forum Your personal venting space.

Started January 17, 2019 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

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It's okay Shuri, upside is is that my mom was able to pick up my meds, so I do have them.

YAY!

Yep… still gonna be he'll tomorrow though…

I get it.

Thanks..

It's not the studying that I'm super worried about. It's running the games in Gym class, and then reciting shakespeare in front of class.
(I wasn't prepped to do the gym thing tomorrow, me and my partner volunteered to cover for a friend who has a ton of stuff going on.)
ANd then I have to do a parade, which consists mainly of standing still and paying attention, for several hours, in front of important people, while not passing out, (And it may or may not be televised?????)
I have severe ADHD and will not have my meds tomorrow cause I forgot to tell my mom last week when they got low so I could have my refill, so this is late in the day, after forcing myself to stay on task all day, and dealing with people, (I am a big introvert, people drain me, all I wanna do after school is be driven home and hide, but I have to walk.) so that will be almost impossible.

Wowza that's quite the to-do list… erm… here's the best advice I can give. Don't spend the day worrying about the next activity or whatnot. Focus on each individual action at a time, and everything will pass, eventually. Make sure to drink a lot of water during the parade, one thing at a time in gym, and I'm personally terrible at going in front of a class. My best tip would be to take a few deep breaths and trust yourself, practice in front of friends beforehand if you can. I find focusing too much on something usually gives a worse result than simply relying on muscle memory. You have to have confidence and believe you can pull it off. Allow your body to move, hands to motion while talking, you are the character in Shakespeare. Look at someone who will calm you down, and if that person doesn't exist, don't look at anyone. You can get through tomorrow, okie? If social interaction tires you out, you don't have to talk too much or interact at all. Just know what ya gotta do. You'll rock everything then sleep for 48 hours after. Got it, fam?

Wow good work Trix!

blushes
I'm not an expert just a girl tryna help. I hope it was helpful Star.

blushes
I'm not an expert just a girl tryna help. I hope it was helpful Star.

That's not a bad thing either.
Everyone should try to help others.
I'm glad you are.

That is actually helpful, especially since I have no friends in the English class, and , as previously mentioned my gym thing was supposed to be friday, but me and my parthere are covering for another girl who is doing it alone.

awww Shuri you're amazing. I see you everywhere lifting others up. Make sure to care for yourself too! Don't be too hard on yourself <3

That is actually helpful, especially since I have no friends in the English class, and , as previously mentioned my gym thing was supposed to be friday, but me and my parthere are covering for another girl who is doing it alone.

You GO fam you got this.

awww Shuri you're amazing. I see you everywhere lifting others up. Make sure to care for yourself too! Don't be too hard on yourself <3

You too mate.

my disphoria has made me suddenly aware that my hair is past my shoulders and now i'm so violently suicidal i haven't felt this bad in so long i'm quite unprepared hha

blushes
I'm not an expert just a girl tryna help. I hope it was helpful Star.

That's not a bad thing either.
Everyone should try to help others.
I'm glad you are.

^^^^^^^

my disphoria has made me suddenly aware that my hair is past my shoulders and now i'm so violently suicidal i haven't felt this bad in so long i'm quite unprepared hha

Oh hey I actually have tips to make you look subtly more masculine. Would you like them?

On a less poetic note, abandonment anxiety is so damaging, just… its literally worse than my depression, which I've had five years and counting without help (because mental illnesses and suicide are just… hated in my household…. like I'd be punished.).
Then again, everyone's mental illnesses are different.

This anxiety is slowly destroying my life and my most intimate relationship.

WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK. You'd actually be punished for having an illness?!? That's sick, dude. Crazy.

^^^^^^^^^^^

When my mom found out that my half-sister, who is in college, has mental illnesses (she's bipolar apparently, left the family years ago and set off my issues) was livid. She thought it was her fault and then it was fake just to get pity from her instead of the fact that half-sis had a lot of traumatic stuff happen to her.
Also, she screams about how suicidal people go to hell in front of my little siblings and I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years now.
She was aware I had some form of anxiety but shook it off and played it as "you're just timid". She then asked me if I wanted to go on medication (because she hates my social anxiety attacks, doesn't let me calm down in the bathroom or take a breather by looking at my phone) and I was too scared and too anxious about letting her know about my depression and all my other issues, so I denied help then… after all "help" would've been stark medications and her pushing me into every unwanted social situation because it'd "make me better".
I also have dermatographia/excessive nail biting, and whenever I start when she starts her screaming at me, she'll scream at me and tell me "That's a mental illness!" when she really doesn't know it is (a form of OCD).
I also had a horrible, ranked 10/10 on the episode scale, depressive episode a few months ago. I didn't wanna get out of bed, didn't want to eat, wouldn't talk, spaced out, and they all treated me like a monster instead of comforting me. They probed me and probed me with questions I didn't want, thought I was taking my mother's medications. When through my computer on the last day of the episode and found my smut, nearly found my secret relationship ( because god knows they would scream at me for hours if I told them about that), and skipped over a page about depression on my history. To my mother, smut/word p!rn is obviously the problem other than depression. And if they knew, they'd tell me to "get over it".

oh god connie i'm so sorry

Quick little 'vent': my teachers finally noticed my graphic tees. Like I've had and wore them all year and yet none noticed. My history teacher noticed my venom shirt and talked to me about the movie. My math test saw my flash shirt and made a reference. Lastly my English teacher noticed my fox shirt today and called it cute. Math noticed maybe 2 weeks ago and history maybe 2 months ago

my disphoria has made me suddenly aware that my hair is past my shoulders and now i'm so violently suicidal i haven't felt this bad in so long i'm quite unprepared hha

Oh hey I actually have tips to make you look subtly more masculine. Would you like them?

yes please (altho i have to wear makeup when i go out and when i go to school bc ya know, so i'll probably use these around the house and when i go biking)

my disphoria has made me suddenly aware that my hair is past my shoulders and now i'm so violently suicidal i haven't felt this bad in so long i'm quite unprepared hha

Oh hey I actually have tips to make you look subtly more masculine. Would you like them?

yes please (altho i have to wear makeup when i go out and when i go to school bc ya know, so i'll probably use these around the house and when i go biking)

They are very, very subtle. Lemne find this

So… Black is a slimming color… It'll help you look lean… If you wear a black shirt or coat, with white stripes (lighter colors mske things look bigger) on the shoulders, it'll make your shoulders look broader…
And wear baggy pants, as physically, male and female legs look different… Hiding that will work wonders… Roll up your sleeves on any black coat you wear, it'll make yout forearms pop and look bigger…

But there's more…

Obviously beanies and hats can help hide your longer hair if you have it, beanies are great
Wear watches and belts more… People tend to associate those with men.

As for gaining strength… You obviously need to sleep more. Eat more animal proteins as you're at the age where those are still important. Especially eggs, fish and dairy. Avocado is great, avocado on toast is better…
Focus on full body workouts, training muscle-groups is for body-builders who focus more on looks than strength… Meanwhile, training your whole body at once gets you power… Go for that… Now if you want mass or aesthetics go for working out muscle groups.
If you want strength, remember to do less reps with heavier weight and rest more, 1-3 minutes at least or more.
If you want aesthetics, then 20-40 seconds.
Here's a code of reps.
1-5 at 90% 1RM for strength
6-12 at 40%-60% your 1RM for aesthetics.
13+ at comfortable weight for endurance and some aesthetics.

So… Black is a slimming color… It'll help you look lean… If you wear a black shirt or coat, with white stripes (lighter colors mske things look bigger) on the shoulders, it'll make your shoulders look broader…
And wear baggy pants, as physically, male and female legs look different… Hiding that will work wonders… Roll up your sleeves on any black coat you wear, it'll make yout forearms pop and look bigger…

i already do! thx for the stripes one

Obviously beanies and hats can help hide your longer hair if you have it, beanies are great

i used to do that all the time for that exact reason i'm not allowed beanies or hats

As for gaining strength… You obviously need to sleep more. Eat more animal proteins as you're at the age where those are still important. Especially eggs, fish and dairy. Avocado is great, avocado on toast is better…

sexy sexy guacamole

Focus on full body workouts, training muscle-groups is for body-builders who focus more on looks than strength… Meanwhile, training your whole body at once gets you power… Go for that… Now if you want mass or aesthetics go for working out muscle groups.
If you want strength, remember to do less reps with heavier weight and rest more, 1-3 minutes at least or more.
If you want aesthetics, then 20-40 seconds.
Here's a code of reps.
1-5 at 90% 1RM for strength
6-12 at 40%-60% your 1RM for aesthetics.
13+ at comfortable weight for endurance and some aesthetics.

please explain these i have no idea what they mean

1RM is how much weight you can lift for one repetition.
For instance if my bench 1RM is 72 kg I'd lift. 65 kg for 5 reps and rest 1-3+ minutes
(1RM stands for one-rep maximum)

I lost you at RK then regained myself at 65 then lost myself rereading the message but caught onto the last thread of rope after rereading again. ;))

1RM is how much weight you can lift for one repetition.
For instance if my bench 1RN is 72 I'd lift. 65 kg for 5 reps and rest 1-3+ minutes
(1RM stands for one-rep maximum)

,,,,,,,,i'm trying my best t understand
man i rlly need to start working out again i can do like 65 pounds @ bicep curls kdsnvkzf i havent been to the gym in so long