Dw I know it's incredibly unhealthy and I know exactly what I'm doing
It's a conscious choice at this point
I could stop at any time (legitimately)
I just don't want to
That's literally exactly what I said while I was cutting.
And, guess what: I couldn't stop.
But I legitimately do eat, and the way my brain is wired, I don't generally get addicted to anything. I do think I could actually stop if I wanted, but I've decided I want to be thinner, and eating less is the easiest and quickest way to do that
Dw I know it's incredibly unhealthy and I know exactly what I'm doing
It's a conscious choice at this point
I could stop at any time (legitimately)
I just don't want to
That's literally exactly what I said while I was cutting.
And, guess what: I couldn't stop.
But I legitimately do eat, and the way my brain is wired, I don't generally get addicted to anything. I do think I could actually stop if I wanted, but I've decided I want to be thinner, and eating less is the easiest and quickest way to do that
It's not the easiest way though. Not at all. It's fucking unhealthy. You could die from this.
I like making food too much to not eat
I'm thicc, but because of all the exercise, dancing, and marching I do year-round, it's a nice kind of thicc
Tell me Maddie, why do you want to be thinner?
my therapist says i’m both bulimic and anorexic but i don’t believe her-
Did they actually say that? Like word for word? Or are you paraphrasing?
I like making food too much to not eat
I'm thicc, but because of all the exercise, dancing, and marching I do year-round, it's a nice kind of thicc
Same (to the first part anyways)
my therapist says i’m both bulimic and anorexic but i don’t believe her-
Did they actually say that? Like word for word? Or are you paraphrasing?
yeah. that’s what they both said-
I dunno, honestly
My brain just says I need to be thinner than everyone else because I want to be pretty and I'm just like "ok boomer"
I've kind of not been eating much for a long time, but over the past year, it's developed more into an active choice to eat less rather than just happening to be a small person who didn't eat much
Also, I was like, 89 pounds last year, and even though I'm older now and should theoretically weigh more, my brain says "you must weigh 89 pounds or less" and I'm like "ok boomer" so now I get all frustrated if I step on the scale and I'm more than 89 pounds ig
I get the happy chemicals when I see the 8 first, even if it's 89.8 or something, I still feel better than if I see 90.0
my therapist says i’m both bulimic and anorexic but i don’t believe her-
Did they actually say that? Like word for word? Or are you paraphrasing?
yeah. that’s what they both said-
nods
okay.
sure sure
interesting.
I guess I'm kinda just big sad and that's basically the only thing that gives me the happy for a bit
I get a small rush of the happy if my 000 pants are a little too big
idk why but it just feels good
I can deal with the tummy grombles if it means I get the happy
If someone said "yeah I drink/smoke/do drugs all the time but don't worry, I can stop whenever I want. But I don't tell my therapist because then they'd tell my parents and they'd make me stop" there'd literally be a hundred red flags going off.
I like making food too much to not eat
I'm thicc, but because of all the exercise, dancing, and marching I do year-round, it's a nice kind of thicc
Same (to the first part anyways)
^^ I am not thicc, simply because my metabolism is faster than the Flash
I'm perfectly fine with telling other people to eat, and it's great when people are a healthy weight
I'm just not okay with me being healthy ig
I like making food too much to not eat
I'm thicc, but because of all the exercise, dancing, and marching I do year-round, it's a nice kind of thicc
Same (to the first part anyways)
^^ I am not thicc, simply because my metabolism is faster than the Flash
Pickles, I'm snatching your metabolism- mine really sucks, here you go
Seriously, if you replace eating/food with drugs/alcohol/porn/smoking/vaping or anything like that, you can tell it's an addiction.
"My brain tells me I need to drink to be happy" "Yeah I vape all the time, but I don't tell anyone because they'd make me stop" "I can quit smoking anytime I want to" "I get a small rush whenever I take LSD"
"I guess I'm kinda just big sad and drugs are basically the only thing that gives me the happy for a bit"
"I get a small rush of the happy when I down a bottle or two, idk why but it just feels good"
"I can deal with the possibility of cancer if it means I get the happy"
Like I said, I know it's unhealthy
I just have no desire to stop
Call it an addiction if you want, ig, but I do still eat three meals a day (two if I wake up at like noon. Then I have an excuse to not eat breakfast and it's not suspicious)
gotten to thaoti point hwere i dion't reeally wana live anymoe
my therapist says i’m both bulimic and anorexic but i don’t believe her-
Did they actually say that? Like word for word? Or are you paraphrasing?
yeah. that’s what they both said-
nods
okay.
sure sure
interesting.
??
nothin. nothin. >.>
i feel like there is something but okay.
you know you can say it. I'm not gonna get offended or anything so.
I'm perfectly fine with telling other people to eat, and it's great when people are a healthy weight
I'm just not okay with me being healthy ig
no offense–but that's what a hypocrite is.
no offense
no offense.
But like in all honesty–Dr Eris speaking here–you should not feel happy looking at bones.
Its a lil macbre
I feel happy when I notice I'm not 168 like I used to be-
But girl, your BONES must be trying to escape your skin.
It is way to early for this… but I have a thing.. and would like advice.
So… context..?
My younger sibling has been reading the Harry Potter series, and I have all the books. Problem is is I have 2 houses. So I have multiple copies of some books, (Examples being 1-4 and 6.) but not of other books, like Order of the Pheonix, and Deathly Hallows.
The last book, The Deathly Hallows, is not at the house I share with my sibling, it is at my other home and I've been promising to bring it to her if she reminds me. So… she reminded me. And I can't find the book. Like… CANNOT FIND THE FREAKING BOOK ANYWHERE.
So… that aside… TOMORROW, is my other little sibling's birthday…
Normally I come up with some kind of little gift for a sibling's birthday… like letting the Harry Potter obsessed one wear my slytherin scarf cause she's a slytherin. But I have nothing for this kid, partly cause quarantine, but also because I didn't think of it till now.
.
.
.
So…. my problem is.. is that thinking all that over right now… I feel like a horrible big sister….
Like… awful….
and I don't like that feeling because it feels just like some of the other mental self-bullying loops I get into sometimes…
Thing is… is IDK what to do about it…
Draw something, even if it doesn't look that great. I can guarantee that your sister will cherish the gift, even if you give it to her late.
