forum funking,,,,,,,,JEANUBIS
Started by @AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage
tune

people_alt 68 followers

@icecubes

happy anniversary!
here's a message from anu-

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@vidari-is-tired-in-advance group

Oh Crap They Found Us AU

Jean stood in front of the body. He had made sure to not leave much of a puddle earlier (blood was quite difficult to clean up after all), and the body was currently laid out on a tarp. His footsteps echoed through the parking garage as he gathered his supplies to get rid of the body, but he wasn’t worried about anyone hearing. The garage had been abandoned for about a decade, and there was no risk of anyone discovering this clandestine activity.

Anubis struggled his way over to Jean and the body, dragging a large metal barrel behind him. There was an awful screeching noise, which made Jean wince.

“Jeez Annie, could you be any louder?” He called, holding several jugs of chemicals in his arms.

Anubis was too out of breath to reply, but he stuck his tongue out at Jean nonetheless. He set the barrel down next to the body, and promptly plopped down against an abandoned car.

“There is no way I’m doing the actual dissolving after dragging that barrel for three blocks,” Anubis complained. “You do it this time.”

Jean rolled his eyes, “I do it every time anyways,” he retorted.

They continued bickering and Jean continued to prepare to dissolve the body. Good thing, too, because if they had bothered to look up, they would have seen a man in a trenchcoat slip behind a nearby column.

“That’s them! They’re the ones who killed me! Look, there’s my body!” A disembodied voice hissed quietly.

“Even if it isn’t your body, they still, you know, have a dead body.” Another voice commented. “We should confront them before they get rid of it.”

The man in the trenchcoat whispered, “Good point, Charlie.” He straightened his tie, taking a deep breath before standing up. “Alright, you two should materialize. I think they might need a bit of a shock to take me seriously.” With that, two ghosts appeared next to him, one with two gunshot wounds in the chest, and the other with a bullethole in his head, matching the body on the ground.

The man strode out from behind the column, the ghosts flanking him. With the large scar on his cheek and his dark sunglasses, he thought he looked pretty damn cool. The Kapri-Sun in his fist, however, ruined the picture a bit.

Jean started as he heard the sound of footsteps. Whirling around, he spotted a man confidently walking toward him and…. were those ghosts? They had to be, because one of them looked exactly like the body lying on the ground next to him.

“Oh shit,” Jean muttered. Anubis had noticed the trio too and stood up, ready for a fight.

“My name is Thomas Gray,” the man called. His voice echoed loudly through the garage, even as it shook slightly. He clearly wasn’t used to confrontation, and Jean almost felt bad for the guy. Almost.

“And I don’t care,” Anubis called back. “This is none of your business, so you and your FX floozies can scram.”

Jean pulled Anubis back by his shoulders. “What the hell are you doing?” He wanted this guy to skedaddle as much as Anubis did, but that didn’t mean he thought that yelling threats was the best way to go about things.

“Getting them to leave. You’re welcome.”

Thomas gestured to his side with a shaking hand, to where the ghost with the head wound floated. “This is the ghost of George Caldwell. You killed him about an hour ago, correct?” The ghost nodded, looking quite annoyed.

“Ghosts aren’t real, asshole!” Anubis yelled before Jean could stop him.

“Look, I think there’s been a misunderstanding here,” Jean said, not so subtly shoving Anubis behind him. “We didn’t kill this man. We were just, uh… giving him a ride home?”

Internally, Jean was screaming at his own dumbassery. Externally, he had an awkwardly large and vacant smile on his face.

“After putting a bullet through his skull,” the other specter beside Thomas, apparently named Charlie, said in a deadpan tone. “I know we look like idiots, but we aren’t that stupid, I promise.”

The tension in the garage was higher than Jean was most nights, which is saying something. Anubis and Jean were still quite confused about the ‘ghosts’, but both decided to tuck those emotions aside. They had a much larger problem to deal with: getting caught.

Without warning, the ghost named George sprang forward at Jean and Anubis, choking out a guttural yell. Thomas's juice pouch landed on the floor with a splash as he and Charlie each grabbed one of George's arms, barely able to hold him back.

"YOU KILLED ME. AND YOU WEREN'T EVEN GONNA LEAVE A GODDAMN BODY FOR MY FAMILY TO BURY." He snarled viciously. Jean and Anubis both took a couple of steps back, nearly tripping over the body.

"Hey, hey, calm down," Charlie whispered soothingly. "It's ok. I know what it's like. Anger doesn't get you anywhere." George's breathing began to slow, and he stopped fighting their hold. He and Thomas slowly relaxed their grips on George's arms. "Why don't you go scope out the perimeter, make sure no one tries to come inside, ok?"

George nodded carefully, angry tears welling up in his eyes, and he turned to stalk out the garage's entrance. Once he had left, the room was swallowed up by silence, the kind of silence that rages in your ears until you can't bear it.

"You wouldn't understand," Jean muttered softly. "Why we do what we do."

"Trust me, I know you have your reasons. I don't want to know them, I just want you to stop killing people," Thomas replied, rubbing a hand over his face.

Anubis spoke up, his gaze fixed on his shoes. "That man made a living by conning the poor families in this neighborhood out of their last pennies. He didn't weep when they died, so why should you care that he did?"

"It's his job. Same as mine," Charlie replied firmly. "We help the dead find closure, regardless of who they were."

"Well, my job involves killing people and getting paid for it, which is a nice way of telling you to back the hell off. You have no idea what you're getting involved with here," Anubis growled, his voice low and dangerous.

The wailing of police sirens shattered any semblance of calm. Blue and red lights danced off of the rows of abandoned vehicles, and shouts of police officers echoed through the garage.

"Shit," Thomas swore, taking short, shallow breaths. "We gotta go. Charlie, go get George and meet me at the car."

"You're not with the police?" Jean asked, confusion clear on his face.

"Let's just say we had a falling out,” Thomas replied, sweating profusely. “Uh, good luck? Wait, no, fuck, I take that back.”

With that, he snatched his Kapri Sun off of the floor and bolted for the side entrance, his coat flapping behind him.

“Well, we’ve got a body and far too many cops in one place,” Jean sighed. “How are we gonna get out of this one?”

“Same way we always do, GG. Together.”

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

op should 100% be asleep right now so pretend I'm not postinf at 2am but like THAT WAS SO HILARIOUS AND AMAZING I ENJOYED EVERY SECOND OF IT

GRACIAS

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

hey guys

awhile ago i wrote a King Jean AU

bu tlike

i made it better

I blinketh mine own eyes, looking to the walls to avoideth eye contact with that gent. I did avoid the prison at which hour mine own fath'r wast king, but anon yond i'm inh'riting the responsibility, i bethought i shouldst confronteth ev'rything in 'rd'r to prop'rly ruleth. But who is't is that gent? all i kneweth about that gent wast yond that gent's been did imprison f'r a longeth timeth, and that gent did like to calleth himself the god of death. His slick voice protrudes through the iron bars between us.
"oh, beest not dainty, prince knave, thee not wanteth to knoweth wherefore thy dormouse valour fath'r lock'd me in h're?" that gent tilts his headeth to the side with a sick smileth. "it's quite the st'ry, actually. "
i turneth mine own headeth backeth to that gent, locking eyes with that gent. His d'rogat'ry w'rds piss'd me off, especially consid'ring i couldn't deny some of those folk. I hadst to proveth i wast bett'r than mine own fath'r.
"i am nay prince anym're. I'm the king. " the sir gasps and claps his hands togeth'r. His reactions i nev'r did expect, coequal if 't be true i hath tried to expecteth those folk. That gent's quite a strange peat, but th're wast something mature about that gent, and i couldn't quite lodging t.
"wond'rful! and thee've cometh to setteth me free, mine own h'ro!" i turneth mine own headeth hence slightly, but keepeth eye contact with that gent. I couldn't has't possibly predict'd what that gent wast going to sayeth next, but i couldn't alloweth that gent knoweth yond. Doest that gent knoweth yond already?
"no," i mutt'r, intrigu'd. That gent gouts his hands and sighs disappointingly. I tryeth to lighteneth the humor, bethinking about how excit'd that gent sound'd to bid me his st'ry. "why didst thee receiveth lock'd up?"
that gent hangs his headeth base, sticking his base'r lip f'rward to pout. I still und'rstand not wherefore i bethink that gent's mature, but th're's something about his cynicism yond i couldn't holp but respect.
"well, i'll only bid thee if 't be true thee setteth me free. "
nev'rtheless, that gent wast pissing me off. I hadst base patience, and i kneweth that gent wast wearing t thin, but i shouldn't has't done what i didst.
i launch'd myself towards that gent, grabbing that gent by the shirt collar and lifting that gent up off the did grind.
"that's not how thee speaketh to a king, is't?"
that gent tilts his headeth backward, laughing.
"it's how i spake to thy fath'r. Warrant'd the same reaction from that gent, too. Thou art just liketh that gent, aren't thee?"
the bastard.
i dropeth that gent, causing that gent to falleth completely onto the did grind. That gent coughs f'r a moment bef're picking himself up off the did grind again.
i turneth hence from that gent, trying to hideth mine own frustrations. How doest that gent knoweth how to receiveth und'r mine own skin so easily? what is with this peat?
"what's thy nameth?" i mutt'r, turning mine own neck to behold at the mure, listening carefully as if 't be true i couldst heareth his movements.
"anubis. " that gent spits out, his dagg'rs f'r eyes evident in his voice.
"your real nameth. " i snap, turning all the way to behold at that gent. That gent's smirking.
"buy me a drinketh first, thy highness. "

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

it's very hard to read and i know the translation so you'd think i'd be able to transalte while reading it but nope!

also big thanks don't worry we'll return to ur friendly neigborhood ridiculous AU's in a bit!!!!

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

okay guys

here's a quick,,lil,,funkinngnggg,,,, AU

but!!! it has a part 2!! so be on the lookout fo r that

anyway heere is
OhNo Prince! AU

As I walked into the house, I could already see Anubis scrolling through whatever he was doing on his computer, too mesmerized- or tired- to acknowledge my entrance. I check the clock, noticing that it's already 7pm.
"Did you feed Prince?" I question, finally pulling Anubis out of his trance as he slowly turned his head curiously in my direction.
"Well, he hasn't started whining yet, I didn't think to."
I roll my eyes, tossing my gun and keys onto the counter, searching for Prince. He usually hangs out in the kitchen and living room, either relaxing by the window or asleep on the piano. Confusion and mild worry sets in as I make my way to the hallway. I enter Prince's room, only to find an empty room and an open window.
"Prince?!"
I dash to the window, the gentle breeze and the sound of the cars passing by spilled into the room. Anubis trotted in a few moments later.
"Oh, shit." He uttered upon taking in the scene. I turn around, furious.
"You were supposed to take care of Prince while I was gone!"
Anubis held his hands up defensively, furrowing a brow as he snaps back.
"You and I both know he hates being watched."
I point a scolding finger at him, stepping past him to the hallway before storming out of the room.
"Get in the car, we're going to go searching for him."
"Okay, okay, I'm going, relax."
The car ride was intense, but that was mostly my fault. We stalked around the block, hesitating to beckon for Prince, as our fake gentle voices seemed inappropriate at a time like this. Instead we called with our regular voices. One might think we were searching for a dog instead. I had run around the block for the second time now, not bothering to track Anubis, but the stress was getting to me. Where had he gone? What did he do? What did he find? I sigh, slowing down as I put my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath.
I heard Anubis approach me, something telling me he was feeling just as disappointed in himself as I was in him.
"He'll come back overnight, trust me. That's what cats do."
I straighten up, shaking my head.
"I'm not worried about whether he'll come back or not. I know he will. I'm worried about him coming back with a disease or an injury."
Anubis audibly sighs. I suppose it was late, and Prince could defend himself, right? I'll just take him to the vet tomorrow to make sure he's fine.
We return to the car and I drive us home, the tension still heavy.

The next day Prince had already found a way back in, but something tells me Anubis opened a window for him. When I took him to the vet, she said that Prince hadn't been fixed yet, and that might be why he's roaming around the streets. I doubt that was the reason, though. Something tells me he's looking for a family that already existed; something tells me he's looking for his brothers and sisters.

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

PRINCE AU PART 2!!
Oh No Prince…? AU >:)

I first discovered Prince on September 23, 2011. The cool air and deep blue sky of the afternoon dominated my memories because I had focused on the color in the sky at 6pm in autumn; even in Ohio, the sky reached such a dark hue so early in the night. I was walking home from a high school football game-I had known some of the players and the counselor told me I should make more of an effort with people-when I heard distant, tiny meowing. I didn't think I cared for pets; I mean, I've never had one myself, but my feet seemed to move without my permission, and soon I realized that I had to find where the meowing was coming from. I had searched the area, but whenever I tried to run in one direction, the meowing grew more faint. Several minutes had passed before I discovered him under a car, next to a tire. He reeked of mildew and mold, but even worse, he looked so young, as if he had just come out the womb. I doubt he could even see yet; his eyes were half closed. His mother had to be around the area, right? How far could this little guy have gone? I picked him up gingerly, my head turning every which way as we ran around the street. I looked behind bushes, under benches, trash cans, everywhere, but there was no family in sight. There was no way I could inconspicuously look for his family under houses, and I didn't want to go door-to-door. I took him home, but I knew my family would disapprove, so I kept him a secret as best I could. Unfortunately, my best was not good enough, and soon he managed to slip out of my door and announced his presence to the family during dinner one night. Soon after that they helped get me a house just to keep him out of their's.

I stare intently at Prince, his eyes returning the stare with that expression; that knowing expression all over his face. He knows that I'm suspicious, he knows that I want to know what he did the other night, but there's no way for him to explicitly tell me. And if I'm being honest, I don't think that he would even want to tell me at this point. I shake my head, watching his tail flick from one side to the other, indicating his mischievous contentment. Without missing a beat, he lifts his paw up to his face and licks it. I huff in frustration and stand up as Anubis enters the room, giving me a judgmental look.
"Still curious?" Anubis's voice breaks the silence, the sound of the keys hitting the counter following.
"Of course I'm curious, he's my cat." I respond, leaning back in my seat as Prince stands up to approach Anubis, who makes his way to the living room.
"He's not anyone's cat if we're being honest." Anubis retorts, bending over to pet Prince as he meows happily.
"You know what I mean."
Anubis rolls his eyes and throws himself onto the cough, huffing and gazing at Prince as well. I can tell he's in deep thought, but something about Anubis's expression tells me I don't want to hear his idea, and he knows that.
"Let him out again."
My eyes widen and I turn my head in shock, not sure if I heard him correctly.
"Are you serious?"
I study Anubis as he shrugs, desperately searching his face for even a hint of insincerity, but only finding a genuine expression.
"Follow him and see where he goes, then you'll find out what he's doing."
My eyes flicker to Prince, who is glaring at me with what I swear is a smile. No one could tell me that he didn't understand what we were saying. I could risk losing him again, but he would just come back the next morning, right? I sigh and stand up, picking up Prince despite his angry-filled growls.
"Fine, Prince, let's go." I utter, setting him down outside the front door and closing it. Something about that moment felt strange, but I ignore it for the time being. Right now, I need to grab my keys and wait for Prince to start heading in a direction. As soon as he steps off the yard, Anubis and I hop in the car and follow at a distance. I wonder if he knows what we are doing, or if he's simply following his outside routine, heading to wherever he plans to go.
We took several turns, causing me to wonder how he learned this route so easily, and how long he's been taking it. The way Prince walked, like he had somewhere to be, told me he knew exactly where he was going. Anubis and I had already exchanged enough glances, but when Prince reached a little area that houses lacked, our eyes fix on Prince. As he squirms through a broken gate, Anubis and I hastily exit the car and follow, hopping the gate. Prince then finds his way to an old car, so ancient that nature had reclaimed it's area and moss caked bits of the vehicle. Anubis and I step closer, the anticipation growing in between us as we look through the glass-less window of the car door.
What we find neither of us could have expected.
Sleeping in the probably wet car seat lay a brown and black Maine coon cat, with five tiny, fluffy black kittens feeding on her. Prince takes a seat next to her, gazing up at us with a sense of familiarity. I stare at him in utter shock.
Anubis breaks the silence.
"Jean?"
"Yeah, I see them too."
"What are we going to do?"
Oh, fuck, he's right. Are they Prince's? The vet said he hadn't gotten fixed, they probably are. They even look like him, too; just fluffier, I guess.
"Shit," I whisper, resisting the urge to pet the Maine coon.
"Animal shelter, maybe?" Anubis starts, but I shake my head immediately.
"Think about how Prince would feel about that."
Anubis remained silent with me for a few more moments, thinking desperately on what to do next.
"We're taking them home."
"All of them?! Jean, that's seven cats in one house."
"Prince has his own room. They can live in there."
I can feel Anubis's eyes on me, his smile growing into that smile he makes when he he proves me wrong in whatever topic he clearly researched beforehand.
"You really are a sweet guy deep down."
"Shut up."

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

L a d y f r i e n d : Queen
Kitten #1: (Female) Amirah
Kitten #2: (Male) Edric
Kitten #3: (Male) Khari
Kitten #4: (Female) Meredith (Mery for short)
Kitten #5: (Female) Fritzi