forum Dystopian Fantasy RP aw yeah (Private)
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@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

"Yeah, that's the hope," Mike replied, stepping onto the narrow path and starting along it to see where it led. "But this is a magical storm, remember? There's no telling what it'll–"
At that exact second, the rain stopped. It was so abrupt that it was as if someone had just turned off a faucet somewhere, leaving only the channels of water rushing down the slope and the steady patter of droplets falling from the trees. The silence was sudden and a sharp contrast from the chaos of a few minutes ago.
Mike froze and glanced at Tanrial. When he spoke again, his voice was very quiet. "And this is why I hate magic. When good things happen, it just makes me more nervous."

@ElderGod-Carrots

Tanrial frowned up at the sky, rubbing at her ears to stop the sudden ringing that had appeared after the rain stopped, "Someone's controlling the weather…" She muttered, "There's no way this is natural and someone not messing with us."

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

Mike snorted angrily. "And to think Mr. Torres wants us to let him help, after all this. Please." He turned and started up the slope again, a bit more quietly now. "Guy's insane. Dropping a hurricane on our heads–how's that supposed to be helpful?"

@ElderGod-Carrots

“Well, we don’t actually know if it was Torres,” She countered, falling into step, “It’s likely to be him, yes but we don’t know it for sure. He could have someone working for him doing this.”

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

"That's true. I mean, I think he did tell us when we were at his house that he could control the weather–although he sure never admitted to this kind of power. But you're right, there's no evidence that this was him personally. In which case……" he sighed heavily. "We could have even more enemies out there than we thought." He paused to look around. "I think we're high enough on the slope to avoid the floodwaters. Let's cut left and try to find a cave or something."

@ElderGod-Carrots

The further down that path the took, the denser the trees became, and darker, too, much different to the others they passed on the way in. The path was slippery from mud but it wasn't too bad and it was fairly easy to walk across. Soon after that, a small, yet sizable cave came into view, the grey rock over hanging slightly. It was unclear how deep it went as all that could be seen inside was darkness but it looked dry, and it would shelter them for the time being.

@ElderGod-Carrots

Tanrial hummed her agreement, already setting off to find some suitable wood for them to use. Luckily the water hadn't effected it too much, so it was fairly easy to find some for them to light. The cave seemed to be slightly colder then the outside world, meaning the extra warmth will be needed.

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

Mike built a circle of dry rocks in the cave's entrance, then found some tinder and made a little nest of it inside a teepee of kindling. Pulling out his flint stones, he set to work trying to make a spark. "When you have a minute," he said to Tanrial, "We need bedding of some kind, and blankets if possible. I have a smallish bedroll in my backpack that might not be soaking wet, and I think I see a pile of dead leaves in the back of this cave that could make good insulation. I'll come help in a second once I've got the fire started."

@ElderGod-Carrots

"I think you might be pushing your luck with blankets… I don't think any of us thought we were going to be stuck in this bad of a storm," Tanrial sighed, moving to take Mike's bedroll out his bag, "Besides, I think Bernon had most things."

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

(Of course, hit me up! ^^)
Mike managed to create a spark and carefully spilled it into the tinder nest, then started nursing it into an actual flame. "I hope he's doing all right. I haven't seen or heard any sign of him. But I know he's done lots of traveling on his own before, so he's not stupid. He's probably doing exactly what we're doing right now, trying to rest and get warm somewhere."

@ElderGod-Carrots

(Really? Thanks! Lemme go get it)
She hummed her agreement, pulling out the roll and laying it flat close to the fire, "Probably. it's just the matter of getting past the currents and the water, and by the looks of it he seemed to be trapped in the middle."

@ElderGod-Carrots

(This somewhat short intermission is brought to you by Carys and her crappy attempt at a prologue, also her freaking out over the fact that she thought Word deleted it for a whole five minutes, please enjoy)

When asked what super power you’d like to have, what would you answer be? Telekinesis? Element manipulation? Time travel? Common answers that many people choose but what about the ability to walk between worlds, to walk between universes? Stupid really, it has only been theorised that there are other worlds, parallel universes, universes where aliens are definitely real. But is it only a theory? Or is it actually real?

The castle that was situated in the middle Kerrian held Yrelta’s best World Walkers. The men and women who were trained to walk between the void and into another universes like their own and some entirely different. It was in the uppermost tower, situated far away from the rest of the castle and in the coldest part of it, did Alex Lowe, Aidan Johnson and Sebastian Miles stand before the castles owner with the most disgusted looks on their faces.

“What do you mean, stay on Earth and protect it?” Aidan asked, placing his hands down harshly on the desk of the elderly man sitting in front of him. Papers flew off the dark stained wood and the man in front of him had the most bored look on his face as he sighed for about the tenth time in the past twenty minutes.

“I mean exactly as I said, Aidan. You three are to go to Earth and stay in a small town called St. Aimes. We’ve caught wind that a Night Stalker has been seen trying to cross the void and into that universe. You three are to make sure no harm comes to those living in this town.” The man said, rubbing at his temples that were creased from years of worry and dealing with the trio in front of him and their shit.

“But why us, Sir?” Seb asked calmly compared to his friend who was frowning so hard it looked like his bottom lip would burst from pressure.

“Because you three are my best Walkers in a very long time.” He replied.

“With all due respect, Sir, that’s a load of bull-”

“We’ll do it,” The third boy in the room, Alex spoke up. He slowly peeled away from the wall he was leaning on, a stack off bookshelves rattling slightly as he did so, “We’ll go, Sir.”

“You can’t be serious Alex?” Aidan raised a brow, turning to his friend with sense of disbelief, “You want to go to that gods awful place for what, a single Night Stalker?”

“You know how dangerous those creatures are,” Alex growled, stalking to his friend. The inch he had over Aidan in height was showing and he thanked the gods he had it, “Those humans on Earth are weak, they can’t defend themselves so we have to for it for them,” He pointed a tanned finger against his friends chest, “Got it?”

Aidan nodded once, through reluctantly and crossed his arms over his chest, “Fine…” He huffed, blowing a strand of long, brown hair out his face.

The old man sighed loudly, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders as the three boys finally agreed to his plan. He prayed to the gods that Alex would keep Aidan in line. That boy had caused too much trouble already and he didn’t need to be dealing with memory wiping an entire town because of one slip up on their part.

He stood from his desk, walking over to the floor to ceiling windows and out onto the balcony. The grey sky plunged Kerrian into a never-ending darkness, and it was one of those rare moments where he wished they had a sun, like the one that cast that delightful golden glow over Earth. He braced his hands on the twisting silver railing, the cold from the metal nipping at his old, wrinkled skin, worn from age and travelling to distant universes.

The town bellow was a bustle of life. Children carelessly jumping from one end of the street to the other with their power, mothers scolding them when they knocked over a plant pot and it smashed on the cobbled street. The houses were a mess, bordering the winding pathways that only just fit carriages that ventured along them and grey. Everything was grey or a shade of it. Very little colour could be seen from the man’s outlook over the city he had lived in for years. The old church bell struck five o’clock, the ominous rattling of the bells vibrating their sound across the city of grey.

“You’ll go tonight,” He said after a moment, the three boys joining him on observing the world bellow them, “You’ll go tonight and you are to attend the high school in St Aimes, teenagers have a wonderful skill of spreading news and gossip where ever they go,” He waved a hand idly, “Protect the students, too, of course.”

“Yes yes,” Aidan mumbled, still frowning, “We get it.”

Alex rolled his eyes, sending one of his deathly, ice cold glares towards his friend who just shrugged a shoulder in return, unfazed.

Seb sighed, shaking his head and running a hand through his own hair, his pale fingers catching on the blonde strands, “Well, this is going to be fun.”

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

(Coolio!)
"Right. Now that the storm's over, he's most likely just fine." Mike finished adding larger sticks to the fire and left it for the time being, rummaging through his backpack to assess the damage. "Let's take off our outer layers and get them spread out near the fire, we need to get–oh." He stopped for a moment and examined his hands. They were covered in cuts and scrapes and still bleeding. "…..How did that happen? Huh. Anyway, I guess I need to treat those too. Tanrial, you're not injured, are you? Apparently it might do to double-check. I'm so numb from cold right now I can't feel my hands at all."

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

(Okie dokie! Seeya later!)
(Okay first of all I love it! This is a great concept and premise for a story, and it's very clearly laid out ^^ I like the characters too, they sound cool and interesting already XD
Overall, it's very well written and I don't see much that needs changing or any major problems. If I had to, I think I'd only give you two suggestions:
1: As far as the writing itself goes, you might want to go back through and break up your sentences a bit more, either with commas or full-stop periods, for the sake of clarity. There were a few parts where I had to reread a bit to really grasp what you were saying, but I think simply restructuring or rephrasing the sentences would solve the problem. Even just switching out an "and" for a "but" or vise versa might do the trick. It sometimes helps me to read aloud my work or have a friend read it to point out confusing parts.
2: Pay attention to your characters' mannerisms and, more importantly, how often they repeat them. It's good to show habits and behaviors your characters have, but a little goes a long way. Pay attention to stuff like sighing, crossing the arms, etc. and make sure nothing gets too repetitive.
Honestly these are both very small things and like I said, overall it's a very well-done piece of work ^^ Thanks for letting me read it, and I hope my thoughts helped at least a little! XD )

@ElderGod-Carrots

(Eee, thanks! I really appreciate it :D Also, happy early Easter!)
Tanrial looked over her shoulder with a small frown before down at her own hands and arms, looking for injury. They were shaking a little from cold and possibly from exhaustion, having used a lot of her power earlier. A couple scrapes and bruises but nothing terrible, "Nothing too serious," She replied, "I think yours are worse then mine."

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

(Anytime fam!! Happy Easter to you too! XDD)
Mike nodded. "Okay." He pulled off his coat, jacket, boots and socks and methodically laid them by the fire. "You're right, I don't have a blanket. I do have a tarp though, which is better than nothing, and a second outfit in my backpack that's mostly dry. I'm willing to split all that between us if you're in need of something warm."

@ElderGod-Carrots

(Seeya later! ^^)
Tanrial sat own opposite him, taking her shoes off as he did, then her socks and ringing the water out of them with a grimace, "I'm sure with the fire I'll be fine, but I'll keep that in mind, thank-you." She smiled a little.

@ElderGod-Carrots

She was about to decline his offer when her stomach rumbled and she placed a hand over it, "Can I have some of the bread, please? I'm pretty sure my stomach would hate me if I didn't eat."

@Young-Dusty-the-Monarch-of-Dusteria group

He fished out some small, carefully wrapped loaves of hard bread and handed one to her, then began eating one of his own. "You know what's lucky about all this? We haven't met any bandits out here yet. I guess the storm must have driven them all back to their burrows."

@ElderGod-Carrots

Tanrial snorted, "Anybody who's out here in the storm is stupid, I guess that includes us but we didn't really know the storm was going to be as bad as it was. Do you think Torres or whoever created the storm does it often? Any bandits would be used to them if they were common."