I wasn’t so sure.
But I nodded anyways, despite the fact that my expression practically spelled out the phrase ‘I smell bullshit’. His answer was too vague to be completely true… and the way he spoke was just off… I sighed. “Let’s get to class.”
I knew she didn’t believe me, but I wasn’t bothered. I wouldn’t tell her what I was planning, no matter how much she tried to pry it out of me. If she found out… I expelled that thought out of my head. In the end, it was my decision.
“I wonder what Altair has in store for us this time…”
[2 Hours Later: Colton’s POV:]
I had already sent Andreas where I wanted him to meet me. It was a rather deserted section of the academy, and I specifically chose it because of the lack of prying eyes. In addition to that, it was easier to set up wards to or prevent eavesdroppers from listening into our conversation. When Andreas finally joined me, I smiled.
“I take it you managed to slip out of their hold?” I already knew the answer, but what was the harm in asking?
Andreas’s POV
I nodded crisply, then hesitated. Since when was I so sharp and prickly around my best friend’s lover. Forcing my body to relax, I glanced away. “Why have you called me here?”
My stomach twisted into a knot. Was I in trouble?
I felt his nervousness and kept up my smile, arms folded over my chest.
“Relax. You’re not in trouble,” I assured him. “I called you over for a favor.”
Perched in my net of ginger hair, Copper stirred, his interest piqued.
I released a slow breath, relieved. “Oh. Alright, what’s the favour?”
The smile dropped from my face and I released a breath, running a hand through my hair.
“You already know my situation,” I started slowly. “You already know about the spreading of the curse, and I’m sure you know just how hard it’s becoming to maintain control.”
My hands balled themselves into fists, so I shoved them into my pockets. Distress was suddenly written across my features, evident in my body language. “Kaden and I are looking for ways to minimize damage—“
“Which will take years to research,” I cut in, clenching my fists but otherwise maintaining the calm expression. “Given the fact that nearly everything about dark magic was wiped from history, and I don’t have years, Andreas. I don’t even know if I have weeks.”
I fell silent for a few seconds, training my eyes on the ground. “What are you trying to say, Colton?” I asked quietly, fearing the answer. “What favour do you need?”
“Kill me,” I finally said, never removing my eyes from him. “The second you feel like I’m losing it, you will put a sword through my heart and kill me. I can’t ask that from Elle or Kaden. I can only rely on you for it.”
My head snapped up.
“What?!” An icy bucketload of horror drenched me from head to toe. “No—I can’t—I can’t do that.”
Out of all the things I’d expected him to say, this was worse. By far.
“It would destroy Elle. And you’d be gone. I can’t—I’m a healer. I don’t take lives. Especially not yours.”
“I didn’t realize a monster was something worth preserving,” I responded calmly, knowing full well of the burden I was placing on him. I didn’t have any other choice. “You won’t be taking my life. You’ll be saving it. I’d be gone either way, so where’s the difference?”
“No. No, no, no.” I stumbled backwards, vehemently shaking my head. The mere thought of my hands, slick with his blood….
Bile rose to my throat. My stomach twisted into a knot.
“Do you have any idea what this would do to Elle?” My voice wobbled dangerously as I spoke. “She would take one look at your dead body and the sword in my hands, and throw herself from the balcony.”
“She won’t,” I said quietly. “She’s stronger than that. She’ll get through this because she has things to do. She’s important, so you and Kaden will protect her.”
“You don’t understand.”
I felt like my world was breaking into tiny pieces. Colton was asking me to kill him. To kill him. He wanted me to kill him.
“She talks about you like you’re the sun. The stars. Her whole world. She would chose you over anyone else on this godforsaken planet—including her brother. Don’t do this to her. Don’t make me do this to her.”
I let my mask drop. I looked at Andreas, the fear, exhaustion, tire and utter hopelessness all plastered on my face. All my life, I had one goal; keep up the mask, let no one know my inner struggles. Elle was the only one who knew what I was going through, but even she didn’t have more than the basic idea.
“I’m tired,” I admitted, and even my voice had lost its cool. “I’m tired of constantly looking over my shoulder, hoping that witch is not behind me. I’m exhausted, Andreas, from countless sleepless nights because I’m afraid of falling asleep and never waking up as myself again. I feel hopeless because no matter how hard I try, the voices never stop. They quieten, but they never stop. I’m scared that one day he’ll take over me and would briefly let me out to see whay he has done to my family, to the people I love. I don’t ever want to see the day where my hand is around Elle’s throat, slowly choking her to death, cursing her and threatening her. I don’t even want to let her be near me, but I can’t help it because I’m so goddamn in love with her. I want to be with her—I want to be the one to put a ring on her finger and claim her in front of a thousand people. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but most of all, I don’t want to be a monster.” I broke off, feeling bare after stripping myself off of layers of untouched thoughts. “I don’t want to turn into a monster. I don’t want to fade into nothing—I don’t want to go back into that pit of hopelessness, darkness and oblivion. This curse is not going to go away. It’s only going to get stronger until I’m gone and will never come back. So Andreas, from a friend to a friend, don’t let me be a monster. Kill me before I turn into that thing.”
I stood there, shocked to the core. My hands began to tremble ever so slightly under the immense, indescribable weight of his words. “Colton—“ I stammered, wrenching my eyes away from his.
What on earth was I supposed to say to that?
“Please,” I was nearly begging him. “You won’t be taking a life. You’ll be saving one. I want this, Andreas.”
“Shit,” I cursed, wiping a hand down my face. Tears pricked my eyes. “Shit. I can’t—I can’t just hold that sword and—“
I was in a nauseating turmoil, my turbulent emotions threatening to overcome me as I dragged my eyes back up to his.
But, he was right. As much as I hated it… he was right. One life, in return for dozens, maybe even hundreds. With full possession of the heir to the throne, that witch could utterly destroy.. well, everything.
Finally, I forced my mouth to shape words. “I—I agree to your terms. But only because we’ll never get to that point. We’ll kill the witch. I promise.”
I looked at him gratefully, feeling a burden lift from my shoulders. Even though I barely believed his words. She couldn’t be killed.
“Thank you,” I breathed out, anyway. “I’m sorry for asking of such a thing, but there was no one else I could count on. Just… keep this a secret from Elle and Kaden. No one needs to know.”
"Don't thank me," I told him bluntly, wrapping my arms around my middle and squeezing my eyes shut. "I understand why you asked. I understand why you want me to do it. But don't you dare thank me. Have a nice day, Colton."
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, and I truly was. “For asking for such a thing. For making you do this, but we have no other choice. I have no other choice.”
I just shook my head.
"Write a letter. For Elle. I'll give it to her if it comes to the point where you can't anymore."
And with that, I turned on my heel and walked away.
I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. I had burdened him greatly, but I had no choice. I could easily turn my own abilities against myself, but I couldn’t. Not with her hold on me, so I had to rely on Andreas. Hopefully he won’t tell Kaden. He shouldn’t.