Lin sighed again and closed his eyes, doing as he was told. "I-I just… I don't know how to do any of this. I'm not used to it. And… a-and suddenly asking me to do it doesn't really help me learn, it just kinda psyches me out… I don't do well under pressure." He ran his fingers through his hair, still seeming nervous. "Especially with you, I just… I'm not used to thinking of you as something other than my friend, so suddenly kissing you kinda… kinda shocked my system, I guess…"
"Okay. Thank you for forming coherent sentences. I won't kiss you again," she said. "Alright?"
"No, n-no, you can… you can kiss me again if you want, I just… probably won't do well if I'm kinda forced into it." Lin sighed softly.
"I'm not going to." She closed her eyes. "This is my fault, anyway."
"No, please don't feel guilty… I'm just… overly sensitive." Lin looked away, still fidgety and nervous.
"I'm the one who said I had a crush on you. I could have said nothing. Stop fidgeting. It's making me jittery."
"S-Sorry…" Lin reluctantly lowered his hands. "I dunno, I… I don't mind it, honestly, it's just going a lot faster than I expected. I'm a little slower, so you'll have to be patient with me."
"I know. I know that, Lin. I'm just used to going at light speed and then leaving them behind. Relax, I'm not going to do that to you." She folded her hands.
Lin nodded weakly. "I'm sorry for being problematic… I know you're probably more used to being with people who are willing to go fast."
"If you apologize for having boundaries one more fucking time, I will slap you upside the head. Boundaries are good. The fact that I have none is concerning."
"Sorry, s-sorry…" Lin flinched a bit and looked away, still obviously nervous. "I don't know what's normal and what isn't, okay? I have no way of knowing whether my reactions are normal or not."
"It doesn't matter if they're 'normal.' They're valid. And that's what matters. And for God's sake, relax. Just breathe for a minute."
"Okay…" Lin drew in a wavering breath, trying to calm down. Orion being snippy and rude to him wasn't really helping him feel better about the whole ordeal. "M-Maybe you could walk me through some stuff? So I know kinda what to expect?"
"Like what?" she asked.
"Well, I dunno… just… tell me normal things people do in a relationship, I guess?" Lin shrugged a bit.
"Um. They hug. And kiss each other, I guess. But not everyone does that. Or they have sex. But not everyone does that. They do nice things for each other." She listed a few things. "Like that."
"Oh…" Lin listened closely, trying his best to understand what Orion was saying. "Okay. But we don't have to have sex, right?"
"No. Of course not." Orion blinked. "I told you I'm not going to make you do things you don't want to."
Lin nodded a bit and sighed softly in relief. "That's good… I really don't wanna have sex. I-I mean, like, in general. Not just you in particular."
"That's okay." She watched him silently, tucking her hands under her thighs.
Lin ran his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes. "This is all happening really fast…"
"I'm sorry. I don't know how to help you or anything. But I am sorry."
Lin nodded a bit. "It's fine… I'll try my best to catch up and keep up."
"I don't know what to do. I can't believe I did this to you." She hunched over, curling in on herself.
"It's okay, Orion… I'm not mad at you." Lin insisted softly, looking over at Orion.
"I know you aren't mad at me. I'm mad at myself." She licked her lips and clenched her fists.
"Is there anything I can do to make you feel better about it?" Lin asked softly.
"No. It's my fault. Like most things are. It doesn't matter."
"Come on, Orion. Most things aren't your fault. You haven't done anything wrong."
"I've done a lot of wrong things. Reassurance isn't helpful. I appreciate you trying to help, don't get me wrong," she said. "I just make myself suffer."