forum Glitches // OxO // Closed

Started November 27, 2019 by @ElderGod-Icefire

tune

Jude walked over to tell him breakfast was ready, but found him hugging Macy. "Hey," He said softly, running a gentle hand through Nyx's hair, "You alright there? Breakfast is ready."

Nyx looked up at him, blinking, then nodded. "Mhm." He replied simply, letting go of Macy and letting out a faint breath.

Jude gave him an affectionate squeeze on his shoulder, wearing a hesitant smile as he looked from Macy to Nyx. "C'mon, let's go sit down," He softly said.

Nyx nodded a little and stood up, shrugging his shoulders a little bit and chewing on his bottom lip.

Jude followed after Nyx, hesitating as he moved to reach our and stop him, wishing he knew if he wanted to be left alone or distracted or even just held, though Jude wasn't always good with communication and wouldn't know how to ask. He just touched his lower back as he passed him, mumbling "I made coffee," as he sat down.

Nyx looked up at him and nodded a little bit, grabbing a cup of coffee and sitting down at the table. "Sorry…" he said quietly.

"Hm?" Jude sounded as took a sip of his coffee, raising his eyebrows faintly at Nyx's quiet response, "For what?"

"For being so…stupid." he replied slowly, looking down at his food. "And not knowing anything. And…" He trailed off, shrugging his shoulders.

Jude softly frowned at that. "What?" He said in quiet disbelief. "Nyx, you aren't stupid. What even–" Jude shook his head, trying to meet his gaze, "You know that it's not your fault that you don't know…some things. You don't need to feel sorry over this."

"But…but I don't know about anything, and…and I-I just…" he shook his head a little, chewing on his lower lip anxiously.

"Hey, hey," Jude said, looking at Nyx with his eyebrows faintly pulled together and gingerly reaching out to take his hand, "You can't get mad at yourself for this. Not everything in life is about knowing; it's about learning."

"But everybody else my age knows more than I do. How am I supposed to catch up or even try to fit in?" he asked, looking up at Jude worriedly.

Jude shook his head, watching Nyx with a softened look. "It's not a competition and– fitting in is not this huge thing," He said, wondering what his friends might think of Nyx if they'd meet, "You can't expect anyone to know everything. It's not a race, and there isn't some ultimate goal. Everyone knows that."

"But everyone else knows more than me." Nyx replied, frowning a little bit as he looked up at Jude. "I don't understand…"

"That doesn't mean you should hold that against yourself," Jude told him, "I mean, it is a fact– but you shouldn't let it bother you this much. Circumstances changed things for you."

Nyx frowned. "But I…" He shook his head quickly. "I don't…" He bit his lip, not looking at Jude.

"Nyx," Jude said, looking at him intently and reaching to tilt his chin his way, "You are good enough– the way you are now. There will always be people who know more than you and me. But it doesn't matter."

Nyx frowned. "But I…I don't know enough. Everyone…I…" He shook his head slightly. "I…" He looked up at Jude.

"–Everyone is doing their own thing," Jude said, speaking clearly as he looked at him, "Everyone is trying their best to do the same; to learn what they wanna learn, and live. We all wanna know 'enough.' But nothing ever is, so the best we can do is just to keep going."

"But I don't know…I don't know anything, Jude! Everybody else knows about…about basic things like history and art and music and…and sex, and I don't!" he replied.

Jude shook his head, holding out a hand as he spoke, "Look I get why you're mad over this, but you don't gotta feel like that makes you less– whatever. If you wanna learn about this stuff, then do!" He said, adjusting his tone, smiling faintly as he ran a hand through his hair, "The concept of knowledge isn't some secret club, so…I'm here, we have the internet, and we're livin' in like, the culture capital of the world. You're starting from almost nothing, and it's o-kay."

Nyx shook his head again. "I just…I…" He didn't know what to say, how to communicate what he was feeling. That it wasn't enough, he wasn't enough, he could never fit in.

"It's okay, Nyx," Jude said with a quiet sigh, taking his hand as he met his troubled blue gaze, "This is complicated, but people will understand, I promise. And even if they don't– it's still okay if you don't know some things."

Nyx bit his lip slightly. "I'm sorry." He said, shaking his head and looking at Jude uncertainly.

Jude expression softened, and he shook his head, leaning out of his chair to wrap his arms around Nyx, not knowing what else to say or do about his feeling of inadequacy.