Hearing the sound of her knock almost made him flinch. Quickly, he shut his eyes and pulled the covers over him. While pretending to be asleep is defiantly not going to solve his problems, he really wished that it did. He really wished that he didn't shake his head no to her question without pondering much about it.
Kangdae frowned as he opened up his eyes. Unwillingly, he forced himself to sit up. His feet laid on top of the floor as he sat there slouching. "I'm fine," he said in a deadpanned manner while looking over to her. "And what about you? Are you alright?"
The flowers. Now that he thinks about it, he has no clue what to say for himself. Of course, it may be the right way to just say that he picked them out from the ground because he thought it'd be a way to make her happy. Yet on the other hand, he wondered if that would be an odd thing for him to say. She might believe so, it seems probable, and then he wouldn't know what to do to make things better.
"Here, take these," he mumbled while holding the azaleas out, "I took these from Myung because he practically picked out a whole field to cheer up this palace maid or seamstress he sees every evening. I am not sure what he did, but he feels really bad about it. So I asked if I can take some, and he let me."
Looking down at them, his fingers gently squeezed them. Does that sound right? It makes more sense than willingly picking the flowers. Would she be able to tell? Kangdae stood up from the bed, walking over to Jimin. He took a single azalea out before handing her the rest. Carefully, he took one more step closer and placed the flower behind her ear. "Pretty" he whispered, making sure that the flower was neatly in place.
For a moment, Jimin thought about asking if she should leave, but then he sat up. Her brow furrowed at his words.
“Are you sure? I’m alright. Better than this morning. Do I need to…? Oh.” She glanced at the flowers again, now in his hands. ‘Myung’ and the ‘palace maid’ sounded like replacements for himself and her. At least, that was her train of thought. So he probably picked them himself. Ah, it seems he did take it badly. She frowned, only for a moment, and let a small smile replace it as she took the azaleas from him.
“They’re beautiful, Your Highness, you didn’t have to…” she trailed off as Kangdae placed the flower behind her ear. His whisper washed over her, and she felt red bloom on her ears and cheeks. Reluctantly she turned her gaze from the azaleas to the prince, unsure of what to say.
"Purple…I meant to say purple," he nodded eagerly, "You're lucky such a pretty color suits you so well."
Feeling the warmth from where he stood felt unusual. It was different from this morning, that he knows for sure. Must have been what he said, he couldn't understand why those words slipped through his lips.
Kangdae remained frozen as he stared down at Jimin. Her face is like the sun, her smile radiates a lot of heat. He's surprised that he isn't burning to death standing in front of her. How strange. There's nothing for him to do or say, he is completely lost.
"Jimin, I am sorry. You can leave if you want. I understand that dealing with me is quite troubling. Lately, I've been looking forward to being in your presence, but I will not take any offense if you go."
A soft grin replaced the expression on his face. His eyes flickered down at the floor when they began to light up. Unsure what to do next, he decided it'd be best to stay still and wait.
Purple. Jimin couldn’t help but giggle, she knew what she heard. She put her free hand to her mouth to cover it, and she quickly calmed herself. A sigh escaped her as she listened to him, and her hand went back to her side.
“Please, Your Highness, listen to me. I’m very glad you are being so understanding and you are giving me a choice, but…” she paused, trying to figure out how to best formulate her words. “I… I don’t want to leave. I have found myself enjoying your presence as well. What happened this morning was mostly due to my own stress, and I understand now that you were only trying to help me. But like I said, it wasn’t the right time. I needed time by myself first. A-and also…” the memory of his arms around her, his hand on hers, his fingers on her chin briefly flashed in her mind. “I can’t really understand why, exactly. Why you… you touch me like that.”
She didn’t want to think about the answer she had already intuited. She didn’t want to make assumptions, nor did it seem like a possibility anyway. She shouldn’t even be thinking that at all. No, best to put it out of her mind.
Kangdae was a bit perplexed at her reaction, but he wished he was able to see Jimin giggling. When his eyes came up, all he saw was her covering her mouth. How cute. He had to look off to the side as he laughed a little himself.
"Oh…" He stared down at his hands curiously for a second. If only it was easy for him to say that something inside him broke when he realized she was upset. "You always heat up so quickly, it's funny watching it happen and seeing you look away. If you're like me, you only feel warmth when you're burning to death. But, when I was hugging you, holding your hand, and even touching your chin, I felt like I wasn't burning under the sun. I felt normal. Also, you perfectly fit in my arms, I wish I could embrace someone like that all the time."
In all honesty, he did not understand why he did touch Jimin like that. His mind didn't think much as he went to hug her or to hold her hand. All he wanted to do in those moments was to comfort her, to hold her. He never expected feeling the need or want to hold someone in such a manner.
Did what he say make even a tiny bit of sense? It felt weird to have all those words fall off his tongue. Never had he expected to say such things out loud. Well, he couldn't just storm off not saying anything or going up to hug her again.
Jimin wasn’t sure how to feel. She was now uncomfortably aware of how warm her face felt, how her heartbeat was beginning to quicken. A part of her wished he had said nothing at all, and the other part was strangely… happy. She never imagined someone would say these kinds of things to her. The azalea behind her ear seemed to be listening to her thoughts.
“Your Highness, I… I don’t know what to say,” she murmured. “Do you think this should be happening? Wouldn’t it be… against Her Majesty’s wishes? We are already hiding so much from her…”
Maybe it was silly to bring up. After all, she was already hiding what he had done anyway. And what did it matter, if they had already established a friendship between them? But that sinking feeling that she had somehow broken the rules was creeping up on her. She absentmindedly fiddled with the flower petals.
"I beg your pardon?" He asked. Kangdae had no clue if he was missing something or if there is something going on between them right now. More warmth, a faster heartbeat. Then there's the wave of a strange emotion in him. He was sure that he was only happy to see her and wanted to make her happy himself, but it seemed like there's something more?
They're friends though. He's a vampire and the crown prince who's to be king in a few weeks. She's a human, a lady-in-waiting, and also a noblewoman. That can't happen. Never. In all the stories his mother told him, the vampire always dies while the human survives yet they're ruined from the heartbreak. He never wants to do that. No way he can even if he's to live for years and years after this.
"While I am not sure what you're thinking of, no we shouldn't. Do not worry about Her Majesty, she is the one who made you, her pretty and outspoken servant, come to me. I appreciate that you worry for and of her, but Jimin, you should be worrying about yourself first."
Kangdae brushed a piece of hair away as he walked over and stood behind her. He took her hand, lacing his fingers with hers. Gently, he placed their hands over her chest. Resting his chin on her shoulder, he turned his head so his lips were close to her ear. "Tell me…." He whispered, "Tell me everything that is in your beautiful beating heart right now, Jimin."
“Ah, I suppose I can’t help it,” she said. “I am her servant, as you said. But…”
Worry about herself? Jimin sighed. This situation started out as her worrying either about the prince or the Queen. She couldn’t worry about herself, it wouldn’t be appropriate. Did knowing his secret and being friends with him change that? Apparently so. And yet, it couldn’t be just the two of them as friends. The Queen was hovering over them. The fate of the kingdom was hovering over them. They were each tied to a duty, both would not allow such physical affection.
And yet… Despite the protests in her mind as he moved behind her, something told her to stay. Maybe she wanted to. She stared at their fingers entwined on her chest, her heart pulsing as his whisper washed over her. To her mild surprise, she chuckled.
“So bold, Your Highness,” she whispered back. “Even to just whisper in my ear. You know, your whispers are warm. Your voice is warm, even when your cold skin is against mine. And even when I’m not listening to your voice, you are listening to me. I am being heard.” She paused. “Strange, your body is dead and cold. No pulse, no heartbeat. And yet your voice, your breath is warm as if you are alive. Do you think you have some humanity in you after all?”
Kangdae never expected his voice to carry something he cannot possess himself. Yet, he found himself softly smiling as she spoke. Her chuckle was so sweet to hear and her whispers are simply breathtaking.
If his heart could work like hers, it'd be pumping so rapidly right now. Then his cheeks would turn a bright red as his gaze quivered gazing at her. Except his cheeks were still pale, his heart cannot move, it hasn't in so long that he cannot remeber what it feels like to have one that does.
"My heart…it's so hollow, it does not carry emotions or feelings like yours does. I thought I lost my humanity the night I died which is why I had to be so cold, I thought that's what I had to do. I thought I lost…. my desire to hold someone lovingly, to yearn for love, because it's nothing but impossible for a monster like me." He looked over at their hands, letting out a longing sigh as he rubbed his thumb against hers. "I hope….I hope I have some humanity in me. I really do." I don't want to be lonely forever.
How surprising it is to hear how his words strung together. None of it was easy for him to comprehend, yet it all makes sense at the same time. He worried though. Mostly for Jimin. Not worrying over how she felt about him, but how she'll be tomorrow, the day after, the day after that, and so on. Deep down, he's still wishing he could be human so that the problem was just a regular illness and not such a terrible secret.
"My soul is drawn to you, your words, and just everything about you. You are alluring in so many ways, I cannot imagine never wanting to hear every word that comes from those pouty lips of yours."
He isn't sure if he should be stopping this or not. The Kangdae everyone knows would let go then hide somewhere or go outside and push everything away. But he couldn't even move a single muscle unless it had to do with caressing Jimin's cheek and holding her hand. Does he have any humanity in him?
Jimin wasn’t sure where her words had come from. They had just spilled out in messy response to Kangdae’s request. Was that speaking from her heart? She was starting to question herself. But his voice pulled her from her thoughts, and she started to think that maybe, just maybe, she had said the right things.
“Me too,” she murmured. “Maybe it’s not so impossible.”
She went silent, surprised to find herself almost leaning into his touch. Why was this happening? How could she be so alluring to him when he was above her? This was so strange and unfamiliar, yet she didn’t want to leave this moment. Something kept her there, and a guilty pleasure settled in her throat.
“I… why do you think that is? I never thought myself to be alluring. And why… why do you think you feel so normal when you touch me? Have you never touched anyone else?”
Maybe it's not so impossible.. He really wishes it is not, but how can he sure of it? A part of him was very worrisome, it was questioning whether or not he should just leave. He can't though, he just cannot find himself walking away from her, especially after this. It'd be wonderful if it could just be the two of them stuck in this moment forever. No worries about the next day or what it may bring, just them together now.
"How can you not? The look in your eyes always tells me you have something to say, but you just can't or at least, you refuse to. Is that why you tend to mumble things to yourself? You truly fascinate me, both with your mind and your beauty," He expressed. "I have touched others, but I only have done so when I was human. I gave up on wanting to love someone when I turned, or at least that's what I thought. When I touch you or hold you, I remember being able to feel my heart racing and my cheeks turning red, I get a strange sensation that blankets over me. I feel normal, because with you, I don't feel out of place like I'm meant to be this way here for some reason."
Kangdae tried to hide his face in the side of her neck. This is nothing like in those old books he reads. He is not even sure if he was saying the right things or if he is about to scare her in some way. His thoughts were getting to be out of hand. More and more began to pile on top of the ones he was trying to use. Out of nowhere, he felt her heart beating. He let go of Jimin but only to end up standing in front and having her in his arms again. One moved to go around her waist, pulling her closer to him. If he is going to tell her about he finds her alluring or why he feels normal, at least he should look into her pretty eyes.
"I knew those azaleas would be perfect for you, they compliment you. Although, Jimin, I find you to be much prettier than them. I hope they make you happy."
Jimin sighed, remembering the day her mother said she wasn't worth marrying, that no one would ever want to be with her. She was too blunt, asked too many questions, and while she was good at carrying out domestic tasks, was far too interested in less homely things, like her uncle's work. It's why she was here, working in the palace. Her, alluring? What a crazy notion.
"I've merely learned to hold my tongue," she said. "But I suppose I can't hold it all the time, so I mumble instead. So maybe you're right." She bit her lip, her expression becoming almost anguished. "But how…? I mean, I'm glad you feel that way, but I don't… understand." Well, look at that, she was mumbling again. "Surely there was someone before me… Is everyone else you touch just…? Why me? I…" She went silent when she felt him hide his face in her neck, his cold skin on hers. It was almost relieving when Kangdae let go, and she gasped when she felt an arm go around her waist, pulling her into his embrace. The hand that had been on her chest was now on his, and she nearly dropped the flowers. Her body stiffened, but once she heard him speak, she relaxed.
"T-thank you, Your Highness, they're beautiful," she said, a little confused as to why he changed the subject. "I- they do. But I don't need azaleas to be happy. Being with you is enough."
"How? Who knows? Even though you'd get under my skin, I always found myself dropping my shoulders and staring at you. Your smile is breathtaking, your voice is gentle but it carries strength, hearing your knock at the door gets me excited. I am just….very fond of you," he admitted. Kangdae stared into her eyes for a second. They were much mesmerizing than the moon, and clearly much better than the sun.
Once, he tried to see a concubine after he had gotten used to being a vampire, but it never worked out. When he realized the only ways things could work if he had to reveal his secrets, he backed out and immediately gave up. Especially since the concubine almost found out the truth. "I tried once a while ago, but I was scared and I felt nothing aside from fear of them revealing what I am," he answered. Aside from that one attempt, all the others were when he was a human himself.
Seeing her hand on his chest made him happy and yet, sad. If only there was a beating heart under it. All that's there is barren, it means nothing. "Jimin, I wish I could explain in a better manner why I feel this way about you. I wish I was able to tell you everything, but I do not know much aside from my desire to hold you like this. It is difficult, especially when I look into your eyes, I start to forget what I want to say." He kept his gaze on her hand. A soft smile appeared as he set his other on top.
The gasp brought him concern, along with her body becoming stiff for a short period of time. "Really? I am sorry, I did not expect to be saying all of this," He said while looking back. "I just wanted to give you the flowers because I worried that you wouldn't like me because this morning. Should I let you go? Do you want me to?"
She returned the stare, despite her flustered confusion, nearly losing herself in those glittering dark orbs. “Your eyes look alive too,” she muttered aloud, unsure if it was an observation or a compliment. Then she registered his words. “Uh- thank you, Your Highness, I honestly don’t know what else to say. No one has ever spoken to me like this.” Her emotions were tied up in a confused knot, she was afraid anything else she said would either be dishonest or indecipherable.
She was quiet again, her gaze drifting downward, stopping somewhere past Kangdae’s shoulder. Sighing ruefully, she said, “It’s alright, I suppose I just… I just want things to make sense. I want to understand, but I can’t. Perhaps it was foolish to try.” She hesitated, then, “Truthfully, Your Highness, is this really friendship, or something else? I have another friend besides you, and it’s not… like this.”
Then she heard his questions and change of tone, and found herself grinning with amusement and turning to look at the prince’s face again. The wall between her mind and mouth fell away, and words flowed where a dam had once been.
“Worried that I wouldn’t like you? Oh, you poor thing! I’m sorry if it seemed that way, but this morning really had nothing to do with you. I was stressed, your actions only confused me. I mean, you’re the prince. And you hugged me. Like you are right now. And honestly, right now isn’t any less confusing, and I feel… so strange. I don’t want you to let go, and at the same time I do. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but I… love it so much. As I said, this morning was just a bad time. This… I don’t think this has happened to me before. Maybe if I stay here, I can understand. I don’t know. I suppose it’s up to you.”
"Alive?" he repeated while his eyes lit up. Never had he expected to hear such a thing. He was never able to see what his eyes looked like ever since he was human, but he always assumed there was barely nothing in them. The statement made him sigh happily nevertheless. "Let be me the one to speak to you like this."
Is this really a friendship? It does not really appear to be so. With the way he has his arm around her plus all the things that have been said, it is easy to conclude that friends do not do this, not in this manner. Although, he knows what it is called pertaining to what is going on right now, he remembers somewhat. The only times he has ever been this way with someone else was when he….. "Oh…." Kangdae bit on his lip while looking off to the side. His brows furrowed wondering whether or not he should even say it out loud. "I hope this doesn't sound too absurd…but I believe this is what lovers do in an intimate relationship. I am not completely sure, are we in one?"
The only thing he could do was beam. His lips curved up into the biggest smile he has ever made. He never expected words to flow out of her mouth like a waterfall. A small laugh left him as he listened to her. It was quite reliving to know how she felt, it is very confusing, but he would love to be with Jimin. He'd love to know why he is just so happy to be with her.
"While I may be your prince, I am Kangdae, your Kangdae," he insisted. Remembering her hand on his chest, he carefully to ahold of it. He lifted it up just a bit then placed a quick kiss on her knuckles. "Stay…stay as long as you wish."
She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or moan, but somehow the amused grin never left her face. She snorted. “Well, by that definition, we must be. But I don’t want to say that, I’m honestly scared to.” Her voice lowered, and so did her smile. “Can we… can we just say that we’re still friends? I don’t know what we really are, but… that’s what I want to believe.”
She tried not to think about what will happen once the night is over, or how things will change. That will have to wait. For now, she just wanted to focus on the here and now. But it was difficult.
Oh. Maybe she spoke to soon. When she felt the cool of his lips, she could feel her cheeks humming with heat. Strange, how cold could inspire warmth. Her smile dropped, and worried that she was red all the way down to her neck, she hid her face in his chest.
“I… I’ll stay… Kangdae,” she murmured.
"Of course we can, although I hope we'll be able to know what we really are soon," he answered. "Do not be scared, you do not have to say it just yet. But on the other hand, you're in the arms of a vampire prince, how scarier can it get?"
His eyes widened as they gazed down to see the top of her head as her face was buried in his chest. The feeling of it was something he could never imagine properly. Hopefully it is not strange to say that he likes it. "Please do, Jimin, I can assure you that you will not regret it," he whispered under his breath.
The way she says his name is so perfect. Definitely is much better than being called 'Your Highness'. Her voice is so relaxing and sweet. Not to mention, the vibration from her voice against his chest made him feel slightly giddy. He will never forget this moment, never.
Kangdae wasn't able to help himself as he started to laugh a little. He couldn't believe how much heat he could feel coming off of her. It was easy for him to see how red her ears were. Is he really making her blush this much? "Aww, I thought my lips would be able to cool you down. Should I try it again?" he asked still laughing.
Jimin changed her mind. It was actually very easy to focus on the here and now. Though there wasn’t anything to feel or hear underneath his chest, it was cool and sturdy, somehow calming. Much easier to deal with than looking him straight in the eyes.
“Exactly,” she said. “But it is the implications that come with what we call ourselves that scares me. With a label comes expectations and connotations. If we use the word lovers to describe ourselves, the connotation it brings with it sounds negative to me, like this is…” she sighed. “Undesirable. Carries certain expectations that I’m not sure I can or want to meet. We’ve only known each other for so long.” She said all of this matter-of-factly, as though she had thought about it for a while.
Then she heard him laughing, and a sheepish smile crept up on her, and she found herself quietly laughing with him. His words made her stop, and for a moment she couldn’t respond, only managing embarrassed stutters. The breath she tried to take dissolved into another laugh, but she managed, “Well you could, but I don’t think it would work. Your chest is cool enough.” Silly girl, what a mess you are.
"True. Maybe, for now, we can just call ourselves friends or something else for the time being. We can make our own label, that way you can make the expectations you'd want to carry out." He suggested. Lifting his left hand, he used to pat the back of her head. "Let's go slow, and attack all those things that scare you if they arise. We can take care of it."
He wondered if it was because he's the crown prince or if it was the fact he's not a human, but she only doesn't want to say so. Maybe he should've kept all those things to himself. Maybe he shouldn't be so selfish or nimble about this.
Is he? Kangdae stiffened at the question. Hopefully he is not overstepping with his position. He hasn't
thought much of it. It is so difficult to get his mind off of Jimin and this moment. They only have known each other for a while, as she mentioned a few moments ago. He only likes being around Jimin, he hopes that the time they spend together is nothing but great.
The vibrations from her laugh only made him laugh again. He could feel her stuttering. It sort of is amusing but is also making him curious. His shoulders still stood up, but he forced himself to relax. "Really? You can feel it?" He questioned. Even with his clothes, he was surprised how she could feel the bleakness. "Alright, but I will still hold my offer. I cannot believe that you feel so warm even with your face buried in my chest."
Jimin shuddered with relief. Let’s take it slow. She had to admit, the speed at which they were going scared her too. How relieving it was to hear his words. “Thank you. I really appreciate that. Let’s just say we’re friends.” At his touch she smiled, then looked up from his chest, her face had cooled down some.
The sound of his laugh was like music to her ears. “Well, your clothes can’t warm up by themselves. Because your body can’t generate heat, the fabric is also cool to the touch.” She flustered a bit, her smile growing. “W-well, I suppose it’s like what I said. I’ve never been touched like this before, much less kissed. But I’m- I’m not opposed to your offer.”
(Oh my, that looks so amazing! I love it! Happy Valentines Day :D )
Going slow, he does not mind it at all. He has all the time in the world to. The change of pace in their relationship surprised him. Even Kangdae did not expect to actually have Jimin so close to him. And to kiss her hand too!
With a fixed-gaze, he was unable to move. His pupils dialted as they lit up. It was so difficult to smile back because he was too focused on hers. In any other way, he would find himself smiling too then proceeding to do something bold, but now he can't.
"Oh…It's been awhile and I can barely even recognize it anymore…unless I am close to someone with warmth," He winked, followed by chuckling a little. Titling his head, he examined her face. Kangdae removed his hand and used his finger to touch Jimin's cheek. "Just out of curiosity, would you be opposed if I happened to kiss you there?"
She chuckled back at him, unable to take her gaze off of his eyes. They were alive, she decided. Yes, they moved and the pupils dilated, but the way they lit up like that told her that there was a spirit inside there. The thing that couldn’t leave him, even as his body died. It was almost entrancing to watch. She felt her smile slipping as she concentrated on them.
Then she felt his finger on her cheek and heard his question, and though her smile returned shyly at the idea, she said, “Not… not right now. Perhaps another time, if that’s alright with you. I don’t want it to distract me, as I want to discuss other important matters, if that’s also alright with you. Like tomorrow morning, for example?”
