forum •Fucking With My head• [one/one]

Started March 17, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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(alright!)

When it was all over, Beckham had curled into a tiny ball on the bed, shaking and crying and hiding his head in the pillows. He sank his nails into his arms, pushing so hard that his nails actually broke the skin, blood welling up. Smoke meowed, coming over to his owner and sniffing at him uncertainly. Beck's head was a mess, memories of his father blurring with what had just happened, and he was a shaking, crying mess. He wanted to hide but he didn't know if he could even make it into the bathroom, certainly not to Lily or Rowan's room, which is where he really would have wanted to flee to.

(oof, sorry im such a mess at writing these- and my timing is awful. i get nervous writing these scenes with anyone who isn't colorless ahaha, sorry dude)

Of course, Kohen hadn't stayed. He had left after he was done.

He slowly pulled the cigarette away from his lips with a trembling hand. He wasn't supposed to have those, but his father carelessly left them laying around everywhere in their house- along with the beer bottles. And obviously, since he was a minor, it only added to the "illegal-ness". If he got caught by the police he would definitely be reported to his father. Or maybe something good would happen- best-case scenario would be if he were thrown in jail.
"Do you ever suffer from sudden flashes of anger or euphoria, counter social impulses, or feelings of superiority?" He repeated. It was something he said a lot in his head- something he had read somewhere before, but such a long time ago that he didn't know where.
He kept walking in the dark, and as if the universe despised him, it rained. Harder.
He knew he had fucked up. In more ways than one, but he tried not to think about it, tried not to feel guilt, but it had already swallowed him and there was a small voice giving him bad ideas.

(oof it's fine, don't worry about it)

Beckham eventually pulled himself from the bed and going into the bathroom just in time to throw up. He did manage to get it all in the toilet, at least, as he sank down onto his knees, trembling and crying, his arms hugged tightly around himself. What did I do to deserve this? He thought desperately, gasping for breath as he cried, shaking and shuddering and trying not to grab the razor blades. Trying to keep that instinct at bay by sinking his nails into his skin until he was bleeding, because at least his nails were blunted and wouldn't kill him.

(buckle up motherfuckers because things are about to get real on both ends lmao also, yes i changed the name again- this time it's this song, because i feel like it fits for both parties: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_0s2ZaCLk4)

Kohen finally made it home drenched. This reminded him why he hated getting wet so much. The clothes stuck to him and it was uncomfortable as all hell.
As soon as he stepped through the door, the awful smell of alcohol drifted towards him. This time it was stronger the last, he physically had to cover his nose this time. He walked to the living room where his dad usually was after he passed out drunk, but saw no one in sight- but everything was completely destroyed. What the fuck happened here?? He mentally questioned himself as he looked around. It looked like there had been a struggle.
After approaching the couches he froze. His venting journal was on the ground, pages torn out of it and scattered all over the place. The blood immediately drained from his face. He shouldn't have come home. Kohen wanted to run back out the door but found himself stuck in place, and the more his eyes wandered, the more wrong everything looked. There were hints of blood on the floor and scratch marks where there shouldn't have been. There was shattered glass and dented walls.
But Kohen didn't have to wait to find out what had happened because his father came out from the kitchen, smeared blood here and there. He looked at Kohen and froze.
"D-dad?" He asked, taking a shaky step back.
"So you dated a guy. You're gay. I knew this. But then why are all those other things written in there? You're going to run away? With what money? The money you earn from the job I let you go to? How ungrateful do you have to be?" And before Kohen could react, his father lunged at him with the metal lamp in his hand that was long enough to be used as a weapon. Kohen barely dodged in time- had he been off one millimeter to the left he would have gotten his head bashed in.
ohfuckohfuckohfuck he wasn't supposed to see that! did he go through my stuff??? i had that locked away! there's no way! And all the while thinking this, tears streamed down Kohen's face.
Karma. And there it was. The voice that always spoke the truth. Sure, Kohen knew he was a piece of shit that deserved jail time, but he didn't want to die! Kohen could only imagine all the other things his father had read, stuff that was never supposed to be spoken out loud.
Then, he booked it- made a mad dash upstairs, not thinking to go to the front door- right now he was in fight or flight mode.

(haha that's Maddie and Swim, not me, but yeah that one tugs on the heartstrings)
(fjsdfkjhgsb alright. Will listen to the song tomorrow)

Beck continued to sob, crouching by the side of the toilet, arms wrapped tightly around himself, forehead leaning against the toilet bowl as tears streamed down his cheeks, sobs wracking his small frame. He had been doing so, so well, and then this…I should have left him at school. Why did I let him come home with me? Why did I offer that car ride? He thought desperately, body shaking and shuddering as he cried.

It took forever for him to pull himself from the floor, to get dressed and then try and figure out what to say to Lilly, to Rowan, to his parents– he knew they wouldn't condemn him for it, but…but how to even tell them? How to tell them…what Kohen had done to him? That the other boy had…had…fresh tears streamed down his cheeks and he gathered Smoke up in his arms, chest heaving with new sobs.

(n o atlas how could you do this to me, i don't know who to give a virtual hug to jklsdfkljfdskljfsdljksdflkdlskjf)

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3kbmo8GQm1rqfhi2o1_500.gif)

(aight, all good with me lmao, sorry my replies are long as shit compared to yours)
(and lol izzy, i used the word "romance" as a pretense to write out violence and murder because it's my jam- besides, it's a way for me to vent the stuff that actually happened to me- though, you'd never know what parts were true and which are made up :)

Kohen's dad wasted no time and took after him- he was seriously angry and it was like he was chasing down a dog- not his son. Kohen made it up the stairs in record time- faster than the last times his father had chased him down because he knew that this time if he didn't go fast enough, his father was really going to kill him. Kohen could see it in his eyes. It was a life and death situation and nothing he said could talk his father out of it.
Kohen made a sharp turn, slipping slightly and almost falling as he did. There was a sense of relief as he made it to the bathroom door, but that was soon shattered as he felt something jerk him back and he fell. Hard. His head had hit the ground making a sick noise. But even so he wasted no time in getting back up and running to his room- it's like it was wired in Kohen to not give up no matter how fatal his wounds could be.
It was like his father was already there before Kohen even got to his room- like he could have caught up with if he had wanted to but was fucking with him, because when Kohen turned to close the door there he stood, hand firmly placed on the door to prevent anyone from closing it.
Kohen let out a blood-curling scream and fell back. He crawled backwards, not taking his eyes off his so-called father and the bloodied weapon. Kohen's thoughts were racing, his eyes blurry, but he caught onto something behind his father, it was Jake. But what was Jake doing here? He stood there, a sadistic smirk on his face. "Serves you right." He mouthed and as soon as he saw that, Kohen's mind snapped. "What the fuck are you doing here?!" He yelled. "Is this what you want?! Me dead!?"
The more Kohen stared behind his father, the more faces he saw of all of those he had wronged. Rae, Marcus, Aaron, and all the other kids he beat up.
Kohen thought this was real, but it was only a projection of his guilty conscience.
Then, he figured it out and his nerves calmed, he stopped shaking and the tears stopped coming. His wide eyes closed and he braced himself. He was cornered and he looked like he had given up. And at that moment, Kohen had really wished he would have jumped off that bridge last year when his brother had been sent away.
Kohen's father looked down at the small broken boy one last time before he mercilessly brought down the copper piece.

(n o atlas how could you do this to me, i don't know who to give a virtual hug to jklsdfkljfdskljfsdljksdflkdlskjf)

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3kbmo8GQm1rqfhi2o1_500.gif)

😂😂 yeah, basically-

(fjghsdbjfghbk no no I'm sorry mine aren't longer, dude, I wish I was as good as you are–)

Beckham stumbled out of his room, still holding Smoke close, the little kitten meowing in protest as Beck clung to the grey tabby like a lifeline. Beck knocked on Lilly's door, hardly able to see through the tears clouding his eyes. "L-lilly, Lilly…" he said brokenly as the door opened, falling into her arms and sobbing into her shoulder, trembling. "Lilly, h-he…K-Kohen…" his voice cracked and he clung to her, the kitten sandwiched between the two of them.

Lilly wrapped her arms around Beckham, unsure what was happening but knowing that her brother needed her. "Sshh, I'm here, I'm here." she whispered. "I've got you." she held onto him, rubbing his back and wishing she knew what to say to comfort him right now, when he so obviously needed it.

(n o atlas how could you do this to me, i don't know who to give a virtual hug to jklsdfkljfdskljfsdljksdflkdlskjf)

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3kbmo8GQm1rqfhi2o1_500.gif)

😂😂 yeah, basically-

(I couldn't get the gif to actually show up, but yeah)

(lmao nah you're good, i tend to go overboard with all my rps- gotta remind myself to chill)

Kohen had been knocked out on the first go. He had never stood a chance.
Fast forward a few hours later and he woke up to his body aching and fluorescent lights blinding him. He felt numb and couldn't exactly move, but now he wasn't at home. He could tell because there was white everywhere. His mind, muddled from the trauma, couldn't exactly pinpoint where he was.
He was in the hospital.
Kohen turned to move but gritted his teeth as the pain shot up his body. He gasped as the slightest of moves raged hell on his insides. Then, a fit of coughs took over Kohen, he turned to his side with labored efforts and covered his mouth. What he found was anything but pleasant. There was now blood everywhere and at the sight of it, he felt lightheaded. Then, he threw up- more blood.
Kohen had slept right through the whole thing, but his father hadn't stopped at one measly hit. He was drunk after all and used unnecessary strength- and beat him up more than he should of have- almost to the verge of death.
A soon as a nurse saw that Kohen was up she quickly went over to examine him. She was alarmed at the amount of blood he was producing.
And as much as Kohen wanted to stay conscious, his eyes threatened to slip close. He didn't feel good at all. He felt like shit and death. There were yells close to him- the lady and a few other white coats joining.
Something… Kohen thought.
"..Internal bleeding…"
bleeding….
"surgery room, asap-!"
emer..gency ?
Kohen didn't know what was happening but he welcomed death like the edgy teenager he was.
"No…." He muttered as the nurses rushed him down the hall.
"It's okay, you're going to be alright! Stay with us!" She called out to him, but it sounded so far away, like a distant echo, like he was fading away.
"mmm…." more tears- he could tell because now the sides of his eyes felt wet. "i deserve it" he muttered, no emotion to his voice. All he could think of right now was the poor kid he had used for his own pleasure. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to cry- and he did. The nurses were trying to keep him still, but Kohen was a mess. If he died, it would be better on everyone, that much he knew.

Beckham's words tumbled from his mouth, disjointed and breaking as he told Lilly what had happened, clinging to her like a lifeline, shaking and sobbing.

Lilly paled as she heard what had happened, grip tightening as she held onto him. "Oh– oh god, Beck, I'm so, so sorry." she murmured, holding him close. "I've got you, you're…you're going to be okay."

Beck shuddered, crying helplessly into her shoulder, Smoke squirming and mewing from where he was trapped between the two of them.

After the emergency, Kohen had been wheeled out into one of the rooms again, this time with someone keeping a close eye on him. Though, that wasn't exactly necessary because Kohen didn't wake up after that. Even after the anesthesia wore off. His body knew how to take a beating but not to this extent. He was in a permanent comatose state for the time being. It would be three to four days later until he regained consciousness.

(sorry that thr rp is rlly fucking gloomy right now- i also got nothing else to say cause i've run out-)