Nathaniel nodded weakly and tightly hugged Zedd as well as he could from where he was sitting, drawing in a few quick, wavering breaths. His wings were puffed up and fluttering, and his throat was tight with tears. He was quivering in Zedd's arms, mentally yelling at himself some more for being so stupid and bothering Zedd with his problems and getting so worked up about something that Zedd didn't even seem bothered by.
(haha he thinks Zedd isn't bothered but deep inside he's doubting everything he's doing and has trained himself for years to try not to show emotion.)
(aka the opposite of Nathaniel haaaaa)
Zedd did his best to attempt to smooth down as many of the feathers as he could. He felt frustrated that Nathaniel always felt so guilty over the smallest things, but he also felt bad. He hummed lightly before moving the boy onto his lap. He knew Nathaniel likely wanted even closer contact when this upset. And he would let him. He would let him do whatever he needed to calm down. Because what else could he do?
(Lmao yeah)
It took him a while, but eventually, Nathaniel managed to relax in Zedd's arms. He was still sniffling and trembling a bit, but he'd mostly calmed down. Soft purrs rumbled up from his chest and he just made himself small in Zedd's embrace, content to be held. With Zedd's assistance, his wings smoothed down, and he stopped crying. His cheeks were pink and blotchy from his tears, and his nose was still red. "M'sorry, dad…"
"You're okay," the man said, brushing a few strands of hair out of Nathaniel's face. He gave a soft sigh. Yeah, he'd be making that appointment today. Probably as soon as the angel in his lap was ready to finish his breakfast. The food was probably in need of being warmed up though…
Nathaniel tentatively sat up in Zedd's lap and started eating again. He didn't want to ask Zedd to heat it up considering how much of a bother he'd already been today. He curled his crumpled feathers around himself as he ate, still a tad shaky and sniffly.
(Beep bop)
(omg babe you're back)
Zedd had assumed that Nathaniel didn't mind that the food wasn't that warm. He watched him a moment before taking a few bites himself. The man didn't like how worked up the angel had gotten over two simple actions. One of those actions being something he would have done anyways. "Nathaniel? I'm gonna set you back in your chair, is that okay? I wanted to maybe see if I could call the doctor who can help you feel better. Or I can wait until you're done if you feel like you need me here longer."
(Ye :D)
"O-Oh… uhm… okay…" Nathaniel replied tentatively. He didn't really want Zedd to leave him, especially not to talk to a doctor… he hadn't really trusted doctors since his experiences with his wings up in heaven. He figured that the doctors just didn't want to help him, or were trying to hurt him, and they wouldn't fix his wings. Or maybe they wanted to get rid of him, so they left him crippled, knowing he'd be banished…
Zedd frowned a moment before gently moving Nathaniel into the other chair. He carefully stood before taking his phone off the charger that was in the living room. He called the number for his doctor, not really sure of what else to do. Nathaniel would only be able to hear one side of the conversation.
"I need to make an appointment?"
"It's uh, not for me. I don't know if I'm supposed to make an appointment for some other doctor or whatever, but I need a recommendation for therapy."
"He's not even ten years old, and he's obviously very troubled from his home life."
There was a longer pause this time, Zedd casting glances at the angel who didn't seem to be eating much anymore.
"Listen, can I bring him in or not? I handled this badly, but it is what it is."
"Thank you."
As the phone call ended, the adult walked back over to where the boy was still sitting. He placed Nathaniel back on his lap, knowing that would probably help. "We got you help. It's gonna be okay."
"Mm…" Nathaniel quivered a bit in Zedd's arms, abandoning his plate in favor of clinging tightly to the man. "Are they gonna hurt me…?" He asked weakly. He knew that Zedd wanted what was best for him, and that he was trying to help, but… that didn't change the fact that Nathaniel didn't trust doctors. He'd been under immense pain and stress while with the ones in heaven, and they didn't really seem to care. They just poked and prodded him with scary needles, and then watched silently as he was banished for the injuries that they hadn't fixed.
Somehow Zedd wasn't surprised by this question. "No, buddy. They aren't gonna hurt you. It's the same one I go to. There are some for your age, but I figured you might get scared if we went somewhere where I didn't know the doctor," he explained. "You're an exception. We wanna get you help. And this is just to get a note so you can go talk to someone professional," he added, gently running his fingers though Nathaniel's hair. "Yeah, it's a bit dumb, but it is what it is. Whenever you're dressed and done eating we're gonna go, okay?'
"Okay, sir…" Nathaniel whispered weakly. "I'll um… I'll go get dressed, sir…" He slipped out of Zedd's lap and quickly headed to his room to change. He returned a few minutes later in Zedd's massive green hoodie and a pair of jeans, paired with fresh tear tracks on his cheeks. "O-Okay, uhm… I think I'm ready to go now…"
Zedd had tried to speak before Nathaniel had left, but stopped himself as the angel had already rounded the corner. When the boy had re-entered the room, the man frowned. Stars, he looked so frail and fragile. Zedd abandoned both plates of food on the counter still only to crouch in front of Nathaniel, arms open. "Nathaniel… we both know when you call me "sir" that it means you think I'm upset with you. Or that you're upset with yourself," he pointed out. "I'm gonna be there the whole time, okay? Please don't cry anymore. Or talk to me about it?"
"S-Sorry, dad, I just…" Nathaniel exhaled shakily and allowed himself to collapse into Zedd's embrace. "I thought you were upset and you've already had to deal with me a lot and I didn't think that I could stop myself from crying anymore and I just— f-figured it would be better to just c— c-cry in private for a minute or t-two…" He drew in a few harsh, wavering breaths, struggling to keep himself from crying again as he spoke.
Zedd picked up the angel in his arms to almost cradle him in a way. "No, buddy. I'm not upset. I wanna see you happy too, okay? If you need to have private time, that's okay. That's okay, Nathaniel. Just remember not to keep it all in and ask for help. Or else you'll do what dad did and kinda fuck everything up," he joked with a dry chuckle. He began to smooth the other's wings again, trying to keep them from puffing up.
"B-But you don't like it when I cry, d-dad…" Nathaniel hiccuped weakly and closed his eyes, relaxing a little as Zedd held him close. "You shouldn't ha— h-have to deal with me crying— if you don't want to…" Despite Zedd's efforts, Nathaniel's wings were still puffing up a bit from distress. "And I just— I-I'm scared of the doctor, dad, I… d-doctors hurt me up in heaven, and I don't— w-wanna get h— h-hurt again…"
"Crying happens to everyone. You know that from last night. If I can cry, you can cry. I don't like seeing you sad, but that doesn't mean you can't be sad," he said, still trying to smooth the other's feathers. "You didn't like seeing me sad, remember? It's like that. I just care about you," he hummed, trying to explain. The man cast a glance at the plates still sitting on the counter and decided he didn't care about them anymore. He'd clean up later. "For this doctor appointment it's probably just going to be talking. And if they want to do a regular check up on you, they'll talk you through it and ask first. Still, that being said, there's no shots or anything painful like that."
Nathaniel nodded weakly, his breathing ragged and catching in his chest whenever he tried to draw in a proper breath of air. "O-Okay… and… and you'll stay with me the w-whole time…?" He asked meekly. "And make sure— t-they don't hurt me or anything?" Even just talking to these strangers sounded scary to Nathaniel… He figured that they were going to want to ask him hard questions that he either didn't know the answer to or didn't want to answer because it upset him, and he wasn't looking forward to either option.
"Mm hm," Zedd hummed in reply. He was still in the clothes from yesterday, but didn't care. It wasn't his pajamas, so that was enough. Before heading down the stairs, he slipped on a pair of shoes that were easy to put on while still holding Nathaniel. The man rest his chin lightly on the boy's head as he took him down the stairs. He frowned a moment, looking at the lower level store. This was the fourth day it would be closed. What else was he supposed to do? He really hoped this could all get sorted out soon so Nathaniel would feel better and he could get to work again soon. Not that work was the most fun, but it was necessary. Especially with how much he was going to be spending on top of what he had already done. Oh yeah, that bill was gonna look sooo nice…
Nathaniel nodded weakly again and clung tight to Zedd as he was carried around. He kept his eyes closed while he tried to get himself to calm down a bit, but he was still tense and uneasy, and he was obviously scared. "How far away is the doctor…?" He asked meekly. "We don't have to fly to get there, do we?"
Zedd exited the building and began walking down the street. He didn't really care if he looked disheveled or not anymore. "Not very far. We don't have to, though it is faster if I did. I won't though," he replied, continuing the careful motions over Nathaniel's back to attempt to keep him calm. Well, as calm as he could be.
Nathaniel nodded and buried his face in Zedd's shoulder, trying to clear his mind to get himself to calm down. Zedd's petting was helping him relax to some extent, but he was obviously still stressed. He stayed silent for the rest of the trip, only looking up tentatively when they had reached the building, at which point his heart started racing again.
Zedd walked inside only to begin speaking to the receptionist at the front desk. "Yes, I called not that long ago?" the man said, fidgeting a bit. He was nervous about the papers for Nathaniel. Which he clearly did not have. "Ah, yes. I'll let the doctor know you're here," the woman in front of him said, already turning towards the phone beside her. With a sigh, Zedd moved to take a seat in a nearby chair. He shifted the boy in his arms so he could hug Nathaniel properly. "Take deep breaths for me, okay?" he asked, hoping that might help.
"Mr. Saunders?" a deeper voice called. It was the doctor himself rather than a nurse escorting them back. It looks like they weren't going to have to wait much at all.
Nathaniel drew in a few deep, wavering breaths when instructed, although he still seemed pretty jittery. He'd never been to anyone like a therapist before aside from doctors, who he'd only had bad experiences with. He honestly wasn't really sure what to expect. When Zedd's name was called, Nathaniel whimpered softly and clung tighter to him.