forum A Thousand Cranes // Rated PG-15 // Eris

Started November 30, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

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"Cassia?"

Sunday afternoon, it's raining as usual. Iona knocks on my door and says my name at the same time, much like she always does. When I open the door for her, she beams at me. "Hey chickadee, how are you? I haven't seen you all day."

True. I had been downstairs for hours this morning in the library reading more of Nick’s astronomy books, but Iona was still sleeping then. I was back up in my room when she finally got up.

I wonder if she had fun at the party yesterday. Her eyes are still tiny with sleep and her hair is, for once, not meticulously done. I have a feeling she did have a good time.

Now, how to ask her?

"We had such a blast at the party yesterday," Iona answers my unspoken question. "It really was fun. We missed you, of course, and Declan, too. But we had so much fun. People really liked our costumes. Mine especially." She winks as if it was all my idea.

If only, but I find myself smiling as her entire face lights up as she speaks.

"Anyway, I was wondering if you want to come downstairs with us? We want to talk with you about something." Iona takes a step back from my room, making room for me to come out. My heart constricts at her words. What did I do? What's going to happen, why is she coming to get me here and who are 'we'?

"Don't worry, nothing bad," She reassures, frowning at my worried gaze. "Come on. Please?"

I heave a massive internal sigh. There's no way but through, and so I follow her downstairs, into the living room. Every James family member is there, plus Josh. I come to a halt immediately and take a step back, shocked by all these eyes on me. In their faces I see compassion, and gentle concern. Only Josh looks neutral, almost understanding.

My God—is this it? Has the end finally come?

I’m not ready.

I thought I would be, but oh god do I want to stay.

I push the thoughts away before the can fully cloud me and look at all the people in the room, clenching my fists to prevent my arms to wrap themselves around me in such an obvious show of weakness and fear.

"Okay," Nick says as he leans forward on the couch. Emmy sits on the armrest next to him. Declan is in the love seat, Josh perches on the back of the couch, and Iona sits in between them, smiling expectantly.

"Cassia, why don't you sit down first?" Emmy interrupts Nick. Who blows out his breath and nods. He’s the only one that looks remotely worried. This fact does not make me feel even a little bit better. The exact opposite actually.

I look from her to the winged chair and then back to her, shaking my head. Things like these I'd rather bear standing up, I should think. I can feel a nervous sweat break out on my lower back.

Emmy nods in understanding, and then gestures for Nick to proceed.

Why Nick?

"Okay," He starts again. "You are starting school tomorrow. So, we need a game plan."

I blink at Nick, unsure what he means.

"He thinks you need assistance at school." Josh says flatly.

"He means we want to help you," Iona corrects him softly, reaching out to squeeze his knee in a white knuckled grip. "If you want or need it."

"Yeah, because you don't speak," Josh continues, helplessly pointing out the obvious. "And if you get questions, you won't be able to answer them?"

His observation is a question, and I hate to admit that he is right. When I started school in Los Angeles, it was a few tense weeks, until Jackie wrote a letter to the school, explaining the situation and helping me out.

It's difficult to explain I am not physically mute and therefore really have no reason not to speak. It's even harder to explain I simply refuse to learn to use any other method of communication other than sign language, which I know exist. I know there are gadgets that say out loud what you type. I know there are cards or devices which help you form sentences quickly. But for me, the problem is not the inability to communicate. It's the unwillingness to. And that unwillingness is so strong it had become a form of inability.

Try to explain that to impatient teachers or annoyingly curious students.

Especially when explaining, in my book, is unnecessary and should be avoided at all cost.

"So, we thought that we could help you," Nick continues, unaware of my train of thought and much more gently than Josh. "If you want, of course."

I look from him to the others in the room. What do they think they can do? More importantly, why would they even take that effort? What's in it for them? I can't suppress my frown and involuntarily shake my head. I don't want them to help me. I've always managed just fine before.

"Cassia." Emmy's voice is gentle but demands attention. "You don't have to do this alone."

I look at her, as her gaze pierces through the fog that has accumulated in my mind. A reminder that I have her in my corner, just like in Mr. Beck’s office.

"You can count on us," Iona says. "We really want to help you. We don't want to coddle you, but wouldn't it be nice if we showed you around, introduced you to the teachers and all that?"

"We would do the same for anybody," Declan says suddenly. He's been quiet until now, and my eyes fly over to the corner he is sitting in. "It's a new school, with new students. We can show you around. The only thing that's different is that we can be your voice if needs be. Unless you want the good Mrs. Lee to help you around."

His eyes sparkle with mirth as he says this, and I know he is referring to Biology last week. I fidget, leaning my weight on my other foot, not sure what to do.

"We just wanted to help," Nick says apologetically. "We want you to know that if there ever is anything, just come to any of us. We'll help you."

I frown again. I'm not used to asking for help. I'm not used to getting it, either. It feels alien. But underneath, I have to do a double take as I take in the looks on all their faces. There is nothing but kindness there. They look almost hopeful. No tension in this room, no narrowed eyes, nothing that indicates they will want something back, or look down at me when I do want their support.

My shoulders sag a little as realization kicks in.

They really want to be there for me. Just to make starting school easy on me.

"Don't be afraid to accept help, Cassia," Emmy says, catching my gaze. "Would you do the same for one of us?"

I swallow, nodding. Of course, I would.

"See? So, let us help you. We won't take your hand, don't worry." Iona grins, and then she winks at me. I mean at this point would I mind? I’ve held hands with Emmy.

And Declan.

I flush. Not the time to think about that.

I can't help my smile in return, as so often has happened with Iona before now. She actually joked about my no-touching policy, and she did it in such a non-offensive manner that I can even enjoy it.

"Excellent. So, what can we do to make this easy for you?" Declan says all attention once more.

Emmy and Nick get up quietly and slip from the room, and I realize they’ve been here as a buffer, to see how this all would go before they left me with the other teens.

"I think that maybe one of us could walk with her to the administrations office before school tomorrow," Iona starts, then looks at me. "I think you'll get a slip that each of your teachers has to sign." She pauses to think for a moment. "You were already there last Friday — do you know if the teachers will know about you?"

"Mr. Banner got a memo," Declan says, and my gaze wanders over to him again. "Said something about her not speaking. I guess the other teachers will receive something similar."

"Let's hope so," Iona says. "What else? Where do you want to spend lunch?"

I shrug at her question. Somewhere outside and quiet, I hope. They really are planning my entire day for me. Each of them looks dead serious, even Josh, like this is the most important event of their lives. I don’t understand why they would go to such lengths. Why they are being so—protective? It’s okay to just let me figure this all out on my own…

"How did you do it at your old school?"

I look away, uncomfortable with this turn in the conversation.

"She can't speak if you don't get her something to write on. Especially since none of us know ASL yet. Do you have your phone?" Declan says. When I shake my head, pointing to the ceiling he understands that I left it upstairs, then gets up and returns shortly after with notepad and pencil. I take it from him, once again baffled by his seriousness. Still, I can't get a read of this situation. Their behavior is not unkind, their words are not unkind. I have the distinct feeling that they are working to shield me from everything within the school, yet still giving me the freedom to make my own choices here.

This is utterly strange. Why are they doing this? I know they want to help, but don’t they understand that it’s not worth it in the end? I’m three thousand percent certain that things will fall apart.

"So, where did you have lunch?" Iona repeats. I write down: I never ate at school at all and show her the note. My handwriting is barely readable, I'm shaking so hard. Communicating like this, with so many onlookers, is very tedious for me. My jaw clenches involuntarily and my stance becomes rigid. I'm tensing up at rapid speed.

"That should change," Iona says. She looks at me studiously, taking in my stiff body, my tight face. My god, it’s just like how Emmy and Nick x-ray me. I shift my feet, looking firmly at the wall above her head. "Will you not sit down?"

I shake my head, gesturing for her to continue.

Declan responds instead. "You can sit with us at lunch, of course. Or one of us could go somewhere quiet with you so you can eat?"

I shake my head. I don't want them to bother. I've certainly never been bothered about it before. Just leave it be, I'll manage myself. Besides, I can handle missing a meal. Or two.

"But you need to eat!" Iona exclaims, clearly trying to get through to me. Josh nods enthusiastically next to her.

"Drop it, Iona," Declan says softly. "We'll find a way on the go."

I don't look at Declan, but I am immensely grateful that he is standing up for me. I can't decide right now how I will manage such an unimportant detail as is eating. It's not important, anyway.

"So, do you want us to walk you to class or something? What is your schedule, anyway?" Not for the first time, I notice Iona's persistence. It is for the first time however that she, in her enthusiasm, is barging over my boundaries. She doesn't notice I am very much willing to leave this room. I don't want to answer her questions. I don't know what she wants to achieve with this all.

Frowning, I start to fidget more. It would be rude to just walk away, wouldn't it? They are still willing to help me, God knows why, and if I walk away, I may lose that chance. It would really be nice if they would just not be against me in school.

"Know what?" Declan says just as Iona opens her mouth to speak again. "You'll drive with me to school tomorrow. I'll take you to the administrations office and drop you off at your first class. From there you should be able to find your way. If you need us, send a text. After school, come meet us in the parking lot and you can drive home with us. Deal?"

Listening to his business-like speech without breathing, I can only nod when he is done. His gaze is rock steady, and I swear that I could be drowning in the blue of his eyes. The no nonsense way that he is telling the plan gives me a slight measure of relief. He nods firmly as he sees me exhale. I think he may have picked up on a few queues from Emmy. "That's settled then. As for lunch, we will find you okay?”

Again, no nonsense. He even arches a brow at me, daring me to say no. So, naturally, I nod.

"Just know that you can count on us, okay, Cassia?" Josh this time, folding his arms and looking extraordinary, well, large and imposing. As if he is planning on bashing skulls in.

For some reason I both shiver and smile inwardly at the thought.

"Yes, that's it basically," Josh continues into the silence as the three of them stare me down. It’s getting hard to focus. "I know you probably won't come running to me when you need anything, but we have your back." His eyes are wide, honest. He's being carefully calm, I can tell. He's as scared of frightening me as I am of being startled by him.

What an impasse.

"Yes," Iona nods, glad she has a way to put her wants into words again. "We have your back. You're our family now, and we help each other out."

"By knowing when it's time to leave," Josh adds, taking in my now utterly tense appearance. "Thanks for hearing us out. Appreciate it." He gets up and leaves into the kitchen. I can hear him making a disturbing amount of noise in the fridge.

That leaves the twins. Declan leans back in the seat, pulling up a knee and wrapping his arms around it. While Iona stares intently at me, trying to read my mind I suppose, Declan is smiling smugly. Out of what everyone said, he’s the only one with results and I think he knows it.

Iona sags, looking frustrated, and sighs. "That didn't go how I thought it would."

"What did you expect?" Declan asks.

I wonder how long it will take for them to forget me standing here.

Iona shrugs. "I don't know." Her gaze shifts to me. "I'm sorry. Did we overwhelm you?"

A little, yeah. I’m caught between shaking and nodding my head and it turns into a shrug.

From the corner of my eye, I can see how Declan reaches for the remote and turns on the TV.

"We'll get you through this," Iona says pushing her hair out of her face. I hate that she seems so stressed about this. The urge to pat her shoulder waves over me with such force that I almost lose my balance. "Let's go over your schedule together later, so we can see when you'll be in class with one of us. Would you like to sit next to us if possible?"

No. Yes. Would they want to? Would they not mind?

"As long as you come sit with me again in Biology." Declan says playfully.

I turn my head to look at him and I see his happy smile, the way his eyes crinkle as the corners of his mouth lift up.

"That is, if you want to, of course."

This time, I nod.

I want to.