“All right. I don’t know… Maybe he went to use the litter box or something,” Sterling suggested with a shrug, shifting her in his arms so that he could hold her better. He stood up from the couch with a little difficulty — there was a girl wrapped around him, after all — and then started toward the cabinet. Holding her with one arm, he reached up to open it and fumbled around for the thermometer.
“Maybe I should have stayed on the couch,” Eden mumbled quietly. “This is hard for you, isn’t it?”
“It’s not that bad, Eden. I’ve got it,” Sterling mumbled as his fingers brushed against it. “There. Found it.”
“Great,” Eden murmured, her head beginning to pound. She’d always had a faint headache due to lack of sleep, but this one was bad. “It’s getting hotter.”
Sterling sighed and carried her back over to the couch. He sat down, Eden still in his lap, and held the thermometer out to her. “Here, E. You should use this now.”
Eden sighed, taking the thermometer from him and staring at it, though her vision was blurry. “Shouldn’t we wash this, first?” She mumbled, sighing again and pulling herself off of Sterling and on to her feet. She couldn’t make him carry her around, though she was incredibly light.
A wave of dizziness crashed over her, making her stumble a little, but Eden managed to catch her balance. She sighed, running a hand through her hair.
“I’m going to wash the tip,” she declared, turning around to make her way to the kitchen since that was the closest.
Sterling pushes himself to his feet when he noticed her stumbling. He crossed the room to stand at her side and slipped an arm around her waist. “You’re going to fall over if you walk alone,” he murmured, holding her close.
Eden burned hotter, but not because of the possible fever. He just slipped an arm around her waist and held her close and she was already in a daze. Eden blinked, snapping herself out of it.
“I’m okay,” she said. “I don’t think it’s that bad. I’m probably just exhausted.”
“You just said that you slept more than you usually do. I don’t think that’s why you’re like this, Eden,” Sterling said softly as they stepped into the kitchen.
Eden simply sighed, leaning on to Sterling. They stopped in front of the sink, where she turned on the water and washed the tip of the thermometer. Once it was washed, Eden turned the tap off, pressed the button and set the thermometer under her tongue, closing her mouth. When it began to beep a few minutes later, she held it out for Sterling.
“Here,” she mumbled. “I can’t read it, so you read it for me.”
Sterling took the thermometer from her and checked the screen. He sighed as he read the numbers and gave Eden a wry smile.
“You have a 101 degree fever,” he said softly.
Eden blinked at him, his words ringing in her head. She sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Well,” she started quietly. “At least we know it’s not because of you.”
Sterling chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, a hand holding her head to his chest and the other around her waist. “You should rest some more. Even if you don’t sleep, you should rest.”
(Why don’t you both just stop being ‘just friends’ and I don’t know, make out?)
Eden leaned into his embrace, sighing as it immediately made her feel better. Now if only he started rubbing her scalp with the hand on the back of her head…
“Lie down with me?” Eden found herself asking despite herself. “No, wait, I’m sorry. That was—that wasn’t a good suggestion.”
“And why not?” Sterling breathed, burying his hand in her hair and twisting the strands with his fingers. “I would gladly lay down with you. Even if that’s all we do.”
Eden had grown to love the feeling of his hand in her hair, even though it had just been one day (not even one day) since this new development—since Eden had let him touch her and initiate contact. Something she had never let anyone do unless it was during a fight. Something she thought she hated.
With Sterling, she felt anything but hate. She welcomed it. It made her feel peaceful. It was calming.
“And you’re fine with that?” Eden breathed, her eyes burning. She released another shaky breath, feeling her vision spin. She gripped Sterling tightly. “Even if—even if we do nothing. You’re fine with that?”
Why did she have to ask that question? He didn’t even like her like that. It wasn’t possible. He was just being a good friend. He was being a good support for her because of the breakdowns she had. There was nothing more than that. Even if she wanted there to be something more.
Even if she was still deathly terrified of that development.
“Yes. I am. Even if or when I want more, I’m okay with it and will be okay with it as long as I need to be,” Sterling murmured, pressing his mouth to her hair again.
His lips burned to press to hers, but he couldn’t do that to her. She wouldn’t appreciate it. Plus, she was sick. He didn’t really want to catch that. Even though he was willing to sleep with her — innocently.
And what he had just revealed… Maybe she wouldn’t even notice.
Even if or when I want more… What…? I’m okay with it. Did that mean—did he actually—no. No, it wasn’t possible. He couldn’t. She wasn’t worth it. She was used and broken and she was unworthy. Especially for him. He deserved so much more than she could ever offer him. If he learned more about her, he’d be disgusted with her. Who wouldn’t be? Even she herself was appalled. Maybe he just meant it could happen, not that it would. He’d find someone else. Someone better.
Even if she wanted his mouth to be on hers rather than in her hair, even if she wanted him close and never far away, she was okay with it. She wasn’t ready for something more. She was still afraid. Still traumatized. Still hung up over her past. She couldn’t give him all of her.
“Okay,” she murmured, pretending she hadn’t noticed what he had truly said. “The couch… is that too uncomfortable for you?”
Sterling tightened his arms around her, keeping his face buried in her hair. “The couch is fine. Wherever you would be most comfortable is fine with me.”
The couch. It was the same thing as a bed, but it didn’t make her as uncomfortable. Sharing a bed was intimate. It wasn’t anything Eden could handle.
“The couch works for me,” Eden said quietly, liking the way his hold kept increasing. Was it to prevent her from falling, or was it from a different emotion entirely? “We could get a blanket. I feel a little off…”
“I can help you over there, and then you can tell me where to find a blanket,” Sterling murmured, pulling away slightly to look down at her.
Eden had her eyes closed, and when he pulled away from her slightly, she wanted to pull him back. She made no move to do it.
“Okay,” Eden breathed, the desire of having his mouth against hers driving her insane. She forced herself to stop. “That sounds good.”
Sterling moved to her side and set the thermometer down into the counter. He let an arm around her, holding her close. “Okay, so I can either help you over this way, or I could carry you. Which would you prefer?”
Eden was extremely grateful for the fever she had, for her cheeks felt hotter than they had originally felt. She wanted him to carry her, of course. Did he ask that question because he knew which one she would say she preferred, or did he say that just to make sure she was okay with it?
“I’m fine with either,” she responded in a meek tone. “Whichever’s less burdensome for you.”
Sterling hummed, blinking down at her before leaning down and scooping her into his arms. “Carrying you it is, then,” he mused quietly as he started for the living room again.