forum Another 'Pass the Story!' Have fun!

Started January 15, 2018 by @Astrid

tune

"Who, or what for that matter, was the voice was from before," I ponder as I slowly try to sit up, but fail to as I seem to be encased in some sort of New Age technological retaining device.

"You know, old school methods work just as well… what, tying me to a chair instead of bonding me with the floor is too much for you?"

Shrek looked over at me. "Honestly, it just looks cooler this way," he said.

"Why the hell am I here?" I say, straining.

"I don't know," he said, and turned to Arnold. "Why is she here?"

Arnold just made a noise that generally communicated 'I don't know' and went back to braiding Shrek's hair.

"Arnold doesn't know," Shrek said, turning back to me.

"I can see that," I said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Shrek simply shrugged. "Well, you never know with blind people."

I was silent for a moment, simply staring at him with a mixture of awe and disgust. How had I ever loved a creature of such profound idiocy? "Shrek," I said slowly, "I'm not blind."

"What?" He asks, genuine confusion all over his face.
"I'm not blind" I repeat even slower, working one hand out of the electronic cuff that was left too loose.

"No, no, that can't be. I distinctly remember you being blind," he says, frown creasing his very large, very green forehead.

I raise an eyebrow at him as he continues to babble about how he's certain, positively certain that I'm blind—really, truly blind—and have always been blind, or no, maybe I became blind on that trip we made to outer space, a trip I'm fairly sure never happened.

The cuff gave on my left arm, I was always clever at releasing that side first, but the right posed a problem time after time. Well, after the third time I found myself in handcuffs I invested in a lazer ring which came in handy at times like this.

Only the first time I tried to use it I burned out my eyeball and had to have a new one surgically attached. My parents took the ring away after that. Unfortunately.

Fortunately, I felt it in my back pocket because my parents were dead. I silently lasered the other cuff off and carefully pull out my knives. I wouldn't kill him, just stun.

Honestly I had no idea that stunning was possible with knives, or that I even had any, but hey, gotta go with the flow.

In this day and age guns are not only able to be 'set to stun' but knives are as well, thankfully. What would we do without that setting! It's almost like an electrical shock to most people, pushes the attackers for a loop - gives you a minute to really run away or set up your next attack mode. I hoped that this time it would stun him, and I could make my next move.

ANYWAYS I hit Shrek over the head with the butt of my dagger because though I am a very sassy and sophisticated woman, I have no earthly idea how to work the settings on this knife, and he just kind of looked at me like maybe I'd tapped him on the shoulder, then shrugged and let Arnold continue braiding his hair. Well. That was certainly not the reaction I'd been expecting. I shrugged and walked out to go get ice cream. I was so done with this day.

And being a woman, as eloquently said in the Emoji movie, "who don't need no man", I marched with a certain stomp in my step. Red hot blood pulsed through my angry veins, burning with a raw intensity that my love life lacked. Tears dribbled down my burning cheeks, puddling under my drooping chins. I was as done as chicken ashes, yet something deep inside me willed my to turn around. To face the hunk of an ogre that dangled behind me, as delicate as star light. Yet on I marched, tragically into the sunken sunset before myself. Ice cream was only a few miles away… I knew right there, that nothing would cure the tear in my heart. No songs about mining diamonds everyday, no compilations of people eating tide pods, or any memes of the dank sort. His image lie imprinted in my vulnerable mind… my first, my only– Steve Buscemi… with the hairline of Danny DeVito, the eyes of a sideways fish, and the smile of… well, a man who smiles.

I started laughing and then fell on the ground dead. Who knew when cancer would hit?

I appeared in hell.
I heard a deep voice say, " Welcome to hell, you do know as to why you're here, correct?"

Funny how the survivors usually say it smells like brimstone, there is fire eating up the walls and screaming can be heard from every corner… it looked an awful lot like high school.
Oh hell, this is hell.

Reluctantly, I wandered the halls, and came to an all too familiar locker. After taking a quick, anxious look around, I entered in my combination and opened the horrible, blue, creaky metal door. I let out a piercing scream as something white and fluffy soared over my head. When I recovered, I realized that it was Arnold! Had he come to free me from Hell?

Only Arnold was a seal. Why was he fluffy? High school always messed with me.

Arnold the fluffy seal (I mean, what?) whirled around to face me, muttering something in Sealish or whatever seals speak. He pointed a flipper at me, and, suddenly, I was a seal, too!
He said something in Sealish again–I understood him, this time–and suddenly we were in the Amazon.

The river was muddy and green and forest life surrounded us. This was NOT the seal habitat. I looked at Arnold, who also seemed confused. He muttered something in Sealish then looked around. I understood him perfectly. "This isn't the northern Atlantic, how'd we…" His voice was a medium pitch with a nerdy tone in it, I didn't know how to explain it, it was just weird.
And then we were back with Shrek who looked amused. "Have fun on your little date with the devil?" He asked, flipping his braided hair over his shoulder like a girl.
"No!" I replied. "High school is hell."
Clicking sounded in the distance. The area grew deathly silent other than the strange clicking. The bushes swayed like a giant creature was moving through, stalking us. I backed away, the strong independent lesbian woman disappeared.

A red ball of flurry pounced at us from the bushes.
"DO U KNO DE WAE?" They all said in unison. Shrek fell over, obviously shocked. Arnold ran behind my legs.
"Ugandian Knuckles? I thought they went extinct, like Dodo birds…" I muttered, confused.

The Knuckles with the Trump wig was the first to draw blood. A blur of red, it lunged at Shrek's leg, clamped down with sharp fangs and thrashed its head like a rabid beast of the savannah. A girlish shriek rang out and the rest were on him in a heartbeat, crunching bone, tearing flesh, clicking tongues. "My friend" was all I thought before I drew one of my copious knives from a thigh and drove it through the pot leaf design on the belly of the Knuckles closest to me.

and then all hell let loose…literally

The earth beneath us cracked open, spewing flames and lava out. I rushed away and tried to tear Shrek from the jaws of the Ugandan Knuckles. I ended up pulling both Shrek and the Knuckles but, at least Shrek wouldn't burn to death.
From the crack in the ground rose the devil, the same one from the High School. The devil was a light purple with salmon/red spiky hair. He had three red eyes. He had two yellow-ish horns on the side of his head and a megaphone in his hand. He wore a red torn shirt with a star in it and black torn shorts. It was a weird sight.
"Uh, this isn't Mewni." He spoke, his voice had a light tone in it, unlike from what I heard in High School hell. He must've used the megaphone. "Who are you?" He asked me, a quizzical look on his face.
"Who are you?" I replied.
"Tom, the Prince of Demons."

"tom..as in tom kurel"
"yeah why"
tom kuerel…my ex boyfriend

thanks xD

“I thought you said Tom Cruise.”