Neat trait that witches have. I feel like painting them would just be easier for tactile reasons, but I get it.
She's got some pretty big motivations there. Nothing I've never seen before, of course, but interesting. But here's the thing - she has NO good traits. None. Nada. If the antagonist is the protagonist of their own story, what would she write about herself? She wouldn't call herself petty, that's for sure. If anything, she has incredible filial piety for what her family asked. She's loyal to an ideal and dedicated in choosing it. I think putting some virtues down help cement a villain as real and remind us that we can all become villains. She suffered tragedy, yes, but she was someone before that. And she is someone after that.
To be honest, I can't put my finger on what my problem is with her. I suppose it's a personal preference, but I like my villains to have a little more credibility/relatability than 'you killed my family, prepare to die'. But that's just me. I like villains that raise moral questions, you know? Helga doesn't raise any. If a woman's family is killed by a man, she is not justified in trying to kill all men, and we know that, so we already know that she is in the wrong. There's nothing gripping there, no real logic because most people would only hold those who hurt them accountable, not their race/gender/etc. I can't see her having a moral dilemma with any protagonist either, unless that protagonist's thoughts constantly verge on literal genocide. Good villains, memorable villains, stand out because they relate to the audience and the hero. It's up to you if you want to change her, but I find her a little lackluster/typical. Good luck anyway!
Thank you very much! I'll get to working on him some more, I appreciate your contribution! (Also, about the anarchy thing, I suppose I'll have to put a little bit of world-building into his character sheet, but the place in which he lives is under no government. There are monarchies spread around the area, but the place in which he grew up was under no government as well.) Either way, thank you for the pointers!
Neat trait that witches have. I feel like painting them would just be easier for tactile reasons, but I get it.
She's got some pretty big motivations there. Nothing I've never seen before, of course, but interesting. But here's the thing - she has NO good traits. None. Nada. If the antagonist is the protagonist of their own story, what would she write about herself? She wouldn't call herself petty, that's for sure. If anything, she has incredible filial piety for what her family asked. She's loyal to an ideal and dedicated in choosing it. I think putting some virtues down help cement a villain as real and remind us that we can all become villains. She suffered tragedy, yes, but she was someone before that. And she is someone after that.
To be honest, I can't put my finger on what my problem is with her. I suppose it's a personal preference, but I like my villains to have a little more credibility/relatability than 'you killed my family, prepare to die'. But that's just me. I like villains that raise moral questions, you know? Helga doesn't raise any. If a woman's family is killed by a man, she is not justified in trying to kill all men, and we know that, so we already know that she is in the wrong. There's nothing gripping there, no real logic because most people would only hold those who hurt them accountable, not their race/gender/etc. I can't see her having a moral dilemma with any protagonist either, unless that protagonist's thoughts constantly verge on literal genocide. Good villains, memorable villains, stand out because they relate to the audience and the hero. It's up to you if you want to change her, but I find her a little lackluster/typical. Good luck anyway!
TBH I had difficulties in creating villains because when we created heroes, we put good traits as their personality types and bad traits as their flaws to make them relatable. But with villains, we put bad traits as their personality types (generally), and my knowledge on type of villains are limited. So if we put good traits as their flaws, it wouldn't make them full-villain???
Maybe because my original intention was to make her typical. When I 'm creating characters, I have the tendency to create stereotypes because I find them easy to develop. Like you said, personal preference. And as I said, my knowledge on villains are limited, so that's why you find her that way. I do have a plan to make her forming an unexpected friendship with a human, who, like her, is also rejected by society because of this human's difference - alluding to her late mother and middle sister's requests.
Again, your insights and thoughts are truly helpful in making me understanding my characters better. Thanks!! :D
I don't know if I'd put reserved under flaws. Generally, we like reserved people. They're distant and level-headed, and all around good in a conflict because of this. Also, her being a bit of a coward and her know it all attitude seems a bit odd together. Would she ever have to courage to show off this side of her? Does it just sort of slip out and embarrass her?
I do really like strong, shy characters. Shyness is not always a negative, so I like how she's built up here a lot. However, how often does she exhume this 'powerful' part of her? Honestly, I don't know what you mean by powerful when you put it under personality. What does that mean?
Considering her past and PTSD, does she have trust issues with authority? After all, someone meant to mentor her took advantage of her and hurt her. Does that make her struggle now with people who tell her what to do? Does that make her more independent? Self-sufficient?
She's a pretty well-rounded character! I don't think I have many critiques with her, so have fun writing!
@traditionalartist
Regarding villains, giving a villain good traits doesn't make them not a "full villain", because that's not a thing. You have villains, you have anti-heroes and everyone in between. Let's take Joker from the Batman comics, for example. An awful excuse of a human being. He crippled Batgirl and murdered Robin, who was 14 at the time. He's criminally insane and, well, a murderer. He is a villain, no blurred lines. But, objectively, he has good traits. He's smart. Dedicated. Clever. These are good traits turned against the protagonist (i.e. Batman and his partners). I'm not saying give her good traits to make her less of a villain, I'm saying it because it's worth putting a few of them down because it makes your villain more tangible. It's easy to write from stereotypes, of course, and I do it too, but you want to break out of them to make strong characters. Everyone should be strong in your story so that readers are engaged. The Marvel movies are very popular, but one of the biggest complaints? The villains. Because they're tired and typical. It's totally fine to go and make a villain with the intention of them being typical, but in my experience, a typical villain does nothing for your story. They're not dangerous or driving or intriguing. You really should build past the bare bones of Disney villains, especially when you are tackling a character who is vouching for genocide. And, that shouldn't be taken lightly. I think in a lot of stories and media, a villain wanting genocide is common and we're used to it, but genocide is so extreme and painful. I can hardly imagine befriending a human would redeem a character like that or change her mind. Friendly reminder, but genocide is rightfully a touchy and sensitive subject. I think I'm coming off as pushy and rude here, so I'm going to end this quick - do as you please with your character. I'm just some kid sitting in her bedroom with an opinion. Ultimately, take characters into your own hands and make worlds with your own thoughts. That's the only way to really create something memorable, regardless of what others say. Thank you for your reply to the critique, however!
I don't know if I'd put reserved under flaws. Generally, we like reserved people. They're distant and level-headed, and all around good in a conflict because of this. Also, her being a bit of a coward and her know it all attitude seems a bit odd together. Would she ever have to courage to show off this side of her? Does it just sort of slip out and embarrass her?
I do really like strong, shy characters. Shyness is not always a negative, so I like how she's built up here a lot. However, how often does she exhume this 'powerful' part of her? Honestly, I don't know what you mean by powerful when you put it under personality. What does that mean?
Considering her past and PTSD, does she have trust issues with authority? After all, someone meant to mentor her took advantage of her and hurt her. Does that make her struggle now with people who tell her what to do? Does that make her more independent? Self-sufficient?
She's a pretty well-rounded character! I don't think I have many critiques with her, so have fun writing!
Wow, thanks! This helped a lot! :)
I think I meant powerful as in emotionally strong, she can take life's knocks because she knows she has experienced worse. Mentally she is a bit fragile, her mental illness affecting some of her decisions but emotionally, she's like steel.
@traditionalartist
Regarding villains, giving a villain good traits doesn't make them not a "full villain", because that's not a thing. You have villains, you have anti-heroes and everyone in between. Let's take Joker from the Batman comics, for example. An awful excuse of a human being. He crippled Batgirl and murdered Robin, who was 14 at the time. He's criminally insane and, well, a murderer. He is a villain, no blurred lines. But, objectively, he has good traits. He's smart. Dedicated. Clever. These are good traits turned against the protagonist (i.e. Batman and his partners). I'm not saying give her good traits to make her less of a villain, I'm saying it because it's worth putting a few of them down because it makes your villain more tangible. It's easy to write from stereotypes, of course, and I do it too, but you want to break out of them to make strong characters. Everyone should be strong in your story so that readers are engaged. The Marvel movies are very popular, but one of the biggest complaints? The villains. Because they're tired and typical. It's totally fine to go and make a villain with the intention of them being typical, but in my experience, a typical villain does nothing for your story. They're not dangerous or driving or intriguing. You really should build past the bare bones of Disney villains, especially when you are tackling a character who is vouching for genocide. And, that shouldn't be taken lightly. I think in a lot of stories and media, a villain wanting genocide is common and we're used to it, but genocide is so extreme and painful. I can hardly imagine befriending a human would redeem a character like that or change her mind. Friendly reminder, but genocide is rightfully a touchy and sensitive subject. I think I'm coming off as pushy and rude here, so I'm going to end this quick - do as you please with your character. I'm just some kid sitting in her bedroom with an opinion. Ultimately, take characters into your own hands and make worlds with your own thoughts. That's the only way to really create something memorable, regardless of what others say. Thank you for your reply to the critique, however!
You're not being pushy and rude at all :) Like I said, your insights, thoughts and critique help me understanding my characters better. I changed some things about Helga thanks to you and another user who helped me realize that there's so much hole with her, from her motivations, to her background, to her nature, personality, flaws, etc. So relax :D
@Rubyjane Oh my gosh, I'm sorry I didn't notice before! I'm a bit stupid omg
Lukas
He's got a pretty cool eye color, I don't think I've ever seen anything like it! I like that his mannerisms are also rooted in the people in his life, it makes him very grounded to your world.
As far as motivations go, they're pretty good! A lot of it feels like some sort of residual guilt, which I can think is interesting, and are also centered around other people. Is there anything that motivates him for his own self-gain rather than other people's feelings?
I actually really like his personality! I'll give you my overall impression of him so you can see what an outsider perceives your character as: I think he sounds like a someone who carries guilt for others and is more nervous than your average person. Ultimately, someone who means well, but is probably too self-sacrificing for his own good.
I find it interesting that there is no religion in his world. Absolutely nothing? Not all religion involves a god, and religion can also simply be a philosophical lifestyle. For example, Buddhism has no god, and often it's hard to peg as a religion because it's just a lifestyle. It's a set of choices that a large group of people follow that believe it will bring them happiness and better them. No god or gods involved. And there are plenty of other religions in the world like that the farther you get from the big names like Islam and Christianity. You probably have a worldbuilding reason for this, but if it's just because writing religion makes you uncomfortable, I would reconsider!
On politics, how far would he go? Is there no line he wouldn't cross for the king and queen?
Overall, very good! I think he's really solid, which will help in building a good relationship with his love interest and make fleshing the world from his view easier. Have fun with him!
@Snowmirror
No, it's totally fine. Thank you so much for giving me your opinion on him!
Interesting note on the eye color, it actually is a bigger part of a subplot.
Motivations, yes he has a lot of guilt in his life. He can hardly make a decision and not feel guilty about some aspect of it. I've been trying to figure out a more selfish one, but I really can't. If you have any suggestions I would love to hear them.
Thank you so much telling me the overall, most of that is what I've been going for, although I never thought of him as nervous, which is now an interesting thought for me. Would you mind taking a look at some of my other main characters and telling me how you see them? Because honestly, it helps a lot.
I will definitely think about that. The reason I haven't added religion to my world is because I am religious and it doesn't seem right to me to create my own. But thank you for bringing that to my attention.
No, there are lines he wouldn't cross and I do want to change his politics a bit as when I added that he wasn't very developed.
Thanks again!
@Rubyjane
Adding a more selfish motivation can be difficult, but I suppose it's up to your definition of selfish in the end. You've already said he wants to save everyone and wants to make things up to his mother, so on a more selfish level, he might do these things so he feels better about himself? A lot of people do kind things because it's the right thing to do, but also because it reassures them of how they feel about themselves. Like donating to charity so you feel like a good Samaritan. It doesn't make them a bad person per se, but it is ultimately to further themselves. Regarding religion, I totally understand that point, you don't have to add one if it goes against your views! I just know some people don't write it because they're afraid, but you have a solid reason as to why it would make you uncomfortable. I would be happy to critique other characters of yours!
I'll be happy to critique more of your characters, Rory!
Veronica
So this is more of a me thing, but the tones I imagine for ghostly pale and porcelain are a little… different? In my brain, I see ghostly pale as like, a supernatural grayness to pale skin, while porcelain is rooted in more human tones like yellows and pinks. It's just a me thing, of course.
Her motivations are very pure, which is interesting against her flaws. I think it goes hand in hand! But I don't know if being 'a bit of a slut' is a flaw, per se. I don't know, I don't think it's a flaw that a woman would sleep around a lot unless she's being unsafe or it's like, a different person every night. I suppose you would have to establish how much her reckless, naive nature bleeds into this part of her life, because a healthy woman with a healthy relationship with sex shouldn't be called a slut.
Aw, it sucks that she has a stigma against virgins, but it's a very human prejudice! I kind of appreciate that it's there. Is it something she'll grow out of?
I like her a lot, and this is my own bias playing in because I love the party girl characters who are deeper than you think they are. I would like to know what kind of development, if any, that she would go under just to see what kind of person she becomes in the end. That's pretty much all my critiques for her!
Smiling a lot around people you feel comfortable with is such a cute mannerism, oh gosh. It's interesting that he's someone with mild anxiety but makes decisions fully knowing the consequences to them. What triggers this anxiety? What makes him anxious and what doesn't? I've always found consequences to actions make people anxious because they're so used to bad consequences, and people who are anxious are usually pinned as cowardly. These traits run the risk of contradictory if you aren't careful in the writing.
Okay, for him, this is the overall feel that I get; He's probably got one of the more loud presences of your cast and can be temperamental/explosive/ has a shorter fuse. His anger is a developmental reaction of being abused by an authoritative figure (his father) and is one of his coping mechanisms for this. His anxiety/panic attacks might be something that embarrasses him and he would be one of the characters that have a harder time opening up.
I think it's neat that his favorite weapon is something from his father. It sort of helps to acknowledge that weird place of love an abusive parent can have with their kid, if that's what you're going for. I feel like he's just as developed of a character as Lukas!
Camie
I think she's just as interesting as the other two, which is great! You've developed a really solid cast here. She walks this interesting line of… prideful and nervous? My general feel of her is that she is prideful because she doesn't like to be embarrassed. I mean, most of us don't, but for it to be a motivation that must mean she REALLY cares about that. So either she's prideful or consumed by what others think of her. I suppose it's more of the latter since you say that she is insecure, but I think it would be interesting if characters who didn't know her well thought she was prideful, and then later have that 'a-hah' moment about her character and see her insecurities.
Since I read her after Markus, I see more comparisons to make here. I said that I feel like he would have a hard time opening up (which I don't think is something you wrote down, so obviously I won't know if this is true until you respond) but if it is, she is explicitly someone who has problems with self-image (being clingy to Lukas, not wanting to embarrass herself) so I feel like those two would have an interesting dynamic.
Overall, I really like the characters you've created! They feel like they have depth and that they can exist individually from each other.
@Snowmirror
Markus:
So with his anxiety and his decisions it basically means that because of his anxiety he over thinks everything, but typically comes to the right conclusion. (even if it is a bad one like he knows that things will go wrong)
His anxiety is mainly triggered by new situations, but whenever he is really upset or angry about something or has an important goal in mind he can overcome that anxiety(as long as he isn't in tight spaces)
You saw exactly what I was going for, that's so great! I do think that he has a harder time opening up, especially with his childhood. He even has a hard time telling Everleigh and Lukas about it.
That was what I was going for with the knife, I wanted to acknowledge that although he doesn't trust his father he still doesn't want him dead or anything.
Camie:
Let me try to explain the pride/nervous thing. She goes through an interesting character arc in my series. She starts off as very nervous and bullied, but as she begins to find her self-worth it develops into pride. Then towards the end of the series, she takes a big hit to her pride and everything is somewhat leveled out.(although what you said about her seeming prideful and then having the "a ha" is also pretty true. Because she will never lose some of the deep down insecurities or a bit of pride)
She does have self-image issues and they are an interesting pair. They have a lot of similarities. If left alone they probably wouldn't be able to do much, but that's why I have Lukas, and Markus' girlfriend, Everleigh, who are a bit stronger emotionally.
Thank you so much for all of the kind things you have said about my characters! It has helped a lot
I hope my reply makes sense!
@@Rubyjane
Thank you for clearing a few things up! I like the direction you take your characters in a lot and this helped. Thank you for letting me critique them!
@Snowmirror
Of course, I'm glad I could. Thank you so much, I loved creating all of them. Thanks for doing it! It got me back into writing about them again, I've been stuck for a while
So her hair is dark brown that borders on raven black, but I always imagine as black hair being different brown hair, and a hair as dark as a raven would have that iridescent blue quality. Just a bit of a nitpick, but I'd say choose one descriptor.
You have very specific mannerisms going on, which is good, but be careful in applying all that to your writing. It can get clunky and repetitive. Motions that are part of a character's manners should only be mentioned three or four times.
Really good motivations! I appreciate you listing how they change with her character so I can have more of a grasp on her. I like her flaws too, they're very well thought out to her character. Does she have any useless talents (good at cooking but doesn't like cooking, great with animals, etc.) that you could apply to her? Just to round her out more?
I like her stoic type (at least, she feels stoic) and you clearly put a lot of effort into her. Everything on the social page is so well thought out, I'm surprised! It shows how much you've poured into your character that I hardly have critiques. I would love to read a story with such a badass lead!
