I took a seat as well, willing the fire to move downwards to provide us warmth. Why must I go through this, I didn’t understand. I should have just let her get caught, but if I had, Mistress would have been disappointed. She would have punished me. I didn’t like disappointing her.
"I'm sorry….." I murmured under my breath, coaxing Scylla into my lap. "You might get in trouble now….it's my fault." Guilt flooded me as shame burned its way across my cheeks. My impatience had gotten the both of us stuck… the three of us, actually. Four, counting Key.
I didn’t say anything, merely laid on the floor, my head over my arms.
There’s a chance the soldiers wouldn’t come in—especially not in the door’s closed. But I’d still have to be careful.
The tense silence stretched taut between us, but I didn't dare break it. Not at first, anyways. But the unbearable hush wore me down before long, chipping away at me until I snapped.
"Why did you accompany me down?" I blurted, fixing my eyes to the cuffs of my trousers. "You could have stayed in your room."
I scoffed.
”Would you rather I’d let you get caught?” I shook my head. ”Think about it. If you’re with me, the worst case scenario would be a mild punishment. But if you were here alone, you’d be found out. They’d realize you’re a girl, and of course they’d point fingers at me. I’d be declared as a traitor for helping a woman break the law. So, tell me, how could I have let you gone off on your own?”
That’s right. Break her down. Make her believe it’s the idiot speaking.
Oh.
Something inside me broke.
This was the boy that I was I love with. This was how he spoke to me. How much he hated me. He would only help me when something of his was at stake….he didn't care, and I was unbelievably stupid for allowing myself to believe otherwise.
Why did I insist on hurting myself like this?
I balled my hands into fists. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest, longing, remembering. Things hadn't always been this way. Even after Colton had found out about my real identity, he'd cared. He had taken me to his room, bandaged me up, consoled me when I was horrified and trembling between his hands. But now…… This was my fault. I deserved his. Karma, for my horrible mistakes,
"Colton—" The moment his name left my mouth, I shut it tightly. No. Don't tell him anything. He doesn't want to hear you speak."Never mind."
I almost burst out laughing. Oh God, this was too good. This was amazing! I could feel her crack, could feel the hurt. I could practically taste it on my tongue.
”What is it?” I quirked an eyebrow. ”Do finish up. Let’s get things cleared up, shall we?”
It was his icy, uncaring tone that finally broke me. Weeks of pining after him, praying, daring to hope that he still held an ounce of friendliness towards me, all reduced to rubble.
I clamped my fingers over my mouth just as I blurted my confession. "I–I miss you." The treacherous words slipped out from behind my hand. "There. It's–It's out." Slowly, my arm fell down across my lap. "I miss having you in the dormitory. I miss the way our training sessions were before. I missed being able to be friendly with you."
Now that I was off, I couldn't stop myself. Sentences continued to pour from my mouth like Windsong, all in a jumbled rush. "I–I felt so guilty after I told you to leave. I regretted it almost instantly. I don't know what happened, or why your eyes went black, but it terrified me. I–I made a mistake. I'm sorry."
I froze at her words. No. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. That was not what was supposed to come out of her mouth. She was supposed to scream at me, tell me how of a bastard I was—how much she hated me and wished I was dead.
I immediately felt a pang in my head, a familiar presence probing at my head. I hissed, holding it in my hands.
No. Stay back! Don’t you—
The intrusive feeling only got stronger. It only increased its force of tearing open my control, gushing out of open wounds. It pushed me under.
And I was caged up all over again.
“Key…?”
He wasn't responding. I'd spilled one of my innermost secrets at his feet, and he wasn't responding.
Panic overtook me, tearing at the fragmented remains of my composure, flooding my mind. I couldn't stand it anymore—I lifted my head, and met his eyes.
"Key…?"
I blinked, heart hiccupping painfully. Key? What was he talking about? "I–Colton–You know what, I'm going to shut up now."
At first, I was swimming in darkness. I felt tired—so, so tired. Everything hurt, and nothing hurt at the same time. He’d won, and I had let him. I wasn’t strong enough to fight.
And then I heard her voice. Pushing against the boundaries rendering me unable to hear or see anything beyond the darkness. I saw her hurt face, the tears in her eyes, the desperation in her voice.
She missed me. She wanted me.
And that was all it took for me to tear out of the cage I was trapped in, slipping out of the darkness’s hold, grabbing him by the neck and pushing him under.
“Key…?”
At first, I was confused. I let go of my head, blinking rapidly. The fire I didn’t remember making flickered before it regained its control, and I looked up to meet the eyes of Elle.
What was I doing here? What were we doing here, in the middle of the night, again? What was going on? What happened to me? I furrowed my eyes, trying to put pieces together.
“What—“ and then I heard footsteps outside the armory. Patrol. Of course. Without knowing what I was doing, I estinguished the fire, grabbed Elle’s arm and pulled us both behind a rack, deja vu striking me like a slap.
My poor heart threatened to burst. There, in the darkness, Colton's strong arms encircled me, pressing my slim form up against his. I hardly dared to breathe, each thought torn from my head as I swayed dizzily.
His chest beneath my fingers. The pounding of his heart. His hands, clasped firmly at my waist. His warm breath brushing across my ear. Every one of my senses intensified as I became hyperaware of every single place our bodies met.
Colton..
I crumbled into his embrace.
When I realized the position we were in, I felt myself heat up. She was too close to me. I could feel her heartbeat against my chest, her mouth breathing down on my neck. Her scent filled my nose, numbing my senses, the exposed skin of her neck begging me to put my mouth on it.
And then a flash of memory came to mind. Long hair, beautiful smile. Eyes twinkling with life. Beautiful. Mesmerizing.
And then control within me snapped. “Don’t scream,” I whispered heatedly, and before I knew it, I had her pinned on the ground, mouths barely inches away from touching. And then I realized the gravity of what I was about to do—what I was about to pull her into. What was I even doing?
I found myself pinned to the ground, Colton filling my vision. For a moment, my mind went blank, unable to connect the pieces and pinpoint what was happening. Then, he was leaning in, his mouth inches from mine, my eyes were widening—–
And he stopped. Went perfectly still, his tousled hair falling over his face, soft pants escaping his lips. I released a massive, shuddering breath. What had happened? Why had he frozen up? Why wasn't he kissing me? Of course, the question I should've been asking was more along the lines of why had he been about to kiss me, but at that moment, all that mattered was him and the godforsaken space between us.
Windsong swelled in my throat, driven by the cacophonous pounding of my heart, forcing my lips open before I could draw it back. "𝒞𝑜𝓁𝓉𝑜𝓃—" My pupils dilated. "𝓚𝓲𝓼𝓼 𝓶𝓮."
At first, I froze completely, her command filling my ears. It wrapped around me, but instead of it hurting… it felt different. I didn’t feel like I was drenched in cold water. I didn’t feel the way it felt when he tried to control me.
It wasn’t like I could help myself, anyway. I pressed my lips on hers, finally, fireworks exploding in my stomach, heart right about ready to burst.
And her lips… they fit perfectly with mine. Molded together, like they were meant for each other. God, how I longed to taste these lips of hers, feeling them pressed against mine. Suddenly all my hardships went down the drain. The witch’s voice dissolved in the back of my mind. All I could think about the feeling of her lips on mine, her command, her wanting me just as much as I did.
And even when her powers let me go, I didn’t pull away. How could I? I wanted his woman.
His mouth came crashing down on mine, and the whole world went white. My eyelids slid shut, my hands slipped around to the broad muscles of his back.
Colton.
The mere thought of his name whipped my already-thundering heart into a frenzy. I kissed him back with a desperation, a hungry passion, tremors wracking my entire body as we came together. But suddenly, hot shame was burning its brand across my chest, a flood of guilt dragging me under. This wasn't right. He wasn't kissing me of his own free will, I was forcing him to.
Sucking in a shaky inhale, I drew my power from the air around us, locked it deep within my body, wiped Colton's mind clear of any traces it might have left behind. But by the time I was done—he hadn't stopped. If anything, his soft lips were devouring mine with less mercy than ever before.
My body gave out, went slack beneath his. "Colton…." I found myself breathing, though my voice broke into a million different pieces the same time as my wounded heart knit together. He wanted me. He actually wanted me, after everything I'd done. Colton Miller was kissing me. I was kissing him back.
And to hell with anyone who tried to stop me.
I pressed my mouth harder against hers, kissing her with a ferocity I hadn’t felt before. And she was kissing me back, her arms around me, her lips moving against mine. I pulled us up, lips still attached together, before I pressed myself against the wall, position her on my lap as my hands cupped her cheeks.
Fire erupted in my stomach. White filled my vision, blood roared in my ears. My name escaped from her lips and it only succeeded in driving me insane. Her taste completely consumed me, giving no space to the darkness inside of me.
And then I realized what I was doing, what I was pulling her into. I immediately removed my lips from hers, taking deep breaths, her voice cutting through the bubble of happiness Elle built around me. Her insane laughter reminded me of the type of monster I was. I could hurt Elle and not even realize it.
”Shit,” I cursed, breathing heavily. “We can’t do this—damn it, I can’t pull you into my mess.”
Bile rushed to my throat when I realized I had little to no recognition of what went down before I regained control. How long was I under? How long had I let him run me? If he’d managed to control me for this long… who’s to say I wouldn’t perish forever? And then he’d do whatever he wanted with Elle.
Your woman. I could faintly hear him say that in my mind, humiliating me, humiliting her. I couldn’t give him a chance to hurt her.
He was pulling me into his lap—My legs were wrapping themselves around his waist—My fingers slipped through his hair—
Colton.
He tasted like magic, felt like no other boy I'd ever kissed—and I'd kissed many. But not one of them had ever come close to this, none of them had ever dragged me this far beneath the surface of a sea of desire. Colton—he was Lethe, wiping my mind completely clean until I'd forgotten every single boy who had ever touched me.
And then he was pulling away.
Panic flashed across his face.
A curse flew from his mouth.
My world of euphoria came crashing down around me. "No—" I blurted desperately, taking him by the front of his shirt. "Colton—No. Don't do this to me." My eyes were wide with fear, fear of this sudden blessing being torn from my hands. "Please—You have no idea how much I want you. How long I've waited for this. Don't—I'll do anything."
I longed to kiss her again, to take her mouth in mine but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt her. If she knew what was wrong with me… if she knew what a monster I was… she wouldn’t even want to be near me, and I couldn’t handle the rejection.
“Don’t say that,” I found myself hissing, desperate to kiss her again, desperate to have her cry out my name. Again and again, until I was the only one engraved in her mind. “You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, Elle.”
Still, my hands reached out to cup her cheeks, trail her face, her soft lips. I wanted to take them in mine again, but I couldn’t. I so desperately wanted to, but I couldn’t.
I pressed against his hands, against his body, desperation overtaking me. "No–You can't just do that—You can't just kiss me like that and take yourself away—" Windsong bubbled up in my throat, clogged my mouth, but I swallowed it back down. "Colton—Why? What am I getting myself into?"
Panic crowded my mind. I couldn't lose him just as I'd won him over, just as he'd kissed me. And I wouldn't lose him—I refused to.
“I can’t say it,” I forced out, shaking myself, wincing as her voice tried to take me over. If Elle hadn’t been here, hadn’t been pressed against me like this, I was sure I would have lost the battle again. Just like I was bound to. “I just can’t. Not because I don’t want to. She won’t let me.”
I held her close, not wanting to let her go despite her needing to leave. She couldn’t be happy with me. Not when I was this way, consumed by dark magic. Broken, completely shattered. Fixed and then broken again.
"What?" I searched his expression, my face going slack. "She?" His eyes—his darkened, beautiful eyes—held an ocean of pain. I began to drown in them, pawing weakly at his chest.
A million possibilities tore through my already spinning head, rendering me completely helpless to every word he spoke. She won't let me. What on earth could he be referring to? Who on earth? What was happening to him?
"Colton—What are you talking about?"
I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. I closed my eyes, breathing heavily.
“What do you think?” I breathed out. “Elle, I’m sure you’ve noticed. Why do you think I’ve been acting weird? I’m sure that day you noticed my eyes. I’m sure you’ve been noticing every single detail. So why, Elle, do you think I can’t say it?”
I winced again, her harsh voice berating me. Telling me how I’m failing her. Telling me I’ve disappointed her.
“I don’t even remember what happened prior to today. What have I been doing? The last thing I remember is you turning my back on me and everything’s blank save for a few hazy memories. So why, Elle, do you think I can’t let you in?”
I froze in his arms.
My eyes went wide. My heartbeat ceased. Oh.
I felt like I was breaking, withering into dust, a crack running down the length of my heart. But not from fear of what he might do to me. The dread that had taken hold of me two weeks ago was nowhere to be found. My heart broke, yes, but for him.
"Oh my god…." I breathed, cupping his face in my hands. "I—–God, Colton….." But I didn't pull away, didn't even dream of doing so. "I'm sorry……I'm so, so, sorry….."
When she froze against me, I’d given up. Of course, she wouldn’t want me after this. Who would want me, after knowing what I was? After knowing I was just a puppet?
And then she cupped my face in her hands, telling me how sorry she was, her voice soothing. She hadn’t pulled away. She was comforting me. She was…
“What?” I whispered, my eyes going wide. “Are you crazy? I just told you something that can possibly turn against you, so why are you still here? Elle, are you crazy? I could hurt you. Why don’t you realize that? Why are you doing this? Leave. Save yourself. Please. I care about you too much to hurt you.”