(its all good, no worries at all!)
Abrose hummed, and gave a slight shrug, "I've been more uncomfortable in other situations. It can't be worse." He glanced up at lucian and grinned, "I see you're already getting used being the one in charge." he teased, giving a slight pout, "But Luce," he whined, "you know how much I love my sweets." he chuckled softly, trying his best to make light of the situation. No matter what, happened, if they left or stayed, Abrose wanted to learn to fight effectively. Despite being far away from next in line for the crown, Abrose wanted to help his siblings the best he could when the time came for them to assume their places as King or Queen. As a prince or commoner, Abrose wanted to help his kingdom. He sighed rather dramatically, "Very well. If I must, I'll give up my chocolat mille feulles and pan au chocolates for now." he relented resting his head back against Lucian's shoulder as he looked around the room, both nervous and excited for his future. He wasn't even sure if he would stay even if his mother called off the wedding. Clearly being a prince did nothing to stop the war so what difference would it make if he faught from the outside. Over the course of Lucian's time away Abrose had aquired an apartment for him to stay in during the extended stays he'd take in the city. He had found informants and good friends in his time away from the castle, people that Abrose planned to contact if the whole marriage situation didn't pan out. He had a plan. Or at a good foundation for one. Oddly enough, he had never created that plan with someone else in mind, much less his royal guard. He nodded slightly and enjoyed what little time the hug would last. "Go easy on me the first few practices. I'm still new to swinging around a sword."
Lucian almost laughed. Oh, it would be worse. It would be so much worse. He was going to make Abrose run until he puked. He was going to train him so hard he would be constantly sore. Lucian wasn't changing anything. If Abrose wanted to put himself in danger, he was going to make sure the prince was equipped to handle it and come out alive. This wasn't about being in charge, it was about making sure Abrose coukd protect himself. Though he only just smiled softly at the words. "Oh, I know. You used to make me steal them for you all the time." He chuckled, shaking his head at the memory. "You can't never have then but it'll be less than what you're used to. You need to eat better before you can indulge."
He placed his chin on the top of Abrose's head as the man laid it back on his shoulder. Lucian squeezed him softly, sighing in content. This was nice, hiding away in a room. It was like their little secret. He never wanted it to end. But he knew it must and he knew they could never speak of this around anyone. No one could know. "The first few days will be seeing what you know and what you can handle. From there, I'll make workouts set around your physical capabilities." He looked down at the prince. "I don't want you to feel bad if you're not as string or as fast as the others. You're starting off at a disadvantage as it is. We all started training much younger than you are now. And because of your biological physique, it's just not possible for you to be as strong as the others. But that doesn't mean that you can't fight them and win. I'll teach you how to use their body against them. You can win against someone larger and stronger than you are."
Abrose giggled softly and nodded, "yeah, you were pretty good at it too, that or the chefs knew in advance to leave some extra out. Guess we'll never know." He sighed softly but nodded "you're right. of course you're right." He nestled against Lucian, reveling in the warmth and safety of his guard's arms. Depsite his promises of training hard and a severe lifestyle change, Abrose knew the safest place was right here with his Luce. From early on in his transition, Abrose knew there was no guarentee he'd fully achieve the physique of a male in its entirety. There were some limitiations not even the best surgeons could pass and Abrose had accepted that. Fighting had never been a goal of his during his transition so he hadn't worried too much about it back then. Now that he would be training with other guards and with Lucian he was suddenly very self conscious of hismself. He felt a bit better knowing it'd be just him and Lucian training for a while until they could figure out what Abrose was capable of but eventually they'd need variety in apponents for Abrose to truely show growth and learn. Most of the guards knew he had transitioned either through Chire with his permission or eventual common knowledge but it would be the first time Abrose would go against any of them. He bit his lit in uncertainty but gave a determined nod. "I'll try my best." He reasured, a mixture of excitement and nerves swirled inside him. He sighed softly, and started to gently break away from the hug and head towards the door. "We should probably be heading back. I need to change before we meet with Amire and I want to at least speak with Chire and Lilly." He didn't want to tell them about everything, at least not yet. He knew they would catch on eventually to their plans, But Abrose wanted them to hear it from him instead of worrying until the last minute and then finding out too late.
Lucian looked down at the prince as Abrose moved his head. He smiled sown at him softly. He almost reached his hand up to pull his lip put between his teeth. Almost. He kept his hands firmly on Abrose's hips. "I know you'll do your best. When have you ever halved anything?" He didn't know a time the Abrose didn't give it his all. He mourned the loss of his touch as the prince stepped away from him. He was right of course, they did need to move on. The linger they stayed there the more they were risking being caught. But Lucian didn't want to let him go. Lucian wanted to stay there, wrapped in that hug. But it was time for them to go. He took a step back, allowed himself a moment to clear his head, then nodded. "Let's go."
He cracked open the door and made sure there was no one in the hall before opening the door all the way. He gestured for the prince to exit the room first before stepping him out himself. He straightedge his back, push back his shoulders, followed behind the prince back to his room.
"I would never dare to halve things. It'd go completely against my very conpletist personality." He grinned and stood on his tip toes to peek over Lucian's shoulder, praying the hallways were emty. He didn't have the will toe xplain their situation to anyone. He skipped back as Lucian backed into the room and allowed him through. He glanced at Lucian for a moment, weighing his options. Would it be worth pulling Lucian back into the room and lock the door, letting them have the privacy he so desperately wanted? Abrose knew despite his desperate desire, to do so, he had something more pressing to do before he focused on his personal relations. He smiled softly, gently squeezed his guards hand before breaking contact completely and then made his way out of the study and then to his room. "I'll be back in a bit." He promised, closing the door behind him. He took moment to gather his thoughts before he began raiding his closet in search of something more appropriate than sleep clothes. He eventually settled on a whine red shirt and deep navy blue pants, going for a more mature look instead of his more playful outfits like last night. He hoped he'd be taken more seriously by Amire. He threw on some pieces of gold jewelry last minute, feeling more like himself with a bit of jewelry. He toussled his hair a bit to make it less flat and pulled on a pair of black boots before he stepped back out into the hall. "Okay, I think we're ready." He waved to himself, suddenly nervous about meeting the prince one on one. What if the prince wanted the marriage after all? What if he wasn't willing come to a compromise? "Too much?"
Lucian softly clicked the door shut behind them and then they were on their way down the hall. It was as if it had never happened. As if they had never been in that room together. Never had been in each other's arms. No one knew that other than the two of them. He didn't know about Abrose but the memory would be burned into his head. He would never be able to forget those few precious moments they were in that room. Those were memories he would hold on to forever. And they were memories that would only hurt his heart more. Lucian nodded to the prince, taking up position outside his door while the prince changed. The minutes ticked by but he never once wished for Abrose to hurry. He knew the prince cared about his appearance. And Lucian would never fault him for it either. Outside of uniform, Lucian liked to care for his appearance as well, even if it wasn't as extravagant. He made sure his clothes matched and then he did something nice with his hair. He stepped back as the door was opened and turned to face Abrose. He looked at his appearance and smiled gently at him. "No, it's not too much. You look like a prince." And that's what Abrose needed for this meeting. Hopefully, it would go alright. Hopefully, it would go the way Abrose wanted it to. Because Lucian did not want the prince making good on his promise. No matter that the two of them could be free to be themselves. No matter that Lucian could express his feelings. They would always be on the run, hiding for those looking for Abrose. It was better this way if everything worked out.
Abrose nodded slightly, still a bit unsure but felling a bit better. He glanced down at himself, anxieously smoothing over the wrinkles in his blouse. "Thanks Luce." He smiled softly and took a deep breath. "Now lets hope Amire is more willing to not get married as I am." he laughed but it was more out of nerves than complete confidence. With that he turned around and started walking down the hallway towards another study in the castle, larger than the one he and Lucian had been in and oftentimes used more for conferences and meetings with political leaders. For this time of day and year, Abrose hoped his parents had moved the meetings to the greenhouse to take advantage of the wamr weather and beautiful flourishing plants in bloom.
He opened the door and peeked his head in, and took a quick look around, sighing in relief when he saw only Amire by a bookshelf, observing the titles and trinkets that adorned the shelf. The foreign prince glaned up and blushed, as if embarrased to be caught intrigued by his enemy's home. "From my sister, mostly. She's the msot well versed in travel out of the three so she brings back souvenirs for us." Abrose explained as he stepped into the room and shut the door after Lucian had entered.
Amire nodded thoughtfully, "It is a wonderful experience to travel. I would suggest it to you as well, Prince Abrose. Though from what i've seen of your parents I can tell getting out of here is next to impossible." He chuckled softly and Abrose silently decided to ignore the jab at his parents for now, knowing he himself agreed entirely. Amire flicked his gaze to Lucian, seeming for the first time to acknowlede his presense. "You trust your guard not to report back to the king and queen?" he asked, not necessarily out of distrust but more out of surprise that Abrose would allow a lowly guard to witness something as private as this. At that Abrose stiffened defensively. "I trust him with this and far more. He stays or we both leave." Amire tilted his head slightly before bowing slightly. "whatever you may wish, your highness. IF you say he is to be trusted, then I believe you." Abrose released a small breath and nodded back before motioning to the sitting area by a large stained glass window. "Shall we begin?"
Lucian only returned a tight smile in answer. Yes, he only did hope the other prince was less willing to get married. But even if Aimre didn't, it still boiled down to their parents. Their parents were king and queen of their own countries. They had absolute sovereignty and they could very well order the two to get married. And if Aimre did not stand up to his parents, Abrose would be stuck marrying the prince. That was, of course, if he didn't actually run away. It was going to be interesting to say the least how that was going to play out. Not in a good way. Either Lucian was stuck watching the man he loved marry someone else or he was chasing after Abrose as he fled the palace. Neither were desirable outcomes so he only hoped for the best.
Lucian had to restrain from making a face as Abrose opened the door himself. It should be Lucian who should be opening the door. He was the prince's personal guard and as a prince, he shouldn't have to open anything himself. That was what the staff was here for, not that Abrose ever really fit the traditional life of a prince. It was one of the many qualities Lucian loved about him. He clicked the door shut behind them and went as far as locking the door. The prince would want absolute privacy and to not be interrupted. Locking the door would ensure that. He took up post but the door, keeping his head straight and his gaze forward. They were around a prince. Lucian needed to act as a guard if he wanted to keep his position as a guard. He couldn't risk this other prince running and blabbing that he was too familiar with the prince and get dismissed. However, he had a sense of pride swell in him as Abrose vouched for his presence. He didn't let it show on his face, not even the tiniest of smiles. No, he needed to keep his composer and he would.
Abrose settled across from Amire in the velvet chaise and began recounting the plan he and Lucian had come up with, Of course he ommited Lucian from the plan. "If we can't somehow convince my parents to call of the wedding, I'll leave and try and help from the outside." He explained, watching the other prince intently. His heart was in his throat as Amire sat quietly across from him, his brows creased in deep thought, his hands folded and tapping lightly against his lip.
"It seems you're just as aposed to marriage as I am," He noted after the few minutes of silence. Abrose's eyes softened slightly and he dared a small smile. "Please believe me when I say it is not becuase of you." Amire glanced up and matched Abrose's grin. "I'm glad, considering I made a terrible first impression." The princed flicked his gaze to Lucian then back to Abrose, arching his eyebrow slightly. He leaned forwards and lowered his voice. Abrose stiffened but didn't move. "Yu have someone dear to you. I wouldn't blame you if you chose them over me. In fact I would encourage it." Abrose's heartbeat quickened but he managed to keep his voice even. "I don't know what you mean, your highness."
Amire shook his head. "Fine, deny it all you want but I saw that little glance at your guard. You both share something deeper than merely a prince and his guard, whether you choose to acknowledge that now or later."
Abrose's eyes fluttered, praying silently that Luce couldn't hear Amire's claims, or better, his own confirmation. "Yes." He said quickly "Yes I don't deny anything but he can't know, no one can until this is all over, until I can guarentee he is safe." Amire slowly backed away with a nod of understanding. "That I can agree with, your highness. Though I think you'd be surprised with what you're guard may truely think of you and this situation, if only oyu two were honest with yourselves."
Abrose huffed a small laugh, he ahd asked Lucian already, more or less. He knew his guard's tance in all of this. None of which included cofessing any notion with being with Abrose in the capicity the prince dreamed of.
"You seem to know what you're talking about. Am I right to assume you are going through something similar?"
Amire leaned back casually and shrugged. "I may have some I wish to protect. If I need to be married off to ensure their safety and happiness so be it. Of course I would rather not. My heart is theirs but like you, I am in a tight situation where committing to that relationship would feel like I'm abandoning my kingdom." Abrose nodded and settled into the couch. "I don't want to abandon my kingdom. I love it. But I love…him…as well. Its unfair to choose one over the other."
Lucian was listening to them talk. He knew it was a breach of privacy to listen to them but well, how could he not? They were speaking loud enough that he could hear every word they were saying. Perhaps it was jealousy that drove him. He was jealous of Aimre even if he didn't admit it. The foreign prince had the opportunity to marry the greatest man in the kingdom. Likely the world. Because Abrose was amazing. He was soft and kind. He was playful. He had the most amazing smile and Lucian melted anytime the prince gave him those doe eyes. This prince had a chance to marry him and Amire was giving it up. Amire should be honored to be given the opportunity. Lucian would snatch that up in a heartbeat if it was ever offered to him. Given that Abrose agreed. And that was the harder part. He didn't know how the prince felt about him.
The two of them quieted down, whispering to one another. They were speaking low enough hat he couldn't make out the words. He didn't like that. He wanted to know what they were saying. What if Amire said something to disturb Abrose and he wasn't able to stop it? Lucian shifted uncomfortably on his feet, eyes glancing at the two conspiring princes. Perhaps this wasn't a good idea. He didn't like how close they had gotten. Amire was leaning towards Abrose. He didn't like this. He couldn't hear what he was saying. What if the prince had a change of heart and was trying to woo Abrose? Lucian needed to have faith that he was going to stick to his plan. As much as he knew the prince needed to stay in the palace where it was safest, the idea of running away with him was becoming more appealing every second those two were close together.
Lucian wasn't sure what was taking over him. He was jealous. He was more jealous, he was possessive. He had no reason to be. Abrose wasn't his. They weren't together, not even in secret. They were nothing but friends. He shouldn't be possessive. Lucian has never been before. Not for anyone. The few relationships he has had was nothing more than something in passing. It lasted no more than a couple months and it had been nothing worth mentioning to anyone. It was casual. He had never wanted anything more. Not until he truly understood his feelings for Abrose. That was the day he swore off anyone. He hadn't been with another person in over two years. Not even just to bed someone for his needs. His whole life was riding on Abrose and he wasn't even sure if the prince liked him back. And even if he did, they could never be together. It wasn't done.
Amire occasionally flicked his gaze to meet Lucian's, keenly aware of the stoic guard, even as he never missed a beat in conversation with Abrose. "You will soon find out that life itself is unfair, my dear prince." He murmured.
Abrose nodded slightly and took a deep breath. Whether he had meant to or not, Abrose had admitted to loving another to the very prince he was supposed to marry. On top of that, he admitted to loving his guard. Abrose's head spun already and they hadn't even negotiated anything yet.
"You mentioned loving another." He said softly, tilting his head curiously.
A soft smile appeared on Amire's face as his gaze grew slightly distant. "Mhm, a kitchen boy I met years ago." His gaze met Abrose's and in his eyes, Abrose could recognize his own desire and desperate want to be with someone else. Not someone else, the one. For Abrose that was Lucian, for Amire, this kitchen boy. Abrose leaned back and relaxed against the couch, as if they were old friends and were just gossiping about life. He rested his head against his hand and twirled his free hand in the air. "And this lovely man's name is…." He drawled with cheeky smile, laughing when Amire playfully glared at him. "Oh come now, I told you of my love, now out with yours." He reasoned.
Amire sighed softly but seemed to relax around Abrose "now I suppose would be a bad time to ask for wine?" Abrose shrugged "perhaps a bit early. But you're stalling."
Amire huffed a laugh "I see why your guard likes you. Very well. His name is Ziri."
Lucian took a deep breath, shifting on his feet. Had he been in the presence of anyone else, or just out and about the palace, he wouldn't have dared to move an inch while on guard. But he was with Abrose and they were in the confines of this room and it was safe. He doubted that Amire was going to go snitching on Lucian's movements. Not when he was actively conspiring with Abros. Or at least, was supposed to be. All he could pick up from where he was stationed was that they were gossiping. He felt his body tense as he overhead Abrose mention something about his love. His love. Who could it be? Abrose had never mentioned such a thing to Lucian and he knew everything about the prince. Why was he keeping a secret from him? He thought they were friends. And even worse, his heart was squeezing at the thought of Abrose loving another. Maybe that was why the prince wanted to escape the palace. Because he had a lover waiting for him in the city. But then why ask for Lucian to follow him? Perhaps Abrose saw only wanting a friend with him. Perhaps the fates meant to torture him for loving the wrong man.
But at least Amire wasn't a threat. Not as he heard the prince mention his own lover. While he could relax over that small detail, he was still fretting over who this mysterious lover was. Abrose was gay, he knew that. So who was it that he had fallen for? Maybe it was a kitchen boy? Or a scribe? Or maybe the son of a lord? That would be the most appropriate which meant it likely wasn't true. Or maybe it was true that was why he was keeping it under wraps because he didn't want to love someone his parents would approve of. He couldn't be sure. All he knew was that his head was swimming and he was falling down the rabbit hole. He wouldn't rest until he found out who this lover was.
"Ziri," abrose repeated with a smile "what a lovely name.
Amire nodded as his eyes softened "and an even lovlier of a man. You two would get along quite well, I predict."
Abrose laughed as he toyed with pillow. "That would be wonderful. Perhaps in a time where we are not currently at war."
Amire blinked and then straightened, seemingly have forgotten their entire purpose for meeting when Ziri had been brought up. Abrose couldn't blame him when he had the one he loved behind him a few feet away, listening to their conversation. It was, in a way a relief to talk about his feelings to Amire, to someone who knew how hard it was to love another so precariously. Abrose saw when Amire's gaze flicked to over his shoulder again, to Lucian, and slowly shook his head, mouthing a 'please, not yet.' Amire sighed softly but calmly leaned back again. "Do you have a safe place to stay if by chance you are forced to leave your position as prince?" Abrose flinched and nodded. At least one secret would be out rather than another. "Yes. I do. I have an apartment on the east side of the kingdom. No one knows if it save for my siblings. And now you and Luce." He muttered, clutching the pillow to his chest. Amire nodded his approval. "Rebellious little prince." He teased, to wich abrose blushed but couldn't find it in himself to deny. "However does your beloved guard keep track of you?" At that abrose smiled as he stood and gather some parchment and quills to begin writing out their plan in detail. "I make it hard but he's our best for a reason."
Amire grinned and tipped his head to the side thoughtfully. "And what say you to this plan of your prince's, guard. He claims you to be just as involved in this yet you've said nothing. Surely you have your own opinions. Not only on this but on our conversation. Some must have been a reasurancec surely."
Lucian's eyes snapped to Abrose, his jaw tightening as he listened. he couldn't believe the prince had an apartment. How many times had he been there? Had many times had he sneaked out of the palace? Why didn't he tell Lucian? He was definitely going to have to talk to Abrose after this little conversation was over. He was scold going to him on the dangers of the city, grill him on he how got the apartment, and how he had been sneaking out. He didn't know what he would do next. He wouldn't rat him out. Not for a multitude of reasons. First of being was that he didn't like the queen all that much and he knew what she would do to Abrose. He thought he had Abrose's trust to tell him these sorts of things but apparently, he didn't. And that hurt. First, Abrose was in love with someone else, and now this? His heart couldn't catch a break.
Lucian turned his head to Amire, the foreign prince. He still didn't like him all that much but at least he wasn't a threat to him anymore. No, just someone else was. He didn't feel all that inclined to talk. He had spoken to Abrose. The prince knew his wishes and his opinions on the matter. He didn't quite feel like speaking with a foreigner. Especially not with a prince they were at war with. "I trust Prince Abrose with his decisions." He didn't speak any more on the matter. He didn't want to. Not when he was so consumed with his own internal turmoil either. His eyes flickered to Abrose briefly before looking away. Evnn the seconds he had looked at him only hurt him more. Only squeeze his heart a little more. Only threatened for the tears to well in his eyes. He wasn't emotionless despite that he was supposed to be.
Abrose didn't know what was worse, his own sudden self doubt about the situation, after all they were conspiring with the enemy on an alternative plan, or, his guard's reaction and lack of response. Abrose glanced up at his guard, cathing his quick glance. Now that hurt, hurt more than Abrose thought possible. In one single, short glance, Abrose saw his betrayle and then nothing, back to that well trained emotionlessness Abrose had always hated but knew was required of all guards. They would talk. They always talked. Abrose would explain the apartment. He would explain anything Luce wanted if only to get them to talk like normal, not whatever this was.
He eventually looked away from his guard and settled back down across from Amire. The prince scooted forward to better see what Abrose was writing. He'd occassional ask questions or ask for clarification on details, some Abrose wasn't entireley able to answer but Abrose made sure to write them down in case he was able to get answers later. After an hour or so, Abrose wasn't sure how long they had been cooped up in the study but Amire rose from his seat and stretched out his back. "This has potnetial, young prince." Amire said, bowing slightly when Abrose stood as well. "I hope it does."
Amire nodded and offered a reasuring smile. "I pray in working with you and your guard, we stop the fighting between our families. Preferably not in marriage though. No offense at all but you're not my type in romantic partner. Though I wouldn't mind having you as a friend and ally." Abrose blinked and gave a light laugh. "i wouldn't either, your highness." Amire smiled softly and bowed once more. "We must get together again then. For now, I'll leave you and your guard in peace." At the mention of Lucian, Abrose nodded slightly but a slight frown crossed his features. Amire gently rested a hand against Abrose's shoulder and gave a wink before taking a step back and heading towards the door to the study.
once the room fell silent and Amire was gone, Abrose released a long breath and turned to his Lucian. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."
Lucian was emotionless as the stood at the door. Or at least he appeared to be. He had spent years training how to school his emotions. He knew how to hide what he was really feeling. And right now, he was hurt beyond belief. Abrose didn't trust him enough to tell him about his apartment that he had to have gone into the city to be able to purchase. Who knows how much Abrose has been sneaking into the city? What if he was in trouble? What if someone discovered him? he could have been hurt, or worse, killed while running out the city unprotected. Lucian wouldn't have told anyone. He wouldn't have said a thing. He only would have insisted on going with the prince to offer him protection. He knew how to be discreet. He could wear plain clothes and have only concealed weapons on his person. Anything would have been better than Abrose going about with no one knowing.
Time went on as the two princes conspired against their parents. He watched as the clock kept ticking and the sun moved in the sky. Time was irrelevant to him. he was too lost in his head. Had someone jumped through the window or burst through the door to assassinate either one of the princes he didn't think he would react in time. Thankfully no one did and everyone remained perfectly alive. It was about an hour or so later that the two princes finally wrapped up their conversation. He stepped aside to let Prince Amire through the door.
He didn't look at Abrose for a long moment. Not even after he had spoken. He just needed to gather his thoughts and watch his emotions. He took a deep breath before turning to Abrose. His jaw clenched. "You don't trust me." It was a statement not a question. "After everything we've been through and you still don't trust me." Had he done something to betray that trust? He didn't think he had. He was loyal to the bones for Abrose. He would do anything for him.
Abrose watched Lucian, not daring to breath to loudly as his guard remained quiet. Had Lucian heard him? He hadn't whispered. He blinked and then looked up at Lucian, trying to catch his eyes, to get him to at least look at Abrose. His brows creased in confusion before he realized what Lucian claimed. "If you really think something as insignificant as owning an apartment in my own kingdom means I don't trust you then you're soarly mistaken. It is you who doesn't trust me or my judgement." Abrose had gotten close to Lucian so he was forced to look him in the eyes now. He let out a short humorless laugh "and you? Can you not trust me? Do you really think of me only as a helpless sheltered prince? If you can trust me to end a war with the prince we're against why can't you trust me to live my own life outside these walls?" He asked, forcing his voice to remain relatively even. "If you really want to know, I bought that apartment back when you had left to train as a guard. It might have been an irrational decision then but I still kept it in my name in case any of needed a safe place to stay outside the castle. My parents, my siblings, you. And if not used aa a sort of safe house then a get away from living in a stuffy castle for a least a night." He explained. It was partly true. He had used to the apartment as an escape for the countless times he had wandered his kingdom alone. It was nestled in a cozy area of the outer city, away from the noise and chaos the loud capital. While he was telling the truth in part of the apartment's purpose, Abrose knew he was elaborating in a more selfish purpose. If it was meant for his family, the large dresser, king sized bed, and more than adequate bathroom was overkill, especially for one person at a time. When he had bought the apartment, Abrose had bought it for him and Lucian, to have a place to be together without judgement, if that was something Lucian had wanted at all. In the years that followed, Abrose rented it out to friends or for events to keep up with the rent and to keep it used. It was rare when he stayed, fearing he'd eventually be found out or get Lucian in trouble.
“I trust you with my life and more, Luce.” He said sincerely, taking a small step back to give them both a chance to breath and collect their thoughts. “I sneak out, yes. But did you really think I'd stay here all my life cooped up in the castle? I'm not a little girl anymore Luce. I'm not someone who needs constant protection, all the time.” He sighed softly, knowing he had still hurt Lucian in telling him about the apartment or sneaking out into the city. “If you'd like I can show you the apartment sometime, so you can make sure it's safe.” He suggested, watching his guard carefully.
Lucian paused for a moment too long before looking down at Abrose. He was quiet as the prince, listening to his words. But Abrose didn't fully soothe the hurt he was feeling. Abrose hadn't told him. He had said nothing about the apartment or his adventures in the city. While Lucian might have tried to get him to see reason, he wouldn't have stopped him. He only would have wanted to go with him to provide protection. He could be discrete. He knew how not to cause a scene or have heads turned to him. The scenarios were running through his head. If anything had happened to Abrose, if he had been hurt or killed, Lucian wouldn't be able to live with himself. He would have failed his duty and his heart. He likely would have taken his own life of he lost Abrose. He couldn't live in a world his prince did not.
"I wouldn't have stopped you," he said in a quiet voice. "I would never have stopped you from leaving the palace nor purchasing that apartment. I would have only asked that you allow me to accompany you. My job is to protect you, Abrose. And if I cannot then I have failed. I have failed by not knowing." His heart squeeze and he had to look away for a moment to get control of his emotions.
"You should have told me I was assigned your guard. These are the things I need to know so I can do my job effectively. I can't do that if you omitt these things from me." He was looking back at Abrose. "I know you're not that little girl that I grew up with. You've flourished into a brilliant prince and I am proud to serve you, but I need to know these things. Not just because I am your friend but because I'm your guard."
Lucian didn't know what to think. His mind was a mess. First Abrose had a lover and now this. His heart was twisting and squeezing and he wasn't sure how much more it could take. "Of course I would like to see the apartment," he said, his voice still quiet.
The soft gentle voice was more painful than the silence. Abrose almost preferred yelling and anger to the silence and the softness. He shook his head and almost reach out to take Lucian's hand but didn't. "No, my dearest Lucian, you could never fail me or as a guard." He reassured, trying to to come up with some reason as to why he hadn't told Lucian even after he had come back. He wanted to feel normal, wanted to be free from his princely life. For a moment to depend solely on himself instead of his title or his guard to get them through life. But he had hurt Lucian in trying to be independent, something he had genuinely never intended.
It was reassuring in a way, knowing that Lucian would have gone with him to get the apartment years ago, to be by his side as he took those few steps into adulthood apart from his duties as a young prince. He knew Lucian only meant well. He always did, that desire to do good came from the heart. It's one of the reasons why Abrose loved Lucian. He nodded slightly, "from now I'll tell you if I'm going out. We'll plan some nights out even so you can get rest beforehand and it's not as spontaneous." He reasoned, fidgeting slightly as he tried to make light of the situation. He hated this, knowing he hurt Lucian and his trust in him but also being talked down as if still a reckless teenager. Abrose didn't deny the reckless part but he was dumb enough to seek out trouble. He didn't want to put himself or anyone he loved through that pain of what if. He flicked his gaze up to his Lucian, nodding again slightly dumbfounded. He was u're Lucian would have said no or even forbidden Abrise from leaving again. "We'll stay over a night since it's a bit away from the castle but I think you'll like the area. It's cozy, peaceful." He explained, growing slightly more relaxed. "While we're on he topic, was there anything else you wanted to ask?" He bit his lip, the brief period of relief short lived when he remember his and Amire's conversation about their respective one-sided love lives.
Lucian felt like he had failed him, no matter Abrose's reassuring words. The prince had snuck out many a times, trapezing around the city without guards or protection, and staying in an apartment he bought that no one knew about. So many things could have happened to him. So many things that Lucian could have stopped if he had been there. But he wasn't there because Abrose had never told him a thing. It hurt, not to have his trust, and it made his anxiety spike thinking of all the things that could have happened. "Did anyone ever try to hurt you? Did anyone do anything to you while you were in the city?" He needed to know everything. He couldn't very well go into the city and grab them and throw them in the palace prison. Because then they would have to admit that Abrose had left the palace and gone into the city alone. And that was not a conversation either of them wanted to have with his mother. Ut that didn't mean that Lucian couldn't do anything.
He looked down, noticing how Abrose was fidgeting. He sighed softly, knowing better and yet still reaching forward to take his hand into his own, he squeezed it firmly. "You're a prince, Abrose, remember that. You're always a prince first. You need to think about your safety. I understand you want to go into the city but you have to talk to me first. You can't go without at least some sort of protection." Abrose didn't even know how to defend himself. So many things could have gone wrong so fast. His anxiety just kept spiking and he was starting to get a migraine from how his head was spinning. All he wanted to do was place a cold rag on his head and lie back. Unfortunately, they weren't even half way through the day. He hoped that there were no more surprises waiting for him. He didn't think he could handle it.
Lucian wondered how Abrose's lover would take to the prince taking a different man with him into the city to his secret apartment. The though made him turn sour and loosen his hold on Abrose's hand. He didn't like that thought. He didn't like thinking of Abrose with a lover. But he didn't say a word about it. That wasn't his business. And if Abrose wanted to keep it from him then he would let him. "I would like that." It took everything in him not to sound heartbroken as he said the words. He shook his head. "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Anymore secrets?"
Abrose shook his head, thinking back to the countless times he'd gone out. He tried to stay away from the rougher parts of the city, going against his want to help the struggling sections of his kingdom with knowing if he ever did get in trouble, no one would have been able to help. Until he could get a better handle on things and learn to defend himself, he'd keep away from the slums of the city. "No, no one hurt me or tried to, my dearest Lucian. I promise." He reassured, meeting Lucian's gaze when he took hd of his hands to cease his fidget. Gods above what he would give to hold Lucian's hand or even have him as close as he was now, what he would endure to stay like this forever. He'd sit through the lectures about how naive he was and how he needed to be protected at all cost and whatnot just to stay here with Lucian. "How could I forget with you reminding me all the time?" He teased, this time being the one to squeeze their held hands to keep in contact when he felt Lucian loosen his hold. "I have my wots and a charming face, what more protection would I need?" He laughed softoy but nodded reluctantly. "Alright, if I go out again I'll tell you, I promise." He reassured for what seemed like the millionth time. But if a million reassurances was what Lucian needed then so be it if he remained by Abrose's side. He shifted slightly and adverted his gaze before refocusing. "There is one more but I'm not ready to tell you yet. It's nothing bad I promise but I want to focus on the war right now. Make sure we're all safe and at peace before I say anything." He said carefully.
Lucian only seemed to relax some as Abrose confirmed that no one had tried to harm him or otherwise hurt him while out in the city. Perhaps the prince did have some sense about him to stay clear of certain areas and avoid specific people. He had half a mind to pull him into a hug and check his body just to triple check that nothing was wrong. He knew he was being overbearing but not only was it his job, he was worried senseless about the man he loved. The man that didn't love Lucain back. He had always known deep in his heart that Abrose would never return his affections but he had always had some hope that perhaps Abrose did love him. That hope kept him alive. But now that hope had been squashed as he knew that Abrose loved another. He just didn't know who. And he never wanted to find out.
"You won't just tell me, you'll wait for me to accompany you." Lucian squeezed his hand to emphasize. "I won't keep you from having fun. I'll indulge some with you. But I need to be there just in case." Lucian himself loved walking about the city and having a few drinks in a tavern. He wouldn't drink while guarding the prince but he coukd enjoy a card game or two. And a night away from the palace life felt like heaven. He only wondered how no one would notice the next morning they were gone.
Lucian pursed his lips as Abrose deigned to keep his secrets but he didn't comment. He wouldn't force Abrose to tell him about something he didn't want too. He knew it was about this secret lover. One that wasn't Lucian. He was just fine keeping it a secret longer. He didn't press. He only nodded his head before tugging Abross closer to him. "So what's next then, my prince?"
If Abrose was half the mange claimed to be, he would have confessed right then and there. More than confess he would show Lucian the years of repressed love he had welling up inside him. But he didn't. He didn't pull Lucian in for a kiss, didn't whisper every lustfull desire in his ear, didn't confess every moment he had thought of being with him. Not yet he told himself, though now more slightly annoyed. It's what he had been telling himself for years now. Wait until you've recovered from your transition, wait until he comes back from training, wait a year after that, just wait. He had waited so long to tell Lucian he loved him that another Prince had offered his hand. And now he's wait longer still until Abrose could guarantee their safety and the safety of the kingdom.
He sighed softly and let himself be pulled in by his guard, letting his head rest against his chest. He nodded, exhaustion washing over his body at the whole situation. His heart hurt more a little everyday he couldn't tell Lucian he loved him and his mind swirled with worry over his kingdom's future. "Of course, my guard. Come with me, everywhere. I'll take you to to all my favorite place around the city." He mumbled, despite his aching heart, loving the idea of bringing Lucian to his favored stores or restaurants or parks around the kingdom. Just the two of them. Maybe then he'd find the courage to tell him. He hummed softly and closed his eyes as he rested against his guard for a moment. "I think you'll like it though. My secret. It's a good one." He continued, tilting his head up to look at Lucian "Hm? Don't know. I think we should review this pon over again, Amire brought up some good concerns but I really don't want to think about that right now. Any suggestions?"
Lucian wrapped his arms around Abrose as he folded into his chest. He pretended his heart wasn't breaking as he held him, knowing that someone else got to love Abrose the way he couldn't. He should have said something all those years ago. But Abrose had been going through enough. He was transitioning and then Luce was leaving. Then he was back and adjusting and everything was just a mess. It had never seemed like the right time and now that he waited, someone had swept Abrose off his feet. This was what he got. He should have seized the opportunity to tell him. But now he never would. As long as this mysterious lover treated Abrose well, he wouldn't say a thing. All Lucian cared about was his happiness.
He stroked his large hand up and down Abrose's back, plopping his chin on the top if his head. "You better," he said. "I need to inspect all these places you've been running off to. I've got to make sure they're fit for a prince such as you." He was trying to make light of the situation. He had already put a damper on things grilling Abrose. "Where would you like to review it? We can stay here unless there is anywhere else you would rather go."
He could think of a couple places. They could go to the gardens again. They could go to his rooms. They could go to the library and back things uo with research. Whatever was comfortable.
Abrose scoffed softly and shook his head, "my most beloved Lucian, it truely wouldn't be characteristic of you if you weren't constantly looking out for my safety. Know I will forever be grateful but my dear guard, for once, loosen up." Herescje duo with his free hand and pressed agentle hand to Lucian's cheek. "Some may not be up to royal standards but I think you'll approve of them." He reassured, already excited to bring Lucian to the places he'd discovered. He thought for a moment, figuring his room would be comfortable but with how tempting his comfy bed would be, it perhaps wouldn't be the most productive place to continue their planning. The gardens would be nice, some fresh air would probably clear his mind but he decided on the library in the end, hoping there would be something there of some help, history on the kingdoms, past treaties, anything to help them come to a compromise. And better yet, a distraction from his thoughts about Lucian and his feelings. "The royal archives? Maybe there's something there that could help, or at least find some answers for Amire." He suggested, shrugging. "Maybe we'll find something interesting." He gently nudged Lucian's head with his own and plopped his head back against his chest, perfectly content with staying put, enjoying the way Lucian's hand rhythmically rubbed his back.
Lucian let out a bark of laughter. He shook his head and only squeezed Abrose tighter. This is why I love you. He almost said the words out loud he was so shocked. That would have been a disaster. "You and your loose tongue," he mused. "I'm sure I will thoroughly enjoy every place you take me." With the assumption that he could relax instead of being on edge. It might take a few trips before he was able to truly relax. Or as much as a guard of the prince could relax. "I'm excited to see what you've done with this apartment as well. I know how you are with your interior designing." He fully expected it just to be another show of Abrose's personality. He expected nothing but the best of his prince. And with the royal coffers there wasn't much he wouldn't be able to do. A luxury Lucian had never had.
He couldn't help but drop a kiss on his head as Abrose nudged his head. He stroked his back affectionately and had a smile on his face. As long as he pretended that Abrose had no lover he could be content. "That sounds good to me. But you know you have to stop hugging me if we're to leave."
It was so nice to hear Lucian laugh, especially the tension that had been between them. "I have made a promisr, my dear Lucian. And I intend to fulfill it. Choose and date and time and we'll spend a few days out on the town, just the two of us." He smiled, already planning out their little date. Even if they were just friends, as much as Abrose wanted more, he'd wait. They could go out just as friends. It was enough for now. "Ah the apartment. You'll be proud to know I didn't spend then entire treasury on decorating it. I did have to ask father for a bit of money just to buy the place but the rest of rent and decoration I've covered myself." It had been partly why he had snuck out most nights. He'd pick up odd jobs here and there, watching over the local archives of the city, or working a soup kitchen close to his apartment. On top of providing him with food, the soup kitchen own covered his rent through Abrose's work there. He hadn't been back in while but he figured when he went out with Lucian he'd get a chance to drop by. "That's not to say it isn't up to my standards of course, but it is a tad bit more modest than here." He shrugged, "oddly enough it sometimes feels more like home there than it does here." Having a place that was entirely his, one he had put in the work to obtain rather than letting his title do the heavy lifting felt ten times more rewarding than most of what he had at the castle. Of course his family was here and without them he wouldn't have had any opportunity at to be himself and explore what he liked but the apartment represented something entirely his. A place where he had intended for him and Lucian to make a life on their own. He hummed softly tat he kiss, enjoying the rare warm fuzzy feeling wash over him Everytime he got the chance to be this close to his guard, close enough to feel his strong heartbeat, his even breath, the rubble of his voice right against his ear. He shook his head "I'm surprised my guard. Were you not taught to overcome obstacle in your path? Surely in those many lessons you had to learn what to do if an opponent restrics movement." He teased, picking his head back up and watching his guard for a moment with a challenge smile before reluctantly taking a step back, a moment later, squeezing their linked hands together before dropping them as well. "Time for a fun afternoon of studying." He cheered, trying his best to be enthusiastic but Abtose had never been one to sit still for long and read a textbooks. Fantasy he could read for hours but one book about philosophy or anything remotely academic and Abrose would ibe tching to leave five minutes in. But he reminded himself this was for his kingdom. For Amire's kingdom and the chance for him to happy with Ziri. Abrose might have lost his chance with Lucian by waiting too long but Amire had a chance still. He'd do it ftor hem if nothing else.
Abrose's smile was infectious. Even in the darkest of rooms, one smile from him lit up the every face. Lucian couldn't help but return the smile that was given to him. Abrose's smile was beautiful. Bright and big and wonderful. Just one of the many things he loved about Abrose. "How about two weeks from now. I'll let you decide on the specifics." Two weeks was enough time for him to get his affairs in order and block out enough time for them to spend a few days away in the city. A apet of him wondered if his parents knew about Abrose sneaking out and how no one suspected his absence when he was gone for long periods of time.
"I'm sure your apartment looks wonderful." Lucian couldn't wait to see it. Anything Abrose designed always looked wonderful. He didn't want to know how exactly Abrose was able to pay for stuff out if pocket. He had his allowance from his parents and that was the only income he was aware of. He didn't want to think of Abrose doing anything else. It would only cause for his irritation to rise and he would likely lecture Abrose all over again about the dangers of taking jobs in the city when Abrose was who he was. A prince. If anyone discovered him it could be fatal. As those terrible thoughts came to his mind, he held Abrose a little bit tighter to remind himself that he was safe and whole in his arms.
"Oh, I do know how to get out of this but you are a prince. If I were to practice any maneuver on you it woukd not bode well for me, I don't think. And I like my head exactly where it is." Lucian smiled down at Abrose. He almost laughed at the expression on his face. He had never been a good student. Abrose was terrible a sitting down and reading anything academic. He was wondering how long it would take until Abrose declared he was bored and they ended up doing something else instead."Let's try just an hour. If you make it, I'll help you sneak some sweets away from the kitchen."
Abrose grinned, as he headed towards the door of the study. "Two weeks is more than enough time to prepare. Usually I go the same night I decide to sneak out with barely a plan but this'll be a nice change, a good chance to organize all my favorite places." he smiled, already formulating a little map in his mind of his favorite places in the city and maybe some places he had wanted to visit.
He arched an eyebrow as he paused by the door.
"If thats going to be your attitude during our training then this is going to be much easier than I thought." His smile softened as he shook his head. "My dear Lucian. So long as I am alive, no harm will come to you, I promise." He guarenteed, suddenly very serious for a moment before the playfulness came back.
"ooor….we could get those sweets now and then maybe I'll be more inclined to remain put." He drawled, tugging open the door and heading abck into the hall. "but regardless, I'll try my best to stay focused. This is important and Amire needs answers before he can make a final decsion about this, especially if we're not getting married." He clasped his hands behind him as they started down the hall. "perhaps after would be best. I'm not sure how focused I'll be surrounded by dessert." He reasoned, chuckling softly from himself. He had always had a sweet tooth for dessert, loving anything from pastries to handmade fudge, anything sweet drew him in almost immediately.
Lucian smiled as he looked down at him, shaking his head. "Well, I can't wait to hear what you come up with." Apart of him was hoping that Abrose would give him a list before they left. He wanted to check them all out and make sure everything was secure and safe before they went on their trip. Not that he would ever let Abrose know that. Luce could be incognito. He knew how to not get caught nor draw attention to himself. The last thing he wanted was for Abrose to think that Lucian didn't trust him. But it wasn't a matter of trusting the prince. It was a matter with Lucian giving up control. He didn't like it when he had little control of a situation or scene. Especially when having to do with Abrose. He worried about his safety over all else.
"Well now, I suppose with your protection I have nothing to fear then." Lucian had every mind to go hard on Abrose. He wanted to make sure the prince knew how to handle every situation. Being small and light had disadvantages but it also had some advantages as well. He planned to show Abrose how to use and exploit that against his enemies. "Enjoy your last day of freedom. Because in the morning, we start." And so did Abrose's new food intake. He would be monitoring it closely but not for the reasons some m right think. He wanted to make sure Abrose was taking it the right nutritional foods and that he was eating enough protein. Protein was what was going to help build muscle. Without it, all of this training would be for nothing.
Lucian shook his head with a light laugh. "No, we will not. Because I know you with sugar. Once you start eating, you won't be able to concentrate. And you need to focus on this." He tried to smother the smile as they walked down the hall. It was only a matter of time before they passed someone in the halls and he needed to be in his position. "After," he murmured.
