Ryan Gilmore

Herald

Male

22 at the time of his death

Deep, gentle, monotone voice. Careful speech patterns. Poor posture.

Escape, relief, making sense of the horrifying world he lives in (or has ceased to live in)

Moody is an understatement. Perfectionistic, defeatist, self-loathing to the point of self-absorption. Especially in relationships, he could be bitter, resentful, an emotional vampire and a vortex of negativity.

Honest, thoughtful, and observant, with a deep sense of justice and thirst for truth. For his own myriad issues, he was also a surprisingly steady shoulder to cry on. It was his intrinsic humanity and idealism that led him to be disillusioned so easily.

He struggled to relate to people who didn't have a little anguish behind their eyes. He also tended to resent people who were considerably successful and well-adjusted.

He was close to finishing his degree in English (though the task felt insurmountable amid his physical and mental health crises), and was skilled at writing and textual analysis.

INFJ 6w5

Craniocerebral trauma from a car crash months before his death led to many health complications, including post-traumatic epilepsy, arthritis, and worsened pre-existing insomnia. He also had bipolar II, anxiety, and panic disorder.

Pisces Sun, Scorpio Moon, Aquarius Rising

Continuing to survive without a clear purpose or ability to find joy; alienating and being slowly abandoned by those who once cared about him

~140 lbs

6'4"

Dark mousy brown

Just above shoulder length. Straight, tousled/grungy

Five o'clock shadow (whenever he doesn't have the spoons to shave)

Dark brown

Pale, sallow

Lanky

Long nose, perpetual dark circles, a few moles

12 Monkeys, In Bruges, and The English Patient

Cheap brown liquor (although he didn't have the stomach to drink as much after the accident)

English

Due to his struggle to put on weight and pituitary/hypothalamus damage from his TBI, he got cold very easily. Even in warmer weather, he would typically wear flannel pajama pants, cozy sweatshirts, and wool socks.

"Fuck off. I'm serious."

"It's too much to get into." wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath "Just forget this happened."

He was tremendously sensitive, though his sullen exterior may have led some to believe he was cold-hearted. However, by the end, his sensitivity had been worn down by overuse; he often struggled to feel much of anything.

Duality - Slipknot
”put me back together, or separate the skin from bone / leave me all the pieces, then you can leave me alone / tell me the reality is better than the dream / but i’ve found out the hard way, nothing is what it seems”

Baby Hotline - Jack Stauber
”i feel numb, i’ve been burning with haste / and i’m realizing now it’s a terrible waste”

Help I'm Alive - Metric
”help, i’m alive / my heart keeps beating like a hammer”

Labyrinth - Miracle Musical, Shane MauX, KAYE
”everybody’s watching me, i’m dying to get out / in the glass labyrinth i am the mouse”

Hurt - Johnny Cash
”what have i become / my sweetest friend / everyone i love / goes away in the end”