forum Under The Painted Sky (O/O CLOSED)

Started March 18, 2019 by Deleted user

tune

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Sterling ran his fingers through her hair as he held her close. “I hope you can sleep more without nightmares.”

Eden clasped his free and in hers and pressed it to her burning cheek, face tilted in a way that her mouth grazed his wrist. She remembered the brush of his lips against hers. She wanted more.

“I think I’ll be fine,” she pressed her cheek against his hand, “I’ve got you, right?”

Sterling brushed his thumb over her cheek, lifting his hand for a moment to sweep a piece of hair out of her face before moving his hand back. “Of course. I’m right here,” he whispered, wanting to press another kiss to her forehead.

For the first time since forever, Eden felt at peace. How long had it been since she had felt that way in a man’s embrace?

“Thank you, Sterling,” she murmured, getting numb from her fever and the growing need to sleep and rest. “And I’m sorry again…”

“Don’t apologize, beautiful… Sleep,” Sterling murmured, giving in and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll be right here if you need me.”

Beautiful. He called her beautiful. Was that accidental, or had he truly meant to say it? Whatever it was, it didn’t fail to make her stomach flutter.

“Sterling, I…” the rest of her words were cut off in a mumble, incomprehensible. Her breathing evened out and she relaxed further in his hold, falling into a tired slumber.

Sterling, I think I like you.

Sterling pulled away to look at her when she trailed off, only to end up smiling when he noticed hat she was asleep. He kissed her nose lightly before sighing and closing his eyes, simply resting now.

[TIME SKIP: MONDAY]

When Sterling had left that day, the gravity of what she’d allowed had swallowed Eden whole. She had let a man touch her again after she had sworn herself she’d never let that happen. She let him kiss her, see her weakest parts and hold her tight as if he were a shield. It nauseated her. And that very same male, she had fallen for. Or at least she was close to it. That time when she had realized it, she hadn’t given it much thought, but the second Sterling had left, it slammed down on her like waves crashing during a tsunami.

And then she felt the same, disgusting hands all over her, violating her, and Eden spent hours in the shower, scrubbing herself clean until her skin became raw and blood began to pool out. That hadn’t been enough, either, to forget those cruel words and sick hands. No matter what she did, the water, the soap—nothing was enough to wash her clean.

Disgusting. Pathetic. Coward.

Mine.

Mine to touch, mine to hurt.

So Eden fought her misery with pain. She picked fights, and each time she got hurt, she relished it. It wasn’t about winning at all. It was about losing herself to the monster sleeping inside of her and fighting what had disgusted her.

And now here she was, in her third block class, supporting bruises that throbbed painfully yet pleasurably. Here she was, in her algebra 2 class, feet on her desk, eyes closed, the coldness seeping out of her like it always had been, the bruises like trophies.

And she relished in it, even if the after-effects left her hollow and empty.

Sterling hadn’t heard from Eden during the rest of the weekend, and he hadn’t seen her earlier in the day. So, when he stepped into his third period class and saw her, he immediately took he seat beside her. He sat down and leaned back, looking over at her. A quick glance over her revealed a collection of bruises, some new and lighter while others were older and darker. What had she gotten herself into?

“Eden,” he murmured, leaning closer to her. “What happened?”

When Sterling sat down next to her, even though she had her eyes closed, Eden’s skin began to tingle. The smell of cinnamon had reached her nostrils even before he had sat down.

But then that tingle was immediately replaced with an uncomfortable feeling. She opened her eyes slowly, cold honey-brown eyes flickering over him. They nearly melted, but Eden kept up her composure. Even when all she wanted to do was have him hold her and tell her her monsters couldn’t hurt her.

“The usual,” she replied, feeling herself swallow when he leaned closer. She removed her eyes from his beautiful features. She let her lips twist up into a small, uncaring smirk. “I’d forgotten how good this feels, the control.”

She was back to being the cold-hearted girl he’d first met. Her eyes were blank, her smirk uncaring. Why was she doing this again? He’d thought they had gotten past this. They’d decided to be friends, at least. And now she was acting as if she didn’t even care…

“Why are you doing this to yourself, E?” Sterling sighed, rubbing his forehead with the heel of his hand.

E. He was calling her E, with such familiarity, adding that hint of friendliness, too. When her nickname rolled off of his tongue, Eden felt like melting. She clenched her fist, looking at the raw skin, the redness on her knuckles too apparent. She brushed a hand over it, the skin feeling too raw.

“I don’t know,” she admitted with a sigh. “I lose myself sometimes. It’s a drug, the pain.”

“I see…” Sterling murmured, looking over her again. “You should come to lunch with me. We could go out somewhere.”

Eden closed her eyes, biting down on her lip. She sighed heavily, torn between wanting to agree and wanting to disappear. It was absurd just how mad he was driving her.

“… I was hoping to start a little trouble during lunch,” she finally said, clenching and unclenching her fist. The need for pain was too much. I guess being hurt constantly before you became used to it did that to you. “I’m still not satisfied.”

“Then let me try to distract you from it. I can be a very good distraction when I want to be,” Sterling declared, letting his lips twist into a smirk.

The suggestiveness in his comment made her shrink slightly, but she didn’t let it show. At least, she hoped he didn’t notice the way she let out a small shudder. Inviting, wasn’t he?

“Any good examples you’d like to tell me?” Eden found herself asking, cocking her head to the side, finally looking at him.

Sterling shrugged and glanced toward the front of the room. “I mean, I’m pretty amazing at cuddling, if I do say so myself,” he declared, keeping his face in a serious mask.

Eden remembered his strong arms around her, shielding her from her fears. She remembered being pressed against him, head on his chest, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. She even remembered the beating of his heart, flickering from irregular to calm and back and forth. She pressed her finger on the bruise on her side to prevent herself from turning red. The flash of pain helped immensely.

“Are you suggesting we cuddle, Sterling?” Eden asked quietly, keeping her face stoic and unwavering. To others, it may seem like a cold conversation. Little did they know it involved no harsh threats.

“We could.” Sterling flashed her a smirk again before leaning back in his chair and closing his own eyes. “If you want. Otherwise, I’m pretty good at conversations, too.”

“You’re giving me a choice?” The words sprang from her mouth before Eden could stop herself. She hoped he wouldn’t dwell on it too much. She needed to keep her mouth shut if she didn’t want anyone to ask questions. “Would you be disappointed if I said I’d rather talk?”

Sterling’s eyebrows furrowed, even with his eyes still closed. He cracked one open to look at her, twisting his head around to see her better.

“Yes. Of course I’m giving you a choice. You have a right to choose. I wouldn’t force anything upon you. Ever,” he declared without asking questions. He didn’t know why she asked, but he figured she would tell him someday if she got comfortable enough with him. “And I would be a little disappointed, but nothing I couldn’t handle. I’ll live with it.”

Eden’s eyes closed, his words sending both warmth and flashes of memories coursing through her. She’d never had a choice before. What he wanted, he wanted. Even if she had begged him to stop, he did it, anyway. Even if she had screamed and cried, he did it, anyway. To mark her, he used to say. She was his. He could do whatever he wanted, regardless of what she said.

A shudder broke through her lips before she pulled on the emotionless mask on her face. She took a deep breath, pushed away the haunting memories, and opened her eyes once more.

“You’d be disappointed if I said I don’t want to cuddle with you,” she repeated. “Why?”

Sterling shifted in his seat, closing his eyes again. He pressed his lips into a tight line for a moment as he tried to figure out how to word what he was about to say. In the end, he decided to be blunt about it.

“Because I liked cuddling with you the other day. It was nice,” he stated simply, not opening his eyes as his face remained impassive.

Eden immediately pressed her face in her hands, preventing anyone from seeing it. Why? Because it was burning. He just said he liked cuddling with her. Why was she getting so worked up about that? She knew her face was as hot as it felt. She couldn’t let anyone, not even Sterling, see it.

“I see,” her voice was weak, giving away what she was feeling. “Then I suppose we can do it again.”

Even though at the end, it would only lead to her in the shower, trying to scrub herself clean again. Not of Sterling’s touch, but of what her body remembered.

Even though it would lead to her throwing up again when she was alone, even though she’d be hit with his voices and taunts over and over again until she hurt herself to be numb to it, she wanted to feel Sterling pressed against her. Because while she was with him, she forgot the disgust she felt for her own body. She forgot that cruel mouth and what it could do. She felt like a normal girl with Sterling.

There was silence for a few seconds, and Sterling curiously opened his eyes. He blinked at the sight of Eden’s face in her hands, rolling his head as he looked at her in wonder. Why was she hiding? What could she possibly have to hide?

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to, you know. I was simply telling you the truth. I didn’t want you to have to do something you truly didn’t want to do,” he explained quietly, leaning closer.