"Well, maybe it is. My soul is still stuck in my empty lifeless heart and body after all. Humans say that your soul is what gives you feel and meaning to everything. Is that true?" He wondered. "Maybe there are others out there experiencing the same thing as me, but I don't know if they think about being a vampire the same way as I do. You don't have to imagine what it is like, I'd rather have you not to experience it at all."
His eyes gazed down at the journals in the box. Setting down the doll inside, he picked up one of them. He let his finger trace along the spine of the one he picked up. A small laugh left his lips as he recalled the time that he wrote in the brown journal, it had to be around the time he turned. Strange how it feels like that happened ages ago to him.
"Writing is practically all I do in my free time," He responded, "I used to like to ride my horse, walk around the palace, and shoot arrows too, but it's a bit difficult to do those things now in the day. Yet writing is something I can no matter what time of day, it's quite enjoyable too. Do you like to write or are you more of a reader?"
Comfort him, he wondered what would comfort him currently. Even though he does feel a bit odd right now, he stills feels secure and a bit happy right now. Talking like this with Jimin, he never expected being with a human would make him feel so different. Almost as if he was one too in a way.
Kangdae looked down at his hands, noticing the white gloves that covered them. Hesitantly, he slowly started to take off the one covering his left. After he eventually got the glove off, he held his hand out. "Jimin, you already are doing so much. I am so thankful for you," He beamed, "But if you insist, could you perhaps hold my hand? It's too heavy and I think someone strong should hold it. Please?"
“Well, if I could just understand. I don’t have to experience. If I could understand that, then I could understand you better, I suppose. Not that I can’t understand you,” she amended. What was she saying? Even she did not know. She has never said these things out loud. “Ah, never mind.” She shook her head, then looked back at him. “I’m no philosopher, but it has always seemed to me that the soul is simply a metaphysical or spiritual concept that inhabits a physical vessel, giving it life. The vessel and the soul working together, being conscious of one another is what gives them feelings and perceptions and meaning to their circumstance.”
Jimin watched him pick up the journal curiously, then a smile spread on her face when he confirmed her guess. She then tilted her head. “Can’t you do those things at night too? I’ve ridden Bam at night before, when I was young.” She straightened, saying, “But it’s good to hear that you find writing enjoyable. I’m more of a reader myself.”
Indeed, she also felt rather strange at the moment. Maybe because she didn’t feel like she was doing enough. But she had asked Kangdae to tell her about himself, what else did she need to do? But then he goes and tells her of his woes, and she is not sure how to respond. What exactly was she supposed to do? Ah, maybe I’m overthinking this too much. Just relax.
She felt her ears redden. He literally counteracted her internal statement. She was doing so much, not just enough. I am so thankful for you. When was the last time someone said that to her? She couldn’t remember. “I don’t think I’m very strong, but…” Gazing warmly at him, she took his hand in hers. It was good that he was cold, and she was warm. They could balance each other.
Kangdae stared across at her, not being able to get his eyes off her as she spoke. His brows lifted up as he listened. A small gap between his lips opened. At first, he thought he was going to say something, but ended up laughing a little. The laughter only lasted for a few short moments till he knew what to say. "I believe I understand what you're trying to say," He chuckled.
What Jimin said about souls left him in a state of pondering. It all made sense to him, but he was still curious. "What if the vessel is dead, but blood is freely flowing through its veins? How can the soul work without it and still feeling a bit of sensations without the body being alive?" He wondered out loud. That could give some depth to how he feels and why, although it can just end at the fact he's an undead being. And the way to feeling things better is to do what vampires are infamous for.
"Ah, thank you. I'm glad to know my friend likes to read too," He nodded. Glancing up at the ceiling, he thought for a second. "I probably could do those things now, but I am not sure I can without drawing some attention to myself. My horse makes a fuss when I try to get on too. I'm sure he doesn't like me."
The heat from her hand was something that he hasn't gotten used to yet. Every time he felt the warmth, it was he was experiencing the sensation for the first time. It was difficult to not keep himself from smiling as he looked down at their hands.
How can something so simple make him smile so brightly? The sensation reminded him of his own bleakness, yet he pushed the fact aside. "Hmm…I believe you are…" He whispered, "Thank you." Kangdae used his thumb, lightly rubbing it against hers.
His laughter made her smile shyly, but she was quiet, thinking about the other things he said. "Well, I suppose there is a reason why most call your kind unnatural. Perhaps the soul doesn't necessarily inhabit a dead vessel, but maybe in your case, the soul can still control it, like a puppeteer and puppet." She shrugged. "As I said, I'm not a philosopher."
Jimin pursed her lips. "Ah, I suppose that's true. That's too bad, riding at night was, as I remember, quite thrilling."
Despite the cold of his hands, her ears were still red. She didn't know what to say, but she felt like she had to say something. But she didn't. All that mattered was that he was smiling again. How long did he sit with his sorrows, resenting this cursed existence? It must be a long time, because the way he smiled now reminded her of when her uncle's patients were at long last freed from their pain or illness. "Thank you for believing I am," she said at last.
Something about her smile left him in awe. To him, it was like he was staring at jewel when light hits its surface and you can see it shine. If only he was human, he's sure that if he was, his whole face would be covered with heat. He almost missed what she was saying, only because he was distracted by her grin.
"You may not be a philosopher, but you sure do know much more than I do when it comes to being a human and souls, I suppose," He sighed, till he ended up laughing a bit again. "I am only unnatural because they will never know what I am capable of. My soul is something everyone should fear, well, except for one person. I am my own puppeteer, everyone, minus the one, should fear me."
Kangdae had no idea where to look. His eyes kept glancing over to her and then their hands and then back to her again. The look in her eyes is priceless. While the two of them weren't saying a single thing, he could just look into those brown orbs to see the feeling in them. Suddenly, he became quiet as he fondly stared at her hand. Just like the first time they held hands, he could sense a strange feeling looming over him. How such a small thing is making him this way is beyond his knowledge, but he does not want to question it at all. Does Jimin feel this way too?
Immediately, his head titled to meet her gaze. Momentarily, the only thing he could do was nod while grinning. Every single moment now he's becoming more and more speechless after hearing her mellifluous voice.
"I'll always believe that you are…always."
She shrugged. "I've just thought about it a lot." Hearing his comment, she laughed a little with him. "Is your soul, then, something that person can love?"
Unlike Kangdae, Jimin was still, watching him and beginning to feel sleepy. The way he looked at her energized her though, in a way. Though for a moment they ran out of words to say, she didn't feel awkward or nervous. This was a contented silence. Though when he broke it, she didn't mind. His resonant voice washed over her, and she sighed softly.
"Your Highness, you're too kind. I should give you something, in exchange for those flowers." She yawned involuntarily and covered her mouth. "Oh, excuse me."
Kangdae rested his chin on the plan of his left hand as he smiled when hearing her laugh. "They can love it to their heart's content," He cooed, "My body may be cold, but my soul is warm."
At first, he did not think much about her yawning. In fact it took him a couple of seconds before the realization hit him. Did time really go by that fast? He couldn't even tell that it was getting to be so late into the evening. The thought about their meeting being over made his brows scrunced together as his lips pouted.
"Jimin, you do not have to. I'm glad that you like them," He said, then sighed, "Even after these last few days, I forget how it keeps getting late for you. Perhaps we should end it here. May I walk you back to your quarters?"
“That’s good,” she said a little drowsily. “So maybe it is possible.”
Actually, when thinking about it, she wasn’t sure what she could give that he’d appreciate. What did she have? She was secretly glad he didn’t expect anything from her. She didn’t think she was a good gift giver.
“Oh, alright then.” Then she chuckled quietly. “You have no sense of time, do you? Must be nice.”
She pulled up her knee and rested her head on it. She would’ve liked to doze off right then and there, and almost did, but the expression Kangdae made struck her as funny. For a moment her mouth pulled into an amused smile, but his words made it fade.
“Perhaps…” She tilted her head. “There’s no need, Your Highness.” She squeezed his hand, then let go and stood, stretching her limbs. Perhaps time had passed too quickly for her as well. It felt to her that there was more to say…
She took the azaleas, then took the one behind her ear and put it with the rest. She would take these, cherish them, and think of Kangdae when she looked at them, she promised silently.
"It only is till you have to go," He murmured, "With being an undead beast and staring at someone with beautiful eyes, it is really easy to lose the track of time." Spirits, he cannot believe how much he's starting to hate when it gets to be so late into the evening. The thought of the meeting being over already is only leaving him to sit there with a frown on his face. They were having so much fun, he hasn't been this happy for the longest time.
Kangdae stared down at his hand as he took a deep breath. Glancing over at her, he made sure that she wasn't looking when he held his hand to his chest. A smile swept across his face. His hand, it felt sort of heavy for some reason. In a way, it still felt as if she was holding it. Oh how this just bring him so much joy. Much more joy than the thought of having a heart right now.
Rushing over to the door, he held his arms out. "As the crown prince of this kingdom and as your friend, I ask you to not leave just yet. I am concerned about your safety, your sleepiness makes me even more worried," He stated. "Lady Hwang, I simply must cannot let you go, for I have something to tell you. It will help you be more energetic for the walk back, but you must get close to me. Please."
“Mmm, I suppose that’s true,” she murmured. Then a slight blush came to her ears again, and her brow quirked up. “Wait a moment, until I go? You miss me?”
He sounded so solemn, so regretful. It seemed she knew the answer to her question already. Her eyes flickering up from the flowers for a mere second, she saw his hand on his chest before her gaze went to the flowers again. His smile was so soft, yet it was bright, like the moon. Did that simple physical contact affect him that much? It amazed her, despite her sleepiness and knowledge that he rarely touches others anyway. A small smile grew on her lips. A gladness filled her at being able to allow him to feel human again, even a little bit.
She was about to reluctantly say her goodbyes when he rushed to the door. Her eyes widened, but then she laughed, a deep, slow sound tinged with lethargy. It vaguely occurred to her that he addressed her more formally.
“Though I appreciate your concern, there is no need. I will be safe, there’s no need to worry about that.”
But she stepped closer to him, curious. Later she would reflect on how trusting she had been, she had not even asked why he wanted her close when he could have just told her from where she was.
(Aaaaaaaaa-)
Kangdae looked off to the side for a second. Briefly, his face became blank as he processed the question. Suddenly, the left corner of his lip curved. "Yes. Why else would I be so happy to see you then?" His arms dropped to his side. "Lately, I have been starting to hate being alone. I keep staring over at the door too. I miss you already."
He placed his arms behind his back before taking a step towards her. "I cannot determine whether you look cuter while you're sleepy or when you're blushing." Bringing his lips closer to her ear, he whispered, "Don't get too distracted when thinking about me, okay?"
In the corner of his eye, he couldn't resist the temptation to look at her for a second. A small laugh managed to slip out of him. Kangdae quickly placed a kiss on the side of Jimin's cheek then stood back. The heat from it felt like it was burning his cold lips.
Rubbing the back of his neck, he lowered his gaze towards the floor. Was it too early for that? Had it been the right time? Their meeting has ended so hopefully it won't be a distraction for her. Even just one more second with Jimin will make him happy till the next time they meet.
“I thought I had gotten under your skin one time too many to make you miss me that much,” she shrugged.
She glanced off to the side, smiling shyly. Compliments like this were unexpected; she didn’t know what to say. Her eyes flickered back to him as he whispered in her ear.
“What do you mean?” She started to ask, but then she felt the soft coolness of his lips on her skin, and she didn’t really need an answer. Her heart began to pound, and suddenly she was wide awake.
“O-oh.” She blinked, her smile growing. “I… I think that helps.” She chuckled nervously. What was she supposed to do? She had no idea. “I just… I just hope I’m not so distracted that I can’t plan more… for tomorrow.”
It was another moment where emotions were swirling like a thick soup in her mind, and though it was confusing, as least it was positive. Kangdae looked almost timid before her, it was endearing. How endearing to give her a kiss for luck. She just hoped he would not worry too much about her.
Her fingers gently brushed her cheek where he kissed her. She chuckled again. Moving past him and touching her hand to the door, she turned to him and said, “Your Highness, I… thank you, for tonight.”
She tried to soften her expression so she wouldn’t look too happy in front of the guards. Opening the door and taking her binyeo, she made her way back to her chamber. After a certain point, the smile returned to her face as the sweet scent of the azaleas surrounded her.
Kangdae laughed for a second while watching Jimin's response. "Good," He beamed, "I knew it would. Although, I'm taken aback by that smile of yours once again." Briefly his gaze wandered down as he cleared his throat. "You will do well tomorrow, I am sure of it."
His mouth opened but he couldn't find the right thing to say. Desperately, he looked around trying to think of something. Her chuckle sent a shiver down his spine. Is that something normal for a creature like him?
"My pleasure." Without much thought, he took a step closer to the door. A strange ache hit his chest as he watched her go. He tried to hide any traces of a grin but gave up after the door was closed.
Even after the door closed, he stayed there. His smile remained despite sensing her walking farther away from the bed chamber. The sweet scent disappearing, leading him to frown, or at least the iron savory one.
He turned to look over at the box on the floor. Before realizing, he had forgotten about the single azalea he had placed in there. Ambling over, the prince picked up the flower. His smile returned.
With his thumb and index finger, he held the flower up to him. Its smell is so aromatic. Surprising how it piques his interest for being a flower, but it wasn't just the azalea.
Kangdae sat the flower down before removing his gloves. The blood stains still remained. Briefly, he looked around the room. "I'm sorry," He whsipered while looking away from the flower. His eyes lit up red as he stared down at the dark crimson stains on his hand.
(Would you like me to write a time skip or you?)
(You could write a time skip if you're cool with it.)
(Alright then, I’ll try my best)
It felt as though she had only slept for a few moments before Jimin found herself awake, watching numbly as dawn greeted her with the pale warm colors of the lightening sky. For a moment it was difficult for her to rise, the memories of last night filtering back through her mind like some sort of moving picture. Those memories were comforting at least, even as the anxiety and stress of what was to come settled in.
Sometimes, she’d learned, it was better to deal with an uncertain future head on, and so she found the courage to rise. She slipped from the covers of her bed, reciting and practicing the words and lies she planned to speak as she dressed and made her way to the Queen’s chambers. Some lower ranking court ladies stopped her with a matter concerning a few documents stored in the palace archives, but she briefly instructed them and moved on.
Once she was before the Queen’s doors, she took a deep breath and knocked to announce her presence, then entered.
“Good morning, Your Majesty,” Jimin said, kneeling before her. “How are you? I believe last night yielded more information than last time.”
Are things getting better or are they getting worse? That is what Her Majesty has been asking herself ever since she woke up. Although it was still cloudy outside, she was in good spirits, but was not sure why. Perhaps today will be a good day.
Like always, she was at her table with a cup of tea. After yesterday's meeting she decided to switch from magnolia berry to passionflower, just to try for once. It was a simple change for her, but she quite enjoyed the passionflower.
Despite the change of tea, Queen Seohyun still found herself to be a bit energetic. Her finger tapped quietly against the table while she gazed over at the door every couple of seconds. The corners of her lips curved into a light grin as she waited.
When a knock rang from the other side of the door, she let out a sigh. Her shoulders relaxed while the tapping stopped. Straightening her skirt, she looked over watching as Jimin walked in.
"Good morning to you as well," She greeted, motioning for her court lady to sit. A brow quirked right after hearing about there being more information. It must be a good day after all. "I suppose that I am fine, now I've heard there's more to report. Let's go ahead and go over it, yes?"
Jimin nodded, then obliged and sat down. After clearing her throat, she began, “When I came in, I asked to listen to His Highness’ heartbeat again. He refused, and I didn’t want to disrespect him, so I didn’t insist further. I decided to ask about his eating habits, since I had heard from one of the maids that he rarely eats his meals. The prince, on the contrary, said he ate three meals a day. I’m pretty sure I saw plates of uneaten food in the room, however, and when I asked about them, he wouldn’t respond directly. He tried to move the conversation on to other, less relevant topics, though I don’t remember them now. Something strange happened, though. He mentioned that he smelled blood coming from me. At first I didn’t know what he was talking about, but then I remembered I had pricked my finger earlier that evening. So I held up my hand and asked if it was where the smell was coming from, and he said yes. Somehow he had detected the small amounts of blood even as it was starting to dry.”
She kept her voice steady, even as her heart pulsed with nervousness. Maybe mentioning blood was a bad idea, but admittedly she couldn’t come up with anything better than that. She took a breath.
“Perhaps you have heard of things like this by now, but those were the observations I made. After that he seemed very wary of me, avoiding my other questions and sending me away not long after.”
Queen Seohyun kept her gentle smile as Jimin became to speak, but it gradually faded away. She let her gaze wander to the wall as she listened. Thankfully there was more to today's report compared to yesterday.
It was always reported to her that he ate every meal. She even had the servant that held his umbrella get it from the kitchen himself. For a quick moment, she closed her eyes, only to open them right away and widening with concern.
Blood? He can smell blood from a distance? So many rumors about him have been running around the palace grounds. Every single one of them made her more curious than the last. She wants to ignore them and pretend that the chances for them to be true were very low.
Her eyes flickered across the table at Jimin. Something felt off as she stared at her lady in waiting. Oh how she feels bad for the young lady. There's a chance that this may be dangerous, especially since the prince still isn't cooperating a lot and sent her away. And the fact he smelled blood….
"Rumors are only rumors, but they do make us all very puzzled and pique are interest." Her Majesty leaned forward as she asked, "Do you ever feel wary or worried about being in danger around him?"
Jimin did not like the look on the Queen’s face. She took a breath to steady herself, trying to think. If she said no, it would look suspicious considering all that she’s told the Queen so far. If she said yes, then it would seem like she would be confirming Her Majesty’s worst fears and only get them found out sooner. Perhaps it would be best if she said neither.
“Sometimes I’m afraid he will punish me for displeasing or disrespecting him,” she replied slowly, “But I don’t feel as though I’m in immediate danger.”
Were those the right words to say? She had no idea. It was so rare for her to lie continuously to someone above her, even to protect someone else. How could she know what to say?
Her Majesty tried to find reason with the information she just learned. She attempted with all her might to find it being perfectly fine. Anyone can smell blood really. From a tiny drop to a whole battlefield worth, anyone can smell it. There's nothing strange about that. And sometimes she tends to skip meals too, although no one should, but it's normal. Yet even with reason, she wondered if the crown prince was normal.
"He shouldn't. His Highness should be well enough to know that he should punish anyone in my court, let alone his own," She muttered. The queen curled her lips back as she let her shoulders relax. Looking down at the floor, she cleared her throat.
"Good. Well I suppose that this is progressing well enough for now, but something does not seem right," Queen Seohyun said. "If he isn't eating, then why is that his condition not worsening? Aside from appearing tired, he doesn't seem to be any worse….although he was oddly different yesterday, but I do not believe it was not the fact he was not eating."
After finishing her sentence, she shook her head. When they find out one thing, it leads to another problem, and they haven't even come to a solution to the original issue. "Something must be done soon," The queen sighed, picking up her cup of tea. She took a sip, but still held the cup.
Jimin nodded, some of the anxiety fading. She was getting used to the flow of conversations now, and predicting how the Queen might respond to her words. She knew what to say.
“I wondered the same,” she said. “And I don’t know why. I had planned to use this first week as a time to gather my observations, then the following weeks I would try and piece them together. But if Your Majesty wishes, I can begin doing that now.”
Indeed, none of her words were lies, which is why they were easier to verbalize. This is what she had originally planned to do, before she had found the truth of the prince’s condition much quicker than she had anticipated. She could use what she had told the queen so far to form a false assessment of His Highness, but that could be incredibly risky. Were there any illnesses that were similar to vampirism that her uncle had informed her of?
The queen's lips curled back. Almost three weeks remain and yet she is not that worried as of right now. She nodded in response to the plan.
"Please do. Try to still observe him if possible, but you should start to piece what you already have together," Her Majesty instructed. "I am not sure how much he'd be willing to tell or if he will dismiss you again, but I feel as if there's more to uncover."
Her finger lightly tapped on her knee. Was there something that she is missing? Perhaps if the prince has not been saying much, but it does not make sense to her. Something is wrong but he is also okay. Queen Seohyun stopped tapping her finger.
"Also, I have not had much luck with having someone look for the medical journals. When you do go over tonight, try to ask His Highness if he might know where they are," She instructed.
Jimin nodded. “Yes, Your Majesty. Will that be all?”
A different kind of anxiety was surfacing now, one that feared the future. Whatever doubt she had left was gone. The Queen would find out the truth sooner or later, and it wouldn’t be pretty when the day came. The only thing that could be done now was to prepare.
She mentally went through all that she had told the Queen in the past few days. If she just ignored the ‘no pulse or heartbeat’ part of it, what would illness would those symptoms indicate? Nothing came to mind; it was hard to think now. It would be better if she was alone, she could figure something out more easily.
Without saying a word, she nodded. Her lips lightly trembled as they curled back. She bit the inside of her cheeks. Somehow it was difficult for her to let even one word slip out. Was it truly a better day than before? Surely it has to, the more information and the more evidence, the better. Right?
None it makes sense anymore, and it pains her to even question the prince's condition further. The word floated around her mind, but she didn't even want to say it, let alone think of it. Queen Seohyun shook her head, in hopes of forgetting her thoughts. Her nails digged into the palm of her hand.
"That will be all for this morning," She said, almost in a whisper. Her Majesty went back to tapping her finger against her knee, focusing her attention on that for the time being. "Go on with the others, and be sure to keep an eye on him. Do not let His Highness try to play games with you. And I do not want to hear of him dismissing you early."
Picking up on the Queen’s body language, Jimin’s lip started trembling as well. She wanted to ask if she could do something for Her Majesty, but figured she would only refuse and put on a brave face. She got to her feet.
“Yes, Your Majesty, I will do the best of my ability.” She almost turned to leave, but then couldn’t keep herself from ignoring the Queen’s emotional state. “And please, if you don’t mind me saying, I’d like you to do something that will put your mind at ease. I don’t like seeing you like this, and I don’t think a different tea alone will help. Just… just do something that you enjoy doing, and it will make this easier. For all of us, I think.”
She bowed, and left the Queen’s chambers.
Deapite the finger tapping continuing, she found some assurance in Jimin's words. Queeh Seohyun couldn't help but let a tiny smile appear. Her lips kept on trembling. She gazed up at her lady-in-waiting, giving her a subtle nod.
Once she was alone in her chambers again, another sigh had left her lips. Her gaze shifted towards the cup of tea. It must be getting cold at this point, and yet she doesn't feel like reaching over for the cup. "Something that will put my mind at ease….," She whispered to herself. "At ease."
Kangdae sat on the bed, staring over at the flower laying on the table. After Jimin had left the night before, he did not sleep. How could he? From the taste of the dried blood to kissing her cheek, he was up and all over the place.
Though he was very energetic then, he ended up being much more lethargic come morning. His servant had to carefully poke him so he wouldn't fall asleep while doing his duties. Only when everything in his schedule was crossed off, did the prince go to sleep.
Now here he is, sitting on top of the covers with his hair down. He kept staring at the flower as he thought back to last night. His fingers rested above his lips. Though he really cannot feel anything from it, a strange sensation came over him. Kangdae's eyes flickered towards the door.
