forum funking,,,,,,,,JEANUBIS
Started by @AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage
tune

people_alt 68 followers

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

i hope to finish it today but i hit writer's block earlier so i'm takin a break buT be watchin 4 it tonight! or,,,,whatever the next handful of hours are for ur timezone

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

1am Wal-Mart +Movie Night AU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gaze at the long line of sodas after placing a couple two liter bottles of diet Dr. Pepper into the cart. Anubis said ginger ale or root beer, but which of the two should I get? Eh, it doesn't matter; I'm using my dad's money so I'll just get both. I place a bottle of ginger ale into the cart, looking up to see Anubis, struggling to hold everything in his hands, walking up to me with a sour look on his face. Most likely from the open 2 lb. bag of Sour Patch Kids resting in his pile of snacks.
"Could you wait until we purchase the food to start eating it?" I utter as he drops some healthy ass chips, persimmons, and a ton of dark chocolate into the cart.
"We're buying it anyway, what does it matter?"
I sigh heavily, grabbing a bottle of root beer and placing it into the cart.
"Hey, I know you told me you're not high, but I'd like to drive home from here."
Anubis comments, earning a glare from me.
"Why?"
"Because you're high."
I scoff at him and cross my arms, shaking my head.
"I'm not."
"Jean, you just placed four bottles of Coca Cola into the cart. Neither of us drink Coke."
I jerk my head back at our cart, gazing disappointingly at the four bottles of coke that rested next to the candies Anubis grabbed.
"Not only that, but do you know how slowly you're going? You put the bottles in one at a time, as if you don't have two hands."
"They're heavy."
Anubis rolls his eyes and grabs two bottles of Coke from the cart, placing them back onto the shelf, does it again, then grabs a Diet Dr. Pepper, ginger ale, and root beer and tosses them into the cart.
"The ice cream isle is right next to us, let's go get some."
As Anubis places whatever healthy ice cream he found into the cart, we make our way to the checkout.
"You picked a move, right?"
Anubis's question causes me to freeze in my tracks. I completely forgot to grab a movie from the move rack.
Anubis sighs as he runs toward the designated section of the store.
"I can help the next customer!"
The cashier announces in her customer service voice as I approach her, placing the groceries onto the belt for her to scan. Anubis runs up next to me, huffing with two movies in his hand as he places the items next to mine.
"Oh, sir, could you place a separator between your items and his items?" She asks Anubis, causing Anubis to chuckle.
"Oh, no I'm with him."
The lady turns to me, as if waiting for me to approve. With a deadpan tone in my voice, I turn to the girl and utter.
"I have never seen that man in my life."
"Really, Jean?" Anubis snaps, furrowing a brow at me. I hold back a grin.
"My name's Daniel."
The girl stops at the movies and finalizes the transaction as Anubis crosses his arms.
I grab the groceries, turning to the exit with a huge grin on my face, as Anubis pays for the movies. He catches up to me in the parking lot, the gentle glow of the street lights barely lighting up the late night sky.
"You think you're funny."
"I know I'm funny."
Anubis shoots me a mischievous grin as he starts the car.
"Yeah? We'll see who's laughing when you find out what movies I got."
My smile drops as I give him a worried glare.
"What movies did you get?"
He's silent as he backs out of the parking lot, but he was grinning widely.

As we get home, Prince had managed to get into the cabinets again, and he had knocked over a glass, shattering it and trapping himself on the counter as he was too scared to jump to the shard-ridden floor.
He immediately started meowing upon us entering my house.
"I'll clean that up, you make the root beer floats." I utter to Anubis as I grab the broom and sweep up the glass, tossing it into the trash and picking up Prince. Prince doesn't like to admit that he enjoys being held, so he meowed angrily until I sat onto the couch with him in my lap.
Anubis placed the root beer floats onto the coffee table, next to the snacks. He sets up the movie, turning on the TV and then crash landing onto the couch next to me, causing Prince to stand up and walk over to him, resting in his lap. I scoff angrily and roll my shoulders as Anubis gives me a proud smirk.
"Alright, let's start the movie."

Hey guys i would love to wrap up the joke of what movie anubis chose that would make him laugh but jean angerey but we don't know anubis's favorite movies so i can't write that part but i wanna post this anyway hope u enjoyed it i'm 2 seconds away from death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@icecubes

this is called

oops! i did it again

au

disclaimer: none of these facts are true

There are seventeen types of anger. Each can be scaled from 0 to 20 on how extreme, almost like the Richter scale for earthquakes. In retrospect, human anger might be worse than earthquakes.
Seventeen angers and 20 different levels of it. That makes for 340 individual angers in existence. There are most likely articles and articles full of information on these seventeen angers, but the most misunderstood and extreme one seems to never cross any of those articles. They say there's only sixteen.
Villman Anger was the seventeenth. It was discovered by a Norwegian man, Edvardsen, when he studied the human brain and how it interpreted anger. He had unknowingly met a test subject with a brain different from his previous test subjects, one of a psychopath. Later, Edvardsen learned that his test subject would be convicted of murder. The scientist realized the unexplained anger chemicals in the test subject's brain belonged to what is now called Villman Anger. If rated a one, it's pure thoughts of murdering someone out of resentment, but a twenty, well, a twenty goes beyond.
Jean's anger, was worse.

He gradually turns to look at Anubis with a glare that would've been scary, had Anubis been anyone else. "You did what?" Jean mutters.
He must be fixing something with his car, seeing as there is oil covering Anubis's hands and some slicked into his hair. The kid wears a stupid smile that seems to make Jean more furious than he already is.
"Oh, don't make me say it again, Jean. I said I was sorry, and I meant it," Anubis speaks in a soft voice. Jean abruptly slams his fist into the car, causing Anubis to flinch. Upon removing his hand, there is a noticeable dent in the metal. It was a stupid reason to be mad, but Anubis really gets on his nerves at times.
"Fuck your apologies. Christ, Anubis, do you realize people just tolerate you? You're better off being fucking forgotten!" Before Anubis even has a chance to react properly, Jean lunges towards him and grabs him by the shirt. He spits out more insults, but they didn't hurt as much as his knuckles connecting to Anubis's jaw. Jean swings him into the car and repeatedly bangs his friends head into the window. The glass increasingly grew in cracks, identical to a spider web. Anubis tries to lift his hand in defense, only to cry out when Jean twists his arm.
"What the hell is wrong with you…" Anubis whispers in a hoarse voice. He runs through all the possible reasons Jean could act this way, knowing that what Anubis did was not enough for Jean to lose control. Was he already having a bad day? Did something happen? Is he drunk?
But Jean is not drunk.
"What's wrong with me? Me?" Jean yells, never stopping to rest. Maroon seeps through Anubis's pale skin, each bruise growing worse and worse. The impacts echo in the garage, almost in a rhythmic manner.
Jean's hands wrap around Anubis's throat and tighten. Anubis chokes and sputters out, and even tries to kick Jean but to no avail. He can't loosen Jean's grip with his own hand and his vision is starting to have spots. Anubis struggles and writhes around but the more he moves the tighter Jean closes his hands. The loss of oxygen makes it harder for Anubis to attempt to save himself. His lungs scratch his chest for air, for anything, but nothing surpasses Jean's snake-like hold.
"Please," he barely gasps out. "Stop…" Jean grits his teeth, ignoring Anubis until his eyes suddenly break contact and roll into the back of his head. His arms fall to his side, dangling sadly. As if a switch flipped in Jean's head, he lets go of Anubis, who falls to the ground, leaving blood to streak down the car.
He blinks as if he just walked into a room to see a shattered vase on the floor. "Anubis?" Jean whispers, breathing heavily. He holds his head, realizing a headache from the anger was coming on. Anubis must have been acting to get Jean off of him.
But his body is frozen.
Jean's voice rises with his heart rate. "Anubis? Hey, Anubis wake up, stop fucking with me," Jean shakes Anubis gently at first, but the more unresponsive he is, the more panicked Jean grows. "Anu- come on! Come on, come on, you're not- you didn't- Anubis." He picks up Anubis's wrist to feel his pulse. Nothing. There's no breathing, either. "Wake up! Please! I'm sorry, I'm so-" Jean stops. He blinks some more, but now there are drops of tears forming onto his eyelashes only to pull down to his cheeks. It is as if something had taken the weights away and let the sunken feelings rise despite Jean's attempts to hold his breath and let them stay underwater. But, the sight of Anubis's frown and white eyes don't disappear. Standing up, Jean turns away.
He reaches his shaking hand up to grip his shirt and attempts to take a deep breath, only to result in the crack of his outer shell and stone-cold eyes. Jean yells with all his soul, ignoring the pain emerging from his throat, ignoring the broken moments in between the cries indicating his voice going out. The shaking hands transform to a shaking body, uncontrollably sobbing and screaming until all the things Jean has felt since his first bruise, his first smoke, his first broken bone, is forced out. Knees no longer with the strength to stand, the broken man falls to his knees and throws punches to the ground. More red stains the garage and it blinds him. Jean tries to get back on his feet. But the anger, the pure volcano, always lasts more than a minute. The car mirrors rip off, every window shatters in shiny dust, nothing is spared - Jean doesn't stop until he pauses to breathe, only to realize his vision is blurry and he can't feel his hands and suddenly the world falls off its axis.

Jean wakes up to a revolting stench and a miserable heaviness in his chest. He rubs his crusted-shut eyes and opens them tiredly. Anubis had sunken slightly lower to the ground. His eyes had fallen back into the original position. It is almost worse to see his pale blue familiar eyes that used to hold light laughter and hard truth, than the glossy blank white. He stared back at Jean, but there is nothing behind those eyes anymore. Just an emptiness that makes Jean avert his eyes. His hair - the places not entangled in blood - were now resting on his forehead and every bruise considerably darkened.
Jean pulls himself up. His mouth is awfully dry and the headache is worse than ever. Despite every urge to go drink or smoke - Jean doesn't. His body will fall into an angry withdrawal, but nothing feels more wrong than smoking Anubis away, as if he was a simple tool. He wasn't.
He wasn't.
Prince is scratching at the door on the other side. Jean trudges over and opens it to let Prince through. The cat walks in as if he knows what occurred, making a bee-line towards Anubis's body. Several sad meows emerge from Prince. His meows send a tinge of pain through Jean. He gathers supplies to take care of the body while Prince mourns.
Knowing Anubis, I didn't have to worry about hiding his body's identity because he was already off the grid. The real question is what did Anubis want to do with his body after he died? Did we ever discuss that? I assume he would be happy to be burned. Would he have been happy to get killed? To die? Why didn't he defend himself when I- A flow of tears come quietly. Jean detours into the bathroom and sees how wretched he looks. Eyes red like he got high but puffy to show he truly cried. His expression reeks of stress and his bun had moved to the nape of his neck, with too many strands accidentally pulled out. Splatters of blood inks Jean's infamous blue sweater. Jean raises his hands to see how ripped up his knuckles are - glass shards still stuck in places and cuts that burn when he bends a finger.
He returns to the garage with the necessary items. Prince is still yowling and pawing at Anubis's hands as if he will lift them to pet Prince. "I know, Prince. I know," Jean speaks, but it comes out ragged. His throat burns horrendously. I need water. Prince ignores Jean and tries to rub his head on Anubis's legs. "You're going to get oil all over yourself." Prince finally obeys dejectedly and falls into a pile, still near the body.
Jean looks at Prince, then to Anubis. He reaches towards Anubis's face with a damp cloth and cleaned up the dried blood. Jean longs for Anubis to suddenly wake up, for his eyes to flicker to Jean's face and to flash his stupid toothy grin and say, "Gotcha, GG!" Yet his eyes stay glued straight ahead. He almost looks calm. No longer being able to take it, Jean quickly closes Anubis's eyes.
The clean-up takes about two hours. Every now and then Jean takes a break to cry until he can't due to dehydration. "Anubis would be yelling at me to drink water right now," Jean mutters to Prince as he struggles to change Anubis's shirt. If he's going to be burned, he should be burned looking clean and fresh - disregarding the bruises, but he plans to cover those up with makeup.
"Meow," Prince says quietly. It's a shock to hear Prince respond to Jean, but he knows Prince didn't have anyone else to meow to anymore.
Jean takes in a deep, yet shaky breath. "Why is this so hard? We've been through this before." His eyes burn with the sensation of wanting to cry but not being able to like an invisible dam is blocking the way. Prince doesn't meow, but only stares at his owner with a sense of ancient understanding.
After downing about five glasses of water, Jean drives Anubis and Prince to a large field of vast nothingness except dead grass and weeds. It is the opposite of an honorable funeral, but Anubis wasn't a person to honor, except to three people. Yet one is dead and one is a cat, and one is standing over Anubis's body, hesitating to throw Anubis's half-empty lighter over the gasoline-covered body. Jean starts to choke up, crying loudly, the sound worse than nails on a chalkboard. He attempts to wipe the tears with his sleeve but only ends up falling to his knees and crying over the makeshift grave. The moon refused to shine over death, rendering the body to be nearly invisible. He flicks on the lighter and places it quickly but gently onto Anubis.
And with that, what once was Jean's only friend, became embers in the night that floats up to become infinitely stars.

"Villman Anger is comparable to a demon. It causes people to be reckless and blind, but mine was a different kind after I killed Anubis. It was all types of anger at rank 20, stuffed and forced into one man, threatening to rip my skin apart. Moral of the story? Don't hold things down. Don't weight things, don't drown them. And, Christ, don't take things for granted."

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

i want u guys to know she had to pause while writing it MULTIPLE TIMES bc it made her too sad

and she somehow still finished it

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

BRUH HONESTLY P SURE SHE SUMMONED SOME UNBELIEVABLY TALENTED AUTHOR TO WRITE THAT SHIT LIKE ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
ok

@vidari-is-tired-in-advance group

An AU Not Meant To Wreck Your Soul and Fill Your Mind With Misery And Despair

Jean stumbled through the door to his apartment, nearly forgetting to slam the door shut. He flung his keys across the room and collapsed on the couch, his head throbbing with pain and regret. Apparently, staying out drinking until 3 AM did a number on a person's ability to function. It was a shame, really, that Jean couldn't be bothered to keep this in mind. In the part of his brain that actually remembered to be aware of his surroundings, Jean heard a faint jingling, getting louder and louder. Groaning, Jean lifted his heavy eyelids to see Prince standing in front of him, with an unnatural gleam in his gaze.

"What're ya doin', lil' buddy?" Jean slurred, his tongue feeling like a block of lead in his too-dry mouth. Prince tugged on his pant leg expectantly, as if they had somewhere to be and simply could not be late. "Did I forget to feed ya?" He murmured, stretching out a clumsy hand. The dark cat scurried away on light feet, looking back at Jean as if to say, Get over here, you greasy nincompoop.

With slow, toddling steps, Jean followed Prince to… wherever he was going. Jean was aware enough to tell that Prince was not going to his food bowl, but was really too tired to give a flying heckityhooha. Prince was probably showing him a crap in the litter box, anyway. Suddenly, Prince came to an abrupt stop, then scampered off into the shadows. Jean rolled his eyes.

"Love ya too, bud."

Jean became about 3 times more sober when he noticed that, on the floor in front of him, his laptop was open, shining its harsh light on … was that a goddamn pentagram? Made from salt? Rubbing his eyes, Jean confirmed that, yes, there was what looked like the beginnings of a demonic ritual on his floor. He squinted at his computer, making out a few words: sacrifice, summon, hellfire.

"What kinda prank is this, Anubis?" He shouted, before remembering Anubis was out of town for a job.

That meant someone had broken into his house. Or the cat did it. Or heck, maybe he had done this earlier and couldn't remember for whatever reason. Jean sighed, and plopped down in front of the pentagram. He was about to shut his laptop, before he thought, Hey, why not just do it? What's the worst that could happen? I'm bored, it's a Friday night, - well, Saturday morning- and I've got nothing else to do.

I hope you can tell by this point that Jean is an idiot.

Peering closer at the computer screen, Jean saw that he needed chalk to write words around the pentagram and 'a significant object' as the center of the ritual, whatever that meant. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Prince attempting to slink away to his bed. With a half-moon smile, he stood up and scooped Prince into his arms. Prince let out an annoyed hiss, but didn't try to jump out of his arms. After grabbing chalk from the junk drawer in the kitchen, Jean sat back down in front of the ritual set up. He placed Prince back down in the middle of the pentagram, where Prince curled up and promptly fell asleep. Slowly, Jean began tracing the symbols on his floor in chalk, his hand still wobbly. When he felt that he had done a good enough job, he brought the computer onto his lap and began to murmur the words on the screen. The syllables felt strange and heavy in his mouth, like somehow they weren't meant to be there. The air thickened with a bloody tang, and Jean suddenly knew that this random online ritual was nothing to scoff at.

In the center of the pentagram, a faint figure began to materialize, like TV static resolving into a clear image. Prince was still asleep, and Jean longed to snatch him up from the floor and and run like the wind. Something deep in his soul told him to watch and wait, so naturally, Jean listened to his soul.

The figure took shape before him: first, long, goat-like legs with dark fur. Then, a tail like a whip, covered in stinging barbs. Jean could only stare in astonishment and fear as this creature appeared above his dumb-ass cat, who still could not be bothered to wake up.

Slowly, with unnatural grace, the figure leaned down towards Prince. Jean's breath caught it his throat as the demon began…

To scratch Prince's ears?

Prince let out a delighted meow, snuggling up closer to the demon's feet.

"Aren't you a good boy, Princey-Poo?" The demon cooed in an oddly familiar voice. Huge ram's horns curled around it's face, blocking it's features from view. However, Prince only meowed for one person.

"A-Anubis?" Jean whispered softly. The demon turned to look at him, gleaming red eyes filled with surprise.

"Well, shit."

Jean scooted backwards as fast as possible, his back colliding with the wall.

"I guess I can't really make up an excuse, can I?" Demon-Anubis said dryly, giving Prince a belly rub. "I mean, you probably won't believe anything I tell you."

Jean nodded. "So, you're a demon. Never would've guessed."

Demon-Anubis grinned, revealing sharp ivory fangs. "I do make a pretty convincing human."

Rising to his feet and taking a few steps towards his demonic-murder-buddy, Jean tilted his head and asked, "Does you being a demon stop me from doing this?"

His hand whipped around and slapped Anubis in the face. Hard.

"I guess not. Thanks for lying to me for 15 years, assbutt."

"No problem," Anubis replied smoothly. "Good to see this won't change a thing."

and then jean buys a spray bottle and fills it with holy water to spray at anubis when he's being an ass and they live happily ever after