forum Would love to critique characters!! :D

Started March 23, 2018 by @CinnamonRoll

tune

You know what! I don't need sleep! That's for the WEAK. Therefore, time to critique @hope Berge's character.

Okay, top down…

First, personality. You have a good general structure here, but I would flip some stuff around. For example, what you currently have under mannerisms would probably fit better under personality type. Then, under mannerisms, I would add some physical tics, like 'twirls hair when nervous,' or 'paces when angry.' Then I do have an overarching critique: add more! She's a protagonist. Now, I don't know if she's the MC, but either way, I like to have at least 3-4 major statements in each field (except prejudices–what you have there is great!). This really gives your character a lot more depth. :3

One note: under politics, I would recommend rating her on a scale of liberal-ness. She's only 12, but by that time, most people (at least these days) have a grasp on their views on things like LGBTQ+. It's a touch out there and may never come up in your writing, but I still find it helpful for gauging reactions to certain issues!!

Hey, I like the backstory!! It sounds like a book trailer (did you ever see those)? For the amount you currently have, I think it's a good depth. Once you add more, though, remember to add more to the backstory at the same time! :D

Overall? I love the premise here!! Honestly, all you need to do is go more in-depth. Once you do, I think you'll have an adorable character!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

One more! I've got one more in me, right? Okay, @Meredith!!

Top down…

Very good job on personality!! I only have one note here. All I would do is fluff out personality type a bit more. I have all these blips that flow together all right, but I would recommend using the personality type field to tie them all together in an overarching personality.

I would put down politics! It's weirdly helpful to rate your characters on a scale of liberal-ness. It sounds crazy, but it honestly helps gauge reactions to issues! :)

Oh dear. No backstory?? NONE?? Okay, fix this. I want to know why she's such a natural leader, why she's so motivated by others, who her friends are and what their relationships to her are!! Someone told me this once: nothing happens in a vacuum. Nearly every major part of her character needs to have a root in a strong backstory in order to be supported!!

Overall? I like her!! I couldn't find many major critiques, other than the backstory blip. Fix that up and you should be good!

I'm sorry for such a sparse critique–I'm really tired…. :/

Anyway–I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Thank you so much! I will make sure to fix that up!

Aaahhh thank you so much! This helps me significantly, I really appreciate it! Time for me to go edit my characters now haha!

Could you critique my character? He's going to be the main character and I still don't have a name picked out yet, but I would love some input if you have the time. Quinton

@bunnyfaith@live.com, I'd love to, but you have him set to private! Switch his setting to public and I'd be happy to check him out :3

Sorry I didn't realize it was set to private I just switched it. Thanks!

No problem!! Here we go, top down…

Okay, just a quick blip: you don't have to research names if you don't want to. I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but I'm just saying–not all names have to mean something! You could just name him whatever you want. When I do characters, I generally click a generator a couple times and just pick what pops out. :3

Very nice job on the personality page!! Generally I have to pick on things like mannerisms and motivations, but I don't think you need to worry about that. The only things I would put some work into are hobbies and talents. He seems kind of superhuman right now–bring him back to humanity!! I would also round out flaws. I don't like physical flaws in this field, and while depression is a flaw, it's not something that you can realize and just change. When I do flaws, I try to do things that you can change but don't because you don't notice or care. Bonus points if your character is a hypocrite!! Just make him more human–you've got the character aspects down, though!! :DD

I would add more in the background. What you have is all right, but you definitely need some more detail. Think of why he's so romantic, why he cares so much about school, who the people who bully him are. Just go way more in depth here!! You need more support for the traits you have.

Overall, you've got a really good start on some of the personality page!! Apply that same detail across the board and I think that you'll be in amazing shape. :)

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Thank you!

Thank you so much!!!! I completely forgot to write the backstory. Mind if I fix those up and add a few new things for you to look over? I also have another character I'd love for you to look at if you're ok with that. One last thing, get yourself all rested up, don't work yourself to death (-:

Aww thank you for that last bit!! And of course, I love looking at characters!! Post them any time and I'll get going as fast as I can :D

Hope I'm not bothering you but would you mind critiquing my baby?
Talia: Talia Swift

Hi! Would you mind looking over these three characters for me?

Ethan: Ethan Grant
Luke: Luke Steele
Kellan: Kellan Styles

Of course y'all aren't bothering me!! I'm going to start with @Lightningclaw13. Top down…

The only major inconsistency that I really notice is the trouble with personality type and flaws. Generally speaking, stubborn, childish, fickle people aren't modest. While minor personality clashes are OK, these traits are on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Other than that, I would just urge you to go more in detail. Since she's such a major character, I think that she deserves a touch more depth.

Under religion, I would recommend specifying between atheistic and agnostic. Both work, but they can help us understand how traditional your character is. Similarly, it's helpful to rate your characters on a scale of liberal-ness (for politics). It sounds useless, but I swear it helps!!

Okay, backstory is good–it explains everything well–but the premise is a bit shaky. I can understand how she possesses the empathy to save him, but I don't understand how she would convince him to let him help her. She was essentially tortured and then brutally murdered (almost) by this guy! Again, yes, she might not think that he deserves to die, but I don't understand why she would try to help him. Where does this trust come from? You could back this up with a few things–most notably, religion. I think that an ingrained philosophy of forgiveness might add a touch more explanation, which you definitely need.

Overall? You did well! I think that everything is well done until that backstory blip. Work on more explainers and you should be good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll
I fixed her personality and changed her into being a minor character, as I realized she's not in that many scenes.
I also made her Agnostic!
I gave her a strong ingrained philosophy of forgiveness so hopefully, that helps some.
I just have one question. About her liberal-ness, do you mean a scale like this –>Anarchism, Absolutism, Communism, Conservatism, Environmentalism, Fascism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Socialism, Social Democracy, Marxism, Capitalism or something else? I just wanna make sure, sorry.

@CinnamonRoll
I fixed her personality and changed her into being a minor character, as I realized she's not in that many scenes.
I also made her Agnostic!
I gave her a strong ingrained philosophy of forgiveness so hopefully, that helps some.
I just have one question. About her liberal-ness, do you mean a scale like this –>Anarchism, Absolutism, Communism, Conservatism, Environmentalism, Fascism, Liberalism, Nationalism, Socialism, Social Democracy, Marxism, Capitalism or something else? I just wanna make sure, sorry.

Yes, that definitely works!! Actually, that's even better than plain old two-party. :)

Next!! @kat. Starting with Ethan–top down…

Okay, I have two things under personality, and they're both major. One: you mention his major flaw as pride, which is fine, but then his personality type is described as laid-back. This is WAY too big of a difference–he can't be type A and type B!! Contradictions are okay, but this one is too much. Two: no prejudices?? None?? Listen, I understand that he might be an accepting person. However, everyone has prejudices, no matter how hard we try to hide them. :3

Aww he actually has a happy backstory!! This is rare, but I like it. The only major thing I have to say is that you should probably go into a touch more after-the-fact detail. Your second paragraph sets the stage, but I'd like to see more about him and Halcyon. Other than that, I think you have a nice backstory here. One you get some prejudices, though, you want to put those in here.

I'll overall at the end, so–Luke!! Top down…

Okay, personality page. I like him as a person, but I can't understand how he's a villain! He seems like an awesome rebel who just wants to have a good time. That's great, seriously, I love characters like that!! But it doesn't explain why he would be villainous. I would recommend tweaking the motivations a bit to accommodate this. See, if he's only here for a good time, then it doesn't make sense that he would (I'm kind of guessing here, so presumably) stand his ground and keep fighting the MCs. But to nit-pick: you call him cool and collected, but the entirety of his personality describes someone restless, reckless, and wild. This kind of doesn't make sense. Also, under mannerisms, I would recommend some physical tics–you know, stuff like 'plays with hair when nervous,' 'taps foot when stressed,' etc. Again, the prejudices!! Everyone has them, I'm telling you.

Backstory works for him, and I like it, but it's the same issue–he doesn't seem like a villain! I don't love to hate him right now, I love to love him. Villains can absolutely have happy backstories, but I really think that you need to go into more detail explaining how he actually became evil.

Finally, Kellan!! Top down…

Personality is AWESOME! Very, very nice job. There's only one thing I have for her: her flaws. One of them is 'doesn't take things too seriously,' but her entire motivation is pretty deep. I'm guessing it has to do with some form of abuse. With this in mind, I think that she would take things pretty seriously. She can be happy, but I don't think she'd necessarily be flippant.

Nice job on the backstory!! I only have a couple of notes. One, you mention that she's less trusting, but this isn't mentioned under flaws. I feel like this should be a very important part of her character, since he past motivated her in such an enormous way. Two, it's the same thing–more detail after-the-fact!! Tell me more about her relationships with her friends and her 'job' as a superhero. Other than that, nice work!!

Overall, I think that you have some excellent characters here. I struggled finding enough to critique, so that's good–and also why this is so sparse (sorry)!! I really think you just need to give the backstories a touch more love and you should be all good!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

Could you please critique this character?
https://toyhou.se/1679184.mara

Don't mind the format, I just like being organised

@CinnamonRoll

Wow, you're so right, I can't believe I missed that! Thank you so much for pointing those contradictions out! I'll definitely change a few things so their personalities make sense. I'll add some prejudices as well.

Thank you for your help!

Ooh, interesting site–I like it!! All right, top down…

*Note: while I do like the site, I've never critiqued on it before, so this might not be my absolute best work–sorry!!

Okay. Personality is VERY well thought-out!! Everything seems really nice. The one thing that you seem to be lacking is a motive. I understand her as a person, but I'm worried that without an outlines motive, the story will swirl around her rather than with her. Try to incorporate the why–why is she doing what she does (whatever that may be)?

Oh my… wow. WOW. W O A H. Hon, you've obviously been working on this character endlessly. I can usually find something, but oh my GOD. This is perfect!! You're fulfilling all of my backstory dreams. Oh, I'm so happy!! I loved reading that. It was so interesting. You also explained the motive bit from earlier, so that's fixed!!

I only have one major note. While her personality is amazing, it's kind of two-dimensional. I understand

FOLLOW-UP: (sorry, it posted for some reason!!)

I understand that she's been through a lot of hardship and that her birth was against her, but I feel as if there must have been a short time when she kind of enjoyed life–what about that time? What did she enjoy? Does she have any hobbies? Does she like music? I feel like that will make her story even more heartbreaking, as it will allow readers to relate with someone who has been treated so horrifically.

Overall, her character is AMAZING. You've obviously put tons of work into her and I honestly don't think that there's much that you need to change!!

I hope that this helps you!! :DDD

@CinnamonRoll

Wow, you're so right, I can't believe I missed that! Thank you so much for pointing those contradictions out! I'll definitely change a few things so their personalities make sense. I'll add some prejudices as well.

Thank you for your help!

Aww, thanks!!! I'm glad I could help you :3

Ah thank you! I honestly don't know how I missed adding hobbies and stuff. That was a bit silly of me but I will be adding them.

I'm also glad to hear that. I've been working on her (among other things I mean I wasn't just focusing on her for that time) for years honestly. It's about time I start focusing on other characters more ^^;
But thank you so much!

Oh–and an afterthought!! @Reblod, did you draw any/all of the art on Mara's page? If so, all of those styles were absolutely incredible and I'd be amazed if you were able to do that–they're beautiful!!

I only drew her main reference and profile icon. The rest were done by other fantastic artists. Their understanding of anatomy far outmatches mine ^^