forum Big Brother: Gay Edition (MATURE, Enter at own risk!)

Started May 16, 2020 by @ElderGodSwimwithGamers group

tune

Cas nodded hesitantly, fidgeting nervously. "Okay… how do you plan to do that? How much did it tell you?"

"Well… It told me about how your cat is the only reason your alive," Halm started. "And about how much you care for them. How you would gladly give up your memories." Halm didn't really know how he would help Cas yet.

"Oh…" Cas fidgeted a bit, taking in the information
"Um…" He knew his soul was right. Who knew him better than himself, after all? But he still wasn't sure how he felt about actually coming to terms with himself.

Halm sighed softly.
"It also told me it thinks your weak. That you're too sensitive." Halm shook his head at that.
"But I don't believe it. Your soul has been too hard on you."

"That… makes sense…" Cas sighed. "Trust my own soul to hate me, honestly…" He huddled a bit closer to Halm, still trembling a bit.

Halm wrapped his arms around Cas again.
"Your a good person," he mumbled. "You don't deserve to be hated."

Cas shook his head weakly, sticking close to Halm. "I do… they're all right to hate me… I'm just a stupid street rat…"

"Cas," Halm said, cupping Cas's head with one hand. "You're not just some street rat. Not now, and not before. You matter, Cas."

"I had to steal before to get by… they all hate me and they have every right to. I was just a stupid kid who made a stupid decision and I deserved to be on the streets."

"Cas," Halm said gently. "If you deserved to be on the streets you would be right now."

"I deserved to be on the streets because I ran away from home like a dumbass even though my dad was slowly killing himself and I couldn't fucking go back because by the time I stopped being stubborn, he was fucking dead. I deserved to be on those streets and I stand by it."

"You must have had your reasons to leave," Halm said softly. He was trying his best.

"Well, yeah. He was an alcoholic bastard and he abused me sometimes, and that's why I left. But still. I knew the alcohol was gonna kill him and I abandoned him anyways."

"Cas," Halm said, "you were in a horrible position. You did the right thing by leaving. Even if he was going to die soon, he could have hurt you so much before that."

Cas hiccuped a bit, unsure how to feel. "B-But I… I could have helped him and I just left like a coward…"

"Do you think he would have accepted your help?" Halm said quietly. "What if he hadn't? What if you would have just made him mad and he hurt you?"

Cas shrugged a bit. "But I… I-I didn't even try…" He sighed shakily.

"Cas, sometimes it's too dangerous to try." Halm pulled Cas a bit closer.

Cas hiccuped again and huddled close, still trembling. "I just feel so guilty… I abandoned my father and then he died and I didn't even fucking know it until years later…"

"You didn't know because he wasn't a part of your life anymore. If he hurt you, getting him out was the best thing you could do. You didn't abandon him, he abandoned you." Halm gently rubbed Cas's back.

Cas rubbed at his eyes and drew in a shaky breath. "I d… I d-didn't even go to his funeral… I don't even know if he had one…"

"It's okay," Halm reassured, trying his best. "Even if he did, if you had gone, would it have helped? Would you have felt any better about leaving?"

Cas shrugged. "I dunno… but I… I feel like I should've gone… it was just hard to show up at my house and find different people living there and telling me that my dad died…"

"It must have been," Halm said soothingly. "And you've made it through that. Even I can't change the past. We have to keep going forward."

"That was only four years ago… my dad died six years ago." A couple tears rolled down Cas's cheeks and he rubbed at them.