Her eyes exploded into wide irises. The rest of her face was rather neutral other than the large pupils. Is she in the wrong for this or has he yet to catch up to his words? Looking off to the side, her fingers wrapped around his hand. She shook her head.
"I have always worried about you," She pointed out. "Ever since you casted me aside once you got what you wanted….I knew something was wrong in the way your eyes gleamed and the way your voice changes. You have a whole world buried in your heart that should be unearthed, yet you'd rather have more layers pile on top of it all."
Her bottom lip puffed out. Emese stared back at him. "I dig into hearts then fill their troubles with peace." She let go of his other hand. Instead using it to trace the side of Haruta's face. "I always care even when I seem to be otherwise. Now answer my previous questions, please."
He just stared her down as she spoke, not expecting this part of her at all. He though that they would just end up in a bitter relationship and he would just let her do whatever and not care if she hated him for it.
He was very much startled at her sudden change of heart. He seriously did not understand how women worked at all. Not one bit. They confused him to no end. He didn't want to admit that she reminded him of his mom, but she didn't seem to say no for an answer.
He left out a sigh, moving to place his hand on top of hers as she traced his face.
"You remind me of the late queen." He spoke as he looked away from her. His speech was no longer as confident as it was before, lowering in volume.
She kept her chin tilted up, looking into his eyes. Yes she would consider herself to be rather flexible and ever changing, but she would like to argue that it all leads down the same path. Emese cares and can be soft and gentle, but she must maintain her strength and fortitude; it's possible to be all of it, and she can do it.
Where she laid this time, she isn't sure. Sympathy mixed with a drop of empathy. She hasn't heard much about the late queen despite many efforts to learn something. It cannot be the only reason for all this, yet she found herself to be understanding of the reason.
Out of nowhere, she decided to hug him. Embraces usually make one better, right? Carefully wrapping her arms around him, she rested the side of her head against his chest. "You have two compelling and deep women in your life. You are quite lucky in that regard." She motioned to Haruta's heart and then to herself. "One deep down in there and then one here."
He was shocked by the huge to say the least, he didn't know how to react to her suddenly hugging him when it seemed all she had wanted to do earlier was strangle him.
He looked down at her, seeing her staring back up at him and not turning her gaze away as she spoke. He wanted to tear his gaze away from her eyes, but he couldn't. What she was saying well..it, it meant a lot to him. He didn't think she was capable of such words. Though he supposed he didn't think she was capable of a lot of things, and yet she kept proving him wrong.
He…let her words sink in for a few moments without saying anything. Then hs realized that..he felt like…like crying? No, no he couldn't.
He wasn't going to cry.
It was not allowed.
A man did not cry.
Especially infront of his wife.
He didn't even know hardly anything about her and he was about to start crying over some simple words she said.
Did he really lower his guard down so much her words affected him?
Or maybe…her words just held that much power?
He felt his eyes sting as he tried to hold back the tears. Though the more he held them back the more they hurt.
He felt almost a sense of dread and..fear, from the fact that he would be caught crying out in the open.
His father would find out.
Would he…be punished? Even though he was a few days away from being crowned king?
He quickly picked her up mid hug and rushed his way out of the garden, swiftly making his way into the castle so that it wasn't so open.
He moved to a corner of the hallway, before setting her down and putting a hand over his face.
He felt the stinging pain In his eyes grow more intense as he tried so hard not to blink, but eventually he failed. He blinked.
A single tear ran down his cheek.
As always, her patience persisted. She waited and waited for him to say or do something. All she can assume is that her prejudice of him going to snap or push her away was all that she could think about at that moment. Aside from that, when is she supposed to let him go from this embrace? Now? In a few seconds? After he finally says something? This is what wives are supposed to do after all; hug their husbands in times of need. Or at least, that is what she thinks. Maybe that is just what Haruta's wife, herself, needs to do.
"What t-" Wind rushed through her before she could realize what was going on. Goosebumps covered the back of her neck. Emese had no other thought aside from holding onto Haruta. Even as she was set down, she was still startled. There was a stark difference in the standing between her feet. Looking down, she noticed that she only had one slipper on. She is sure that her left slipper fell off somewhere as he carried her.
Quickly, she stood on her right foot then removed the other slipper. Just as the slipper hit the floor, she looked over towards her husband. Her mouth was full of things to say, most of them including vulgar language that she has learned from the soldiers; she can promise that those words would not be geared towards her husband. And yet, the sight of his hand covering his face told her to be silent. Just for one moment: be silent.
Her pupils dilated. A sheet of concern glossed over them. "Haruta…" Quietly, she made her way over to him. Using both of her hands, she gently removed the hand covering his face. Her vision became blurry as she wiped away the single tear. "My my…how much strength is takes to utter one tear," Emese whispered, giving a soft smile and nod of assurance.
Getting on her tippy toes, she gently guided his chin to rest on her shoulder. Then she locked their hands, setting his above her heart. With her other, she patted his back slowly. "Your wife is very lucky to have such a strong man as yourself to be her husband." She closed her eyes. "You are safe, Haruta. You will see your troubles through."
He found himself letting her do what she wanted in that moment, he didn't know why but he felt weak, and he hated it. He just, felt like his resolve was crumbling infront of her.
He just let his head rest on her shoulder, feeling himself let out a soft tremble at the thought of what his father would do if he ever found out what happened between the two of them. Normally he would consider what she was saying about taming strength to cry as an insult, almost trying to make fun of him in a way. Though for some reason this time….it didn't feel like mocking.
It felt genuine.
He leaned into emese for once, feeling at least a little bit safe within her presence. Which was strange in itself, but it didn't feel wrong.
"Am..am I really safe…Emese?"
No one is necessarily completely safe; it's just a natural fact, but sometimes the degree is greater. Here, and for Haruta especially, she doesn't know. Safety is a metaphorical sense of thinking and sometimes it's silly. She doesn't want to lie nor does she want to make this situation worse. But to a man who thinks that crying is weak? Safety is everything.
Emese opened her eyes, looking off to the side. The surroundings felt empty aside from them. Whike finding the right words to say, she bit the inside of her cheek. She continued to pat his back while slowly nodding.
"You are safe enough to be vulnerable, to be yourself," She answered. "Your safety is alright as you shall be." Her thumb rubbed the inside of his palm. "And there is nothing wrong with your tears or emotion, it all is natural. It's safer to let it out."
When she spoke those words to him, it was as if they were the key to chains wrapped so tightly around his heart. She had just slid the key in, and as the chains fell he felt as if he could breathe again.
Sure they would leave behind scars…but scars heal within time. Even if they leave behind a mark.
He felt himself crying…more. More tears slipped down his face, and as they started, he felt he could not get them to stop. He…was still scared of what could happen should someone notice them, but he wasn’t as terrified as he had been earlier. No one was around anyway.
He hoped.
The slow gentle rubs on his back felt good, and he didn’t..want them to stop. Which he didn’t think that would be a though he would have either.
He took a deep breath before he moved to address her. “I’m afraid you’ve left me speechless..”
The whole time she tried to be on the lookout the best she could. In the case that someone would be there, she would have taken care of it accordingly so Haruta has no need to worry. Aside from her husband crying, she didn't hear any footsteps or whispers or anything that wouldn't have come from either of them.
Her eyes flickered open. At first she was speechless herself, but she smiled a little. "But you feel better now than you did just moments ago, right?" Emese gently wiped away some tears that were rolling down his face. Letting her hand stay at his cheek, she sighed, "Speechless, huh? I suppose that is one thing I do best."
Relaxing her feet, she took another deep exhale. They ached from standing on her toes into so long; but she found it to be worth it. she gazed down at their hands, she tilted her chin to look back up at him. "Oh you precious thing," She cooed while rubbing his cheek. "What should we do now? It is still just the two of us, as it always will be. How about we sit down on the floor, just for a moment or two?"
He nodded, moving to help her down on the floor as he sat down with her.
"Your right…I feel better then earlier…though I have no idea how you did it."
He rubbed his face with his hand, letting out a soft sigh.
what am I doing… he felt pathetic still..even with her words towards him.
"I don't see how I am a precious thing, in your words." He grumbled.
Emese muttered a thanks, then wiggled her feet. Slight pain coursed through them, yet it was not a major bother to her at the moment.
Humming, she turned her chin to look at him. How did she do it? She shrugged. "You had your own part in it too. I only did so much, but many underestimate having a shoulder to cry on."
The edges of her lips went up into a little smile. She brushed the side of his face. "I do not mean to belittle you, if that's what you think I was doing," She sighed. Emese rested her head against him. "You can be precious and strong. You have dreams, wants, fears, and a heart just like everyone else."
“I…did not think that was what you meant I just.. didn’t consider myself to be something is precious. I suppose.. the way you consider something precious because you value it so, it means so much to you so it garners the title of precious. I severely doubt that is what you think of me though…” he sighed, pushing his hair off of his face. “Especially after the argument in the library.”
He looked up from the ground at her, moving to lock eyes with her. “Why is it that you go to lengths to make sure that I feel safe, and that I’m helped when it seems I haven’t done a thing to deserve any of it.” He leaned back slightly, staring at her almost as if he was observing her. His intentions unclear.
He sighed, looking back around the area before back at her. Waiting to hear her response, he didn’t know what to expect. Though it would probably be something cunning. She was a cunning women after all. That much he would admit.
He didn’t know women could have such cunning to them.
Her meaning of things are different than how others would interpret terms like "precious." The oddity of her mind is not something she can easily control. Her lips parted ready to say something, yet she paused. Their argument in the library. Emese looked down at her ring finger. Still, she only had one ring on her and not two. She sighed, shaking her head to herself.
Why is she doing all of this? Is she really getting her hopes up thinking that all her efforts will go towards something that will also benefit her? It's not like Haruta will give her his heart or be there for her when she needs someone. She looked away from him then hid her face in her skirts.
"I am a fool…" Emese lamented. Bringing her chin up, she stared down at the floor. "I will be your queen and I must make sure that the palace is strong and will not fall apart. Both physically and metaphorically. This includes making sure that you are alright. I mean I partially do it out of common decency and trying to have a good heart but…"
Tears welled up in her eyes, though she worried of presenting herself as weak. She blinked them away. Turning her chin to avoid eye contact with him, she kept on. "I am a fool. I want to be treated the same way…I want to be loved, as a wife…as a lover. I want to be held in a tight warm embrace. Maybe it is too much to ask for. Maybe it is foolish to yearn for."
Emese hid her face back in her skirts again. This time she took a deep breath. She slowly twisted the singular ring on her finger. "I like to believe that I am a force to be reckoned with, but I am afraid you only ended up with a fool that is me. I don't need you to say it. I already know what I am and nothing more."
(I do apologize for being so unrespondant)
He sighed softly, moving to grab her chin gently. He used his other hand to try and wipe away her tears before staring at her.
"You are allowed to cry..it, it does not make you weak." He spoke, almost as if repeating the same sentiment that she had shown him moments earlier.
He listened to her speaking, not saying anything until she finished, and then he thought for a few moments on what to say.
He…still had a lot of things he didn't understand..but, maybe there was still some of the child him left inside that wanted to comfort her since she was sad.
"You are not a fool for wanting those things…everyone wishes for those things in their own regard. I just…im.afriad I cannot offer those things to you..at least, not yet. I'm still learning myself…"
He sighed, where was all this coming from?
Perhaps his young self really did want to say something.
"Just, do not call yourself a fool. You are very bright and witty." He spoke, after clearing his throat.
Eyes widened. Her heart stopped for a moment, or she thought it did. She wasn't sure what to believe. Is Haruta's really wiping away her tears? This all seemed to be a dream, more than a dream in fact, but Emese didn't want to accept this as a reality nor a dream. Even if she wanted this to be true, she knew for the sake of her strength that she shouldn't.
She blinked, laughing a little at his words. "Oh but I shouldn't. I am to be queen…I am a lady, it's suspecting of me as it's meant to belittle of me."
Tears kept trickling down. Her chest kept slowly pushing in and out as she tried to take deep breaths. Comfort is something that she wants, yet she knows it would best not to ask for it. Not from Haruta, at least. She is a fortress in her own right. She can comfort herself.
There was nothing more for her to say. Emese only gave a hum of understanding. In the back of her head, she kept calling herself a fool. To punish herself, it is quite easy to do. Perhaps she isn't as patient as a wife should be. She sure isn't docile nor one to stay still and be obedient. Maybe she is a terrible wife.
Emese looked back at Haruta, staring into his eyes. She wiped away some tears herself. "Do not say such things…" She sniffled. "I know you are only trying to be kind…You have already done so by acknowledging me today."
He buffed at her, he could almost feel what it might have been like for her fo deal with him…almost.
He muttered under his breath as he exhaled, he moved forward with her and wrapped his arms around her pulling her in for a hug.
"For heavens sake..just listen to me for once, and not your mind." He spoke softly, knowing how dangerous a mind and its thoughts can be when left to its own devices.
He had experience in that field well enough.
Though now was not time to be thinking of his childhood, he was..going to do the right thing for once and try and comfort her. Though he doubted she would accept it.
Again, she was shocked. Bewildered. Surprised. Is this Haruta? The Haruta that she married and will become king? Emese isn't sure if this be anything more than this moment. Just moments ago, she was the one that was comforting him. Now she is the one bring comforted by the one she both would have never expected and always wished to.
She had to calm her mind and heart. It was impossible. It was too much. Her fingers squeezed, turning her knuckles paler than the rest of her skin. Her face hidden in his chest. Breathing became shallow, rapid. The willpower to hold back these feelings was small. It was barely there. It exhausted her.
"I am not at peace anywhere….Not with you, not in this palace alone, not with my family….not even in my own mind." Tears persisted. Emese is trying her best to not listen to her mind. Believe it. She may be able to, but not now, not this moment. For now, she was in Haruta's arms, quietly crying whole be confused and unsure of the world around her.
"I..I'm sorry…all you cN tell you is..if you let go of you holding back your emotions then I won't let anything leave this moment. I just…want to be able to do the same thing you allowed me to do."
He spoke, his speech was slow…and unsure. Slightly hesitant though only because he had no clue what he was doing.
He didn't know why he felt he needed to do it either.
He just continued to hug her, rubbing her back and massaging her shoulder with his rough hands.
That's all he could think to do.
His mother always did enjoy when his father would give her massages…and so he figured that he could do the same.
If she will only let go of this form of solitude. She will. She will try to at the very least. Emese was unsure of herself unlike the countless of times she has felt more than determined. The two of them have a lot of work to do, and she will only do her part. Again, she is exhausted.
His words were fascinating to her. They held something that she has never heard before. It was enough to ease the disturbance in her mind. She shivered then closed her eyes.
"You are able to do so…It just has to come naturally…"
The massaging was another unexpected thing. Haruta already is comforting her, allowing her to do what she allowed him to do. Doesn't he know? Emese sniffled, resting her hand on his chest. She tried to catch her breath, making it slow down.
