tamper with him? How is he different from everyone else? Beyond that detail, the backstory is good!

Overall, I like these two characters! I especially love the father-son dynamic. Both of them could use some fleshing out, but they've definitely got solid potential. Good job and good luck.

@MrBombastic

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Thanks a lot for the critique again!I must admit,I didn't thought too much about those characters.I think that's why I didn't wrote a lot more about them.Plus,I made them like,two months ago or so,so they're kinda new.But anyway.

About Jack and the religion part,you're right!If someone have a messed up life for a long period of time,they will mostly stop believing that there's a God who will have mercy on them.I don't really know how to explain it but you got it right.
Oh,yeah.I have to fill that in (this happened with the skin color too.I wrote only black,the color of his skin now,but forgot to write the color of his skin when he was alive).

About Timmy,I think I can add "messy" or something like that at the hair style.He is more of a furry creature and I haven't describe this kind of creature until now.I'll see what I can add there!
The reason why he have free will is because of a "defection" when he was made.Timmy's specie can't multiply.They are all crated by Mask.He has a little knowledge in creating other living creatures but his poor equipment can mess up his plans sometimes.

As I said,they are still in development and early characters.I didn't thought a lot about them.Thanks again for the help!

@WriteOutofTime

@Kohaku Hi! Finally getting around to at least one of your characters. Starting with Narion. I love the art! So cute. Anyway, on to the critique.

Looks
Aww, her character design is adorable! I hate to be the one to say this…but…do the fox ears serve any other purpose besides being aesthetically pleasing? I get that fox ears on otherwise humanoid characters are "cute", but if they're only there because they're pretty… Well, it seems rather pointless. Either give her more animalistic tendencies that aren't necessarily cute but functional, or get rid of the animalistic features entirely. Otherwise, her character design is fantastic.

Nature
As much as I love her mannerisms, you could add a few more! Most of what you listed in the mannerisms section are just personality traits, excluding clutching at the shirt thing. Does she bite her nails? Does she smile crookedly? What does she do when she's afraid? What does her body do when she's angry? What does her face do when she laughs? Her motivation looks okay, but after perusing the other sections, you haven't really given a strong reason why she wants to help her sibling/ what she wants to help her sibling with. Is she overprotective of her sibling? Is there a reason why she feels strongly motivated to help him? Does this motivation move the plot forward? Her flaws could use a bit more as well. Add in a few more! Is she naturally skittish? Does she have trouble talking to others? Is she self-conscious about her blindness/smallness? Her prejudice is quite strong, and definitely negative, so good job on that. A few more hobbies might add depth to her character, but that's not a necessity. Her personality type is well done.

Social
For religion, you could put "monotheistic." It means a religion with only one god. Is there any particular reason why she's not interested in politics? Is she satisfied with the current government? Otherwise, the social section is really good! I'm in love with the favorite possession being something her parents left her. It's a trope, but a good trope.

History
I love her backstory! However, you never mention her brother. Was he found with her? What is there relationship like? It seems like you randomly mention a brother in every other section except the background.

Overall, Narion is definitely a strong character with a lot of potential. Good luck.

@WriteOutofTime

@Bremston your character is on private! Switch to public and I'll critique.

@WriteOutofTime

@mellowlynea Wow. I read over your characters extensively, looking for something to critique, but I didn't really find anything that caught my eye. My only critique is actually a possible lack of chemistry between the two characters. It's hard to judge without seeing them interact, but going by their personalities, it seems like they wouldn't be compatible. The fact that One is emulating Tobias. The fact that One is only motivated by "purpose". Could there be genuine love between the two, or would it just be "learned behavior" and One is just doing what they think would make Tobias happy. I'm not saying it's impossible for the two of them to be together and have literary chemistry, it's just the only thing I thought of while reading over their character profiles. Other than the issue of compatibility, the two characters are phenomenal. They seem very real and detailed. Good job!

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