forum The LGBTQ+ Community Chat :)
Started by @Tylerrr-M-P
tune

people_alt 232 followers

@Bre_is_sick_of_school group

Hey humans … and aliens I am writing a story that I am actually going to finish I got the first chapter and a little bit of the second tell me what you guys think….
Chapter 1

amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) walked out of the bathroom and her best friend ran up to her.
“Hey, amy (the most wonderful woman in the world),” said Jill
“Hey, Jill,” she said,
“you wanted to talk to me?” Jill asked
“Yeah,” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) said
Lately, amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) has had some weird things that she not sure is right. amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) started to walk to her room.
“Are you going to tell me what you wanted to talk about,” Jill said walking behind her.
Jill has been amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)’s best friend since first or second grade. Since the day they meet they have told each other everything, almost. Recently amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) has having some weird feelings and dreams. amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) final realized she had almost run into the wall near her room, but she turned just in time.
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) are you ok because you almost ran into a wall?” Jill asked
“I almost always run into a wall,” she said, ready to shut the on her friend then she thought better of it.
“And yeah I am fine,” she said.
“no, you are not,” Jill said walking into amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)’s room.
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) walked in behind Jill, “Ok I will tell you” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) said closing the door behind her, “you know the new girl?”
“The one with short hair and it is a light purple?” Jill asked
“Yes!” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) said then turned red
“Emily is her name amy (the most wonderful woman in the world),” she said then Jill noticed amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) turning even bright red.
“so that’s what you wanted to tell me about,” Jill said while making fun of amy (the most wonderful woman in the world).
“No isn’t!” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) said then go an even darker red, “thing is the dreams I have had strange dreams lately.”
“so how d- “Jill started
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)’s father poked his head in amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)'s room and said, “Girls the war has ended!”
“What?!” both girls screamed at the same time.

Chapter 2
“What kingdom won?” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) asked worriedly.
“Anngan” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)’s dad said, “Jill you need to home now!”
“WHAT?!” Jill screamed
“Shhhhh,” amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)’s dad said, “the Anngas do not know you are here, yes I know you girls were going to have
a sleepover but now something has happened so pack up, Jill and please go home before more start arriving.”
“Yes sir,” Jill said.
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world)’s Father left; amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) turned to Jill and said, “this must bad!”
amy (the most wonderful woman in the world) helped Jill shove her crap back into Jill’s butterfly bag.

@Bre_is_sick_of_school group

Ok, number one thing I saw just skimming over it, you use the word "said" way too much. That's one of the biggest things for any writer.

this is just a rough draft, but other than that…

@RainClouds_Itachi_

ok so i know you said it's a rough draft, but the dialogue seems pretty stiff
it doesn't seem natural 'nd all that, although i assume you're gonna fix that anyway so-

it's pretty short, but kinda interesting!

'nother lil nitpick tho, weird way to deliver news of a WAR ending. cuz yanno,,, it's war, not the ending of a soccer game.

Deleted user

ALSO about the story,
It seems interesting, I’d like to know more about the world.
Like, I’d like to know more about the world before getting thrown into the conflict. The whole thing’s kinda stiff as well.
Finally, grammar stuff- start a new paragraph every time the
TIme
Place
TOpic
Person
changes. I use tiptop to remember that.

Deleted user

Tonight's aesthetic: Black lace choker. Black t-shirt. Black leggings. Eyeliner.

And technically also tomorrow's because I'm going to an overnight event.

Deleted user

Tonight’s aesthetic: No fucking sleep for me, laying awake, trying not to panic, because it’s gonna rain all fucking night. Apologies for the profanity.

Deleted user

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

@The-N-U-T-Cracker

Today's aesthetic: Practicing my Japanese handwriting with an ink pen from Japan while sipping chai tea from my glittery Hatsune Miku mug, listening to Crossing Field, and trying to convince my best friend that I'm not a weeb I swear-

@RedTheLoveless

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

I was Patton, but now I'm Virgil

I can't wait until I go home and be able to work on my Frisk and Chara cosplays

Deleted user

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

I was Patton, but now I'm Virgil

I can't wait until I go home and be able to work on my Frisk and Chara cosplays

I’m currently Deku

@RedTheLoveless

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

I was Patton, but now I'm Virgil

I can't wait until I go home and be able to work on my Frisk and Chara cosplays

I’m currently Deku

Gotta love Deku

Deleted user

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

I was Patton, but now I'm Virgil

I can't wait until I go home and be able to work on my Frisk and Chara cosplays

I’m currently Deku

Gotta love Deku

My cat’s scared of Deku

@galaxyunicorn-is-in-love-with-starry

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

I was Patton, but now I'm Virgil

I can't wait until I go home and be able to work on my Frisk and Chara cosplays

I’m currently Deku

Gotta love Deku

My cat’s scared of Deku

Why?

Deleted user

Today's aesthetic: cosplaying as characters so I can ignore myself and my life while being someone else and feeling safe

Mood.

I was Patton, but now I'm Virgil

I can't wait until I go home and be able to work on my Frisk and Chara cosplays

I’m currently Deku

Gotta love Deku

My cat’s scared of Deku

Why?

Not Deku, just when I’m Deku, and I don’t really know. It’s probably the wig, because other cosplays she’s fine. ¯_(ツ)_/¯