Arquis tried to school his expression into one of pity, but he fell way short. Pure glee seemed to radiate from every part of him. He ran his fingers down to their side and gave it a super light, teasing pinch.
“An hour? Oh, my love, that is just humiliating,” he crooned fondly. “I would pay a very large sum of money to watch that occur. I bet it was simply hilarious.”
There was a lot about Rin that he still did not know, but this scene helped to fill in some of the gaps. He could easily picture them as a tiny, chubby-cheeked troublemaker with a heart of gold. The image was brilliant and endearing. He let out a very unprofessional, high-pitched giggle and buried his face in their shirt again.
“I am very glad that I do not have such embarrassing tales,” he joked. “I was a perfect golden child.”
Rin laughed, gently swatting Arquis's shoulder. "You were not, I am sure of it." he replied. "If I asked your sisters, I am certain that they could tell me at least one story of something embarrassing that you did." they gave Arquis a soft little smile, leaning over to kiss his cheek. He was still laughing softly.
At the mention of his sisters, Arquis seemed to deflate. Sadness chased the joy from his expression, leaving no remainder. That pinched, tense quality returned to his brow. He sighed deeply.
“I miss them,” he admitted. He’d spoken so softly that his words were nearly inaudible, and he had to admit that he was surprised he’d said them. They were, however, the truth. He missed Quirisa’s jabs and blunt sarcasm. He missed late night gossip sessions with Marsiquia, where they’d swaddle themselves in blankets, sit in separate arm chairs, and talk about everything that had been bothering her. Other girls in her friend group, Carsui, and new fashion trends that she couldn’t keep up with. He despised himself for distancing himself from her. It was just that he’d felt like he’d been falling for a long time, and he didn’t want her to see him hit rock bottom. She was too young to see him crash and burn. He was glad she had their sister, at least. Quirisa would always take care of her, no matter what happened to him.
What happened to him. Muria had tried to have him killed. The thought felt like a persistent itch, one he couldn’t rid himself of. Muria had sent someone to murder him, and he didn’t know why. For insurance? They were wealthy enough. She could be trying to cover something up, but why then? What about that day had been so special? He didn’t know.
Rin sobered when Arquis deflated, studying him for a moment. "I'm sorry." he said softly, kissing Arquis's cheek. "Hopefully you can go home at some point soon." they wrapped their arm around Arquis's shoulders, trying to offer some comfort. "It's just…not safe just yet, and I would rather not lose you." he gave their partner a soft, loving smile.
Arquis brought his knees up to his chest, turning sideways so that his face was once again pressed into their middle. “I never thought of it as home,” he mumbled, then shook his head. “Or I have not since I was a child. But it is, is it not? I have nowhere else.”
That realization was devastating. He sucked in a short, painful breath as the significance of it hit him. Even if Muria was tried for her attempted crime and somehow convicted, someone would have to take over the Palace. Marsiquia was too young and Quirisa would make for an insufficient candidate. She hated the responsibilities that came with the place, all the scheduling and financial arrangements and cordial measures. She barely helped with the few chores she already had; Arquis had done them all. He was the best option.
The rest of his life, then, would be spent under this crushing pressure. He’d never be able to love Rin openly. Their relationship would have to be kept private, if it continued at all. Arquis would spend the rest of his days in that stuffy, strict place, spiraling into despair.
He suddenly felt nauseous, and he pulled away from Rin. The look on his face was one of pure horror. “Oh. Oh no, no, no…”
Rin blinked, watching him, inhaling softly as he saw the look on Arquis's face. "What is it, Arquis?" he asked softly, reaching out to take his lover's hands, grip light enough that if Arquis needed to pull away, he could. "What's wrong?" had something happened? What was wrong? What was Arquis so panicky and upset about?
Arquis instantly yanked his hands away and crawled to the edge of the bed. His forehead was creased, his mouth taut and pale. He stood. Staggered to the window. Threw it open and let the freezing wind wash over him, causing him to shiver viciously. He drank in the cold air like it was water and he was a man dying of thirst. By the time he finally turned to see his lover, his eyes were stinging. He was a shadow silhouetted by the fading light of day.
“If I return,” he said slowly, “then we cannot be together. Even if Muria is out of the picture. Especially then. As the new head of the household, I will be burdened with many expectations. If I do not, for example, marry a woman within the next few years and sire a child, then ruin will come to my family. My sisters will be shunned. I might be banished, but even if I am not, financial devastation will inevitably occur. Everyone who is currently employed at the Palace will suffer greatly.”
He shuddered and, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him before, closed the window. There was a single tear tracing its way down his left cheek. It was quickly followed by another.
“It was selfish to ask you to be my partner, and it was even more selfish to tell you that I…” The words died in his throat. “That I love you.”
Rin looked up at him, taking a deep breath, then another, studying Arquis. "Darling…" his voice was very soft. Ari quietly stood and left the room again, deciding to wait in the hall for a bit. This was not a conversation that he should be around for. Rin glanced at the door as it closed, and then his gaze returned to Arquis. "I…I went into this knowing that it probably could not last." his voice was still soft, and quiet, his gaze fastened on his lover. "And…we will enjoy however much time we have left together." they held onto the sheets, looking up at Arquis.
Arquis leaned against the shutters and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. When he spoke, it was in a shaky whisper. “I know. That is what we both said, in the beginning, but… but I am so selfish, Rin, and so weak. I do not want this to end.” He slid down the wall and crumpled in a heap on the floor. “I cannot go back there. I cannot do it all over again. It will kill me.” All of the air was forced from him, and he lifted his head to look at them. He felt incredibly lonely. His chest hurt so badly that it was as if something was ripping it in half.
If he returned, he would die. That was the truth. Not immediately, but the stress of the job would get to him eventually. If it wasn’t related to starvation, it would be a heart attack, a stroke, or insomnia. He’d either waste away in silence or go down in a blaze of painful glory. And he’d be alone when it happened.
Looks like Muria would have her way, no matter what.
“I am so sorry,” he gasped. “I wanted this so badly. I never wanted to hurt you.”
Rin got up from the bed, coming over to sit down beside Arquis. "You do not have to go back, darling." their voice was still soft, and careful. "You do not have to return if returning is not something that you wish to do. One of your sisters will take charge." they reached over to gently cup Arquis's cheek, thumb rubbing lightly over the nobleman's cheekbone.
The soft touch hurt immensely, but he leaned into it. He was so weak. He didn’t want this to end. The thought of never seeing them again made him double over in agony. He gritted his teeth and dragged his thumb along his brow.
“I cannot do that to them. Marsiquia is just a child, and Quirisa could not handle it. I have to go back. That was always the plan. I have to.” He looked up at them then. There was a glint in his eyes from both his tears and a stray beam of moonlight coming in from the shutters. “This is what I was raised for. The Palace was always meant to be mine. The responsibility of the oldest heir.”
A sort of strange peace came about him then, as it had in the bathroom at the Palace so many days ago. So he would die. He would suffer and die for his family in silence. That was always how it was going to go. But he’d been given a wonderful opportunity to be with Rin until that point. Shouldn’t he be appreciative of that chance?
Maybe that was why he’d sped things along with the confession. He’d always known his fate. He was wrong when he’d said they’d have all the time in the world to figure things out. If he was lucky, he might have a decade left. It would likely be much less.
“I will miss you,” he said, voice breaking. “I will miss you so much. I am so sorry.”
"They will adjust." he said softly. "You should not lead if leadership is not something you desire." they wanted to lead Kevra; they wanted to take on the kingship of their country, wanted to be the one to lead it into the future. The irony here was not lost on them. Arquis was taking on a burden of leadership that he did not want, and Rinlos might not be allowed to take on the leadership that he wanted so dearly. "You have already vanished, darling. If you never go back, how will they ever find you?" he knew it was a pipe dream. Knew that Arquis was too loyal and committed to just run away like that, but they wished that it were possible.
The sentiment was indeed sweet, but it was insanely unrealistic. Someone, whether it be Muria or the tangled, somewhat corrupt Anvillean court system, would send investigators after him. He’d end up at the Palace either by his own will or by force. Besides, he could never just disappear on his sisters like that. They’d be crushed under the weight of it all; the pressure would destroy them.
“I wish it were that simple,” he mumbled. That searing pain in his chest had returned, and he rubbed the spot over his heart. “But it is not. My fate is set in stone. I cannot change it, though I am glad that I am able to avoid it, if but for a little while.”
This next part was going to be hard. He squeezed his eyes shut so that he would no longer see the black dots appearing in his vision. His stomach lurched as his mouth opened. His tongue felt dry.
“Rin, you must promise me something. When I return to the Palace, you must never come visit. You must stay away.” He tipped his head back, breathing hard. “I do not want you to remember me like that. Remember me happy. Remember the person I was when I was with you. And if you ever hear of me, ignore what is said.”
Rin frowned, watching Arquis and wondering despairingly what he could do. The only thing he could think of to change this was…a rather drastic and sudden step. According to Kevran law, marriage automatically made someone into a citizen of Kevra. Furthermore, as Rinlos outranked Arquis, it would be expected that Arquis come to Kevra. Thus, Arquis would become a citizen of Kevra that was no longer expected to live in Anvillea. It could save the nobleman. But. Was there any way to carry this out without giving away everything?
"I can't do that." he whispered, looking over at Arquis. "I don't…I can't just abandon you to live and…and die alone." he swallowed faintly. "I…" he covered his face with a hand. "If I married you, you would become a Kevran citizen." his voice was quiet and muffled. "And as such, you could live in Kevra. Kevra extradites on a case by case basis, so they would not allow Anvillea to take you back for any prosecution."
(omg I was not expecting that)
Arquis stared at Rin in wide-eyed amazement. For about a minute, he was literally speechless. His mouth moved, but nothing came out. He almost felt like laughing. The idea of marrying anybody after less than two weeks of knowing each other was absurd. And yet.
“Marriage?” he finally asked, the word strangled and disbelieving. His heart was hammering in his chest. He reached over and gently removed the hand from in front of Rin’s eyes. Then, he repositioned so that he was on his knees in between their legs. He took off his gloves so that he could cup their face.
“You are wonderful, my love.” Every bit of him believed that statement, and it showed. His breathing was uneven; his eyes were glimmering, but he was no longer crying. “You are so, so wonderful, and I am not going to make you give away the rest of your life to save a man you just met.”
(neither was Rin lmfao)
("you can't marry a man you just met!")
Rin avoided his gaze, a bit embarrassed about it all. "It's not…it's not permanent, we could divorce later if need be. The marriage only has to last three years for your citizenship to be permanent, and then everything would be fine. We could go separate ways if we wanted to." they cleared their throat softly. "So it wouldn't have to be the rest of my life. And if I died before the three years would up, your citizenship would still be, ah, permanent."
Arquis actually smiled. It was a small, startled smile, but a smile nonetheless. The fact that they were embarrassed was endearing, though he wasn’t sure why. He just felt incredibly fond of him. If the situation wasn’t so serious, perhaps he’d give them a reassuring kiss, maybe even tease him about it all.
“Rin, love, look at me. Please?” He rubbed his thumb in a tiny circle against their temple. “You are so very sweet to have offered this plan, but there is a lot that it would not solve. My sisters would still be stuck in charge, and rumors of our marriage would inevitably make their way to Anvillea. I understand that you wish to save me, my dear. I personally want nothing more than to spend more time with you. But I cannot run away from my problems forever, or even just for three years. Someone has to take charge of the Palace, and if I marry you, it can never be me.”
"Why do you have to?" he replied. "What's the worst that can happen if you don't come back? Quirisa kicks into gear and takes some responsibility, before Marsiquia grows up a bit and takes on some of the load? Someone else takes over?" he raised his eyebrows, looking up at Arquis. "And like I said: Anvillea would not be able to prosecute you for our marriage, since Kevra would not extradite you back for that, so the rumors wouldn't bring either of us harm."
Arquis flinched. That hadn’t been the response he was expecting, and it caught him off guard. It took him a good moment to think of a way to reply.
“Quirisa would not know where to start. The responsibilities of the household would overwhelm her, and I fear that she would simply leave. She has never felt a deep attachment to our home. The only reason she has stayed this long is because of Marsiquia. But our younger sister does not, and will never, take priority over her freedom. If I abandoned the two of them, Quirisa would follow my lead. And Marsiquia would be left to suffer. She is far too young for that, and she has already gone through enough with the death of our father.”
He dropped his hands from his face, hoping that they wouldn’t be angry. This conversation was difficult. He didn’t know how to navigate it. The last thing he wanted to do was lose his closest ally in this whole mess, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe it’d be better if they weren’t tangled up in his disastrous life.
“And the comment about the rumors was not out of fear for our safety. As I said earlier, my identity would be a stain on my family. It would ruin their socioeconomic status. That would be so much additional stress, I… I could not harm them like that.” He looked at them pleadingly. “I would go with you gladly, my dear. I really would. But I would also miss them, and I fear that they would despise me for leaving.”
He hesitated for a moment, eyes flickering as he tried to think of what to do. "You can bring them too." he said slowly. "If…" they trailed off, shrugging. "They'd have to apply for citizenship, but…they'd probably get in. Someone else would take over eventually. It…it would work out." he hated the idea of Arquis dying like that, alone and secluded without anyone to help him.
Their optimism was lovely, but he was still somewhat doubtful. He sat back on his heels to think through the plan. It could hypothetically work. Once Muria was out of the way, he’d have full ownership of the Palace. Transferring that ownership to the Anvillean court system would be possible under the reasoning of permanent relocation. All he’d have to do is testify that staying at that location would cause unnecessary emotional distress, which would be accepted due to the attempted murder. The court could then transfer possession of the physical building to another wealthy family without causing economic ruin to those that were currently employed. Arquis would be able to move to Kevra with his sisters, assuming their citizenship was accepted. The marriage between him and Rin would prevent him from having to return to Anvillea to settle any matters related to Muria. No matter what she said or accused him of, he’d technically be safe. And Marsiquia would still be allowed to see Carsui. Being a nobleman meant that he traveled frequently.
He’d unknowingly said all of that out loud. The more he spoke, the faster and more eager his words grew. By the end of it, he was practically glowing with excitement.
“Oh, my love,” he breathed, gathering them into a tight hug. He pulled back to kiss him passionately. The kiss was only broken so he could exclaim, “Oh, my love, you are brilliant!”
Rin laughed a little bit, smiling as Arquis pulled back from the kiss. "So…you think this could work?" he asked slowly. "That we could…we can…" they trailed off, still a little shocked that he had even proposed this idea. Or, well, proposed. In perhaps the least romantic way possible. He cleared his throat faintly. "This is all…it's a lot, I think, and maybe we shouldn't make any decisions on it right now, but…but if it could work…"
Arquis sensed their hesitation and immediately moved back, suddenly worried. It had all been quite sudden. Were they regretting it already? Had he somehow pressured him into it? He didn’t think so. After all, he hadn’t brought up the idea. But still, he couldn’t help but fret at the change in tone.
“I really do think it could,” he responded carefully, monitoring their reaction. “And we can talk about it more in the future, of course. We should still have plenty of time here. But listen, love. If you do not wish to, we do not have to follow through with it. I would never force you into anything. All you have to do is say the word at any time, and I promise that I will not be upset. Not even a little. I understand that this has been terribly fast, and there is much we do not know about each other.”
Marriage. Goodness, they might marry him. The possibility had never entered his mind. He imagined holding them close every night and leaving kisses on his neck. He imagined living a life without constant, debilitating fear. It sounded too good to be true.
He let out a soft, still slightly embarrassed laugh. "I know." he said softly. "I…it's just a lot, and my father is, uh, going to be pissed if I come back married." he looked over at Arquis, flashing a faint smile. "But it would be fine. I'm not…I'm not worried about that, too much. He doesn't much like me anyway." he shrugged his shoulder faintly.
Arquis took their hands in his own. He looked down and studied the places where their fingers intertwined, observing the way his pale, scarred skin stood out. Then, he brought Rin’s knuckles to his lips and gave every single one a kiss. He smiled shyly up at them through his dark lashes. There was a pink, uneven blush spreading across his cheeks, but he didn’t bother hiding it. He felt overwhelmingly happy and warm all over. It was that bubbly champagne happiness, the kind that nearly made him dizzy.
“It is a lot, and I am very sorry if it complicates things with your father.” He gave them an apologetic kiss on the neck. An idea came to him, and he laughed faintly against their throat. He stood, then bent and—gathering up every ounce of strength he had—gingerly lifted Rin into the air. His biceps immediately started shaking; he wasn’t used to carrying much of anything, especially not people. He stumbled with them in his arms over to the bed and managed to set him down.
“Goodness. How in the world did you carry me all the way up that hill?” he mused. He collapsed into the empty spot beside them with another laugh.
