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"You would have gone about your day reading your books and spouting off French."
"You would have gone about your day reading your books and spouting off French."
"I wouldn't have been able to help you, is what." He argued softly.
"And?" She scoffed crossing her arms over her chest.
"I wanted to help you." He answered, his voice barely a whisper.
She lowered her voice to the same level as his. "Is that all?" She wasn't sure what she was doing or what she wanted him to say. If he wanted more than just to help, well…
“You…I…I don’t know, but…right then, driving you home, I…I wasn’t thinking about anything else.
Her chest felt like it was going to explode. "I-" Her throat began to tighten up, everything inside of her sparking with…something. She quickly stood and almost ran out of the room, needing to be somewhere where she could think. Where she could breathe. Where her thoughts weren't suffocating her. She ran out the back door and fell to her knees in the grass.
Alton sighed heavily and rested his forehead on the edge of the bed. See? This is what you always get.
Her chest ached for air she couldn't give somehow, even being surrounded by it. She squeezed her eyes shut. That feeling… The shivers, the butterflies- we're they signs of her world collapsing? Or being built?…
Alton let out a slow, shattering sigh. You shouldn't have done it. You shouldn't have. Look where it's gotten you. He stood, only to collapse in a chair again.
She crossed her arms, clutching her chest. She couldn't breathe. Her stomach was tightening it's knots, every breath she tried to take in making it worse, but it wasn't what he said. It was that she didn't know what to say. Somehow, she yad never had that feeling before- her tongue twisting as every butterfly tried to find it's way out. She forced herself to breathe, hoping she could stand and go back inside sometime soon. Idiot.
Should I go see if she's okay…? No, that's the opposite of what she wants. He hung his head.
You can't afford to become attached! Her entire life had been devoted to cutting ties, but here- here she was stuck after only what seemed a moment. A memory flooded her mind. 'Why do you always push everyone away?' 'Because I know someday they'll push me away. So, I beat tuem at their own game.'
Alton stood slowly, making his way to the porch door. He inhaled deeply. "You alright?" He asked, his selflessness getting the better of him.
She jumped a little, surprised. She turned her head a little to his voice, a faint "mhmm" escaped her lips, barely audible.
"Good." He sighed heavily again. "Look, I'm…sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
She stood brushed herself off. "No, it's fine." How come I can breathe now? "I didn't mean to run out like that. If anything, I should apologize."
“No, no, I-“ Alton shook his head.
"Alton, please." She cut him off and walked up closer to him. "I'm sorry. I'm just not used to it; I wasn't sure what to say." She thought for a moment. "And I'm not very used to that either."
"So…I didn't do anything wrong? I didn't…hurt you?" He looked up, hopeful.
"No, you didn't." She offered a small smile. It was just me and my stupid heart and mind.
"Thank god. I thought I had." He returned the smile. "Do you mind hugs much?"
She looked to the ground and cleared her throat. "I uh, don't really know anymore. I haven't had one in years."
"Years?" His eyes widened, and he promptly hugged her. "For everything," He muttered.
She stiffened up at the embrace, unsure of what to do. She didn't remember. "I-" A wave of warmth washed over her, and she almost recognized it. It was a different warmth than she could (barely) remember. This one had a spark.
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