forum Creating a Comic!!! Please Help Critique!
Started by @shattered_heart
tune

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@Althalosian-is-the-father book

12, You might have her hold out her arms a little, like, “Surprise.”
13, Since Charles is feeling bad Timmi could look more sympathetic, or make it a really soft smile, with a hint of understanding.
14, It’s really too fast. I would really stretch this out or else it feels like a cheat. Maybe have them take the first time together. Like at the ice cream place. But this relationship will not feel good if it goes too fast.

@shattered_heart

Thanks for the explanation, that clears things up nicely ^^ If you can incorporate some of those informative details into the script, I think you'll be good to go! Glad I could help! XD

No, thank YOU! Your help is really apprechiated :)

@shattered_heart

12, You might have her hold out her arms a little, like, “Surprise.”
13, Since Charles is feeling bad Timmi could look more sympathetic, or make it a really soft smile, with a hint of understanding.
14, It’s really too fast. I would really stretch this out or else it feels like a cheat. Maybe have them take the first time together. Like at the ice cream place. But this relationship will not feel good if it goes too fast.

As usual, you have the best advice on what to fix. You are truly amazing, my friend. Its just that I am a little stuck on what to do for 14, as though I dont want it to be to fast, I dont want to drag it out and bore it. I mean, the comic could easily be longer, but I dont know how to make that scene meaningful as that is the main point of their relationship and is suppose to expand over a number of days.

@Althalosian-is-the-father book

15, I would end with a last shot on her troubled face.
18, Maybe I’m wrong here, but in my experience with dying the tears don’t come at the beginning. Sometimes randomly, but mostly at the end.
19, Drama I know, but why doesn’t he drive?

@shattered_heart

15, I would end with a last shot on her troubled face.
18, Maybe I’m wrong here, but in my experience with dying the tears don’t come at the beginning. Sometimes randomly, but mostly at the end.
19, Drama I know, but why doesn’t he drive?

  1. I like your suggestion.
  2. I feel you are right with this one as well, as looking back I feel the tear takes away. To be honest, I am not experienced with death. I didnt know my grandfather enough to be very upset, it was more of a silent acceptance of life.
  3. To be honest, I never even considered a car. I think I left that out as he was walking home when he ran into Jordan so he didnt actually have a car with him. And he was too anxious to waste time and just ran. But you kinda have a point, I guess.

@Althalosian-is-the-father book

You could ignore the last bit for drama. But someone would eventually ask that question.
Maybe have something before to show that the hospital is in walking distance? Maybe while out with Timmi have it in the skyline.

@shattered_heart

You could ignore the last bit for drama. But someone would eventually ask that question.
Maybe have something before to show that the hospital is in walking distance? Maybe while out with Timmi have it in the skyline.

Sounds good. I did kinda picture it as a kinda smallish town for some reason, but yeah, I could definetly make it work. One question though thats been bothering me, what quote do you suggest if I have a quote at all?

@shattered_heart

May this…

“Time is short. One of these days you will either say, I wish I had or I am glad I did.”

I dont know why I never replied to you on this. I felt the urge to continue with it and came back this discussion.
But I really love the quote.

@shattered_heart

Oh schist I'm so sorry.

Haha, it's fine. I was never good at keeping friends anyway. And I am going to start studying somewhere else. The previous study was really strict and stressful.

@shattered_heart

Sorry to hear. What was it on?
And also last night at midnight I finished the lot of work which I am slightly proud of.

I do childcare and you have to either have a cert III or a diploma. So I decided to do a diploma, as I already have a Cert III in Business Admin. But it was ridiculously hard. My mum ended up telling me to change to a different training group as I was getting really bad dermatillomania over it. I am still not studying though as the process is still ongoing. But it has been so good not feeling the stress.

Thumbs up👍! What do you study?

On a bright note for me, a friend of three years got back to me and said they still want to be friends 😊. It's kinda funny as we have never met. We met on a writing site and became good friends. We dont know what each other looks like or even our ages. And we only told our real names for the first time. It is honestly a so beautiful and rare friendship.

@shattered_heart

Unfortunetly, probably not. I live in Australia and he is in Hong Kong.
Besides, our friendship is kind of a whimsical one. Since we have no faces, I guess we are not afraid of opening up to each other. I think we are both scared that it might change if we met.
It would be wonderful to meet though. Maybe one day, we will. But until then, I guess we will just keep it as it is.