The more Abrose considered Lucian's normal life, the more he looked back upon his own life outside the castle. While he could assume it wasn't quite the same, something as mundane as working a near everyday job to come home to your own place and live a simpler life drew abrose in more than what becoming king consort could offer. Perhaps it was the easy way out and in a sad way Abrose knew itd be a long while before Abrose could back down from being prince but one day he did hope to be able to live that life. To know what it felt like to be one of his peole, working a hard but being rewarded with a fullfilling, hopefully rid of war. To do that, Abrose knew he'd first have to end said war, of course.
HE shook himself from his thoughts, already exhausted by the mere thought of what lay ahead but tried his best to focus on the here and now. Amire was on board, more or less and was just as against the marriage as Abrose was. Good. THey had a goal, now it was jsut the part of acheiving that goal that was going to be hard. He instinctually squeezed Lucian's hand in silent response before shifting on the couch and leaning against his guard's arm, nestling the book in his lap to beging reading again soon.
"I'm flattered Luce, thank you. I doubt I'm the first to do so and I doubt I'll be the last but, thank you." He chuckled softly as he found the page he had been on and started tracing the lines he was reading with a quill. "I can't tell if youre excited for the trip, or anxious but I can reassure you either way we'll have a good time. Whatever over the top rediculous theories you may have as to what I get up to while vulnerable and alone in the giant capital I can already assure you i'm not all that exciting, underwhelmingly so. I've only ever been to a few bars here and there close to the apartment, and nowhere near the times the crowds come in."
Lucian felt his heart warm a little more as the prince laid his head on him, and crack just a bit further. He smiled down at him and prayed to whoever was listening that they be left undisturbed. If anyone walked in on them like this, it would be catastrophic. Not only would he be reprimanded for relaxing when he was supposed to be on guard, but being caught in such a position with the prince? He would be stripped of his title and ranked, likely whipped and kicked out of the palace with nothing but the clothes on his back. It made him swallow and shift, but he didn't dare disturb Abrose on his shoulder. It was so tempting to lean his head and kiss the mop of hair laying on him. It would be so easy to breathe in the wonderful scent of the shampoo that Abrose had used. But it was his tight leash on his self-control that kept him in check. He had a tight grip on his self-control. He had to be, being so close to the man he loved yet never truly touching. At least not in the way that it ever mattered.
He did not like hearing that Abrose had been to any bars. If anything, it only made him tense more. He squinted his eyes at the prince on his shoulder. "You know, you really shouldn't divulge everything to me. Not unless you want to give me a heartache." He wasn't completely joking either. Every time he learned of more of his adventures out of the palace, he was sent into a panic each time. "I'll take you to a good tavern in the city and we'll see how good your card skills are. And how well you can hold your ale."
Abrose, glanced up briefly before settling against Lucian again, reading a few paragraghs of the book and jotting down a few notes here and there, trying his best not to focus to heavily on how close he had let himself get to Lucian, yet again. While he would be forever silently grateful that Lucian seemed to at the very least tolerate their closeness, that joy was often shortlived afterwards when he was constantly reminded there was little chance of them actually being together. After all this was over, they'd go their seperate ways. Perhaps they'd remain friends but Abrose was to live his life, maybe as a prince, maybe less than if he got his way, and Lucian would no longer need to watch over him, he could be free to live his own, well deserved life. It made Abrose sad, just thinking about a life where Lucian wasn't in it constantly. A future where he didn't wake up beside his Lucian, where they wouldn't get a happily ever after.
"My dearest Lucian, you confuse me." The prince protested though a hint of teasing came through in his voice. Abrose shut his book but not before marking the page with the quill. "Not too long ago you were adament about knowing my every whereabouts each minute of the hour of the day, and now you'd rather not here about the very normal events that go on in my life? Yes I've been to bars. Immediately remove the thought from your mind that I'm as innocent as everyone else thinks I am. While I admit I'm still new to life outside the castle, Drinking and having a good time at a bar is not as foreign to me as you think."
He elightly patted Lucian's arm and shook his head. "The last thing I want to give you is heartache, Luce. All I ask is that you trust me, at least a little, that I know how to take care of myself for five minutes." He pleaded softly, breaking out into a delighted smile at his guard's suggestion. "I look forwards to it then. I will warn you I can't hold much, I'm still getting used to stronger ale but I'll try I suppose. As for cards you'll need to teach me a bit since I 've only spectated other's games."
As the prince settled into his side, Lucian placed an arm around him that would likely get him killed should they be discovered. It wasn't a casual placement either. If he was smart, well if he was smart he wouldn't have touched him at all. But if he was smarter he would have placed his arm on his shoulders. He did known of that. His hand was set directly on his waist. Not to high or low to be considered an inappropriate touch, as if a guard touching a prince wasn't inappropriate enough. He had done it without thinking. It was like Lucian. He always used his head before making a decision. But Abrose seemed to make him loose all sense of self. He held the book with one hand as his other was occupied. It made it a little difficult to turn the pages but he managed. He was skilled with his fingers, in more ways that one.
He pinched the prince's side in a teasing manner. It wasn't hard enough to cause more than a light sting. But that was what he got for teasing Lucian. "My heart stops dead in my chest every time I learn about one of your little adventures. I'm almost worried it won't restart if you continue to tell me." Trurh be told, while it did make him panic somewhat, he didn't want Abrose to stop. He wanted to hear it all, even if it would send him pacing his room in the barracks later. He tucked the prince closer to his side, shutting his book and placing it on a small side table. "I do trust you." He shifted his body slightly so he was looking down at Abrose. "I do, truly. But I don't trust other people. Anything could happen. And while I won't stop you from going you need to take me with you from now on." For the sake of his own sanity, he needed Abrose to take him with him. Otherwise he might stop dead in the middle of his patrol if he learned of anything else the prince was up to. "We'll start off light then." Lucian would not be drinking whike they were out. "And I can teach you card games. The goal is to have a poker face. You have to keep your face neutral. That's how you win."
Abrose squealed out in delight, lightly batting away Lucian's arm but never leaving his side. In fact he nestled closer, lightly resting his head against his guard's chest as if to make sure that it indeed was beating. "You're stronger than that, my dear. I doubt my little boreing tales of being outside the castle would make such an impact." Abrose fingered the frills of the quill, watching as the irridecent clorors danced in the light of the fire. As much as Abrose wanted to tell Lucian of all his adventures, of all the fun trouble he's gotten into sneaking around, most would be lies. He hadn't gotten obscenely drunk or stayed out partying all night in some hole in the wall tavern. He hadn't picked up lovers or bedded anyone yet. THe craziest thing he's gotten to experience while outside the castle had been his first concert. He had found a few strangers at the bar near his apartment. They had been the most dangerous thing Abrose had encountered and all they had suggested was sneaking into the ampatheter to watch a traveling show perform. That, paired with a few light drinks had been the most magical part of Abrose life. The music was beautifully emotional, paiting pictures with only sound Abrose could only dream of, by the end making him actually cry. As stunning as the concert had been, reminicing back on it he had always wished he could show Lucian. That he could have brought Lucian and experience something so beautiful with him.
He glanced up as the book was pulled out of his grasp, reaching up for it as Lucian set it aside. "Luce, we still need that. There are still questions Amire needs answered." He protested, huffing softly and resting his hands atop Lucian's shoulders in defeat. He glanced at Lucian and gently moved his hand to his cheek. "Thank you, my Lucian." He replied genuinely. It meant everything to Abrose, knowing he had Lucian's trust, even when Abrose had shown nothing of the same trust before. "Of course you're going with me. Where I go you go, right?" He smiled softlyand tilted his head with laugh "For my own safety and your sanity, we'll go very light." He agreed. "A poker face, huh? I can do neutral. I do it everytime we need to go to one of those balls. It can't be much different."
Lucian grinned as he heard the squeal, though he looked around to make sure no one had heard and come running. This was not a position that he needed to get caught in. Despite the fear of the consequences, he only held Abrose closer. He couldn't seem to let him go even if he wanted too. His grip tightened and his fingers curled in against his soft waist. "You'd be surprised about just how much you do make an impact." The words had more meaning to them beyond his nightly excursions. Abrose had made an impact on Lucian, made him love him. He would follow him to the end of the world. He would do anything that was asked of him, even taking his own life. "Perhaps I'll take you on an adventure one day, if we can ever get out of the palace." An adventure that might make regret suggesting such a thing in the first place with how much his anxiety would soar. But it was an adventure that Abrose would need.
Lucian didn't think he was breathing. Not as Abrose pushed him and practically climbed on him as he reached for the book Lucian had discarded. His heart was pouding and his blood roaring. He tightened his grip around the prince ever so slightly, drawing him further into his chest. His eyes flicked down to Abrose's lips, then back up to his eyes. His eyes flicked down again, then up. It woukd be so easy to kean forward and kiss him. They were inches apart. All he had to do was kean forward. But Lucian was a coward and he was afraid. He was afraid to kiss the man he had been loving for years. He didn't hear a word Abrose said. Not as thebprince laid a hand on his cheek. It was the action that cause him to suck in a breath, finally breathing again. He blinked, realizing that Abrose had said something bit hadn't heard what. And he was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat it.
Abrose shrugged "you've seen and been through more that I would have thought effected you more, certainly more than finding I occasionally explore the kingdom when I'm bored." He perked up at the me tion of an adventure. "I would love that, even just for a day." He reassured, excited just at the idea of exploring the kingdom with Lucian. While Abrose was more familiar with the highly populated areas of the kingdom, he still wanted to explore more, find the hidden gems within his kingdom that made it all the more special. Who better to guide him than Lucian?
Caught up in his own thoughts, Abrose finally glanced down when Lucian hadn't responded. Had he said something wrong? He lifted his hand, slowly realizing what had stunned his guard into silence. To them this was relatively normal, they were never this close but their playfulness with each other was a part of their friendship. To anyone else, this was a guard getting far too comfortable with a prince regardless of underlying relationships. That, or a prince being too nonchalant of who touched him, made to look worse eisnce it was a lowly guard.
He slowly shifted off his guard and settled back beside him in the couch, giving both of them space to breath without struggle. "I'm sorry luce, I hadn't meant to get so close." He apologized, not necessarily meaning it entirely. He had wanted to get close. He always did when it came to Lucian. He had seen the hesitation in his guard's reaction, the lingering yet flickering gaze across Abrose's features and had thought that maybe Luce would want the same. But then again it could have been fear. Fear for being caught in such a scandalous position with the prince, for being blamed, for putting his life at risk while Abrose didn't seem to care. If only he knew just how much Abrose cared.
Lucian wondered what Abrose would think if he knew his thoughts. Knew how much he wanted to kiss him right then and there. It would have been so easy to clasp him by the back of the neck and draw him in for a kiss. He wanted too. He was practically shaking as he gripped the prince. His breathing was shuddering and unsteady. How coukd he when the man he loved was practically on top of him. The man he had loved for years and never said a thing. He stood by quietly and watched. He never interfered. He never pushed. He kept his feelings to himself. That had always been easier for him. But now, now it was the hardest thing he had ever done. All he wanted to do was say the words. Say I love you. But he was afraid. He was afraid of being rejected. Afraid of being shunned. And he was afraid what woukd happen if Abrose accepted him. They could never go public with their relationship. What would become of them? He would never ask anything of Abrose. Never ask him to run or go away with him. Abrose was a prince and a prince he would stay.
Lucian could have wept when Abrose climbed off of him. It was for the best. To be caught in such a position would be death for him. And yet he felt the absence of his weight before he had even moved. He didn't like this. He didn't like Abrose sitting beside him and not touching him. He wanted to touch him. No needed. He needed to touch him. Abrose was his entire life. He didn't know who he would be without the prince. So slowly, ever so slowly, he reached over and grabbed Abrose by the hips, pulling him back onto Kucian. Such an irrational move. He had no idea how Abrose was going to take that. And the risk he was taking, unspeakable. But he couldn't bare being parted from the prince now that they had crossed this line. Crossed the like now when Lucian was aware of his feelings for him.
(Just to make sure we're clear because I don't remember if you mentioned it, ik Abrose is Trans but does he still have female parts or male? Ik it's medieval fantasy but I've read some crazy things in medieval fantasy books XD)
(yeah it can get wild but just to keep it simple Abrose has all male parts)
Abrose was intently focused on the books and the notes on the table across from where they sat, anything to keep his mind off Lucian's response, or lack there of. He would have prefered anyhting to silence, a gentle yet stern reminder of their roles and how they couldn't be fooling around like children, or even flat out rejection, if it got Lucian talking. Then Abrose realized that was the kind of response he expected from his parents or court socialites, not usually something from his Lucian. But then where did that leave them now? Abrose still wanted lucian, selfishly all to himself without the threat his position as prince posed to any potential relationship they could have. He loved Lucian, always had, and not being able to properly express his love hurt Abrose.
He wanted to touch, to feel, to know Lucian in every conceivable way. He didn't know what to do, not with the sudden hollow feeling that came when he had pulled away from his guard. Lucian was still there physically next to him of course but it wasn't the same as it had been moments ago, when they been in each other's arms, breathless solely due to each other's presence yet perfectly comfortable.
He sucked in a deep breath, scrounging up what little dignity and courage he had for a half hearted excuse, something along the lines of "I'll search for more books, or Should we try looking for soemthing else?" Any thing to get them both moving instead of sitting in awkward silence. He was about to do just that, pipe up or stand but Abrose found himself being tugged in close. "Luce.." he started, about to protest again but the rest of the words died in his throat as he was pulled back ontop of his guard. Now it was his turn to be stunned into silence as Abrose looked up at his guard, searching for any regret or fear, while trying his best not to show fear himself. This couldn't just be them being friends, right? not when Luce had his arm securely around Abrose's waist, when he was looking at ABrose with the same hesitant desire. He took one more moment study his guard before wrapping his arms around his neck and burrying his face against his chest, never wanting to let go. "If I'm wrong about this, please tell me now." He pleaded, voice painfully soft as he tried to match his breathing with Lucian's to calm his erratic heartbeat.
(Okay cool! Just wanted to make sure)
Lucian hadn't known what had possessed him to move. It had been like something had taken over his body while his head and heart raged against one another. His heart had been screaming at him to do it. To tell Abrose he loved him. To hold him tight and never let go. To kiss him until he had to pull away for air. His head knew better. His head screamed to be rational. To understand the potential consequences if he went down this road. The consequences that would most likely happen. The best scenario was that he was stripped of his name, his title, his job. That he would remain the lowest of the people. The worst case scenario was that he lost his head. It was treason to be with a royal romantically, especially someone as low standing as he. So much could wrong. Hearts could be broken and lives could be lost. But he couldn't help who he loved. And if Abrose loved him back? He would never take that for granted. And all while this turmoil was going on inside of him, he was reaching for Abrose, grabbing him and pulling him back on his lap and clutching him tight. By the time he had realized what he was doing, it was too late, the prince was already in his lap. He could risk embarrassment and denial by apologizing and taking him off. Or he could wait and see how he reacted. He chose the latter.
Lucian waited. Waited quietly as his arm wrapped around his neck. Was waiting quietly as the prince placed his head on his chest. And as he said those words, he let out a shuddering breath that caused him to curl around Abrose. He clutched at him as if he was the only thing keeping him alive. He buried his head in his hair, breathing deeply and placing a kiss on top of his head. "No," he murmured, "you're not wrong." And finally, finally, the truth was coming out. The truth that he had bound to himself and vowed never to speak of. It was finally coming out.
The hug was crushing, engulfing and consuming and everything to Abrose. It was more than a comfort, it was a confirmation that his feelings, his silly little crush as kids, his doubts, and his endless nights spent confessing his feelings over and over again to his siblings were all valid, they weren't dreadedly one sided. Abrose hugged back, his fingers twining into Lucian's hair, relying just as much on their closeness, as Lucian seemed to be. In the moment all Abrose could do was nod and nestle if possible, closer to Lucian.
While he couldn't say that everything was perfect now, that now that they were aware of each other's feelings, the war would end, his parents would understand his choice, and they could live in complete peace, but for a few seconds, Abrose could ask for nothing more but this.
He broke away after a few moments, never going far but just enough to look at Lucian. "If you get heartache knowing I leave the castle, I can't imagine what a confession will do to you." He teased, gently cupping Lucian's face in his hand and pressing a kiss ot his brow, a kiss to the bridge of his nose, to the tip of his nose, and then he paused, hovering just barely a few inches away from his lips. "I love you, Lucian. Not as friends, not as your prince, but as more. So much more my dearest Lucian." Abrose murmured, pressing their brow to Lucian's.
Lucian understood the future was uncertain. He understood that there was a possibility for disaster. That they may get caught and broken up or that they might simply not work out. There was a possibility of exile or death in his future should they get caught, should they not be accepted. It was terrifying and thrilling but he woukd do anything for Abrose, even die for him. And not just because he was his guard. But because he loved him. War was raging and he might very well lose his life should it come to their doorsteps. But everything he did, he did for Abrose. He always would. Where the prince went, he would follow. Even to the ends of the world.
He cracked a small smile, though it was no more than an uplift of the corner of his lips. It was all he could manage. There were so many emotions swirling that he hadn't yet processed. He loved him. Abrose loved him. His eyes fluttered shut at the first kiss and stayed close. He let out a shuddering breath, a half chocked sob was a better word for it. He was crying. He knew it as he felt his cheeks wetten with his tears falling down it. Abrose was right, he couldn't handle it. Then he slowly opened his eyes, loving at the prince before. He raised one hand to cup his cheek, stroking it lovingly. "I have loved you," he said, "For a very long time. Longer than I have even realized. I'm not a king nor a prince or even a lord. I'm just a guard with no name or title to him. But I have loved with you all my heart and I will until the end of my days." Then he leaned forward and kissed him.
Abrose choked out a laugh, finally allowing himself to cry along with Lucian as he confessed he loved him. He pressed into the hand at his cheek, kissing Lucian's palm eyes closing for a moment as he soaked in meaning of those words. Lucian had loved him far longer than now. Abrose could look back now on all their interactions, everytime they had snuck away to the gardens or hugged, or held hands and see that behind all the pretenses of friendship was something more between them both. He opened his eyes and shook his head, "you could be the poorest person in the country and I would still love you all the same." He reassured softly, his hand resting on Lucian's shoulders as he kissed Abrose. The prince practically melted against his guard, all he wanted to do for the rest of his life, was stay right here with Lucian, warm and safe and with the person he adored the most. "This has been a very long time in the waiting." He murmured against the kiss, pressing some to the corner of Lucian's mouth, savoring his taste and taking any opportunity he could to whisper I love you in between. Any dream he had ever had of being like this with Lucian was surpassed ten fold in jsut this brief moment. His heart could carely keep a steady beat with the excitement coupled witht the sheer relief of finally being able to love Lucian, to tell his guard how he had felt since they were kids.
Lucian could never give him a luxurious life. He would never amount to so much money in his life to afford such a lifestyle. He was a guard, a palace guard but a guard all the same. He had no rank, not yet, and likely not ever. Not now that they had finally proclaimed their love for one another. It changed so many things for them. Caption would likely never happen for him. But as long as he had Abrose he would be happy. He needed nothing but the prince sitting in his lap. They could make a life together, perhaps, and if Abrose was okay with leaving behind such luxuries. But he would do his best to provide anything Abrose may ever need. And while his prince tried to reassure him, he wasn't so sure. But he pushed that unease aside and focused on the moment. This moment with the man that he loved. Had loved for years, even if it took him longer to realize it.
"Much too long," he agreed, parting from Abrose long enough to say the words before he was dipping back and kissing him again. This kiss was different than the first. The first had been soft and sweet and almost tentative. Almost like ge had been scared to kiss him, which he had been. But now that the dam had been broken, he was feeling more confident. This kiss was harder, deeper. He poured his emotions into it. He let Abrose feel his love rather than say it. Feel what Lucian had been hiding for a very, very long time.
Abrose pressed closer to Lucian if possible, indulging the deeper kiss gladly as he twined his fingers into Lucian's hair. Abrose would give anything, his title, his royal life, any luxuries, all just to have a life with Lucian. They had the apartment in the city. Abrose could pick up a job again to cover the rent and an actual life. It wouldn't be easy, Abrose knew that and adjusting to a new life would take a bit for him but he would manage. Not to mention the war looming over the kingdom. As much as Abrose wanted a life with Lucian he wouldn't leave his kingdom in its time of most need. But all his worries for the nearing future were brushed away, at least for this blissfull moment when he was with Lucian. He had waited years to be with Lucian like this, to finally be able to be completel honest with Lucian instead of skirting around his feelings. He wasn't sure how long this would last, how willing Abrose would be to revert back to pretending they were nothing more than good frineds the moment they stepped out of the archives. If life didn't need to move on so quickly, Abrose would be more than happy to stay right here in Lucian's arms.
He gently broke away again to catch his breath, an adoring smile falling to his lips as he took in the man in his arms. "I think this officially gives me a bit of break from training tomorrow." He murmured softly, gently brushing aside Lucian's hair. "Am I allowed to kiss you during training, seems like a pretty effective tactic." He mused with an evergrowing smile, dropping another lingering kiss to Lucian's lips.
Lucian was holding Abrose tight. Too tight perhaps but he couldn't seem to let go. He never wanted to let him go. He had been waiting for so long, watching on the sidelines and longing. He had never thought this day would come and now that it had he didn't want it to end. He didn't want this moment to end. For Abrose, he would do anything. He would go to any lengths for him. Nothing was out of the question. Not even death. He would die for him, he would kill for him. He would do nothing to make Abrose happy. He would work overtime so that he would never need to work. So that he could afford all the luxuries that Abrose wanted. In that perfect world where they coukd be together. He didn't know how they would ever accomplish that. He didn't think Abrose would ever be able to leave the royal family, for they would never accept them together. But none of that mattered right now. Not when Abrose was in his arms and kissing him. Not when he was kissing him back.
When they stepped out of this library, he knew they would have to go back to guard and prince. It eould be the hardest thing he had ever done. Even harder than loving him from a distance. To have him and pretend to not, that would kill him. But he would do it for Abrose. He would hide their relationship as long as it meant that they had a relationship. He ran his fingers through Abrose's hair. Hair that was so similarly shaded to his own. He kissed the top if his head, smiling. "How wrong you are about that love." He would not take it easy on him. Even after today. "You can kiss me anytime you want, darling. It doesn't mean you'll get what you want though." It probably would but Abrose didn't need to know that.
Abrose didn't mind the tight hug, to him it felt secure and safe and familiar, comfortingly so, since until now their hugs and physical touches were always too temporary for Abrose's liking. He laughed softly as he leanred into Lucian's hand, letting himself enjoy the gentle way he ran his fingers through his hair. "It was worth a try," he murmured with a dramatic sigh, silently glad that Lucian wouldn't change their training. No matter how much Abrose would dread the endless nights to come where he would be sore and exhausted after a long morning of training then a full day of royal duties, he knew this was something he needed to do. The more he put of training, the less prepared he would be when they needed to leave, if they left at all.
"Careful my dear Luce, you may regret those words." He teased, leaning in and barely brushing a kiss to lucian's lips. While he was teasing, Abrose knew he didn't need an incentive to kiss Lucian. He would do it anyways just to simply show his love. The chances of them being allowed in an actual relationship were slim to none while he remained prince so any chance Abrose got to steal a quick kiss ot find time to be with his Lucian he would be sure to take. "Somehow, I don't believe you."
Lucian had a gentle smile plastered on his lips as he gently ran his fingers through Abrose's hair. He had wanted to do this for so long, just touch his hair like this. In such an intimate way. He pressed their brows together as he buried his hand in his locks. He chuckled softly at Abrose's dramatic sigh. "And try you did. But it will not work." If anything, Lucian might push him even harder now. Hard enough that the prince woukd be limping after each session. Because of training, not anything else. He wanted, no, needed, Abrose to be prepared in case anything should happen. He would teach him everything. Every way to disable and kill a man. How to get out from underneath a person bigger and stronger than he was. He needed Abrose to be prepared in case Lucian wasn't there. Or in case he was dead and Abrose had to fight his way out. Lucian couldn't always be with him. He needed his sleep or he wouldn't be able to properly guard him. And if he was dead, well, then he died trying to save Abrose.
"Hmm," he hummed against the slight kiss. "I suppose we shall see." And they would see that Abrose was right. All the prince needed to do was kiss him or touch him and give him those pouty lips and eyes and he would do whatever Abrose desired. They would be training in the courtyard. They would be there early enough that hopefully meant there wouldn't be too many other guards around. But there woukd always be a risk of discovery. But that was half the fun. And they could always have a moment of privacy after Lucian escorted him back to his rooms.
Abrose slowly settled the rest of the way onto Lucian, letting his head fall to his shoulder while attempting to give lazy kisses to his skin. "Doesn't matter, I'll keep trying until it does then." He murmured, his eyes reluctantly fluttering shut in content as Lucian brushed through his hair.
While Abrose was determined to learn defense, he had stayed away from thinking of the implications of what he would need defense for. If he was attackeded alone, specifically if Lucian wasn't with him. He didn't like thinking about that. Lucian not being with him could be just not around him physically but his mind immediately went to not with him at all, as in dead. He knew Luce was more than capable of handling himself and had faced death many times but just thinking of his guard lying on a battlefield or in the streets of the kingdom lifelessand bleeding out put such a deep rooted fear in him that instinctually he tightened their already secure hug even more, as if that would keep his guard safe from harm.
He peeked out from where he was nicely tucked against lucian and gave a small smile "I can't wait to test your limit then, my darling Lucian. We'll see where all those years of training and dicipline will get you around me." He taunted, turning away to hide a yawn again his shoulder, curling up loser to his beloved guard. "Now I'm going to dread the days leading up to our little outing into the city. At least I get to look forwards a day alone with you without the worry and pressure of being watched." He said, slightly delrious with a mix of pure happiness and sudden exhaustion.
Lucian bit back the groan in his throat as Abrose placed little kisses along his neck. He even tilted his head to allow him easier access to it. He could feel the exhaustion radiating off of Abrose. It was right to bed after this. He supposed this was what happened when he was forced to books. The thought almost made him laugh. "Then I will hold out forever if only it means I get more of your kisses." He never wanted then to stop. He would do whatever it took to get them. He ran his hands lazily up and down his back. He was half tempted to slip his hand under the shirt and stroke his bare skin but he didn't want to push his luck. They had all the time in the world. There was no rush. He wanted to take his time with Abrose. He wanted to do right by him. He was determined to do so.
"You can test my limit as much as you want, darling. But just know that I will keep a tally of everything you do to me and I'll turn it right back on you." His eyes were twinkling with mischief and he had a grin on his face. One that faded to a soft smile. "Let's get you to bed, Abrose. You're going to have to walk there." He wanted nothing more than to carry him to bed but he couldn't. Not at the risk of being caught.
Abrose smiled slepily, leaning in more and continuing his trail of kiss. "Forever is quite a long time, my dear. I quite like the idea of forever with you." He mused with. a smile of his own, shivering when Lucian started to rub his back. This is exactly what he had wanted for years, to just be happy with Lucian, even in the small moments they could share, this was perfect. In his tired love drunk state of mind he started to day dream Lucian's touch and sweet voice giving him such beautiful thoughts. THoughts of them in bed, close and warm, slepping together, waking up to each other, sleepy morning kisses and the desire to do nothing but stay together entangled with each other. Thoughts of them together, unafraid and happy. Oddly enough every idea of a dream life together wasn't here at the castle. Most were at the apartment Abrose had aquired, or even in a different home altogether, close to the sea or secluded in the country side but never the place they were living now.
He glanced up at Lucian again, arching an eyebrow in intrigue. "Is that a promise? I look forward to that then." He replied, huffing softly but knowing Lucian was right as always. Both about needing sleep and walking back to his room. As much as Abrose would be perfectly content to stay in Lucian's arms they both needed sleep for tomorrow morning and the risk of being caught in any way that suggested a relationship other than prince and guard was something Abrose didn't want to risk until they were completely alone. He sat up and kissed Lucian's temple before detangleing himself and reluctantly standing from the couch. "One of these days, we'll be able to be like this around anyone." He assured, determined to make it true. "Most likely when Chire is king." Abrose muttered with a tired shrug, grabbing a few of the books to bring with him to motivate him to read, or at least thats what he told himself. He held the books with one hand and offered his other to Lucian.
Lucian quite liked the idea of a together as well. And while deep on his head he knew it likely wasn't quite possible, he couldn't help but hope that it could be possible. That they would live the rest of their lives together in peace and happiness. It was what the both deserved no? They had been through enough. Lucian had been through enough. He deserved some happiness. Even if it meant risking his career aspirations. For Abrose, anything was worth it. He wanted to wake up by his side every morning. He wanted kiss Abrose awake, starting his forehead and moving down until he got to his lips. He wanted to make breakfast with him and dinner, and every other meal there was to make. He wanted to be intertwined with him. He wanted to be so close to Abrose that he wouldn't know where he began and Abrose ended. He didn't care where they went, where they were. Only that they were together in that perfect world.
"It's a promise." He smiled widely as his prince huffed. They both knew it was time for bed. And that Abrose had to walk back. If he coukd, he woukd gladly carry him to bed. But then another problem would arise that he wouldn't want to leave. He'd want to stay the night with him which just wasn't possible. He didn't want to risk being caught. Couldn't. But not for his sake but for Abrose's. He didn't know how the prince would take it should they get caught. The consequences that's would befall on him. His eyes shut as the prince kissed his head and they only opened once he was completely off of Lucian. He looked up at Abrose, the only time he would tower over Lucian. He placed his hands innocently on his hips. He gave him a reassuring squeeze. "One day," thought he didn't quite believe it himself. Not just yet. He also didn't bother mentioning that it would be years before Chire was king most likely. He let Abrose stay in his little bubble and Lucian wanted to stay there too. He gave him an amused look as he watched Abrose puck up some books. He knew Abrose wasn't going to read them. He was going to climb into bed and fall asleep. But he didn't say anything. He only took his outstretched hand and stood. "Let's get you to bed my love." He dipped his head and kissed his forehead.
Abrose hummed softly and gently cupped and brushed Lucian's cheek with his hand. "One day soon, my dear. We must keep optimism high." He gently urged, winking and helping Lucian to his feet.
He adored his parents, despite their beliefs, his mother's strictness and her desire for Abrose to marry within caste, Abrose couldn't entirely fault them for wanting their children to have the best they could, Abrose could understand that but he also knew what was best for him would never lie in a loveless marriage between him and Amire. As prince he would help both kingdoms as much as he could but he would do it his way as much as possible.
He laced his hand with Lucian's and pressed a kiss to the back of his, playfully nudging his shoulder when he caught his guard glancing at the books safely tucke dunder his arm. "hush, at least I'm trying to stay motivated." He defended, though deep down he knew the moment he'd get to his room he'd put the books in the corner and immediately climb into bed without a second thought to studying.
"Bed does sounds lovely," He admitted, gently tugging Lucian into a walk towards the library doors. He squeezed their linked hands, fairly confident no one would be walking the halls this late at night, save for a few maids or guards. He was half tempted to ask Lucian to stay the night, wanting them to stay together for as long as possible. But no matter how slow they walked, Abrose knew eventually they'd have to part and pretend like tonight never happened until the next time they found a private moment together.
Lucian's eyes fluttered shut at the touch on his cheek. His lips pulled up into a whisper of a smile. Soon. He liked the idea of that. It had been too long since he had taken a vacation from the palace. Thinking on it, he didn't think he had ever taken a few days to himself since his father's death. It would be nice to get away for a few days. Away from the palace. Away from their duties. And they could be somewhere where he could be just Lucian. And his prince could be just Abrose. No guard and no prince present. Just the two of them together. And even though he still might be on high alert because ge was with the prince and his lover, he could relax more than he would at the palace. He was excited and ready for it.
He took his hand though he used most of his own strength to stand versus letting Abrose help him up. He was almost positive that if he let Abrose do the hard work that the prince would topple back on him and then they would never leave. Abrose needed to go to bed. They had an early morning of training. He would be waking Abrose up before the dawn began on the horizon. He smiled to himself as he envisioned a very tired and frazzled Abrose waking up so early in the morning and dragging his feet out to the training yard.
He took the books from Abrose, giving him a looked and only saying, "I didn't say anything, love." He tucked the books under his arm and held Abrose's hand with the other. He worried still that they might be caught, and worried what it would mean for the both of them. But there was no one in the halls as they walked through it. And he didn't let go even as they arrived at his door. "Straight to bed, love," he murmured, "I'm waking you up bright and early. And if you don't complain ill give you a kiss."
Abrose shook his head with smile. "You didn't have to, my dear. I know you well enough without needing words to know what you're thinking." He claimed, letting Lucian take the books rather than protest this time. For all his talk about productivity and motivation, Abrose knew Lucian was right. He was exhausted. So much was going through his mind, the kingdom, the war, his conversation with Amire, the fact that he had confessed his love for Lucian, that one still baffled him but each time Abrose glanced up at his guard or felt the slightest brush up his thumb on his hand, he knew it wasn't just some dream.
Abrose kept a warry eye on the halls, even as the door to his room came into view, ready to pull Lucian into his room in case another guard or even his parents came walking by so late at night. Realistically, Abrose would be the only one who needed to slip into his room but any excuse to have Lucian stay longer, to have him in his room, he would take.
He leaned again his door, a small smile on his face as he looked up at his lover, amused through his tired state of being. "You're getting quite comfortable ordering your prince around, arent you dear?" He teased, gently squeezing their intertwined hands as Abrose reach up on his toes, pressed his free hand to Lucian's cheek and leaned in for one last goodnight kiss, slow and lingering before he broke away completely and pressed down on the handle to his door. "As you wish, my deareast Luce. But only if you promise to do the same and get rest." He winked and reluctantly took a step back into his room, letting his other hand drop from Lucian's and fall to his side. "Bright and early and not a moment later. Goodnight, my love." A smiled softly before closing his door with a soft click and found ocmpletely bliss in a warm bath, silky night clothes, his bed, and lingering thoughts of Lucian.
