forum Marvel AU OxO?

Started November 29, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

Steve nodded thoughtfully, hoping he might find a way do decrypt his simple words. "Mhm…So…what seems like the safest thing to talk about right now? Concerning all the stuff you don't want to talk about?"

Bucky shrugged his shoulders. "I…I don't know. Most of the stuff I remember you already know about." he said softly.

"But…most of it?" Steve piped, feeling like he should take note of any important bits. "But there's a part– another part that you're hesitant to share."

"Yeah." he replied quietly. "And I'm not saying anything about…about those ones." he swallowed, tucking hair back.

Steve sighed, "Well, if they're that bad, and you're not comfortable with telling me, maybe you should consider eventually talking to someone else," He shrugged, feeling a little helpless. "Like–"

"I'm not going to a therapist!" He exclaimed before Steve could finish. "I'm not doing that." He clenched his jaw.

"How else are you going to get through this?" Steve pleaded, resting his elbows on his knees as he spoke, gesturing with his hands for emphasis. "You're hurting. This thing that you won't tell me– it's hurting you. This…thing is crippling you, Bucky."

Bucky shook his head. "I can deal with it on my own, Steve. I don't need some shrink tellin' me everything that's wrong with my head."

"Nothing's wro– Is that what you think therapists do?" Steve shook his head, looking at him with pleading eyes, begging him to understand, "That's not– that's not what they do. Therapy is just a safe place to talk to someone who understands how these things affect people. That's it."

Bucky snorted softly. "I don't need a therapist." I don't need to talk about it. He clenched his jaw for a moment.

"Oh my g–" Steve softly groaned, rubbing his face tiredly. "Just– how about this," He started, "What if it was me? Hm? What if all the things that happened to you, all the stuff you won't talk about happened to me. Do you still think I wouldn't need to see a therapist or even just talk about it?"

He closed his eyes, clenching his jaw with frustration. "It wouldn't have happened to you because you've never been in a position where you couldn't say no, Steve!" He snapped.

Steve took a breath, clenching and unclenching his hands that desperately ached to reach out for him. "It– it was a rhetorical." He said slowly. Couldn't say no? "But…what do you mean by that?"

He shook his head quickly. "No. It… nothing." He said, taking a deep breath. "Nothing."

"…'Doesn't sound like nothing," Steve said, trying to piece together these meagre clues within the silence of their replies. "Would you…tell me if it wasn't 'nothing?'"

He hesitated a moment, then shook his head. "No." he replied softly. "I-I don't think I would."

Steve sighed, trying to piece together his mental notes so far. He's hesitant, 'couldn't say no', doesn't wanna see a therapist, won't tell me if it isn't just 'nothing.' A little idea was forming. Blurry, incoherent, and vague…but it was there. Something had indeed happened. Something bad– so bad that he can't bear thinking about. "So…it's not nothing." Steve said slowly, quietly ruling it out, "I know that now, so…"

(I'm sorry that this is so dark, but… knowing human nature and adding in the fact that Bucky's programming literally wouldn't have let him disobey a CO…it's a plausible thing to have happened if you've caught on to what I've been…insinuating)

Bucky was silent, letting Steve talk. He wrapped his flesh arm around himself, tapping his fingers against the cold metal of his left arm.

(? do you mean he litterally can't tell him? 0_0)

"It's a little complicated," Steve admitted, his eyebrows drawing together in thought. "I– I don't know if what I'm thinking is right."

(uh…uh…no not that it's… something else. But he "can't" tell him bc a lot of the time victims have a really hard time telling other ppl what happened, so)

Bucky shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know what you're thinking, so." He replied softly, his flesh arm still wrapped around himself.

(mhm i got that, but will he tell steve/ someone else eventually?)

"…Forget it." Steve said dismissively, shaking his head and wishing he could bring his gaze up to Bucky's face. "It doesn't matter what I'm thinking. All that matters right now, is you– finding a way to work through…whatever this thing is, without it continually hurting you."

(eventually most likely)

Bucky took a deep breath. "I don't…" He nodded a little. "Fine. Alright." He replied slowly.

"So…yeah," Steve sighed, absentmindedly tapping the cover of his sketchbook, "We'll– figure something out, I guess." He said with more hope than certainty, we have to.

Bucky swallowed, and nodded. "Alright…" He replied, voice still faint and quiet.

"Right." Steve swallowed, trying to push away the nagging reminder of how different Bucky was now. "D'you…still wanna stay here? I've got the stuff I wanna take over to the tower."