forum Your personal venting space.

Started January 17, 2019 by @The-N-U-T-Cracker

tune

Damn that's rough

um kinda need to vent so dont mind me….

My problems - are demons
they seek to destroy

I come to you now
with my emotions in literacy
for if there's one thing it hates,
is the serenity words bring.

And so, my demons are also my problems

But I will spare you, from my life story
spare you from my whining
because that's what it wants

Abandonment anxiety:
classified under the anxiety disorder
often just general anxiety
but its better to me
if I differ the two

My normal anxiety
is shaking fits
and tears on a dry winter's day
when I'm overwhelmed
with the people about me

Abandonment anxiety
is that screaming well of voices
pushing together at all sides
and it won't stop

It just wants to protect me
or so it seems

It makes me sabotage relationships
push away from those who care
create those false truths
that they don't even want me there

It agitates me
makes me feel forgotten
when I don't get any attention
makes me narcissistic
or maybe that's just what I am

I will run away,
fight with them,
play victim,
repeat

It wills me to give what I receive,
but only when
it hurts me

My battle scars are in my skin
they sting
but the thrill it gives me
to keep that demon away

I'm cutting it away,
away that fiend from my skin
from my mentality
from my heart

but it's still there

I always told myself
I'd never let myself go
but maybe going this far
isn't that bad

It stops it from screaming
It stops it from chanting
over, and over
"Say you hate me"
"Break me"
"Kill me"
"Because I know you want to."

But now I'm god,
am I not?
I've learned to keep my satan at bay
with the sacrifice of this body

I've identified the demon,
the demon that destroyed my happiness
that pushed me away
that made me hate
and be hated

and I want to execute it

you know me, you older users
and I'm sorry
for everything

For every hateful word
I wanted to be kind
I wanted to be sweet

But the more I meet, the more I weep.

It's killing my all now
the one thing I care for
twisting it into a distorted illusion
until I don't want it anymore

And now, I thank you for the time,
you have spared,
to read my poem of despair

I promise you,
I wish to stay strong
but my pack of demons
don't quite get along

Thank you
for being here
and letting me pour my heart out
into these words

And know
someone will care

I don't know how to respond because I suck at English, but I'm here for you, I really do care…

Con, I care too

As do I. Love you, Connie <3
I'm here for you.

I feel like this isn't the right thing to say, but that was beautiful

I feel like this isn't the right thing to say, but that was beautiful

Thank you, I do my best to be passionate about everything I write. :3

Also, thank you all for the support and time taken into writing you're messages.

On a less poetic note, abandonment anxiety is so damaging, just… its literally worse than my depression, which I've had five years and counting without help (because mental illnesses and suicide are just… hated in my household…. like I'd be punished.).
Then again, everyone's mental illnesses are different.

This anxiety is slowly destroying my life and my most intimate relationship.

On a less poetic note, abandonment anxiety is so damaging, just… its literally worse than my depression, which I've had five years and counting without help (because mental illnesses and suicide are just… hated in my household…. like I'd be punished.).
Then again, everyone's mental illnesses are different.

This anxiety is slowly destroying my life and my most intimate relationship.

WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK. You'd actually be punished for having an illness?!? That's sick, dude. Crazy.

On a less poetic note, abandonment anxiety is so damaging, just… its literally worse than my depression, which I've had five years and counting without help (because mental illnesses and suicide are just… hated in my household…. like I'd be punished.).
Then again, everyone's mental illnesses are different.

This anxiety is slowly destroying my life and my most intimate relationship.

WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK. You'd actually be punished for having an illness?!? That's sick, dude. Crazy.

^^^^^^^^^^^

I would just like to say I barely got any sleep last night. Also I'm pretty tired.

On a less poetic note, abandonment anxiety is so damaging, just… its literally worse than my depression, which I've had five years and counting without help (because mental illnesses and suicide are just… hated in my household…. like I'd be punished.).
Then again, everyone's mental illnesses are different.

This anxiety is slowly destroying my life and my most intimate relationship.

WHAT. THE ACTUAL. FUCK. You'd actually be punished for having an illness?!? That's sick, dude. Crazy.

^^^^^^^^^^^

When my mom found out that my half-sister, who is in college, has mental illnesses (she's bipolar apparently, left the family years ago and set off my issues) was livid. She thought it was her fault and then it was fake just to get pity from her instead of the fact that half-sis had a lot of traumatic stuff happen to her.
Also, she screams about how suicidal people go to hell in front of my little siblings and I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for years now.
She was aware I had some form of anxiety but shook it off and played it as "you're just timid". She then asked me if I wanted to go on medication (because she hates my social anxiety attacks, doesn't let me calm down in the bathroom or take a breather by looking at my phone) and I was too scared and too anxious about letting her know about my depression and all my other issues, so I denied help then… after all "help" would've been stark medications and her pushing me into every unwanted social situation because it'd "make me better".
I also have dermatographia/excessive nail biting, and whenever I start when she starts her screaming at me, she'll scream at me and tell me "That's a mental illness!" when she really doesn't know it is (a form of OCD).
I also had a horrible, ranked 10/10 on the episode scale, depressive episode a few months ago. I didn't wanna get out of bed, didn't want to eat, wouldn't talk, spaced out, and they all treated me like a monster instead of comforting me. They probed me and probed me with questions I didn't want, thought I was taking my mother's medications. When through my computer on the last day of the episode and found my smut, nearly found my secret relationship ( because god knows they would scream at me for hours if I told them about that), and skipped over a page about depression on my history. To my mother, smut/word p!rn is obviously the problem other than depression. And if they knew, they'd tell me to "get over it".

_{(I’m really bad at helping people)}

If your anxious and you know it clap your hands
claps aggressively

_{I had to present a project. I had an anxiety attack. Didn't know what to say and can't really calm down}

Claps in Japanese

Oh gosh… I am so sorry…

I haven’t used it before, but I’ve heard about this website recently called Elefriends, it’s just a large community of people going through rough times that help and support each other. From what I’ve seen, it doesn’t present itself as mental illness help even though that was the main purpose of the site, so your mom might not yell at you for it…

I'm not supposed to be on any website with online forums, and paranoia is too strong I can't trust a lot of people online.

If your anxious and you know it clap your hands
claps aggressively

_{I had to present a project. I had an anxiety attack. Didn't know what to say and can't really calm down}

Claps I'm so sorry bud

I honestly don't understand how a parent can be that way. Aren't parents supposed to love and support their child? They should definetly not be doing what many parents to people on this site do. I have now decided that I am gonna be an extra online-parent for people with sucky parents on this site. Even though I am probably younger than some of you are. Deal with it, you now have a new parent.

I honestly don't understand how a parent can be that way. Aren't parents supposed to love and support their child? They should definetly not be doing what many parents to people on this site do. I have now decided that I am gonna be an extra online-parent for people with sucky parents on this site. Even though I am probably younger than some of you are. Deal with it, you now have a new parent.

Dam = Dad + Mom

I honestly don't understand how a parent can be that way. Aren't parents supposed to love and support their child? They should definetly not be doing what many parents to people on this site do. I have now decided that I am gonna be an extra online-parent for people with sucky parents on this site. Even though I am probably younger than some of you are. Deal with it, you now have a new parent.

Dam = Dad + Mom

YES I am your new Dam

I'll be y'all's Mad then. Mom + Dad. Also because I'm usually full of anger

Mad and Dam, i love it

my final exam reading comp included a text abt a woman who kills herself after her boyfriend abuses her several times and my abused ass really did not need that in the middle of my exam

my final exam reading comp included a text abt a woman who kills herself after her boyfriend abuses her several times and my abused ass really did not need that in the middle of my exam

Fuck, that sucks, YK.

is up for adoption