They took in another shaking breath, hands clenching together for just a moment. "I'm sorry." they said again. "I should not be…like this…over just a nightmare." they kept his eyes shut tight, unsure what would happen if he opened them. If he would cry when they opened their eyes, or not.
Arquis smiled sadly. “It is never just a nightmare, Rin. You are not being irrational.”
He wanted more than ever to hold them. They looked and sounded so distressed that it actually made him teary-eyed. He stared at the candle for a few moments, blinking until his vision was clear. If they needed him to be strong, to be there for them, then he would. He had meant what he had said; they deserved a shoulder to lean on.
"I just…most people that I interact with either already know everything that happened or…or don't need to know at all. I…" he trailed off, shaking his head a little bit with uncertainty. "i'm sorry." he dragged a hand over their hair, swallowing faintly.
“You do not need to tell me any more than you already have,” Arquis replied softly, feeling a surge of guilt, “unless that is what you desire. I… I did not wish to upset you more, and I am very sorry indeed if my insistence hurt you.”
He drew away to the far corner of the bed, still in reach if Rin needed him but far enough so that they had space. All he had wanted was to make them feel better. It seemed as if he had done the opposite, shoving him to confront the memory rather than distracting them. He wondered if he should go as far as to leave the room to let them recover but decided against it. Doing so might seem as if he was repelled by the bard, and that was the last thing he wanted.
"No, no, it's not your fault. I always get…I always get messed up after a nightmare. It isn't your fault." Rin said quickly, words tripping over each other in his haste to communicate that to Arquis. "It's not…it's not your fault. Any of it." he bit his lip very faintly, tearing a hand through their hair.
Arquis sighed under his breath, relieved but also a little worried. He couldn’t tell if they were trying to change the subject or attempting to comfort him out of guilt.
“Thank you, but this is not about me. I am supposed to be here for you right now; you do not need to console me.” Without thinking, he reached over and delicately placed his hand over theirs, brushing along their knuckles. He froze and immediately retracted his arm. “Oh, I did not mean to do that. I am so sorry, I just- it looked as if you might be ripping your hair, and I did not- I am sorry if that was too far.”
His eyes opened, flickering to Arquis. "It's, ah…it's fine. I don't mind being touched." he said softly, their eyes moving away again after a moment. "Sorry. I didn't mean…I didn't mean to wake you, earlier, and now…neither of us is going to be able to sleep for a bit. I'm really sorry."
“Rin,” he murmured, smiling fondly despite himself, “do not worry about that. I can sleep in late if I need to, but this is important. I do not mind staying up with you.”
He nudged the hair from his face and gazed down at the bard. His reasonable side was telling him to get up, perhaps try to offer them tea again, but his sympathetic side was telling him differently.
“If you truly do not mind being touched, then would you perhaps like a hug? You do not have to say yes, I promise I will not mind, I just hoped that it might, ah, comfort you.”
Rin took a deep breath, nodding faintly. "I…a hug might be nice, yes." they finally replied, blinking over at the nobleman. "Thank you, Arquis." he had definitely calmed down again, more than he had been earlier for sure.
“There is no need to thank me. Now, come here,” he said, holding his arms out. His limbs felt hot, sore, and stiff from fever, and he wasn’t sure if he could stop them from trembling, but he felt that it didn’t matter. Nothing would prevent him from embracing them unless they were to change their mind.
“I have been told that I give wonderful hugs, but I suppose Marsiquia might be a tad biased. She is my sister, after all.” He hoped that the joke would ease some of the tension, perhaps even make Rinlos smile. It wasn’t that he minded seeing them upset—he wouldn’t have minded if they had cried, either—more so that he wanted him to feel better.
Rin shifted closer, feeling a little awkward but leaning into the hug nonetheless. "Thank you, Arquis." he said softly, closing their eyes and leaning his head on Arquis's shoulder for a moment. "I…" he didn't know what else to say, so they just trailed off.
Arquis let his head rest on top of the bard’s for a moment and ran a hand lightly up their back. The thought flickered through his head that he might be making a mistake. While it felt really nice to have someone—well, maybe not just someone—in his arms, he also wondered whether he really had gone too far. He gave them a gentle squeeze on the shoulder before pulling away.
“Are you tired?” he asked quietly. “I can move to the floor, if you would like to get some rest. I imagine that the nightmare was taxing.”
"I am." they replied honestly. "But you don't have to move to the floor. It's your bed. I'll take the floor, it's no big deal." he sat up again, heading over to the edge of the bed and sliding off of it, standing and turning back to Arquis. "I'll just…take a blanket. Go to sleep."
A frown came over Arquis’s face, and he shook his head. The bed creaked as he heaved himself to his feet. The world went black for a moment; his head spun; his mouth tasted faintly of metal. When he recovered, he was standing slightly hunched, one hand clenched around a bedpost for support. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and sank down onto the floor, dragging his comforter with him.
“I was hoping for that to be a bit more elegant,” he winced, then crossed one leg over the other. “But I hope my point is made. I am not going to let a guest sleep on the ground. Especially not if that guest is you.”
Rin stared down at him in confusion. "Arquis, you're sick." he pointed out. "I've slept in all sorts of odd places; the floor of your bedroom would not be the strangest or most uncomfortable. Please, just sleep on your bed." they were not sure why Arquis was so stubborn about this.
“You have slept in many uncomfortable places, and you have spent quite some time traveling. You deserve to have a nice place to sleep, if only for a little while.”
He grimaced at a sudden flare up of pain in his head. It felt like someone had gripped his skull in a vice. Determined not to let the weakness show, he pulled the nearest blanket over himself, then lowered his body until he was flat on the floor. The cold weather had made it almost unbearably chilly, but he refused to move.
“A couple of nights on the floor will not hurt me,” he said through gritted teeth, sounding as if he was trying to persuade himself as well as Rin, “I am not that fragile. Now please do get some rest.”
Rin sighed, leaning down and hoisting Arquis up, then setting him down on the bed again. "No. Sleep on your bed, Arquis. You are ill, and you need rest, and warmth, on a comfortable bed. I am not sick, and I can sleep perfectly fine on the floor." they said, shaking their head a little bit.
Arquis’s eyes glittered in the flickering candlelight. His cheeks were flushed from both the fever and his awful delight at being picked up so easily. He shamed himself mentally for his thoughts, physically shaking his head as if that could get rid of them.
“Rinlos, please,” he groaned, “I will not sleep a wink unless you are comfortable. It would be terribly cruel of me to let you sleep down there after a nightmare.” An idea rushed to the forefront of his mind. “Perhaps we could share the bed. Not in an, ah, crude way, of course, but like before. You can have one side, and I can take the other. We would not even have to look at one another, if that would help.”
Rin thought about that for a moment, then nodded. "That works." he replied, getting up onto the bed and lying down on the opposite side from Arquis. "Thank you, Arquis." he added after a moment. "For the…sympathy." even if it had been awkward, it had still been nice.
Arquis did not answer; he was already fast asleep, his eyes closed and his breathing a steady, raspy rhythm. He was not dreaming this time. Everything about him had gone deathly still, and if it wasn’t for the breathing he would almost resemble a corpse.
The candle that he had lit burnt out after a couple minutes, leaving the room in a thick darkness.
(do you wanna skip to the next morning? I can start again)
(yeah, let's do that)
[Day Four]
A little after dawn, Arquis awoke to the hot touch of light on his skin. When he opened his eyes, however, he realized that his curtains were closed. His fever had increased over the span of the night, and he was absolutely drenched in sweat. He uselessly dabbed his forehead with his sleeve before pushing himself up on his elbows, then nudged his legs until they hung over the bed.
The beginnings of a plan started to come together in his hazy mind. He would have a quick bath, then dress, force down a piece of peppermint bark just to settle his stomach, and take his medicine with water. Then, he would get to work, writing a couple of cordial letters to other estates and talking to the gardeners about clearing walkways through the snow.
He shoved himself off the bed, ready to set the plan in motion, and immediately knew something was wrong. His legs crumpled in a weird, almost boneless way. The next thing he knew, he was on his knees, bent over with his palms pressed flat on the floor. He tried to stand up again, but his legs wouldn’t respond.
It wasn’t just that they wouldn’t respond, he realized. He couldn’t feel them at all.
He brought a trembling hand down to his calf and gave it a poke. Nothing. Hit his knee at full force, hard enough to bruise. Nothing. He prodded his chest all the way to his hip and found that while his upper body still had sensation, the lower half was numb.
“Rin?” he asked, near hysterical, hoping that he could wake them. “Rin, are you awake?”
Rin grunted when Arquis fell, the noise disturbing him a bit, but it wasn't until Arquis called out that he was truly awoken. "Hm?" They sat up sleepily, pushing off the blankets as they realized Arquis was no longer on the bed. He got off of it and came around it until he saw Arquis crumpled on the floor. "Shit, Arquis." He breathed. They bent down, scooping up the nobleman and setting him down on the bed. "What's wrong?" They asked, studying him.
Arquis desperately latched onto their arm, his breathing growing shallow and quick. All of the blood had drained from his skin. His pupils were dilated to such an extent that they almost completely swallowed his irises.
“My legs, I can’t-“ He swung his fist down onto his left thigh, then did it again, then again. His lips parted to let out a strangled sob. “I- I can’t feel my legs.”
His grip on Rin’s arm grew tighter as panic set in, and he ended up wrenching his hand away to avoid hurting them. He kept hammering away, now at his knee, as if it would make any difference. There was no sensation at all. No pins and needles, no dull pain from the hitting, not even a weak ache from his fever.
"Ssh, hey, don't hit yourself." Rin said, quickly taking Arquis's hands in his to stop the nobleman from hitting himself again. "It's going to be alright." he whispered. "Can I poke my head out and ring for the doctor, or are you going to try and hurt yourself again if I let your arms go?" they kept their voice soft and quiet, even as they worried that this could be permanent.
Arquis gasped and fought to wrest his gloved hands from his hold, though he was too fatigued to actually succeed. A defeated whimper escaped him. He slumped forward, letting his head drop onto his wrist, and groaned.
“I do not know if- I am not sure it matters. Doctor or not, I- I am- I do not know if this can be fixed.” His shoulders trembled for half a second before he lifted his head. “Rin, am I- am I dying? I f- feel like I’m dying.”
Rin kept his gaze on Arquis. "You are not dying. I will not let that happen." they said, keeping their voice calm and controlled and even. "I'm going to get the doctor, okay? Please don't hurt yourself again." they slowly released Arquis's hands, moving over to the door and opening it, trying to see if anyone was nearby.
Two maids in fluffy flats stopped gossiping when they saw the door open. The younger of the two, a girl wearing pink lipgloss and her hair in a bun, gawked obviously. She not-so-secretly jabbed her friend in the stomach, and the taller girl giggled before turning to Rinlos. The giggles stopped when she saw his expression.
“Is something the matter?” she asked. The younger maid peeked around her arm in an eager attempt to get in on the drama. “Would you like me to fetch something for you?”
“Yes, what’s going on?” her friend squeaked. It was clear that she wasn’t taking it very seriously; her eyes were sparkling with glee, and she was fidgeting excitedly with her ankle length skirt.
Rin made his face go as flat and expressionless as possible; no reason to give them any more to gossip about. "Would one of you fetch a doctor? As soon as possible, please." they kept their voice flat and calm. Obviously his presence in Arquis's bedroom was already causing gossip. He didn't know where this would go, and they weren't sure what would happen.