Lucian was emotionless as the stood at the door. Or at least he appeared to be. He had spent years training how to school his emotions. He knew how to hide what he was really feeling. And right now, he was hurt beyond belief. Abrose didn't trust him enough to tell him about his apartment that he had to have gone into the city to be able to purchase. Who knows how much Abrose has been sneaking into the city? What if he was in trouble? What if someone discovered him? he could have been hurt, or worse, killed while running out the city unprotected. Lucian wouldn't have told anyone. He wouldn't have said a thing. He only would have insisted on going with the prince to offer him protection. He knew how to be discreet. He could wear plain clothes and have only concealed weapons on his person. Anything would have been better than Abrose going about with no one knowing.
Time went on as the two princes conspired against their parents. He watched as the clock kept ticking and the sun moved in the sky. Time was irrelevant to him. he was too lost in his head. Had someone jumped through the window or burst through the door to assassinate either one of the princes he didn't think he would react in time. Thankfully no one did and everyone remained perfectly alive. It was about an hour or so later that the two princes finally wrapped up their conversation. He stepped aside to let Prince Amire through the door.
He didn't look at Abrose for a long moment. Not even after he had spoken. He just needed to gather his thoughts and watch his emotions. He took a deep breath before turning to Abrose. His jaw clenched. "You don't trust me." It was a statement not a question. "After everything we've been through and you still don't trust me." Had he done something to betray that trust? He didn't think he had. He was loyal to the bones for Abrose. He would do anything for him.
Abrose watched Lucian, not daring to breath to loudly as his guard remained quiet. Had Lucian heard him? He hadn't whispered. He blinked and then looked up at Lucian, trying to catch his eyes, to get him to at least look at Abrose. His brows creased in confusion before he realized what Lucian claimed. "If you really think something as insignificant as owning an apartment in my own kingdom means I don't trust you then you're soarly mistaken. It is you who doesn't trust me or my judgement." Abrose had gotten close to Lucian so he was forced to look him in the eyes now. He let out a short humorless laugh "and you? Can you not trust me? Do you really think of me only as a helpless sheltered prince? If you can trust me to end a war with the prince we're against why can't you trust me to live my own life outside these walls?" He asked, forcing his voice to remain relatively even. "If you really want to know, I bought that apartment back when you had left to train as a guard. It might have been an irrational decision then but I still kept it in my name in case any of needed a safe place to stay outside the castle. My parents, my siblings, you. And if not used aa a sort of safe house then a get away from living in a stuffy castle for a least a night." He explained. It was partly true. He had used to the apartment as an escape for the countless times he had wandered his kingdom alone. It was nestled in a cozy area of the outer city, away from the noise and chaos the loud capital. While he was telling the truth in part of the apartment's purpose, Abrose knew he was elaborating in a more selfish purpose. If it was meant for his family, the large dresser, king sized bed, and more than adequate bathroom was overkill, especially for one person at a time. When he had bought the apartment, Abrose had bought it for him and Lucian, to have a place to be together without judgement, if that was something Lucian had wanted at all. In the years that followed, Abrose rented it out to friends or for events to keep up with the rent and to keep it used. It was rare when he stayed, fearing he'd eventually be found out or get Lucian in trouble.
“I trust you with my life and more, Luce.” He said sincerely, taking a small step back to give them both a chance to breath and collect their thoughts. “I sneak out, yes. But did you really think I'd stay here all my life cooped up in the castle? I'm not a little girl anymore Luce. I'm not someone who needs constant protection, all the time.” He sighed softly, knowing he had still hurt Lucian in telling him about the apartment or sneaking out into the city. “If you'd like I can show you the apartment sometime, so you can make sure it's safe.” He suggested, watching his guard carefully.
Lucian paused for a moment too long before looking down at Abrose. He was quiet as the prince, listening to his words. But Abrose didn't fully soothe the hurt he was feeling. Abrose hadn't told him. He had said nothing about the apartment or his adventures in the city. While Lucian might have tried to get him to see reason, he wouldn't have stopped him. He only would have wanted to go with him to provide protection. He could be discrete. He knew how not to cause a scene or have heads turned to him. The scenarios were running through his head. If anything had happened to Abrose, if he had been hurt or killed, Lucian wouldn't be able to live with himself. He would have failed his duty and his heart. He likely would have taken his own life of he lost Abrose. He couldn't live in a world his prince did not.
"I wouldn't have stopped you," he said in a quiet voice. "I would never have stopped you from leaving the palace nor purchasing that apartment. I would have only asked that you allow me to accompany you. My job is to protect you, Abrose. And if I cannot then I have failed. I have failed by not knowing." His heart squeeze and he had to look away for a moment to get control of his emotions.
"You should have told me I was assigned your guard. These are the things I need to know so I can do my job effectively. I can't do that if you omitt these things from me." He was looking back at Abrose. "I know you're not that little girl that I grew up with. You've flourished into a brilliant prince and I am proud to serve you, but I need to know these things. Not just because I am your friend but because I'm your guard."
Lucian didn't know what to think. His mind was a mess. First Abrose had a lover and now this. His heart was twisting and squeezing and he wasn't sure how much more it could take. "Of course I would like to see the apartment," he said, his voice still quiet.
The soft gentle voice was more painful than the silence. Abrose almost preferred yelling and anger to the silence and the softness. He shook his head and almost reach out to take Lucian's hand but didn't. "No, my dearest Lucian, you could never fail me or as a guard." He reassured, trying to to come up with some reason as to why he hadn't told Lucian even after he had come back. He wanted to feel normal, wanted to be free from his princely life. For a moment to depend solely on himself instead of his title or his guard to get them through life. But he had hurt Lucian in trying to be independent, something he had genuinely never intended.
It was reassuring in a way, knowing that Lucian would have gone with him to get the apartment years ago, to be by his side as he took those few steps into adulthood apart from his duties as a young prince. He knew Lucian only meant well. He always did, that desire to do good came from the heart. It's one of the reasons why Abrose loved Lucian. He nodded slightly, "from now I'll tell you if I'm going out. We'll plan some nights out even so you can get rest beforehand and it's not as spontaneous." He reasoned, fidgeting slightly as he tried to make light of the situation. He hated this, knowing he hurt Lucian and his trust in him but also being talked down as if still a reckless teenager. Abrose didn't deny the reckless part but he was dumb enough to seek out trouble. He didn't want to put himself or anyone he loved through that pain of what if. He flicked his gaze up to his Lucian, nodding again slightly dumbfounded. He was u're Lucian would have said no or even forbidden Abrise from leaving again. "We'll stay over a night since it's a bit away from the castle but I think you'll like the area. It's cozy, peaceful." He explained, growing slightly more relaxed. "While we're on he topic, was there anything else you wanted to ask?" He bit his lip, the brief period of relief short lived when he remember his and Amire's conversation about their respective one-sided love lives.
Lucian felt like he had failed him, no matter Abrose's reassuring words. The prince had snuck out many a times, trapezing around the city without guards or protection, and staying in an apartment he bought that no one knew about. So many things could have happened to him. So many things that Lucian could have stopped if he had been there. But he wasn't there because Abrose had never told him a thing. It hurt, not to have his trust, and it made his anxiety spike thinking of all the things that could have happened. "Did anyone ever try to hurt you? Did anyone do anything to you while you were in the city?" He needed to know everything. He couldn't very well go into the city and grab them and throw them in the palace prison. Because then they would have to admit that Abrose had left the palace and gone into the city alone. And that was not a conversation either of them wanted to have with his mother. Ut that didn't mean that Lucian couldn't do anything.
He looked down, noticing how Abrose was fidgeting. He sighed softly, knowing better and yet still reaching forward to take his hand into his own, he squeezed it firmly. "You're a prince, Abrose, remember that. You're always a prince first. You need to think about your safety. I understand you want to go into the city but you have to talk to me first. You can't go without at least some sort of protection." Abrose didn't even know how to defend himself. So many things could have gone wrong so fast. His anxiety just kept spiking and he was starting to get a migraine from how his head was spinning. All he wanted to do was place a cold rag on his head and lie back. Unfortunately, they weren't even half way through the day. He hoped that there were no more surprises waiting for him. He didn't think he could handle it.
Lucian wondered how Abrose's lover would take to the prince taking a different man with him into the city to his secret apartment. The though made him turn sour and loosen his hold on Abrose's hand. He didn't like that thought. He didn't like thinking of Abrose with a lover. But he didn't say a word about it. That wasn't his business. And if Abrose wanted to keep it from him then he would let him. "I would like that." It took everything in him not to sound heartbroken as he said the words. He shook his head. "Is there anything else you want to tell me? Anymore secrets?"
Abrose shook his head, thinking back to the countless times he'd gone out. He tried to stay away from the rougher parts of the city, going against his want to help the struggling sections of his kingdom with knowing if he ever did get in trouble, no one would have been able to help. Until he could get a better handle on things and learn to defend himself, he'd keep away from the slums of the city. "No, no one hurt me or tried to, my dearest Lucian. I promise." He reassured, meeting Lucian's gaze when he took hd of his hands to cease his fidget. Gods above what he would give to hold Lucian's hand or even have him as close as he was now, what he would endure to stay like this forever. He'd sit through the lectures about how naive he was and how he needed to be protected at all cost and whatnot just to stay here with Lucian. "How could I forget with you reminding me all the time?" He teased, this time being the one to squeeze their held hands to keep in contact when he felt Lucian loosen his hold. "I have my wots and a charming face, what more protection would I need?" He laughed softoy but nodded reluctantly. "Alright, if I go out again I'll tell you, I promise." He reassured for what seemed like the millionth time. But if a million reassurances was what Lucian needed then so be it if he remained by Abrose's side. He shifted slightly and adverted his gaze before refocusing. "There is one more but I'm not ready to tell you yet. It's nothing bad I promise but I want to focus on the war right now. Make sure we're all safe and at peace before I say anything." He said carefully.
Lucian only seemed to relax some as Abrose confirmed that no one had tried to harm him or otherwise hurt him while out in the city. Perhaps the prince did have some sense about him to stay clear of certain areas and avoid specific people. He had half a mind to pull him into a hug and check his body just to triple check that nothing was wrong. He knew he was being overbearing but not only was it his job, he was worried senseless about the man he loved. The man that didn't love Lucain back. He had always known deep in his heart that Abrose would never return his affections but he had always had some hope that perhaps Abrose did love him. That hope kept him alive. But now that hope had been squashed as he knew that Abrose loved another. He just didn't know who. And he never wanted to find out.
"You won't just tell me, you'll wait for me to accompany you." Lucian squeezed his hand to emphasize. "I won't keep you from having fun. I'll indulge some with you. But I need to be there just in case." Lucian himself loved walking about the city and having a few drinks in a tavern. He wouldn't drink while guarding the prince but he coukd enjoy a card game or two. And a night away from the palace life felt like heaven. He only wondered how no one would notice the next morning they were gone.
Lucian pursed his lips as Abrose deigned to keep his secrets but he didn't comment. He wouldn't force Abrose to tell him about something he didn't want too. He knew it was about this secret lover. One that wasn't Lucian. He was just fine keeping it a secret longer. He didn't press. He only nodded his head before tugging Abross closer to him. "So what's next then, my prince?"
If Abrose was half the mange claimed to be, he would have confessed right then and there. More than confess he would show Lucian the years of repressed love he had welling up inside him. But he didn't. He didn't pull Lucian in for a kiss, didn't whisper every lustfull desire in his ear, didn't confess every moment he had thought of being with him. Not yet he told himself, though now more slightly annoyed. It's what he had been telling himself for years now. Wait until you've recovered from your transition, wait until he comes back from training, wait a year after that, just wait. He had waited so long to tell Lucian he loved him that another Prince had offered his hand. And now he's wait longer still until Abrose could guarantee their safety and the safety of the kingdom.
He sighed softly and let himself be pulled in by his guard, letting his head rest against his chest. He nodded, exhaustion washing over his body at the whole situation. His heart hurt more a little everyday he couldn't tell Lucian he loved him and his mind swirled with worry over his kingdom's future. "Of course, my guard. Come with me, everywhere. I'll take you to to all my favorite place around the city." He mumbled, despite his aching heart, loving the idea of bringing Lucian to his favored stores or restaurants or parks around the kingdom. Just the two of them. Maybe then he'd find the courage to tell him. He hummed softly and closed his eyes as he rested against his guard for a moment. "I think you'll like it though. My secret. It's a good one." He continued, tilting his head up to look at Lucian "Hm? Don't know. I think we should review this pon over again, Amire brought up some good concerns but I really don't want to think about that right now. Any suggestions?"
Lucian wrapped his arms around Abrose as he folded into his chest. He pretended his heart wasn't breaking as he held him, knowing that someone else got to love Abrose the way he couldn't. He should have said something all those years ago. But Abrose had been going through enough. He was transitioning and then Luce was leaving. Then he was back and adjusting and everything was just a mess. It had never seemed like the right time and now that he waited, someone had swept Abrose off his feet. This was what he got. He should have seized the opportunity to tell him. But now he never would. As long as this mysterious lover treated Abrose well, he wouldn't say a thing. All Lucian cared about was his happiness.
He stroked his large hand up and down Abrose's back, plopping his chin on the top if his head. "You better," he said. "I need to inspect all these places you've been running off to. I've got to make sure they're fit for a prince such as you." He was trying to make light of the situation. He had already put a damper on things grilling Abrose. "Where would you like to review it? We can stay here unless there is anywhere else you would rather go."
He could think of a couple places. They could go to the gardens again. They could go to his rooms. They could go to the library and back things uo with research. Whatever was comfortable.
Abrose scoffed softly and shook his head, "my most beloved Lucian, it truely wouldn't be characteristic of you if you weren't constantly looking out for my safety. Know I will forever be grateful but my dear guard, for once, loosen up." Herescje duo with his free hand and pressed agentle hand to Lucian's cheek. "Some may not be up to royal standards but I think you'll approve of them." He reassured, already excited to bring Lucian to the places he'd discovered. He thought for a moment, figuring his room would be comfortable but with how tempting his comfy bed would be, it perhaps wouldn't be the most productive place to continue their planning. The gardens would be nice, some fresh air would probably clear his mind but he decided on the library in the end, hoping there would be something there of some help, history on the kingdoms, past treaties, anything to help them come to a compromise. And better yet, a distraction from his thoughts about Lucian and his feelings. "The royal archives? Maybe there's something there that could help, or at least find some answers for Amire." He suggested, shrugging. "Maybe we'll find something interesting." He gently nudged Lucian's head with his own and plopped his head back against his chest, perfectly content with staying put, enjoying the way Lucian's hand rhythmically rubbed his back.
Lucian let out a bark of laughter. He shook his head and only squeezed Abrose tighter. This is why I love you. He almost said the words out loud he was so shocked. That would have been a disaster. "You and your loose tongue," he mused. "I'm sure I will thoroughly enjoy every place you take me." With the assumption that he could relax instead of being on edge. It might take a few trips before he was able to truly relax. Or as much as a guard of the prince could relax. "I'm excited to see what you've done with this apartment as well. I know how you are with your interior designing." He fully expected it just to be another show of Abrose's personality. He expected nothing but the best of his prince. And with the royal coffers there wasn't much he wouldn't be able to do. A luxury Lucian had never had.
He couldn't help but drop a kiss on his head as Abrose nudged his head. He stroked his back affectionately and had a smile on his face. As long as he pretended that Abrose had no lover he could be content. "That sounds good to me. But you know you have to stop hugging me if we're to leave."
It was so nice to hear Lucian laugh, especially the tension that had been between them. "I have made a promisr, my dear Lucian. And I intend to fulfill it. Choose and date and time and we'll spend a few days out on the town, just the two of us." He smiled, already planning out their little date. Even if they were just friends, as much as Abrose wanted more, he'd wait. They could go out just as friends. It was enough for now. "Ah the apartment. You'll be proud to know I didn't spend then entire treasury on decorating it. I did have to ask father for a bit of money just to buy the place but the rest of rent and decoration I've covered myself." It had been partly why he had snuck out most nights. He'd pick up odd jobs here and there, watching over the local archives of the city, or working a soup kitchen close to his apartment. On top of providing him with food, the soup kitchen own covered his rent through Abrose's work there. He hadn't been back in while but he figured when he went out with Lucian he'd get a chance to drop by. "That's not to say it isn't up to my standards of course, but it is a tad bit more modest than here." He shrugged, "oddly enough it sometimes feels more like home there than it does here." Having a place that was entirely his, one he had put in the work to obtain rather than letting his title do the heavy lifting felt ten times more rewarding than most of what he had at the castle. Of course his family was here and without them he wouldn't have had any opportunity at to be himself and explore what he liked but the apartment represented something entirely his. A place where he had intended for him and Lucian to make a life on their own. He hummed softly tat he kiss, enjoying the rare warm fuzzy feeling wash over him Everytime he got the chance to be this close to his guard, close enough to feel his strong heartbeat, his even breath, the rubble of his voice right against his ear. He shook his head "I'm surprised my guard. Were you not taught to overcome obstacle in your path? Surely in those many lessons you had to learn what to do if an opponent restrics movement." He teased, picking his head back up and watching his guard for a moment with a challenge smile before reluctantly taking a step back, a moment later, squeezing their linked hands together before dropping them as well. "Time for a fun afternoon of studying." He cheered, trying his best to be enthusiastic but Abtose had never been one to sit still for long and read a textbooks. Fantasy he could read for hours but one book about philosophy or anything remotely academic and Abrose would ibe tching to leave five minutes in. But he reminded himself this was for his kingdom. For Amire's kingdom and the chance for him to happy with Ziri. Abrose might have lost his chance with Lucian by waiting too long but Amire had a chance still. He'd do it ftor hem if nothing else.
Abrose's smile was infectious. Even in the darkest of rooms, one smile from him lit up the every face. Lucian couldn't help but return the smile that was given to him. Abrose's smile was beautiful. Bright and big and wonderful. Just one of the many things he loved about Abrose. "How about two weeks from now. I'll let you decide on the specifics." Two weeks was enough time for him to get his affairs in order and block out enough time for them to spend a few days away in the city. A apet of him wondered if his parents knew about Abrose sneaking out and how no one suspected his absence when he was gone for long periods of time.
"I'm sure your apartment looks wonderful." Lucian couldn't wait to see it. Anything Abrose designed always looked wonderful. He didn't want to know how exactly Abrose was able to pay for stuff out if pocket. He had his allowance from his parents and that was the only income he was aware of. He didn't want to think of Abrose doing anything else. It would only cause for his irritation to rise and he would likely lecture Abrose all over again about the dangers of taking jobs in the city when Abrose was who he was. A prince. If anyone discovered him it could be fatal. As those terrible thoughts came to his mind, he held Abrose a little bit tighter to remind himself that he was safe and whole in his arms.
"Oh, I do know how to get out of this but you are a prince. If I were to practice any maneuver on you it woukd not bode well for me, I don't think. And I like my head exactly where it is." Lucian smiled down at Abrose. He almost laughed at the expression on his face. He had never been a good student. Abrose was terrible a sitting down and reading anything academic. He was wondering how long it would take until Abrose declared he was bored and they ended up doing something else instead."Let's try just an hour. If you make it, I'll help you sneak some sweets away from the kitchen."
Abrose grinned, as he headed towards the door of the study. "Two weeks is more than enough time to prepare. Usually I go the same night I decide to sneak out with barely a plan but this'll be a nice change, a good chance to organize all my favorite places." he smiled, already formulating a little map in his mind of his favorite places in the city and maybe some places he had wanted to visit.
He arched an eyebrow as he paused by the door.
"If thats going to be your attitude during our training then this is going to be much easier than I thought." His smile softened as he shook his head. "My dear Lucian. So long as I am alive, no harm will come to you, I promise." He guarenteed, suddenly very serious for a moment before the playfulness came back.
"ooor….we could get those sweets now and then maybe I'll be more inclined to remain put." He drawled, tugging open the door and heading abck into the hall. "but regardless, I'll try my best to stay focused. This is important and Amire needs answers before he can make a final decsion about this, especially if we're not getting married." He clasped his hands behind him as they started down the hall. "perhaps after would be best. I'm not sure how focused I'll be surrounded by dessert." He reasoned, chuckling softly from himself. He had always had a sweet tooth for dessert, loving anything from pastries to handmade fudge, anything sweet drew him in almost immediately.
Lucian smiled as he looked down at him, shaking his head. "Well, I can't wait to hear what you come up with." Apart of him was hoping that Abrose would give him a list before they left. He wanted to check them all out and make sure everything was secure and safe before they went on their trip. Not that he would ever let Abrose know that. Luce could be incognito. He knew how to not get caught nor draw attention to himself. The last thing he wanted was for Abrose to think that Lucian didn't trust him. But it wasn't a matter of trusting the prince. It was a matter with Lucian giving up control. He didn't like it when he had little control of a situation or scene. Especially when having to do with Abrose. He worried about his safety over all else.
"Well now, I suppose with your protection I have nothing to fear then." Lucian had every mind to go hard on Abrose. He wanted to make sure the prince knew how to handle every situation. Being small and light had disadvantages but it also had some advantages as well. He planned to show Abrose how to use and exploit that against his enemies. "Enjoy your last day of freedom. Because in the morning, we start." And so did Abrose's new food intake. He would be monitoring it closely but not for the reasons some m right think. He wanted to make sure Abrose was taking it the right nutritional foods and that he was eating enough protein. Protein was what was going to help build muscle. Without it, all of this training would be for nothing.
Lucian shook his head with a light laugh. "No, we will not. Because I know you with sugar. Once you start eating, you won't be able to concentrate. And you need to focus on this." He tried to smother the smile as they walked down the hall. It was only a matter of time before they passed someone in the halls and he needed to be in his position. "After," he murmured.
Abrose nodded firmly. If his title as prince was good for anything it was protecting the ones he loved. Other than his parents, no one else could pose a danger to Lucian's position. And even if his parents could, Abrose knew damn well he'd put up a fight for his guard. He lifted his head and straightened his posture, determined not to let Lucian scare him. While he was nervous for the training, not used to pushing his body to such an extreme, he had asked Lucian to train him. He wanted to know how to fight and how to defend himself for the sake of protecting his people.
"Okay, in my defense it's only on rare occasion. Mostly because the kitchen knows my habits but still, I don't eat them all the time." He argued with a smile. He sighed softly, falling silent as they rounded a hall corner and passed a pair of nobles, most likely coming from one his parents regular meetings. They bowed as Abrose passed, muttering a 'good evening your highness' before resuming their walk and conversation. Abrose nodded his head and gave a small smile before heading off to the right to where the archives were. "Very well, after." He agreed, stepping into the archives to begin their very long and tedious night of research.
This would not be Lucian's first time training someone so completely unused to the art. This would be his first time training someone of such a high status. There had been a lord's son or two, but mostly common boys wanting to provide a better life for their families. Never a prince. If it had been anyone other than Abrose, he would be worried about handling him. But he knew Abrose and he was comfortable with him. He knew the prince would hold no grudges, or at least none he would report back to his parents about. He would be hard on the prince and push his limits but Lucian always knew when to stop. He wouldn't over do it or hurt Abrose anymore than some soreness or a bit of bruising the next day. At least until they go into the combat part of their training. That might leave him with more than a few bruises at first.
Lucian began to reply to Abrose's defenses and say that he indeed used to steal them all the time in their youth before the cooks figured out what was happening to them all. But as they rounded a corner, they came face to face with a few nobles and he snapped right back to attention as a guard should. No one should suspect a thing. He didn't open his mouth again until they had both stepped into the safety of the archives. Rarely anyone went down there so they should be safe from discovery. "Where should we start?"
Abrose thought back to how when he had still been a princess and had begged his mentor to let him watch the young soldiers train instead of sit in a stuffy room learning etiquette and what his future royal duties would be eventually. Of course they hadn't let that happen, claiming a princess place was with a crown on her head sitting on a throne, not with a sword in her hand. Thankfully he had an older sister with the same rebellious mindset so when their tutors weren’t looking they'd sneak out to the courtyard to watch their older brother and Lucian train. Using what they could remember from easedropping, they would make their own training routines out in the woods when they went to play in the roods, using sticks as swords.
Where Lilly excelled on the offensive, being the more bold of the two and always being the first to attack, Abrose had taken up the role of playing defense, building up his agility and learning how to parry and dodge his sister’s attack. Attributing it to his years of dance classes, Abrose had gotten quite light on his feet, years later Lilly was still unable to land a blow unless she cornered him.
But now, Abrose wasn’t sure he could match up to the skills he had had as a teenager, especially now after the transition. The last he picked up a sword, it had been years ago, a few nights before Lucian and and Chire had left to prove their abilities out on the battle field and it hadn’t been pretty. He had grabbed the nearest sharp blade in his room, a flimsy rapier he used for his coronation barely a month ago and had seeked out a secluded area in the stables to vent out his frustrationon. It may have been childish to hack and slash at a wooden test dummy the youngest apprentice soldiers would practice on, he hadn’t really cared at the that time how stupid it was. To be in such turmoil about his own body, become a crowned Princess, and then have their dear brother and the love of his life leave with the very high potential of not coming back alive, it had been too much for him at the time and he had needed an outlet. He thrown the dummy, and rapier in a forgotten corner of the stables and hadn’t looked back since. That is until now. Now he had an opportunity to learn and grow from that naive little princess who had thought the worst threat to himself was his abitious sister. He wanted to protect the ones he loved, Lucian, Chire, Lilly, his parents, his kingdom.
He sucked in a deep breath, and refocused. “The begining I suppose.” He replied, still slightly unfocused, but determined regardless. “Its a pure wonder how scholars and tutors sit here for hours reading such technical terms all day, then have the energy to spew it all back out to their students, then on top of that, expect them to understand any of it. Honestly it’s impressive.” Abrose muttered, moving into one of the isles of the archives and started to pull down books he thought were even mildly related. Anything Abrose had an inkling that would answer any of Amire’s questions or explained anything between their two kindgoms, abrose took with him. Eventually, after a bit of perusing, he managed to aquire quite a stack of heavy tombs. He set them down one by one by a lounge and study area before running back through a shelf and pulling down adventure and fantasy books as a small treat for himself later that night. if he couldn’t have sweets then he’d reward himself in other ways.
(Ashdjfn I'm so sorry. Lemme eat dinner and then I'll respond)
Lucian remembered being a young boy and watching the soldiers trained in the yard. When he had been old enough to carry a sword, his father, a soldier, put a wooden sword in his hand and taught him how to use it. He would train everyday fir hours until he perfected a skill. His father hadn't been satisfied with anything less than perfection. Now Lucian would train and hone his skills until he believed they were perfect. He would be too hard on himself, cursing at him and forcing himself to go without food or water until he believed he was perfect. He held himself to a higher standard than was achievable. But when it came to training others, he was lenient. He was patient and kind and offered a correcting hand. He never shouted, he never cursed. He believed in them when he didn't believe in himself.
He remembered the days he sparred with the eldest prince. It had been before he had shipped off to the army and left the palace. They were close enough in size and made decent partners. He remembered Abrose and Lilly hiding, watching them. He never said anything. Not only would it cause backlash on himself, he didn't want to get Abrose in trouble. He was already struggling with his identity then, Lucian didn't want to add more to his plate. Then he left and faced the real struggles of war. He took lives and lost friends. He experienced real hardship. He never wished that upon anyone, much less Abrose. But he would train him and he would train him well. Abrose would be able to defend himself against any attack.
Lucian followed behind him, smiling as Abrose prattled on. He knew how much the prince hated sitting still. He could never sit long to finish his lessons and read the material. Lucian on the other hand quite liked it sometimes. He liked the silence, the way the world stilled when he read. It was peaceful. Reading allowed him to Telenor to another world, a better world. While he wasn't much for reading scrolls and accounts, he did enjoy fiction and mythology. "Some people enjoy it, Your Highness. It's easy to get lost in the pages and sit there for hours."
Abrose mostly blamed his dislike for studying academics on his parents and tutors who had constantly forced him to sit through hour long classes that seemed pointless to him, even now as prince. Though he could admit some was himself and his disinterest in the classes. Maybe it was because he was third in line for the throne and knew he'd realistically never rule the kingdom as king there for didn't feel the need to delve deep into court politics and the way his kingdom ran but Abrose had always assumed he would be able to learn that through experience. Being down there with his people and learning from the ones who were struggling the most instead of sitting high and mighty up in a castle. His brother had been out there, alongside Lucian and the soldiers fighting for their kingdom. Lilly often times was selected as a representative for Avrile when other kingdoms requested a meeting. So why was Abrose the only one subjegated to stay here when he could be doing so much more, when he had pribed he could do so much more. Maybe marry Amire had been that chance and Abrose was too enamored with the idea of being with Lucian that he had let that opportunity slip but he was near positive there was more to his life than being trained his entire life to become king consort to someone he did not love and serve a kingdome that was not his own.
He wander back over to the stack of books he had made by the lounge chairs and settled with his first one, curling up comfortably in one corner and opening the massive book in his lap to begin a long night of research. "I'll admit you had never seemed like one to enjoy a good story, my dear guard." Abrose replied after pausing in his reading to take notes. "It's comforting, knowing you take breaks from being a guard to be normal for once." He teased lightly, "I like seeing an unprofessional Lucian every now and again. It's a nice reminder that the old you is still there even after everything you went through."
While Lucian had a distinct for for reading for lessons and schoolwork, he found solace in reading for entertainment. Books of far off lands allowed him to escape his own life for awhile. Someplace better than this, where there wasn't a constant, never ending war. Someplace he would be allowed to love freely and without restraint. Without free of judgement or distinct line in class. Someplace he could love Abrose. But that was a fantasy. A pretty world where everything was fine. But it wasn't fine. Because here, he couldn't love Abrose. Not freely. It wouldn't be accepted, for their difference in class. Not to mention there were many at court who couldn't accept Abrose for who he was, much less being with another man.
Lucian had long accepted his position. He had ling accept he would never be with Abrose. All he would do was love from afar. And that was alright. As long as Abrose was happy, what more coukd he ask for. So he only smiled gently at the prince and took a book from the stack to join him. He wasn't going to let the prince suffer alone. Though Luce might quite like the reading. He did enjoy history when he wasn't being forced to read it or write a paper about it. "I do have a life outside of being guard, Your Highness." He offered an amused smile. "You just don't ever see it."
A sly smile crossed Abrose's features, though he cleared his throat and composed his features quickly. "Ah I see I'm not the only one living a double life then." He teased challengingly, tipping his head slightly before refocusing on the book, though now actually reading and decifering the meaning was becoming difficult. Of course Lucian had a life outside his duties. Abrose knew that Lucian's job wasn't all he had going for his life, of course not. But with that life Abrose had no idea about came about other prospects Abrose couldn't know about. Lucian's personal life, his family, his partners….that last one Abrose particulalrly didn't want to dwell on too much. He was still processing his conversation with Amire. He took a deep breath and closed his book for a moment. "I would like to, if thats alright with you. Of course I know your life is private and I'd understand if youd want to keep that seperate from your job and, well, me." He said softly, bunching his lips to the side in thought. "Its intriguing, knowing theres more of the man I grew up than just a guard. Just as I hope you know theres more to me than just being a prince."
Lucian had another life outside of being a palace guard. It had taken up most of his time but he learned how to find a life outside of his job. He would have gone crazy and quit long ago if he hadn't. He was on good terms with most of the other soldiers. They respected him and vice versa. On off duty night, they would go into the city and enjoy the taverns. It felt good to relax and drink and smile. It felt good not to be on guard at ever second of the day. He had taken a few lovers over the years, at least until he had understood his feeling he had for Abrose. His lovers had never been for king and he had always made it known what his intentions were, male or female, he had no preference. But ever since he truly understood that he loved Abross, he hadn't touched another.
He turned his head to the side to observe Abrose. He reached his hand over and clasped it in his own, calloused fingers. He gave it a small squeeze. "You are the only person that truly deserves to see me without the uniform. I'll show you one day, when we take our trip away from the palace." A trip he qiukd likely be stressing the entire time. He hated the thought of risking Abrose's safety, and not just because he was a prince.
