Rin eventually dropped off to sleep, one arm lightly draped over Arquis. He told himself it was for comfort, but really, they knew it was not just that. It did not take thtem long to fall asleep, warm body pressde close to Arquis's feverish frame.
Arquis woke about an hour or two after having dozed off. His fever made him groggy and lightheaded, and his mouth was extremely dry, but he was surprised to find that he otherwise felt comfortable and safe. He almost let himself drift off again before realizing that he was pressed against something solid. He shifted drowsily until he realized that he was tangled up with Rinlos.
A million thoughts raced through his head. What was Rinlos doing in his bed? Hadn’t he sent for a cot? Were they uncomfortable with him there? Should he move to the floor? He decided on that last one and began to inch away as cautiously as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was wake him up after they spent so much energy looking after him. They deserved their rest.
Rin shifted faintly, unconsciously hanging on to Arquis and pulling him close again. He nuzzled the nobleman's hair faintly, completely asleep and unaware of his actions. The maid had come by with a cot, but, upon seeing the two tangled together and asleep, had just left again without dropping it off.
Arquis made a gentle, shocked sound that died in his throat. He wouldn’t lie: the sensation of being touched in such an intimate way felt wonderful. But guilt was starting to overwhelm him. Rinlos was unconscious. They didn’t know what they were doing. He surely didn’t want Arquis in his personal space; it was a physical reaction, and nothing else.
But he still didn’t want to wake the musician. They truly deserved their rest. A spark of panic rose in him as he debated what to do. Waking them up would undoubtedly be a mistake. He was so chivalrous and kind that he’d likely take the floor, no matter how hard Arquis would protest. They should sleep in a bed, and Arquis should be on the floor. It was clear, however, that that wasn’t going to happen.
That left staying in their arms. His strong, lute-playing arms, which had carried Arquis for over ten minutes straight. Arquis closed his eyes and pleaded to no one in particular that the two of them would somehow wake up on separate sides of the bed in the morning. He then nestled back into their embrace, yawned, and slowly fell asleep.
(Do we wanna timeskip? I was gonna have Rin have a nightmare, so should I skip to that?)
(yeah that would work!)
(alright!)
Rin started to shift around a bit in his sleep, twitching and gasping faintly, caught in the grip of a nightmare. He never had screaming nightmares, not anymore, but he jerked himself awake with a strangled gasp, whole body jerking the way it did whenever he woke from a nightmare. For a long moment, they lay panting unevenly, disoriented and unsure where they were. Half of him was absolutely sure that he was somehow back in Lysander's grip, that somehow the distorted memories of his nightmares had been real. It took him a long minute to blink that away, to look down at where Arquis lay close to him and remember he was in the Palace de Vey, that they were, for the moment, safe and free from harm. His breathing was still fast and uneven, his heart tripping in their chest.
The sudden movement jolted Arquis from his slumber, though he took a long moment to come to his senses. When he heard the gasp and the heavy breathing, his heart dropped into his feet. He knew that familiar, scared panting, that twitching and cold sweat, well. As gingerly as he could, he propped himself up on one elbow and looked up at Rinlos. Their face was mostly obscured by the darkness, but he swore he could see the frantic fear glistening in their eyes.
“Rin?” he whispered, voice low and raspy from sleep. “Is everything alright?”
Rin took another moment to get his breathing under control, before they finally managed to give Arquis some sort of coherent reply. "I'm…I just…had a nightmare." he said slowly, his own voice low and husky and a little raspy from being asleep. "That's all. It's fine, you can…you can go back to sleep." they knew it would probably take them a while to be able to sleep again, but there was no reason to keep Arquis awake.
Arquis pushed himself all the way up into a sitting position and scrubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes. The tone of Rinlos’s voice was worrying him. He wasn’t sure how he could assist the musician; he definitely wasn’t going back to sleep until he knew they felt better, illness be damned. But he wasn’t sure what to do.
Whenever Marsiquia would have nightmares and Carsui wasn’t around, she would come to him. He would give her a hug, and the two of them would slip downstairs to make midnight tea or hot cocoa. They would head to her room and she would inevitably drift off. He would put an extra blanket on her before leaving.
That was Marsiquia, though. His younger sister. Rinlos was a much different person, and Arquis had no idea what state they were in.
“Tell me how I can help, Rin, he said gently. “If you would like to talk about it then I can listen, but if not I could do something else. Fetch you water or tea, perhaps. Anything you need.”
Rin shook their head slightly. "It's fine." he said again. "Just go back to sleep, there's no reason for me to bother you." this was, perhaps, one of Rin's flaws; they had a very hard time accepting assistance from someone else, especially for things like this, things that were not physical but mental and emotional.
“Oh, you are not bothering me,” Arquis responded, voice hushed and tender and a little sad. He wanted to reach out and reassuringly hold their hand, but he refrained. They seemed on edge; he didn’t want to upset him further with unwarranted contact
“I will not rest until I am sure that you are alright. And pardon me if it is rude, but you do not seem… in a good way.” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then tried again. “If there is any way I can help…”
Rin took a deep breath. He was still shaky, but doing a bit better than he had been. "I just… Don't want to burden you with… anything." They replied slowly, biting his lip for a moment and looking up at the ceiling, unable to really meet Arquis's eyes. If he told Arquis, then the nobleman would think of them very differently. Why wouldn't he? Anyone would. He should have waited for a cot, shouldn't have fallen asleep on the bed with Arquis because now they didn't know what to do.
Arquis didn’t think it was possible for his heart to break even further, but seeing Rinlos stare at the ceiling and hearing their words shattered something inside him. He was a little surprised to feel rage bubble up as well as sorrow, though it made sense. He hated whoever had made the Rin feel as if their vulnerability was a burden. Rin, who was brave and kind. Rin, who nuzzled into him just hours prior, who was about the most authentic person Arquis had ever met.
“You are not a burden,” he murmured, wishing that he could close the distance and give them a hug. “No matter what you are withholding, no matter the source of your nightmare, you could never be a burden.”
He shook his head faintly. "I just…" They had no idea what to say now. No one had ever confronted them about this, ever tried to talk with him. Ari had already known, there had been nothing like this with him. So Rin really didn't know what he could say in response. "I'm sorry. I should have waited for a cot, I didn't mean to wake you."
“No, please, there is nothing to apologize for. I do not mind being woken.” Arquis sensed their hesitation and leaned back a tad, wanting to give him space. He studied them carefully before proceeding. “If you truly desire not to talk about it, then I do not wish to pressure you into doing so. But do not hold back simply because you do not want to trouble me. I am here to listen.”
Rin rolled onto their back, looking up at the ceiling again. "It…it would change the way you think of me." He replied slowly, shaking their head a little. "Because it's…it's…" They trailed off, biting their lip again. How could they describe it? Lysander, and what he had done? They didn't know how to, not without spilling the whole story to Arquis, here in the darkness of the middle of the night. Part of him wanted to tell Arquis, to spill the whole story to someone who had not been there to begin with, but another part of them was still so very ashamed of what had happened. He knew it wasn't his fault but it was so hard not to internalize all of it and blame himself.
“Rin, my opinion of you will not be swayed by what happened in your past.” Arquis said it firmly enough that he hoped it would get through to them, but not unkindly. “I am here for you. Without judgement, I promise I am here for you.”
He slowly climbed to his feet, moved over to his bedside table, and struck a match. He only lit one candle this time. Just enough to fill the room with a soft, warm light. The candle flickered as he settled himself back into the bed, this time laying flat beside Rin. He hoped that if they looked they would see the genuine concern in his face; he wondered what else they might find, what else his eyes might give away.
“Take as much time as you need to relax or to talk. I do not mind either.”
Rin took a long moment to think and calm himself down, taking deep breaths. "I…was, ah, groomed." They finally said. "At least I think that's the…word. I…" He trailed off again, still trying to think of how best to say all of this. How he could best express to Arquis what had happened to him. "The man that did it was, uhm, related to my father in some way. Not my uncle, but…a, ah, a cousin. I think. Something like that."
A chill ran through Arquis, and he paused, feeling his chest tighten. He swallowed hard and resisted the urge to envelop Rin in his arms. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t this. He didn’t know what to say; all he knew was that he wanted to help in any way possible.
“Oh,” he whispered, voice emotional, “oh, Rin, I am sorry. I am so sorry. Are you… I know you are not alright, but… are you in danger? Do you need me to send word out for his arrest? Or is there any other way I can help?”
He shook their head faintly. "No, no it's…he has not…I haven't seen him since I was 19." He said in a quiet tone. "It's not…you cannot have him arrested, he is not in or from Anvillea. He's Kevran, like me. You don't have the jurisdiction for that." They closed their eyes for a moment, rubbing his hand over his face. He didn't know what response he had been expecting, but it wasn't this.
“I see.” Arquis continued to study Rin, a mix of sympathy and fury swelling within him. “That is unfortunate. I would have him locked up for what he did, the pain that he caused you. Or worse.”
He drew in a deep breath and shook his head. “I am sorry if I sound frustrated. None of it is directed at you, I promise. You have done nothing wrong. The fact that he took advantage of you is just vile in a way that words cannot describe. I cannot imagine how difficult it has been for you, even far away from him.”
(Happy Thanksgiving, by the way! If you're American lol)
Rin closed his eyes for a long moment, nodding faintly. "Yeah. He…" It had started when Rin was about 13. The grooming process had, anyway. It had taken a year for it to become more sexual, and another year until Lysander became even more controlling, enough that Rin had hardly been able to do anything without the man's permission. And then it had been like that for nearly four years, with Ari unable to help and Rin's father unwilling to.
(I am! happy Thanksgiving to you too!)
The pit in his stomach deepened as he heard the tone of his voice. He could tell, even as guarded as they were, that the ordeal had been traumatic. A part of his mind was furious; it demanded him to seek out the man anyways and tear him to shreds. That, however, would not help Rin now, so he listened to the logical half instead.
“I am sorry for pushing. Though I am truly glad you have chosen to share your troubles, I should not have forced you to relive your past. If it is any consolation, my opinion of you has not changed. You are incredibly strong, talented, and caring, and you deserve so much better than what the world has given you.”
(:D)
Rin shook their head faintly. "It's…" He let out a slow, slightly shaky sigh. "I'm sorry." They weren't sure what they were apologizing for, but they were. He covered his eyes with their hand, just taking deep breaths and trying to calm down again, trying not to break down again over everything that had happened. "I'm sorry." He said it again, voice shaking very faintly.
“Oh,” Arquis said, feeling and heartbroken and sounding it, too, “oh no, no, you don’t have to apologize. You haven’t done the slightest thing wrong.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and added, as gently as possible, “I am here for you, Rin. You are safe here. If you need to let it out…”
Rin's breath trembled faintly. He shook their head quickly, trying to steady his breathing. "N-no, I…" He sat up abruptly, curling in on himself and covering his face with his hands. "I'm s-sorry." They said again. "I didn't mean…I…I'm sorry for…all of this, I don't…" They were floundering now, uncertain and breaking down.
Arquis, who had been lying on his side, looking towards the musician, now propped himself up properly. Concern shone in his candlelit eyes.
“It is- Rin, really, it is alright. Please do not apologize.” He worried his bottom lip and hovered an anxious hand over their shoulder, wanting to comfort them but still unsure. “I am not upset with you. You seem to have suffered a great deal. You deserve to fall apart every now and then, and you deserve to have someone care for you.”
He wasn't used to talking about this. He wasn't used to saying anything at all about what he had gone through and now it felt like a dam had broken and he couldn't fix it up. "I-I just…you don't deserve the burden of dealing with…with all of…this." they said faintly. "It's not…you're ill, there's no reason you should have to deal with my shit on top of everything else."
“I might be ill, but that does not mean I am unable to care. And I do. I care that you are hurting, and I need you to know that this—you opening up—is not a burden. Not to me.”
His hand was still hovering. He pulled it back. He did not want to risk startling or upsetting Rin, not when he was already so distraught. If they wanted contact, then they could initiate it. He would be glad for it, but he would not push him.